What should I tell my wife from confession?

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Tom10

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I’ve been struggling with quitting masturbation and had been talking to the priest each month. My wife knows this and I have been open with her. However, I have slipped up twice in the last about 8 months and have mastubated. My wife wants to know if I slip up and I feel guilty not telling her, however she asks a lot of details about it ( what/who were you thinking about, were you watching anything) which I feel really uncomfortable talking about and would just hurt her especially if I did happen to be thinking about someone else during that moment. Should I tell her or keep that just to confession?
 
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It sounds like your wife has some pretty severe jealousy issues and insecurity if she’s interrogating you that way. How would she react if you just said you preferred to keep that stuff in the confessional?

Edit: also, I guarantee your wife has had passing sexual fantasies about other men, so don’t let her beat you up too much if you got turned on thinking about a Victoria’s Secret model or whatever.
 
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You need to renegotiate with your wife her desire for TMI. If you told her you’d tell her when you failed, then tell her that you failed. Having to own up to what you did to the person directly offended isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If she wants the details, you need to challenge her one exactly what positive purpose that would have for her or for you, as you don’t think it is healthy to rehearse anything about it. Stick to details that might help her to help you avoid the sin in positive ways–for instance, what do you think might have been a trigger (unless the answer amounts to shifting blame onto someone else). Don’t rehash details that only serve to hurt her and shame you. Some guilt is OK; that is just recognition that you’ve made a harmful choice, a choice that needs to be turned away from. Guilt is meant to lead to amendment. Shame is the devil’s way of telling you that your sin is the real you. Avoid shaming yourself and avoid shaming others.

Really: what other offense against someone else does the victim insist on hearing whatever shameful thoughts were going through the offender’s heads as her or she did whatever awful thing was done? It is asking for a chance to torture the offender with a good thorough shaming. That’s not a praiseworthy way to handle sins, whether they are sins we commit or sins against us.
 
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If doing so would allow healing , possibly. If doing so would bring about anger and jealousy, absolutely not. I would encourage you to continue with spiritual direction and confession with the priest. When your wife would ask about such, I wouldn’t lie and say “no”, but I would somehow let her know in a charitable way, you are working thru it all with prayer, spiritual direction, and perseverance. Ask her for prayers of support. You could possibly offer to read something together or do something together that would help her to understand and forgive. It wont be easy but I think yall could grow spiritually together and grow in love and trust. Everything you say and do, must be in loving manner. Never use words like “you never” or “you always”. I will offer prayers for both of you. Peace be with both of you
 
Your sins are private. Your wife has no right to ask you these questions. This seems to be about her insecurity rather than helping you.

I don’t understand spouses that tell each other these sorts of things, this serves no good purpose.
 
Your sin is your sin. Your wife does not have a right to know your sins. That is between you and your priest.
 
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