What should my stance be?

[Rau]

Well he stated to me that he doesn’t want to try to have another baby, neither do I. I informed him withdrawal could possibly still result in a pregnancy and he would respond with “if it happens it happens.” I’m sure he wouldn’t be angry necessarily, but he wouldn’t plan for one. As for charting, I have no chart, no NFP supplies, and the only thing I remember about the creighton model is check your mucus for that day, if there is none it’s a safe day. If there is some, abstain for the next four days to be sure. My body gives off different secretions (tmi) and its a pain remembering. To add, my husband has a high sex drive and some nights, I will be awoken to him “ready to go” saying no doesn’t always make sense to him at that point. I’m afraid, by telling him I’m fertile (or think I am) when he is “ready to go” will not stop him, but instead give him a reason to withdraw. So what should my stance be then? Tell him or just keep it to myself if I know he wants to do it anyway?

I’m sure many on CAF can give advice on where you can study up on NFP (assuming you are willing). The following web site has lots of good explanation. You’d need to put in a bit of effort to study it, and take some notes, etc. fertilityuk.org/ [Note: this is not a Catholic site, but I believe it is medically/biologically sound] Note also that it is usually recommended to get some training in NFP.

The method **that I’m familiar **with involves mucous observations as well as temperature observations. In summary:

**Mucus **Observations:
• The presence/appearance of mucus (moist sensation), following the Period, marks the on-set of the fertile time.
• You are fertile from this point through until a few days after ovulation. The end of the fertile period is recognised by a rise in body temperature (sustained for a few days). See below….

**Temperature **observations:
• A shift to higher body temps (following a run of lower temps) is used to identify the end of the fertile time (or commencement of the post-ovulatory infertile period), which runs through till start of next Period. Sex after the 3rd high temp is “safe”.
• The 3 higher temps must fulfill these conditions:
a. All 3 days must be ‘past’ the ‘peak’ mucus day
b. All 3 should ‘follow’ and be higher than the prior 6 temp readings;
c. The “shift” to higher temp need only be 0.1deg, however at least one of the 3 high temps must be 0.2deg above the highest of the prior 6 (lower temp)readings.
• Note: Temp readings on the first 4 days of the cycle (ie. first four days of period) can be ignored. (Some of these readings may be relatively higher temps.)
• Temperature needs to be taken **immediately **on waking, subject to having slept for at least 3 hours. You need to use a “Basal thermometer”, and you can measure temp by placing it in your mouth.

In a 28 day cycle, there are approx 18 “safe” days for sex, though this includes 5-6 days of period.

Observations are recorded on a chart, to identify fertile/non-fertile days. I have a blank chart, but don’t know a way to attach it.

There are other “simpler” but more expensive approaches - eg. you can purchase a device that will tell you your fertility state. I don’t know cost or how accurate.

You should try not be in the position of saying “yes” or “no” to your husband - by which I mean it is much better if you both always know the state of your fertility - eg. keep your chart near the bed. In this way, everyone knows what they are doing and responsibility is shared.

Your concern that he will choose to have sex and withdraw if you are fertile is valid. This can only be addressed by him committing to you that, out of respect for you, he will abstain during your fertile periods.

 

[TSB4]

I’m sure many on CAF can give advice on where you can study up on NFP (assuming you are willing). The following web site has lots of good explanation. You’d need to put in a bit of effort to study it, and take some notes, etc. fertilityuk.org/ [Note: this is not a Catholic site, but I believe it is medically/biologically sound] Note also that it is usually recommended to get some training in NFP.

The method **that I’m familiar **with involves mucous observations as well as temperature observations. In summary:

**Mucus **Observations:
• The presence/appearance of mucus (moist sensation), following the Period, marks the on-set of the fertile time.
• You are fertile from this point through until a few days after ovulation. The end of the fertile period is recognised by a rise in body temperature (sustained for a few days). See below….

**Temperature **observations:
• A shift to higher body temps (following a run of lower temps) is used to identify the end of the fertile time (or commencement of the post-ovulatory infertile period), which runs through till start of next Period. Sex after the 3rd high temp is “safe”.
• The 3 higher temps must fulfill these conditions:
a. All 3 days must be ‘past’ the ‘peak’ mucus day
b. All 3 should ‘follow’ and be higher than the prior 6 temp readings;
c. The “shift” to higher temp need only be 0.1deg, however at least one of the 3 high temps must be 0.2deg above the highest of the prior 6 (lower temp)readings.
• Note: Temp readings on the first 4 days of the cycle (ie. first four days of period) can be ignored. (Some of these readings may be relatively higher temps.)
• Temperature needs to be taken **immediately **on waking, subject to having slept for at least 3 hours. You need to use a “Basal thermometer”, and you can measure temp by placing it in your mouth.

In a 28 day cycle, there are approx 18 “safe” days for sex, though this includes 5-6 days of period.

Observations are recorded on a chart, to identify fertile/non-fertile days. I have a blank chart, but don’t know a way to attach it.

There are other “simpler” but more expensive approaches - eg. you can purchase a device that will tell you your fertility state. I don’t know cost or how accurate.

You should try not be in the position of saying “yes” or “no” to your husband - by which I mean it is much better if you both always know the state of your fertility - eg. keep your chart near the bed. In this way, everyone knows what they are doing and responsibility is shared.

Your concern that he will choose to have sex and withdraw if you are fertile is valid. This can only be addressed by him committing to you that, out of respect for you, he will abstain during your fertile periods.

Thank you for this information. I think I will just go ahead and buy an ovulation kit. What’s a little scary is the thought that I could have been fertile these past two days we were intimate. I already have “hard to tell” secretions, add that with his, so my nerves have kicked in. I will still check out the website, however I just feel more comfortable with something telling me a definitive answer as to whether I’m ovulating or not. There have been times when I had what I thought was fertile mucus for one day only, then about 4 or 5 days of nothing. Then fertile mucus again. There have been cycles where I don’t notice much of any mucus at all. It pinches my patience, to put it nicely. Question, is it possible that his fluids could alter possible fertile mucus and make it as though I don’t have any?

 

[Allegra]

Thank you for this information. I think I will just go ahead and buy an ovulation kit. What’s a little scary is the thought that I could have been fertile these past two days we were intimate. I already have “hard to tell” secretions, add that with his, so my nerves have kicked in. I will still check out the website, however I just feel more comfortable with something telling me a definitive answer as to whether I’m ovulating or not. There have been times when I had what I thought was fertile mucus for one day only, then about 4 or 5 days of nothing. Then fertile mucus again. There have been cycles where I don’t notice much of any mucus at all. It pinches my patience, to put it nicely. Question, is it possible that his fluids could alter possible fertile mucus and make it as though I don’t have any?

No. It’s far more likely that you could mistake seminal fluid for peak mucus because they do strongly resemble each other. My instructor recommended doing cagle exercises whenever I went to the restroom after intercourse in order to remove seminal fluid that might confuse the issue. Seminal fluid is not going to remove or alter peak mucus though.

 

[Rau]

No. It’s far more likely that you could mistake seminal fluid for peak mucus because they do strongly resemble each other. My instructor recommended doing cagle exercises whenever I went to the restroom after intercourse in order to remove seminal fluid that might confuse the issue. Seminal fluid is not going to remove or alter peak mucus though.

Kegel exercises…

 

[TSB4]

No. It’s far more likely that you could mistake seminal fluid for peak mucus because they do strongly resemble each other. My instructor recommended doing cagle exercises whenever I went to the restroom after intercourse in order to remove seminal fluid that might confuse the issue. Seminal fluid is not going to remove or alter peak mucus though.

It usually does nothing. I will have sudden leaks throughout the day after we are intimate. It’s kind of a pain. I have noticed it throws off my discharge.

 

[Allegra]

Kegel exercises…

Thanks.