What should one do with erotic thoughts?

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How does one best deal with sexual fantasies when striving for a chaste life? I am a single young adult and discerning God’s vocation for me (currently in graduate school). I have sexual fantasies, often regarding physically impossible actions and other-worldly relationships (that is, if we postulate another world where biology is different, then relationships that would not work in this world could work in this other world).

At first glance, I am inclined to think that these impossible and not-already-given-by-God (i.e. not of this world) elements are unhealthy insofar as they entice one to prefer fantasy to reality. However, to condemn indulging in fantastic thoughts, it seems one must also condemn all comic books, e.g. Spiderman, Superman, indeed, perhaps even all fantasy (e.g. Lord of the Rings).

On one hand, I think that if I write these fantasies down (in a password-protected digital document), I will be able to analyze them later and ascertain why God did not create the world in this way – why such a scenario would be contrary to God’s wisdom, if in fact God does not intend for us to progress to this level* via science (it is sometimes an assumption to say that God doesn’t intend for us to live in such or so a way). In this way I can come to grow in respect for God’s wisdom, and knowledge of reality, why God created the world as He did and why we lack so many abilities (biological possibilities, etc).

On the other hand, writing down these sexual fantasies elicits a sexual response – it seems that by writing short stories, I tend to relate to various characters, and hence ‘live the scenario in my mind’, if that makes sense. Put another way, we know from physiological study that we respond to mental stimuli. So the question is whether it is a near occasion of sin, and, if so, if it is one that should be avoided. The Catechism says,
2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure.
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While it seems obvious that writing stories can “stimulate the genital organs”, the question is whether the motive is “to derive sexual pleasure”, or if it is, as I suggested above, “to analyze these fantasies and grow in respect for God …”

Moreover, in the past, writing down sexual fantasies elicits a sexual response, I analyze the story later, discover why its elements are contrary to God’s design/wisdom, and cease to be bothered by them during the day. When I try to avoid thinking about it, the thoughts linger, and I continue to be bothered by them. It seems then that writing down sexual fantasies is also a method to overcome them. Perhaps a related question, then: What kind of sexual exploration, if any, is morally admissible?

What do you think? How should one deal with erotic thoughts? Is it acceptable to engage oneself in fantasy of any kind? If so, what makes some fantasies acceptable but others not?
  • By ‘progress to this level’ I mean to gain various abilities, e.g. biological mechanisms. Currently we are finite in proportion to our abilities. By “progressing to a new level” I mean gaining additional abilities. A current example would be increasing longevity through cancer cures and enhanced diets.
 
Writing them down is not a good idea. The act of writing it and also of reading it is allowing the thoughts to be thought through completion. The goal is to dismiss the thoughts.
 
Keeping a journal is something many people and myself have found to be very helpful in our lifelong conversion. That being said, I don’t see any prudential reason for why you would need to pen down a highly detailed graphic description of your impure fantasies “in order to analyze them”. You’ve just said it yourself: you’re putting yourself into a near occasion of sin.

It also betrays the root of sin. Impure temptations are not an intellectual exercise to be solved, so that one day you can wake up and allegedly they’ll suddenly vanish. They are an exercise in humility, because in the face of enormous fleshly temptation we are able to recognize - moreso than in almost any other situation - our weakness, and so we learn to throw ourselves to God.
 
Not consent to them. Not engage them. Turn to something else.
And go to confession often and live a life of prayer.

Single persons are not to be engaging sexual thoughts…(married persons potentially may think about their spouse sexually -but that is not in question here).

Sexual fantasies are* not* the same as other “fiction” like Lord of the Rings. They are getting into grave matter for mortal sin already. They are not only a near occasion of other mortal sins.

Sexual fantasies and erotic thoughts are the stuff of mortal sin.

If such a thought happens to one – do not consent but calmly turn to something else.
 
CCC 2520 Baptism confers on its recipient the grace of purification from all sins. But the baptized must continue to struggle against concupiscence of the flesh and disordered desires. With God’s grace he will prevail
  • by the virtue and gift of chastity, for chastity lets us love with upright and undivided heart;
  • by purity of intention which consists in seeking the true end of man: with simplicity of vision, the baptized person seeks to find and to fulfill God’s will in everything;313
  • by purity of vision, external and internal; by discipline of feelings and imagination; by refusing all complicity in impure thoughts that incline us to turn aside from the path of God’s commandments: “Appearance arouses yearning in fools”;314
  • by prayer:
I thought that continence arose from one’s own powers, which I did not recognize in myself. I was foolish enough not to know . . . that no one can be continent unless you grant it. For you would surely have granted it if my inner groaning had reached your ears and I with firm faith had cast my cares on you.315

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a9.htm#2520

Peace
 
As i work to overcome my addiction to pornography, I find these sorts of thoughts popping into my mind frequently. The best way I’ve found to not let them affect me is to just let them pass through. If I try to force them out, they become the focus on my attention and their hold on me grows. If, on the other hand, I just let the short blast of images play itself out and don’t really pay any attention to it, when they’re gone, they’re gone, and I’m fine.

When I find my eyes or mind wandering, I’ll just sort of shake my head and that tends to reset my head space… sort of like an etcha-sktetch >_>
 
A clear rule for self-control handed down by the Fathers is this: stop eating while still hungry and do not continue until you are satisfied. When the Apostle said, ‘Make no provision to fulfill the desires of the flesh’ (Rom. 13:14), he was not forbidding us to provide for the needs of life; he was warning us against self-indulgence. Moreover, by itself abstinence from food does not contribute to perfect purity of soul unless the other virtues are active as well. Humility, for example, practiced through obedience in our work and through bodily hardship, is a great help. If we avoid avarice not only by having no money, but also by not wanting to have any, this leads us towards purity of soul. Freedom from anger, from dejection, self-esteem and pride also contributes to purity of soul in general, while self-control and fasting are especially important for bringing about that specific purity of soul which comes through restraint and moderation. No one whose stomach is full can fight mentally against the demon of unchastity. Our initial struggle therefore must be to gain control of our stomach and to bring our body into subjection not only through fasting but also through vigils, labors and spiritual, reading, and through concentrating our heart on fear of Gehenna and on longing for the kingdom of heaven.

Peace
 
Nature abhors a vacuum…you need something else to take the place of erotic thinking…prayer/union with God is the only thing that helps me because deep down I’ve realized that’s what I’ve been wanting all along…the sexual fantasies are hollow caricatures of real intimacy which can only be had by being touched by the hand of God.
I suggest real time adoration of the blessed sacrament here: navanparish.ie/chapel-live.html

Daily Rosary , devotion to the Sacred Heart also helps…also get and wear a Miraculous Medal…spiritual reading helps too!!!
 
Yes. Prayer is the biggest thing that will help you. But you also need to avoid things which unnecessarily stimulate you. Depravity on TV or movies, friends’ casual banter in person or on Facebook, whatever websites you visit or books you read, and music you listen to. All can either contribute to your personal holiness or they can lead you astray, and the choice is yours. If you fill your time with wholesome activities and seeing wholesome sights and hearing wholesome words, then sooner or later you will find yourself thinking wholesome thoughts. It is about formation and shaping of your psyche. We are at the point where many individuals are brainwashed by a hypersexual culture and need to be de-programmed. Sometimes drastic and radical measures are necessary. Usually it is simply incremental improvements that we can effect to make a positive change. Stay close to the sacraments. Your best friends are frequent Confession and worthy reception of the Eucharist. Don’t beat yourself up when you stumble, just pick up and get back on the narrow path again. Stay strong.
 
So true about the culture…it has a way of sneaking up on you but it’s not hard to avoid if you maintain a state of grace and humility. Confession is also a real treasure and keeps you accountable to God’s holy will.
 
Pray the Rosary.

What’s the deal with the poll? I don’t get the point. (And I didn’t answer because I don’t belong in any of those categories)
 
what makes some fantasies acceptable?

well when there is no sin, for example a fantasy where you dream you have sex while flying around, the flying around is not the wrong stuff.

so easy answer, dont have sexual fantasies.
 
When an erotic thought comes to mind, I will either say ‘no’ or shake my finger 'no, like if it happens when I’m falling asleep. A quick prayer would be helpful, and certainly a cry to our Lord for help. Appeal to our Lady’s intercession. I’m starting to draw nearer to her as I read Mariology. St. Joseph was a true and faithful man: you can pray for his assistance, as well.

Stay away from those thoughts, please. They are a bit twisted and don’t be to be written down and revisited. Don’t you agree?

You’re in my prayers.
 
ProdglArchitect said:
As i work to overcome my addiction to pornography, I find these sorts of thoughts popping into my mind frequently. The best way I’ve found to not let them affect me is to just let them pass through. If I try to force them out, they become the focus on my attention and their hold on me grows. If, on the other hand, I just let the short blast of images play itself out and don’t really pay any attention to it, when they’re gone, they’re gone, and I’m fine.

When I find my eyes or mind wandering, I’ll just sort of shake my head and that tends to reset my head space… sort of like an etcha-sktetch >_>
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Suggestion: When you find yourself tempted by erotic or sexual fantasies, image Jesus and Mary watching over you. Say a prayer to both of them so you have strength to resist the temptation. Each time you are tempted, repeat this. Trust in God.
 
808Catholic said:
Suggestion: When you find yourself tempted by erotic or sexual fantasies, image Jesus and Mary watching over you. Say a prayer to both of them so you have strength to resist the temptation. Each time you are tempted, repeat this. Trust in God.
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This is very good advice since Jesus, certainly, is watching you. And if I may add to what you wrote, each time you beat temptation, go to confession, Communion, pray, you gain graces that make you stronger.
 
Sean_St_Jude said:
This is very good advice since Jesus, certainly, is watching you. And if I may add to what you wrote, each time you beat temptation, go to confession, Communion, pray, you gain graces that make you stronger.
Click to expand...
👍👍👍
 
Start your day with prayer, I say the Rosary 3 times a day myself… go to confession weekly if possible, do spiritual reading, develop a devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary…the closer I am to Christ, the more the Holy Spirit is at work in my life. In short, the more intimacy I have with God in the person of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit, the less chance there is for me to fall to more shallow forms of intimacy. Hope this helps…it’s really God doing the work in you by the Spirit, not something you actually do by sheer will-power although you do have to co-operate with God’s grace in the ways I mentionned.👍
 
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