What should you do if you think you are in love with a priest?

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em1708

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hi… i am a new member of this forum and I’d like to seek advice from people re my feelings for our parish priest.
I’ve been trying to avoid him but since i am part of the commentator/lector ministry of our parish, i still see him every time i serve. am i committing sin? what should i do?

thanks in advance for your suggestions…
:confused:
 
There’s such a thing as ‘near occasion of sin’. St Paul tells us to flee temptation! It can be a sin to deliberately and knowingly put oneself in a ‘near occasion’, but whether that’s the case for you is for yourself and your confessor to judge.

You certainly need to leave those ministries if they mean more contact with this priest. Is there any other parish you could go to instead of his?
 
i’ve been serving for almost 5 years already and leaving the ministry which has been my strength for the past years will definitely be hard for me… is it okay if i tell him about it? or will it just get worse?
 
Telling him about it is probably NOT a good idea. You do not want to be an occasion of sin for HIM, too.

And fleeing temptation is important, truly. Even if it means leaving this ministry, even if it means leaving this parish, it is necessary. Do not put yourself–or your priest!–in a position of having to fight temptation.
 
em1708 said:
i’ve been serving for almost 5 years already and leaving the ministry which has been my strength for the past years will definitely be hard for me… is it okay if i tell him about it? or will it just get worse?
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Harder than the (eternal) consequences should you fall into sin, or worse still lead him into sin too? Absolutely not! I don’t think telling him is a good idea either.
 
em1708 said:
i’ve been serving for almost 5 years already and leaving the ministry which has been my strength for the past years will definitely be hard for me… is it okay if i tell him about it? or will it just get worse?
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NO no no, please don’t tell him. Not only would that make the situation impossibly difficult, it would place him in possible occasion of sin.

You are attracted to him. Don’t imagine you’re anything like the first of the last who will be attracted to him! A priest can not only be physically attractive, but he can appear extra attractive beciuse he makes it his business as his vocation requires him to, to be kind and sensitive to others’ needs, to be inspiring in what he says and preaches…don’t kid yourself into thinking your feelings are something special or unique. Lots of women are attracted by such qualities.

Giving up your ministry pales to nothing beside the dangers of fornication…which **Jesus tells us occur in the heart, no action needed. **Jesus says, . . . “but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28

Don’t do that to him or to you. If you remain caught in this attraction, be certain it will distract you from God and from your mission if you allow it to continue.

If you need to confess anything that is obsession, and it is sin if it become obsession, or if has a component of sexual desire, don’t go to that priest for Confession, go to another priest elsewhere.

I ask God to help you in this. May God’s will be done, even if it involves personal sacrifice to you. I’m sorry you have this painful problem
 
The first paragraph also goes for lay persons.

Attraction to another

Priests of God, if you even subtly betray your attraction to someone, do not imagine that you do not cause harm, pain, or confusion to that person, although you may make no particular act or approach.

Guard yourself, because the harm can affect the person you are attracted to more deeply and enduringly than you imagine. Yours is a difficult path, as it is natural to at some time fall in love and you have no one of your own.

The same however is true for all of us, that we may be attracted to someone with whom we have no right to develop relationship. Souls are distracted for God’s love and service.
Lives and reputations can be ruined. Justice is not always achieved.

Difficult though it may be, hide your heart and do not allow the subtleties of your attraction to manifest to another.
 
i get it… but what will i tell him if he ask why i’m leaving?
 
No, please leave the poor man in peace. It’s not easy to live a life without personal companionship, or in complete chastity. He’s a man. Don’t leave him with anything that even possibly could upset the poor man’s imagination or peace. That is the charity you owe him.

I’l keep you in my prayers in this difficult time. God bless you, Em
 
em1708 said:
i get it… but what will i tell him if he ask why i’m leaving?
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Just tell him you can’t continue - and don’t offer any further information. You’re not obligated to. If you feel you must, say something like ‘it’s not something I feel comfortable talking about’ and leave it at that.
 
Do not inform him, and do not continue in the position you are in.

Do not give into any stupid melodramatic emotional outbursts of ‘I have to tell him!’ ‘I’ll never feel peace!’ or hint at it in any way. Not the in the slightest. If you have to create another reason to leave the ministry to honestly give him if it gets that devilishly complicated. And don’t confess it to someone else so it becomes parish gossip either and gets to him.

Kill the attraction you have for him, as directly from Hell and your disordered emotions. The man is consecrated to God, he is not for you, and it is wrong to delectate in those emotions of attraction you feel for him.

Do whatever you need to kill that emotion. He is sacred, he is set apart. He is a father, not a potential spouse. 🙂

Do not be sympathetic with your feelings here.

Pray! You have my prayers. Ave Maria. . . 🙂
  • Peace.
 
One does not “fall in love” in the same way one catches the flu - you just walk innocently along and BAM you are in love. That is what silly movies and books teach us.

Love is an act of the will. You choose to love someone. At sometime you felt an emotion, and instead of putting it in it’s proper place, you cuddled it and turned it into this idea of being in love.

The thing to do is to be a big grown up, put those silly feelings aside and choose to give your priest the love and respect he deserves as God’s Holy Priest. Romantic emotions are not part of that love and respect, and you can choose to stop having those.

Pray for the strength to stop giving in to emotions.
 
This priest has given his life to bringing souls to Christ. His job is to be the face of Christ in the world. Recognize that your feelings for him are misplaced and should really be directed at Christ. The priest is trying to make you fall in love with Christ, not himself. God alone is what our hearts are seeking. When we love our fellow man it’s only a small reflection of the love of God in Whom we will not have rest until we find our rest in Him.

Leave the priest out of it. You are making him an obstacle to the love of God. That is a disservice to him. If he’s as wonderful as you say he is, there are probably a score of other women in the parish who find him attractive and they are keeping it to themselves too.

I’ve seen too often what happens in a parish when a woman crosses the boundaries set by that Roman Collar. It not only destroys the priest, his vocation, the woman’s life, but it also destroys parishes, causes scandal to young children, thwarts possible vocations of those who may respect that priest and have been interested in following his footsteps to the altar. Sometimes the scandal even makes the paper.

Don’t go there. Satan is working doubletime on this man because he knows if he can get a priest, he can drag hundreds down with him. Don’t be Satan’s tool.

Everyone else here gave you great advice. And by the way, it’s not just fornication with a priest. It’s sacrilege.
 
I’m sorry you’re struggling with this…I agree with others to not tell him, as it would not promote a positive outcome really. Think of it this way…in life, there are situations and people who for lack of a better word…are off limits. I liken this to say you worked with a married man in the corporate world, for example. You find yourself falling in love with him…you wouldn’t necessarily quit your job, but telling him wouldn’t be a good idea, either. There are many times in our lives where we just have to deal with situations, pray through them, and get past them. This is a time for you. Just keep praying for strength…and ask God to turn those feelings of love that you have for him, into feelings of friendship…

I would confess these feelings during your next confession, perhaps at a different parish, in case he is your Confessor, and might know your voice, if you are fearful of that at all.

But, just know that there are times when we might have feelings for people who are simply off limits. A priest is one of those people…I will pray that you overcome your struggle with this soon. God bless!
 
All the posters have given excellent advice…

May I bring in some personal thoughts? I’ve had several friendships with priests-they have always treated me with respect. And I respect them in their vocation, too. One of my best friends is a priest in England. He was ordained by John Paul II in 1982, during his visit to Britain. I met my friend by chance while on a pilgrimage to Fatima, Portugal in 1988.

He either writes to me [letters and postcards] or else phones. I’ve visited him twice in his parish in England (1997 and 1999), and once in London (1989). I treat him as a brother, and during the three times we have met each other, he always gave me a hug and a kiss. Our friendship is like what St. Therese had for her two ‘spiritual brothers’ Fr. Belliere and Rouland (has anyone hear read Bishop Patrick Ahern’s book, “Therese and Maurice: The Story of a Love” ? ). And no one ever accused St. Therese of being ‘in love’ with either one of those two priests!

I had another priest-friend who was from Quebec, Canada. I met him literally in St. Therese’s ‘front yard’-Les Buissonets, her childhood home in Lisieux! At the time [1991] I didn’t know he was studying for the priesthood; but in 1993 he sent me a picture from his diaconate ordination in Italy. He was ordained in the south of France in August 1993, and I went to visit him in October of that year. I stayed with him and two other French-Canadian seminarians in a small village in the Pyrenees section of France, near Lourdes. My friend was kindness itself-he was like a brother to me, just as my English priest-friend! I could talk to him about anything! I saw him again the next year, when he was home in Canada on vacation. And there, as in France, I was very comfortable with him-there was no fear of ‘falling in love’ with either him, or with my English friend! Finally he came back home to Canada for good about four or five years ago [health reasons], and he sent me a postcard telling me the news. I don’t have his current address, so I’ve lost touch with him. But I still pray for-and yes, ‘love’, BUT IN A CHASTE WAY-both of my ‘priest-brothers’!
 
How would you answer this question: what should a woman do who thinks she is in love with a married man, someone she sees all the time socially or at work.

You first disabuse yourself that this is love or anything beyond infatuation, a fleeting emotion at best. You then remove yourself from any situation where you feel unable to control your actions or emotions, until you regain control (and your senses). You further look at the circumstances of your real life, as opposed to this fantasy, and take steps to correct and heal that which is making you dissatisfied and looking for greener grass.

under no circumstances would you speak of this, to the gentleman, or to anyone else. In the case of the priest, you will also find someone else for confession or pastoral counsel.
 
I have read that a priest cannot absolve you of a the sin of lust if he is the object of that lust. You have to go to another priest.

I think you are confused about what you are feeling. Priests who are servants of God are attractive because they are good men. Our soul is naturally attracted to good. Do not confuse this attraction for romantic love.

I’m not saying you are going to try to tempt him, but there are a few things you should keep in mind. If a woman leads a priest astray, she sins against herself, the priest, the parish and the church. She injures her soul and the priest’s soul. She causes scandal in the church. She also wounds the church. The church has so few priests, that each priest that is led astray could affect whether there will be sacraments offered in a church. If the priest is led into sin, he could have trouble saying the mass, listening to confessions, etc. It could ultimately destroy him.

I have come to realize that if you love someone, you will always do the right thing for them. You would want above all things to protect his soul from any harm. Just mentioning that you have an attraction to him could disrupt the peace in his soul.

You should definitely try to find another parish where you can serve and attend mass.
 
thanks for all your advice…,
i’ve been reading them this past few days and it really helped me a lot…
I won’t let this thing ruin my life nor his vocation. I just have to accept that some things are not really meant to happen… thanks again for giving me the light as i go through all these…
 
First of all, I second Puzzleannie’s advice.

Secondly, you don’t say how long you have held these feelings for the priest.

If this infatuation is some new revelation to yourself (say less than three months or so) then you might try just riding it out. That means keeping your feelings to yourself. You should certainly not share them with the priest and you’d be wise not to share them with anyone else in your community either. If you can go about your ministry without revealing what your feel (while making sure you set up proper boundaries) then continue to do so. You will be wise to avoid ever being alone with this priest.

The feelings will probably fade with time.

But if you’ve felt an attraction to this priest for a *long *time and it is impacting your life then maybe you need to take more drastic measures. What those measures might be are up to you. If you are going to stay with your parish then you need to find a new ministry that won’t put you in close contact with your priest. That is enough reason to resign from your current ministry. If the problem is even more serious then perhaps it’s time to look for a new parish.
 
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