What the heck goes on in dating?

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LotusCarsLtd

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I’ve never dated seriously before and I was thinking today about how I have no clue how it works, when to tell things are getting serious, when to tell when friends or acquaintances are interested in you, etc. Anyone want to chime in? Kinda wondering what I’m missing out on…
 
I think you just ‘‘know.’’ Sorry, that wasn’t of much help. :o
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
I’ve never dated seriously before and I was thinking today about how I have no clue how it works, when to tell things are getting serious, when to tell when friends or acquaintances are interested in you, etc. Anyone want to chime in? Kinda wondering what I’m missing out on…
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Some ways to tell friends and acquaintances are interested in you:
  1. They show an interest in what you do in your daily life beyond mere politeness.
  2. They are willing to go out of their way for you beyond what a buddy would do.
  3. Their tone of voice and manner of speaking with you differs from how they speak to their friends.
  4. They are flirtatious with you.
  5. They make an effort at talking with you about the deeper subjects, they’re interested in knowing your views on life.
  6. They try to impress you.
    7, They want to spend a lot of time with you, want to frequently talk to you.
Some ways to tell things are getting serious:
  1. You’re talking about your relationship, your feelings, your future. You’re talking about being exclusive.
 
flyingfish said:
Some ways to tell friends and acquaintances are interested in you:
  1. They show an interest in what you do in your daily life beyond mere politeness.
  2. They are willing to go out of their way for you beyond what a buddy would do.
  3. Their tone of voice and manner of speaking with you differs from how they speak to their friends.
  4. They are flirtatious with you.
  5. They make an effort at talking with you about the deeper subjects, they’re interested in knowing your views on life.
  6. They try to impress you.
    7, They want to spend a lot of time with you, want to frequently talk to you.
Some ways to tell things are getting serious:
  1. You’re talking about your relationship, your feelings, your future. You’re talking about being exclusive.
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so the opposite would mean differently?
 
While it is not something many of us would approve of, what goes on in dating is mostly lots and lots of hormone-driven sexual intercourse.

This not because people are bad. It is because they are weak, and desire is strong.

The way to tell if it is serious, is if your clothes are off.
 
flyingfish said:
Some ways to tell friends and acquaintances are interested in you:
  1. They show an interest in what you do in your daily life beyond mere politeness.
  2. They are willing to go out of their way for you beyond what a buddy would do.
  3. Their tone of voice and manner of speaking with you differs from how they speak to their friends.
  4. They are flirtatious with you.
  5. They make an effort at talking with you about the deeper subjects, they’re interested in knowing your views on life.
  6. They try to impress you.
    7, They want to spend a lot of time with you, want to frequently talk to you.
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What she said.

Occasionally, people will do all of this but they won’t want a relationship, however. Some people are in the pool but are not prepared to commit.

Plus, sometimes one can actually mistake friendship signals for romantic signals (e.g. with people who are friendly and generally talk about deeper subjects a lot), but I think this is rarer than most people think. Mixed signals do happen. They basically mean someone’s undecided (which happens a lot) or not ready to commit (which happens a lot). I have a knack for bumping into those. Maybe I need to put more emphasis on #2 and #7.
 
Magickman said:
While it is not something many of us would approve of, what goes on in dating is mostly lots and lots of hormone-driven sexual intercourse.

This not because people are bad. It is because they are weak, and desire is strong.

The way to tell if it is serious, is if your clothes are off.
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Are you trying to make a joke?

I don’t think taking your clothes off means you’re necessarily serious about the other person. There is such a thing as lust, and people using each other just for sex. And that doesn’t necessarily involve dating at all.
 
Normal non-sinful activities in dating are watching films and eating out.
 
LotusCarsLtd said:
I’ve never dated seriously before and I was thinking today about how I have no clue how it works, when to tell things are getting serious, when to tell when friends or acquaintances are interested in you, etc. Anyone want to chime in? Kinda wondering what I’m missing out on…
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. . . because today’ generation has lost the practice of *courting *. . . .

Go here: catholicmom.com/courtshipbooks.htm and ‘educate’ yourself with one or more of the excellent resources listed there . . . .😉
 
chevalier said:
What she said.

Occasionally, people will do all of this but they won’t want a relationship, however. Some people are in the pool but are not prepared to commit.

Plus, sometimes one can actually mistake friendship signals for romantic signals (e.g. with people who are friendly and generally talk about deeper subjects a lot), but I think this is rarer than most people think. Mixed signals do happen. They basically mean someone’s undecided (which happens a lot) or not ready to commit (which happens a lot). I have a knack for bumping into those. Maybe I need to put more emphasis on #2 and #7.
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I would say a lot of people aren’t ready to commit. :eek:
 
Sierrah said:
I would say a lot of people aren’t ready to commit. :eek:
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Unfortunately, that is true. What distorts the image somewhat is the fact that lack of readiness to commit is a popular excuse when someone simply isn’t attractive enough. On the other hand, plenty of people who are in some form of relationship (one typically talked about in light words) are not ready to commit. As a result, it’s rather hard to nail down overall, but there’s probably not that much risk of misassessment… I guess.
 
I have had several long term boyfriends in the past, and I have gone out on a few dates that lead nowhere.

I would say the common factor with relationships that developed into “boyfriend/girlfriend” staus were that we naturally started spending more time together, and started seeing each other more frequently. It turned from “dating” into “boyfriend/girlfriend” without a specific “conversation”.

I will say that it was easier when I wasn’t thinking about marriage so much. It happened like that when I was younger, and in no position to commit. I just took it for what it was. Of course if you would have asked me at the time if I thought I was going to end up with that person, I would have said it was possible, otherwise I would not have been dating him.

It seems like you’re just thinking/analyzing too much.

Can you just focus on getting to know people, rather than wonder how they will fit into your future? I think you’ll have more luck.
 
Be it courting or dating, all I can say is, even though I’m only 18, for some reason I have the feeling that I’m not going to ever even find a girl that has any interest in me at all.

I don’t know. Sometimes I feel really lonely. Not a “I want to have sex” kind of lonely, but a “I wish I had a female friend that I could be close with” lonely.
 
presidentjlh said:
Be it courting or dating, all I can say is, even though I’m only 18, for some reason I have the feeling that I’m not going to ever even find a girl that has any interest in me at all.

I don’t know. Sometimes I feel really lonely. Not a “I want to have sex” kind of lonely, but a “I wish I had a female friend that I could be close with” lonely.
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There are plenty of young women out there who feel the same way, someday you will meet one that your are compatible with.
 
God gave me the most lovely verse when I was single before I met my husband.

Song of Songs 8:4
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you:
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

I held onto this promise until I met the man who was right for me. And it just fell into place so easily.

My suggestion would be to meet new people, make friends, and one day dating will come without any of the angst or struggle.
 
I’m a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I went through a decade of unrequited love before someone finally thought ‘hey, he’s not bad’. I kept getting knocked back, mostly because I was chasing after all these incredibly good looking girls, but in the end my persistence paid off. I also asked God to give me break, after putting up with 10 years of rejection. 😃 We have now been together for over 4 years. 🙂

I think the best piece of advice I can give is to just be yourself, and be positive and confident. What fine lady couldn’t resist that. 😉
 
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