T
Trebor135
Guest
This is a bit long, so please bear with me… 
A few years ago, I became friends with a much older student at university–let’s call him Joe. He did pretty much whatever he could to get me out of my shell, in a sense–we went shopping for fancy clothes, checked out clubs and house parties, got groceries together, and went out to eat. I firmly believe that his desire to do all these things with me came out of the goodness of his heart.
However, it quickly became clear that Joe and I didn’t see eye to eye on morals–he was, and (if he weren’t married now) still would be, a “let’s party, let’s get drunk, let’s sleep around” kind of guy. Joe took me out to strip clubs a few times, despite knowing my moral stances. He and his girlfriend at the time attempted to pressure me into getting a lap dance, but–thanks be to God–I was successful in resisting. On all of these occasions, on account of my blindness I had no way of getting out of the desperately immoral environment in which I was trapped. It seems unlikely that Joe was deliberately making me feel uncomfortable; instead, he probably figured that I wouldn’t stick to my principles when push came to shove, and thought that I would be better off taking up his lifestyle. Even so, it was pretty clear that Joe had a hard time taking “no” for an answer in any situation–his way was the right way, others’ moral principles be damned. Whenever we talked or hung out, Joe would very often express himself in a crass, immature manner–not very edifying for anyone. He was often pretty self-centred too, taking up a lot of time to present (to me and/or other people) what were quasi-monologues about himself or things of interest to him. These quasi-monologues could actually be interesting, but it still came out that he knew all too well how to think, speak, and act in a very superficial and self-absorbed fashion.
After a while Joe got the message and stopped bringing me to strip clubs (if he was intending to head over to such an establishment before we hung out, I can’t say–in any case, he never told me ahead of time). But the rest of his negative qualities remained strong. After graduating from my university last spring, he moved in with my family for a few months for part of the summer and the fall. We had some fun times together, but I still felt uncomfortable around him and was looking forward to going back to school. The rest of the household soon enough began to resent his presence and attitude as well.
This past school year I barely talked to or hung out with Joe, because he had gotten a job five hours away–back in my hometown. I went through some tough times, especially spiritually, but was glad not to have to put up with Joe’s antics. We’ve spoken a few times on the phone in the past couple months; just this week Joe asked if I wanted to come hang out with him, stay over at his apartment, and come back home the next day. I told Joe I’d send him an e-mail to respond.
The thing is, I don’t really want to see him–especially not alone --or even keep in touch. I don’t truly enjoy his company as I do of my other friends; the rest of my family has a similar opinion of the guy. Even so, he’s definitely shown kindness to me–and this isn’t even the “Stockholm Syndrome” striking, either. It isn’t as if he’s stolen my wallet or recently taken me to a strip club–there aren’t any serious blots on his record that I can use to explain wanting to break off the friendship. I don’t want to turn his life upside down, like mine has been in the past, when platonic relationships crumbled for no obvious reason. I don’t want to do something that might as well come out of a handbook for wannabe jerks. Plus, I’ve been doing my best to set a good example for Joe as a practicing Christian. If all the weeds in his garden could be pulled up from their roots, I could see him become a follower of Christ in some fashion one day. (In fact, a couple years back, Joe himself suggested that we and a friend of mine go to church once or twice, and although it never became habitual for him, it still amazes me that we did go to church on his initiative at all.)
Now, I still have to send him an e-mail as I told Joe I would. But even if I can give him a good reason not to visit this time around, what am I going to do in the long run? I’m really wrestling with this question.
So, I’m turning to you for your prayers (in this thread) and advice (by private message).
Thanks,
T.
A few years ago, I became friends with a much older student at university–let’s call him Joe. He did pretty much whatever he could to get me out of my shell, in a sense–we went shopping for fancy clothes, checked out clubs and house parties, got groceries together, and went out to eat. I firmly believe that his desire to do all these things with me came out of the goodness of his heart.
However, it quickly became clear that Joe and I didn’t see eye to eye on morals–he was, and (if he weren’t married now) still would be, a “let’s party, let’s get drunk, let’s sleep around” kind of guy. Joe took me out to strip clubs a few times, despite knowing my moral stances. He and his girlfriend at the time attempted to pressure me into getting a lap dance, but–thanks be to God–I was successful in resisting. On all of these occasions, on account of my blindness I had no way of getting out of the desperately immoral environment in which I was trapped. It seems unlikely that Joe was deliberately making me feel uncomfortable; instead, he probably figured that I wouldn’t stick to my principles when push came to shove, and thought that I would be better off taking up his lifestyle. Even so, it was pretty clear that Joe had a hard time taking “no” for an answer in any situation–his way was the right way, others’ moral principles be damned. Whenever we talked or hung out, Joe would very often express himself in a crass, immature manner–not very edifying for anyone. He was often pretty self-centred too, taking up a lot of time to present (to me and/or other people) what were quasi-monologues about himself or things of interest to him. These quasi-monologues could actually be interesting, but it still came out that he knew all too well how to think, speak, and act in a very superficial and self-absorbed fashion.
After a while Joe got the message and stopped bringing me to strip clubs (if he was intending to head over to such an establishment before we hung out, I can’t say–in any case, he never told me ahead of time). But the rest of his negative qualities remained strong. After graduating from my university last spring, he moved in with my family for a few months for part of the summer and the fall. We had some fun times together, but I still felt uncomfortable around him and was looking forward to going back to school. The rest of the household soon enough began to resent his presence and attitude as well.
This past school year I barely talked to or hung out with Joe, because he had gotten a job five hours away–back in my hometown. I went through some tough times, especially spiritually, but was glad not to have to put up with Joe’s antics. We’ve spoken a few times on the phone in the past couple months; just this week Joe asked if I wanted to come hang out with him, stay over at his apartment, and come back home the next day. I told Joe I’d send him an e-mail to respond.
The thing is, I don’t really want to see him–especially not alone --or even keep in touch. I don’t truly enjoy his company as I do of my other friends; the rest of my family has a similar opinion of the guy. Even so, he’s definitely shown kindness to me–and this isn’t even the “Stockholm Syndrome” striking, either. It isn’t as if he’s stolen my wallet or recently taken me to a strip club–there aren’t any serious blots on his record that I can use to explain wanting to break off the friendship. I don’t want to turn his life upside down, like mine has been in the past, when platonic relationships crumbled for no obvious reason. I don’t want to do something that might as well come out of a handbook for wannabe jerks. Plus, I’ve been doing my best to set a good example for Joe as a practicing Christian. If all the weeds in his garden could be pulled up from their roots, I could see him become a follower of Christ in some fashion one day. (In fact, a couple years back, Joe himself suggested that we and a friend of mine go to church once or twice, and although it never became habitual for him, it still amazes me that we did go to church on his initiative at all.)
Now, I still have to send him an e-mail as I told Joe I would. But even if I can give him a good reason not to visit this time around, what am I going to do in the long run? I’m really wrestling with this question.
So, I’m turning to you for your prayers (in this thread) and advice (by private message).
Thanks,
T.
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