What say we try a real life experience.
My wife, and I were married for 50 years before she passed away almost a year ago.
She was, from very early on in her years, a “sex addict”. Having experienced a very troubling association with the “male” side of the population, to put it mildly, she, at her own admission, at about the age of 7, turned into “self love”, masturbation. That became her way to “feel love”. Her experience with men was not a positive experience. Not that she was abused, at least, not that I ever found out.
She admitted that her first sexual experience with a male was when she, and he, were both about 12 years old. Admittedly her “explanations” were somewhat hazy. The story details would change from explanation, to explanation.
By the time I met her when she was 17 she was not only a sex addict, but a full blown con artist, as well. This you can verify by questioning just about any therapist. The “addiction” serves to protect itself from exposure, and therefore, decimation. The outward look on her was one of a demure little country girl, who supposedly knew nothing about the subject.
Wrong!!! She was well aware of the “system” and how to protect it. She never said “NO”, but could never admit any level of satisfaction from love making. Not in 3 years of dating, and 50 years of marriage. Once in our second year of marriage, I awoke in the middle of the night with her hand on “me”. My reaction to that was somewhat extreme, I’ll admit. After a little over an hour of intercourse, she begged me to quit, as she was on the verge of passing out.
Again, consult the therapists on this, but, they will tell you that when this condition begins to happen in a woman having intercourse, it is either because she is having multiple orgasms, or one big orgasm what will not cease. But, would you believe that during all that experience, she never once even moaned, must less admitted that she was experiencing anything sexual at all. Again, from the therapist. That is just how powerful an addiction can get. And, more importantly, given years to “grow” it can get to the point of “possession”. To the point of where the addiction gains total control, and the person becomes it’s puppet.
Normal life can be great. Have a family, run a house, even develop your own business. That’s not a problem at all. As long as it does not interfere with the addiction, or expose it in any way.
I discovered during our first year of marriage that my wife masturbated. Not that she ever admitted it, but I knew.
I guess the most hurtful part was the fact that only that one time did she ever approach me for sexual satisfaction. Add to that the fact that many many nights, after we had had sex, I would pretend to go to sleep, and sure enough, within half an hour, or so, I could feel the telltale viabrations of the bed that told me that she was approaching a self induced orgasm. Nights that we did not have sex would produce the same result. So, it made no difference. Either way, her “satisfaction” came from her own hand, not from me.
As I mentioned, as years progressed, so did the addiction. Her business caused her to visit multiple homes during the day as a sales rep. I suspected that during her travels, she had again resorted to masturbation during the day. Turned out that she was satisfying herself while driving from one customer to another. If the distance was not sufficient to provide the needed relief, she simply :“put it on hold” until the next drive.
Quite accidently I discovered that she was using a “toy” to substitute for the real thing to provide better, and more prolonged orgasms. Not when I was in the house, mind you, but when I was not, and the kids were in school, that provided enough time to build a real whopper. She would get so carried away that when I did come home, she would not let me make love to her for several days, because, as she explained, “it hurt way in the back”. Meaning, her cervix. When I found the “toy” I found out why. I was simply not that well equipped.
After I confronted her with the evidence, she quit, and discarded it. But, it was not long before she became extremely interested in cucumber salads. Not that we had many, but she bought plenty of cucumbers. When I would go shopping with her, and would pick out the cucumbers, she would always instruct me to get the "long slender one’. Supposedly, they were much more flavorful. yeah? Again, the “hurting way back inside” started all over again.
I could go on for hours listing fact after fact about this type of addiction. But, I will say this. It is a known fact that eight out of ten women go to counciling for this addiction for the same reason. Their husbands have given up trying to “change things” and finally have some intimacy in their marriage, and simply left. Divorce.
I didn’t. I simply loved her way to much to simply “drop” her like that. I took my marriage vows very seriously. And, I might add, that now that she is no longer on this earth, I have found out just how much I loved her. As the saying goes, you never miss the water until the well runs dry. Truer words were never spoken!
other than your outlet is not good and needs mental work much like any sinful behaviour. You need to work on being able to sacrifice this desire to live up to God’s standard and follow his will.