What to do about my lesbian sister, AGAIN?

[Lead_Me_Home]

My sister is a lesbian and in a lesbian relationship. Over the past year it has been a hurtful trial in my life. I don’t talk to her that much but I do love her, I’ve never stopped loving her. My question is what should I do; tomorrow she is picking me up from school? She says she wants to get me a late Christmas gift. I don’t want a Christmas gift I want her to convert. I want her to come home to the loving arms of Jesus. Is this selfish? I also get a little embarrassed when I’m with her because she has cut her hair (real short). I think I’m just coming to terms with this because I’ve just started to picture her with short hair usually when I think of her she is still wearing a dress and has her long hair (when she was in the eight grade). She’s also started this walking and talking like a boy thing. Should I just pray the Rosary and ask for God to inspire by the Holy Spirit and give me the grace? Should I even bring up religion or sexuality with her? Please don’t tell me to go to Mass or Confession I’d love to, with all my heart but I’m a Closet Catholic waiting to convert.

Please pray for my sister

 

[Lead_Me_Home]

Amabo
please
por favor

 

[SourGrape]

Since you call yourself a, “closet Catholic,” my first recommendation to you is to pray for the Grace and courage to embrace Holy Mother Church and to openly witness to Christ each day. As for your sister, I would suggest you pray for her conversion and offer up sacrifices for her, but try not to shove the Gospel down her throat. How long has she embraced this same sex attraction? If she begins talking to you about her lover, you have every right to tell her that you do not like the choices she is currently making. I suggest you search for some Catholic resources that discuss how to deal with a family member who struggles with same sex attraction.

God bless.

 

[narrowpath]

Live the gospel. Don’t let yourself be uncharitable. Simply let Christ shine through.

As st. francis said “Preach the gospel wherever you go. When necessary, use words.”

Remember, Christ dined with what many considered the worst of sinner. Prostitutes, tax collectors…and on the other side, pharisees. Love as Christ did. Oh, and offer up your cross. You will be in my prayers.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Since you call yourself a, “closet Catholic,” my first recommendation to you is to pray for the Grace and courage to embrace Holy Mother Church and to openly witness to Christ each day. As for your sister, I would suggest you pray for her conversion and offer up sacrifices for her, but try not to shove the Gospel down her throat. How long has she embraced this same sex attraction? If she begins talking to you about her lover, you have every right to tell her that you do not like the choices she is currently making. I suggest you search for some Catholic resources that discuss how to deal with a family member who struggles with same sex attraction.

God bless.

It is my impression (from the profile and the post) that the OP is a young person living at home and still under parental authority and the parents are not Catholic. So unless he/she has parental approval he/she cannot embrace the Catholic Church until the age of majority. This young person is not lacking courage or grace, he/she is is being obedient and submissive to parental authority, which is the right and proper thing to do at that age.

 

[Shin]

I understand your feelings which I share. . It makes me want to weep at the thought of receiving a gift from her too. Take it though, do take it…

And the feelings in your heart… your thoughts… all this…

Offer it up, offer it up! Offer up your pain anguish and need for her to be who she should be and not be twisted by this to God!

Keep praying and offering up to God the pain in your heart! He will understand and know.

And I know you said not to say so but… come home soon… the sooner you yourself are lily white and clean of sin, the sooner your sister will be helped – because the more acceptable you are to God, the more your prayers will reach Heaven.

We are all together in a Communion of Saints… what we do affects everyone else… lifts all up… and deprives all so they fall down… we’re all in this together. So we have to be close to God! For love of Him and for everyone else.

 

[ihm1993]

I definately feel for you and I will tell you exactly what you need to do. You need to start a novena of rosaries for her, where you pray the rosary nine days ina a row, and beg The Blessed Virgin to save your sister from her unnatural orientation. It isnt selfish of you AT ALL, if anything its even charitable of you to want to save your sister from going into the eternal fires of Hell for all eternity. Also, I reccomend getting a “green scapular” and putting it under her matress and praying the prayer on it for her every day. God Bless you.

p.s.- The novena to the Infant of Prague is extremely effective.

 

[Cluny]

Why do you have to do anything?

I know lots of gay Catholics who are sterling examples of faith.

 

[mattkubes]

Why do you have to do anything?

I know lots of gay Catholics who are sterling examples of faith.

Remember, the OP said that his/her sister is living in a lesbian relationship - you can’t jump from there to her being a “sterling example of faith.”

 

[Becks]

Lead Me Home,

I will give you the same advice that I need to give myself quite often.

Think of friends or relatives that you may have who are living in other ways that are against the Church’s teaching. Maybe you know people who are Catholic, but don’t practice their faith. Maybe you know people who live together and have kids with no intention of getting married. Maybe you know people who are not gay, but are promiscuous and sleep around. Ask yourself if you have a bigger problem with your sister being gay than you do with those other actions.

I find that because of the prejudices I have against gay people, I am quicker to judge their actions than other immoral actions. This is something that I struggle with a lot.

Your sister needs to know that you love her, even though you cannot agree with her lifestyle.

 

[graceandglory]

My sister is a lesbian and in a lesbian relationship. Over the past year it has been a hurtful trial in my life. I don’t talk to her that much but I do love her, I’ve never stopped loving her. My question is what should I do; tomorrow she is picking me up from school? She says she wants to get me a late Christmas gift. I don’t want a Christmas gift I want her to convert. I want her to come home to the loving arms of Jesus. Is this selfish? I also get a little embarrassed when I’m with her because she has cut her hair (real short). I think I’m just coming to terms with this because I’ve just started to picture her with short hair usually when I think of her she is still wearing a dress and has her long hair (when she was in the eight grade). She’s also started this walking and talking like a boy thing. Should I just pray the Rosary and ask for God to inspire by the Holy Spirit and give me the grace? Should I even bring up religion or sexuality with her? Please don’t tell me to go to Mass or Confession I’d love to, with all my heart but I’m a Closet Catholic waiting to convert.

Please pray for my sister

Oh, sweetheart, it sounds like she is your big sister. I am so sorry for this trial, and not to mention, shame that is on you and your family. My family shares your same cross.

Love, love, love is what you can do. Before she cuts herself totally off from her family like mine did. Even if you don’t say A WORD, loving her as a person will speak volumes.

Scriptures such as “a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God”
and

1 Peter 3:9-17

 3 Finally, all of you, be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble.

9
Do not return evil for evil, or insult for insult; but, on the contrary, a blessing, because to this you were called, that you might inherit a blessing.
10
For: “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep the tongue from evil and the lips from speaking deceit,
11
must turn from evil and do good, seek peace and follow after it.
12
For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears turned to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against evildoers.”
13
4 Now who is going to harm you if you are enthusiastic for what is good?
14
But even if you should suffer because of righteousness, blessed are you. Do not be afraid or terrified with fear of them,
15
but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope,
16
** but do it with gentleness and reverence, keeping your conscience clear, so that, when you are maligned, those who defame your good conduct in Christ may themselves be put to shame.**
17
For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that be the will of God, than for doing evil.

In my family, we have even attempted family counseling, only as individuals, with a secular counselor. A lot of times militant, in your face people have deep seated anger issues. After MANY years of walking on eggshells around my sister, I have to put up and maintain safe boundaries for my own mental health.

I think FOR YOU, the greatest thing you can do as a almost brand new Catholic is to study Catholic teaching on Sex and marriage and be able to defend the Catholic/Biblical teachings against homosexuality.

Here is a great talk by Christopher West that can be downloaded for free,
christopherwest.com/downloads/

Also, you can find resources on line if you google for these terms:
“theology of the body” “homosexuality” Catholic

with those search terms you will find good arguments (not to throw at your sister, but to strengthen your own understanding)

I pray for my sister every time I go to Mass. I pray for the conversion of all sinners, especially the ones I love most by name.

 

[Cluny]

**
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cluny View Post
Why do you have to do anything?

I know lots of gay Catholics who are sterling examples of faith.
Remember, the OP said that his/her sister is living in a lesbian relationship - you can’t jump from there to her being a “sterling example of faith.”**

1. All the poster knows is that her sister is living with another woman, and that her sister has a same-sex orientation. Unless the poster was told, s/he has no way of knowing if they are actually sexually involved.
2. Even if they are, why are the sister’s perceived sins worse than the poster’s actual sins?

 

[graceandglory]

ALso to remember to see her not as a lesbian, but as a person with dignity made in the image of the God of Love. Homosexual acts are the sin. Your sister is a sinner like the rest of us and in need of redemption.

I just remembered that Christopher West has a really touching story about meeting a woman such as your sister, in his book “The Love that Satisfies” that he wrote based on Pope Benedict’s first encyclical “God is Love” (Deus Caritas Est)

you could probably read it online at google books.

look up “Christopher West” “the love that satisfies” on google.

 

[SourGrape]

you could probably read it online at google books.

Although I couldn’t read the Christopher West book you suggested on google books, I was fascinated to learn you can read some books and magazines online there! Thanks for that information! Just an added note about other books online, if you don’t know about it yet: ccel.org/ccel/desales/devout_life.html

That link is for a Christian Classic library. You can read such books as St. Francis de Sales Introduction to the Devout Life.

To the OP, I found an article that may be of help and interest to you: ewtn.com/library/HUMANITY/HOMO.HTM

There is a chapter exclusively on Lesbianism. You can read more articles relating to this issue on EWTN if you go to their “Document library” link and search in the keyword for “homosexual” or “lesbian.”

 

[mattkubes]

1. All the poster knows is that her sister is living with another woman, and that her sister has a same-sex orientation. Unless the poster was told, s/he has no way of knowing if they are actually sexually involved.

Even if this was true, the potential for scandal, the occasion of sin, and the disordered nature of the arrangement is enough to prohibit it. I know we should always be willing to give people the benefit of the doubt, but it’s possible to take that too far to an attitude of complete complacence. That’s not the witness that we are called to bare.

1. Even if they are, why are the sister’s perceived sins worse than the poster’s actual sins?

No one said that - but if she is living in a state of grave sin, that is objectively terrible. Just like those heterosexual couples who cohabit (or, for that matter, anyone else willfully committing any other grave sin), she is in danger of losing eternal life…and we need to be concerned about that - we need to be zealous for souls just as God is zealous for souls.

 

[Cluny]

Even if this was true, the potential for scandal, the occasion of sin, and the disordered nature of the arrangement is enough to prohibit it.

And how do you know the nature of the arrangement is disordered?

Assuming you even know them, can you see into their hearts?

 

[mattkubes]

And how do you know the nature of the arrangement is disordered?

An objective morality has been revealed to us by God, through His Church.

Assuming you even know them, can you see into their hearts?

No, and that’s precisely why I said that she is in danger of losing eternal life, not that she will. This concern rises out of charity - I want her to spend eternity in Heaven, and since God has revealed that the path she has chosen is not objectively ordered towards that end, we have an obligation to at least pray for her and call for her conversion.

 

[RUINATION_IPA]

**
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cluny View Post
Why do you have to do anything?

I know lots of gay Catholics who are sterling examples of faith.
Remember, the OP said that his/her sister is living in a lesbian relationship - you can’t jump from there to her being a “sterling example of faith.”**

1. All the poster knows is that her sister is living with another woman, and that her sister has a same-sex orientation. Unless the poster was told, s/he has no way of knowing if they are actually sexually involved.
2. Even if they are, why are the sister’s perceived sins worse than the poster’s actual sins?

Cluny, first note the difference between “gay” and people with “same sex attractions.” In dealing with the topic it’s important to note that ‘gay’ is usually meant sexually involved and proud of it whereas people who have same sex attractions but strive to live virtous lives of chastity are simply referred to as people with ‘same sex attractions.’

1. All the poster knows is that her sister is living with another woman, and that her sister has a same-sex orientation. Unless the poster was told, s/he has no way of knowing if they are actually sexually involved.

The OP stated her sister is a lesbian and in a lesbian relationship which at face value is obvious in meaning and there is no reason to try to twist this into some kind of unjust assesment on the younger sister’s part.

1. Even if they are, why are the sister’s perceived sins worse than the poster’s actual sins?

Once again, don’t try to twist this into something it’s not. No one is claiming the younger sister is without sin or who’s sins are worse. Although you must remember there are four sins that cry out to Heaven for vengeance one of which is homosexuality which is not only a sin against God but against nature as well.

 

[shuzo1189]

OP, you are not alone. My Twin sister is a self avowed “Lesbian” and openly mocks the faith and pretty much all forms of religion. She is now enlisted in the National Guard and i will not be seeing her for the next three months. The best thing you can do is ask God for grace and be as charitable as humanly possible. I live at home (Poor College Student) and my parents (Lapse Catholics) have repeatedly told me not to mention anything about her sexual orientation. I find the chaplet of Divine mercy a great comfort for matters such as these.

 

[Lead_Me_Home]

Thanks for your comments. To clarify a bit I have to say that I am a boy and my older sister is living with and in a lesbian relationship. After what I’ve heard (what the other girl said) at dinner it’s pretty obvious they are sexually active. I am still in high school so I am a closet catholic. I want to start a Novena for my sister I tried before but I’d like some tips on how to do so. Also any tips on the Rosary in Latin? Are there any St. Monica prayers for things like this?

I am not looking down at my sister because she is a lesbian though. I could probably deal with this easier if that were it’s the combination of so many things she has done out of anger and rebellion as well. I acknowledged that I am a sinner I have even committed mortal sin in my life but, I have repented. Yet I equally view homosexuality, adultery, and all other mortal sins at the same grave level. I would not be happy if she were living with a man either I’d prefer she stay a virgin until marriage. So I don’t have a great prejudice towards homosexuality opposed to other sins.

So far this weekend has gone smoothly with my sister except for the comment at dinner. I have not brought up anything serious with her I showed her around school when she came. She went to the same high-school. I even got through showing her to my friend and teacher (with her hair shorter than last time) I don’t know if a lot of people at school know her sexuality I don’t bring it up. The hole ride home I made side talk. I kept telling myself “love, love, LOVE!” I’m still just as concerned for her salvation. I’m also worried she might do something to kind of push her boundaries further. Sometimes the peace doesn’t last in her visits. None the less I am happy but also worried when I see her.