What to do about sexual longing

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ineedofmercy

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Hey guys I’m on week free from porn and instead of the usual temptation
My thoughts lead me to feel upset that in life and in heaven I may barely or not at all experience this silly longing

I know it’s a selfish want (which is rather intense at the moment due to addiction) that I will hopefully grow out of
And I do have a greater appreciation for smaller affections like hugs from girls who I care about

But is it wrong to feel upset about potentially experiencing it (sex has no real purpose in heaven but obvious we won’t care in heaven)
I know maybe I’m lacking hope that all will be worth it
And I seem to know the answer to my own question

But it’s the temptation that brings me great disappointment that is really unwarranted

I also sometimes get angry that once married we still can not frequently engage in it
It’s likely my young mind going hay wire

But it disappoints me a lot because it is a very good, fun,and holy thing to want and do if done according to God

Maybe I just have fear of missing out

Any ways to overcome this?
 
Hi there, I have been married 18 years, together 21 years with the same woman and we have 3 kids we lost 3 in pregnancy, so 3 in heaven and 3 here.

heres the thing and this is for your life not just today…
If you fail to commit you are always going to fail…
If you want to fight your addiction and win you have to prepare to win
Heres a tip, lets say today is a new day, forget all your other days ( keep them for confession)
Today if you think about porn and get tempted, call on your Mother Mary, say a prayer and just for that few seconds you have to step up and over come the feeling.
This is how you become a Saint, by overcoming your desires for heavens sake.
You do not grow out of it you conquer it, defeat it and it will no longer have a hold on you.

Married people can have sex as often as they like, they just have to be open to children being a by product of the action.
God bless and keep up the good fight, the reward is amazing.
 
Pray to God. Pray the Rosary. Pray for St. Maximillan Kolbe’s, Pope St. John Paul II’s, and St. Joesph’s intercession. Try novenas to them. If you feel like this addiction is a hopeless cause, add in St. Jude. God bless!
 
sevenswords said:
If you fail to commit you are always going to fail…
If you want to fight your addiction and win you have to prepare to win

God bless and keep up the good fight, the reward is amazing.
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Yes great advice.
My child, when you come to serve the Lord,

prepare yourself for trials.[a]

2Be sincere of heart and steadfast,

and do not be impetuous in time of adversity.

3Cling to him, do not leave him,

that you may prosper in your last days.

4Accept whatever happens to you;

in periods of humiliation be patient.

5For in fire gold is tested,

and the chosen, in the crucible of humiliation
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Try giving thanks to God in the midst of your temptations. You will have temptations your whole life, and it’s good to endure them faithfully, cause you will endure them in any case.

Even in marriage, chastity is a practiced virtue. Lust does not evaporate because you are married and have conjugal love with a woman. In fact, marriage can be a crucible that brings your weaknesses to the surface very effectively. Lust is just one of them.

But, the purpose of marriage is not merely to be an outlet for your sexual desire, the purpose of marriage is to help another person to heaven. And that takes sacrifice and patience, even in the middle of temptation and sinfulness.

If I could ponder one word for you it would be patience. Embrace the fact that you are in for a lifelong struggle, and be grateful for it even when that seems counter-intuitive.
In my struggle with lust, I begged God to remove the issue and I did not received the answer I asked for. The answer I received from God was “learn how to struggle”. Not exactly what I was looking for, but the struggle has brought great joy.

Accepting struggle has carried over into all areas of life, and I am now more committed, more open to sacrifice, more open to service, more at peace…and oh by the way lust is a lot less of a problem also.
 
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ineedofmercy said:
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Any ways to overcome this?
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It is called attachment to sin. Attachment is born of desire. But sometimes a thing will be sought as compensation for another underlying problem. For example, eating with not hungry, due to anxiety , stress, or depression. These are not corrected by the eating but must be dealt with directly. Sometimes a good way to approach overcoming compensations, is to use techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy.
 
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Vico said:
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ineedofmercy:
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Any ways to overcome this?
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It is called attachment to sin. Attachment is born of desire. But sometimes a thing will be sought as compensation for another underlying problem. For example, eating with not hungry, due to anxiety , stress, or depression. These are not corrected by the eating but must be dealt with directly. Sometimes a good way to approach overcoming compensations, is to use techniques of cognitive behavioral therapy.
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And we are wired for attachment. And that true attachment is God. Lust is desire perverted to inferior (but still awesomely good) ends like sex, instead of sex being ordered to union with God and others.
In other words, it is difficult or impossible to squelch desire, desire must be opened up and properly ordered. Attachment to inferior goods is just that.

I find that serving others helps to properly order the passions and desires. It is hard for someone who might be introverted or not accustomed to doing uncomfortable things, but that is part of life to order our desires to others.
 
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The thing that gets me upset sometimes is when I was little I had no idea what I was doing and why i wanted this

Now I feel ashamed
I know heaven will give me all that I want
But we know that isn’t there
I know it won’t be a issue but it makes me sad to know that even after behaving on earth
Even their from what we know it doesn’t exist
Maybe it would be replaced

I know that is likely my lustful attachment
But I’m sure part of it natural and maybe even God given

Right now it’s like the most painful itch and I’m trying to push my average days free from 3 to 7
I’m not gonna give in it but this sucks so much
 
I know married people technically can
But if you follow NFP when you don’t want a baby at the moment

You like have to wait til a certain part of month and hope and that’s after waiting for Marriage which is like years

I don’t know how some couples say the do it 3 times a week and don’t encounter an issue
And these couples aren’t like 50+
They are like 30s
Perfectly capable of having kids

Maybe God graces faithful to only conceive at a special time?
I don’t know but it sounds like marriage sex life peaks much later into it when the risk of being 19 kids and counting goes down

Or they do when already pregnant

I know these are weird questions
But I’m genuinely lost on this and I know marriage isn’t just about this nor do I want it to be

But it just scares me when I already feel
Hopeless

Just another reason to hope for heaven I guess
 
I think that your being Guided by God to become perfect as we all are, the difference is you are hearing God and wanting to do his will, but to do that you have to give up some of your own will.
This is very hard depending on your attachment to the vice/sin.
There are 4 mean personality traits and one of them is the desire for sex and beauty can at times over come you and the temptation is to much and you give in! thats ok as long as you try again is all God asks and thats the path you find yourself on now, a bit like a smoker trying to stop smoking, it is very hard but with time and perseverance you can overcome it. Just like God told Cain .
No one said it would be easy to die to the flesh, but here is the truth…when you die a little to the flesh God gives you more of his Spirit and you find yourself on the other side of that sin wondering how it held you captive so long when all it needed was a commitment from you to say no. Just like a smoker who has finally quit, he will wonder how he ever smoked in the first place and now sees that he had the power to quit all along…Here you need your Armour to get into the fight. Prayer fasting and daily fighting to stay away from temptation.

God has given us laws to protect us mostly, the reason we keep sex for the partner we choose for life is because it keeps us safe from STDs and creates a good environment to bring up children. It is up to God how many if any we have.
The timing method offered by the church in my eyes is just another contraception and the purpose is to not get pregnant, now I can see a bit of a problem there given we are told not to have sex without placing seed inside the woman and to do this at a certain time of the month will lessen the chances of conceiving… is this not saying to God I don’t want kids? isn’t that why the church is against contraception?
It’s your life the church can only guide you in what she thinks is right, and offer you advice and guidance and she says that habitual sin is the worst and that all sin can be overcome if we commit to try to overcome it.
Lastly intimacy is not all about sex, married couples can enjoy each other without penetration and have a world of fun doing so all without guilt of sin.
God bless
 
Please be patient in your struggle. Patience is not the same thing as capitulation.
A good definition of patience is “to endure the gap between who we are and who we are called to be”.

We are all in that gap brother. We are all on the Way. God loves you right in the place you are, and that love will continually transform you on the Way. In this struggle, we try to leap ahead to the person we want to be before we are there, but that’s not possible. That leads to awful anxiety.
Let God’s love wash over you, and it will transform you.
Be patient. I love psalm 103. And Luke 15:11-32
Meditate on the fact that God is with you in this.
 
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Yeah I was doing good and making a week without it more more frequent

I stayed up to 4am the other day because I was getting withdrawl and some weird overflowing feeling that was driving me nuts
I started crying but resisted every thought and action and eventually fell asleep
Normally I wouldn’t be able to fight that hard so I’m glad I did

The next morning it continued and I got really frustrated when an activity I planned to do instead didn’t work for 4 hours

Being frustrated along with this pressure in my head and in my sexual areas driving me insane I gave in

That only happens sometimes but when it does it feels so unfair because I was doing great against it

Hopefully the little stride I made this time get bigger each time

Yes i don’t only want sex and now that I sinned my mind doesn’t care anymore and it was likely just the pain telling me I needed it

I want I really like when a girl is happy in presence or because of me making them happy
I like hugs from them

As for real life girls I honestly don’t think of them that way
And if I do it’s just because I’ve been fighting temptation and the devil throws more thoughts in I have kick out

I’m in a weird situation and might end up with my first gf but not sure :confused:

But I do my best to care about people’s feelings so I think that’s God’s plan for me
To make people feel understood and then attribute that God understands even better
 
Yeah I think instead of feeling upset when I mess up I should ignore it and be happy I made a week when my averaged used to be 2-3 days and now I’m making it a week more commonly
 
ineedofmercy said:
Yeah I think instead of feeling upset when I mess up I should ignore it and be happy I made a week when my averaged used to be 2-3 days and now I’m making it a week more commonly
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I wouldn’t ignore anything, but I get your drift.

One thing that helped me make progress was to avoid the cycle of shame and the wild swings of lust/shame/lust.
When I would fall, I determined not to wallow, but to take failure in stride and try live in God’s love. It’s hard to do, because we want to judge ourselves harshly and honestly. But part of being honest is, in that moment of shame God still loves you and wants you to serve others.

You can’t really move forward until you see your position honestly with God’s eyes. The devil wants us to wallow and isolate ourselves in shame.
 
Yes I know and I make efforts to think of them that way (not as in I’m in the video but as people I should respect)

But What I mean is from a young age when I had no idea it was sinful I watched this and dumb
But I don’t like see my female friends in sexual fantasies
But it’s not because they aren’t beautiful in the way but part of me naturally ignores it and I also practice avoidance for my sake and their’s

But I will make efforts to think of these actresses as good people I know who likely don’t want this job or thought it would be better than the horror it is
 
Yes exactly

I used to think that being happy with friends while in a state of sin was wrong
So I would cry about it (I was 14)

But now I stopped thinking of God as so strict and worked against scrupulously

Now sometimes the day of or day after my sin
God would give me an amazing day and I would feel guilty and undeserving
But truth is I never deserved it and I now believe the happiness is God showing me He has more to offer and doesn’t want me to wallow in guilt so I look defeated

I’m not ignoring the sin
Just the defeated soul portion I’m trying to ignore so I don’t end up wallowing and sinning again

My mind knows a lot of truth and answers to my own questions but I have a hard time making them click in my head and heart

Like I know taking the pain is good if you do it to avoid sin and obey God
But in times of great pain like the worst itch ever I gave in

I hate when it’s not even me sinning because I feel like I want to sin for pleasure
I sinned to stop the pressure feeling and withdrawl headaches
Like (sorry for details) but my balls felt like needed to emptied like super overloaded it was a weird pain (sorry but this is what I felt) and they were sensitive the whole day

It felt unfair to have to bear that but maybe it goes away eventually
 
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It will get better my friend. Persevere. Be patient.
Serve others. You can’t indulge lust when you are with others, serving them.
 
Sex is SERIOUSLY overrated.

Porn ruins things by making it look unloving and not awkward.
Usually after one’s first time, they’ll end up feeling like, “well…okay…that was…um…sex I guess…”

So no, you’re not missing out on some life altering experience.
 
Carmelite1983 said:
Sex is SERIOUSLY overrated.

Porn ruins things by making it look unloving and not awkward.
Usually after one’s first time, they’ll end up feeling like, “well…okay…that was…um…sex I guess…”

So no, you’re not missing out on some life altering experience.
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Very true that porn ruins intimacy.
It does the opposite of what it promises.
 
I agree and porn bores me now 9 times of 10

It’s just the same things and different times and looking different occassionaly

Very rarely I’m like oh wow when watching it

It’s just to get rid of the itch or some other pain pushes me to it for cheap comfort

Real sex will likely be shy and awkward but that’s kinda the beauty of it
Both of you want it to “work” I assume 😂

But hopefully by the time I’m married (if that’s my vocation)I’ll be able to bear the waiting and so will she
If not we’ll hug until we can 😂

Thanks for help everyone btw
Pray I can make a confession soon
 
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