What to do about someone who has missed most of RCIA but says they want to be Catholic?

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Cupertino2010

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I have a situation that I am having a hard time dealing with. I’m responsible for my parish’s RCIA program and I have an individual that moved into our area in Nov 2011 and started RCIA with us. The problem is that individual has only been to 4 events/sessions, one Mass, and seems to think that RCIA is a “home study” or “self-study” program. I’m perplexed because I cannot, in good faith, state to the priest, bishop and parish that this person is ready to receive the sacraments of initiation come Easter 2012.

I’ve called and emailed the person multiple times to find out why they weren’t showing up. No responses to email or phone messages. Finally, I spoke with my priest and he said it was my decision. So, after trying to call the person to set up one last meeting to no avail, I sent them an email basically stating that I could not recommend that they be accepted into the Church this Easter.

A few days later, I get an email from the indivdual accussing me of making false statements about the expectations of RCIA participants, etc., and that the individual is serious about coming into the Church. We’re less than a week from the Rite of Election and Enrollment and I feel for this person but I cannot bring myself to agree with recommending them for acceptance into the Church. I feel an obligation to protect our Faith but hate the thought of turning someone away from the Church.

Am I wrong to tell the person that I don’t think they’re ready? What would you do?
 
There is an element of discernment involved in determining whether someone is ready to receive the sacraments. It’s hard, though, to tell someone they’re not ready yet.

Look at paragraph 75 of the rite – it states what the requirements are. There are also the questions that the bishop asks the godparents at the Rite of Election.

First, I’d pray a lot. Then I’d have a conversation with the catechumen to see how she would respond about her readiness in light of paragraph 75 and the godparent questions. I’d also try to explain that the catechumenate is not a class where you attend a certain number of sessions and “graduate” by receiving the sacraments.

If she’s not ready then you have a responsibility to say so. At the same time, be sure to question your own assumptions. Is it possible that she’s ready even though she hasn’t attended many classes?

Have you been following up with her when she misses classes or Masses? Have you been clear that this is part of the expectation for people in RCIA?

This kind of thing is so hard!
 
Cupertino2010 said:
Am I wrong to tell the person that I don’t think they’re ready? What would you do?
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Oh wow. So this individual never shows up and even skips Mass, and yet claims to be “serious” about his/her desire to enter the Church? Yikes.

Obviously, no other group is a perfect analogy for what RCIA’s all about. But if one were to make an imperfect comparison, one might say that you can’t play the organ for Mass if you stay home or skip Sundays and simply tell us that you practice. You can’t play QB for the team if you don’t show any signs of actually caring or trying. And this is even more troubling, because it’s showing disregard for the Church’s wishes and for one’s spiritual well-being. If the Church says that a period of study and growth - in community with other newcomers - is what is required, it’s really selfish to flout that requirement.

And it’s also disingenuous for he/she to tell you that you created false expectations, when you’ve been trying to contact this individual over and over again! Seems like you’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty here. Being involved in RCIA myself maybe gives me a slightly biased perspective, but it does seem like those who participate are the ones who should have the opportunity to enter the Church. 😃 As tough as it would be, it sounds like you’re doing the right thing.
 
Cupertino2010 said:
I have a situation that I am having a hard time dealing with. I’m responsible for my parish’s RCIA program and I have an individual that moved into our area in Nov 2011 and started RCIA with us. The problem is that individual has only been to 4 events/sessions, one Mass, and seems to think that RCIA is a “home study” or “self-study” program. I’m perplexed because I cannot, in good faith, state to the priest, bishop and parish that this person is ready to receive the sacraments of initiation come Easter 2012.

I’ve called and emailed the person multiple times to find out why they weren’t showing up. No responses to email or phone messages. Finally, I spoke with my priest and he said it was my decision. So, after trying to call the person to set up one last meeting to no avail, I sent them an email basically stating that I could not recommend that they be accepted into the Church this Easter.

A few days later, I get an email from the indivdual accussing me of making false statements about the expectations of RCIA participants, etc., and that the individual is serious about coming into the Church. We’re less than a week from the Rite of Election and Enrollment and I feel for this person but I cannot bring myself to agree with recommending them for acceptance into the Church. I feel an obligation to protect our Faith but hate the thought of turning someone away from the Church.

Am I wrong to tell the person that I don’t think they’re ready? What would you do?
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I understand your situation because I have experienced the same as the Director of Catechetical Ministry at the parish I work. If this indvidual is serious about being Catholic,then why the lack of attendance and failure to respond to your emails,calling,letters,etc? He or she sure has a strange way of expressing it? Ask the individual,if possible,why has he or she not attended classes? How can one be serious,if they are missing Mass which is central to our faith? I am sorry,but I compare much to a high school student who decides to attend a Junior College or four-year university.

If he or she is serious then the individual will take the proper measures and processes involved to earn a degree. Either your heart,mind,soul are in it or they are not? As for your case? I simply would tell him/her perhaps it is not their time to be received into the church this Vigil? No harm…no foul. God calls us at different times in our life. Good luck
 
It sounds like a hard situation, but like you’re making the right choice - especially given that this person both ignored all of your attempts to contact them and then decided to get angry and accuse you of not giving them enough information.

It might be worth pointing out that you are not turning them away from the Church, you are simply saying that they are not yet ready for initiation. As an analogy: during boot camp for the air force (and probably the other branches), a person who is not ready to move on durin training is not simply kicked out, but is instead put in a class with other recruits who are at an earlier stage in training (say, a person who has been in training for 3 weeks may be moved to a group of recruits who have only been in 2 weeks). The air force still highly looks forward to that person being a productive member of the service, but does not consider that that person to have completed the necessary training.
 
It seems you have tried to talk to this person, is there good reason they haven’t made it to class or mass? If so then try to help them when they are available to be prepared, if not then you have to make sure they know this is not to be taken lightly. I didn’t show up to most of my classes but I usually made it to mass if my work schedule permitted. I was accepted the first year. I now am with the local jail ministry. You only know if this person is serious, just make sure you are giving them every opprotunity. I repeated RCIA for 3 years and still missed alot of classes. :o
 
What is their schedule?

The lack of Mass attendance is ridiculous, as is the lack of attempt to get to class… but is there a valid reason or are they just blowing it off in lieu of personal study to supplant the classes/formation?
 
I am very quick to say that the lengthy expectations of filling in the check boxes of requirements are ridiculous for those converting, especially those already baptized and well-catechized. With the understanding that this is my perspective, I have to say you are being reasonable and the person unreasonable.

You’ve tried contacting lots of times. The person hasn’t responded, hasn’t been active, nothing. You don’t know him from Adam. Now you’re left to recommend or not. How could you possibly give your recommendation? The response to your email shows the unreasonable expectations and disconnect from the church and the conversion process. Emotionally reactive, it says nothing of her own fault in the miscommunication. She really bound your hands! How could you recommend given this series of events?

If this person has a problem with your recommendation, she can go to the priest and explain. He has the responsibility of listening and making the choice. You shouldn’t feel guilty for being responsible with the care entrusted to you.
 
I know it’s hard, but don’t back down on this. You would be doing them and the Church a disservice by admitting them when they are not ready. Honestly, we do not want any more poorly catechized Catholics, we have enough as it is!

I don’t think your priest should have put you in this position. After you told him the situation, he should have just said, “No. It doesn’t sound like they are ready to make this decision.”
 
Cupertino2010 said:
…I cannot, in good faith, state to the priest, bishop and parish that this person is ready to receive the sacraments of initiation come Easter 2012…
Am I wrong to tell the person that I don’t think they’re ready? What would you do?
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You should inform them of 3 things 1) your experience with them is lacking for a recommendation of sacraments, 2) Your decision is not final the priest or bishop both have more authority than you, and 3) your recommendation is they continue with RCIA
 
I am part of our RCIA team at my parish and I would not hesitate to speak frankly with the catechumen/candidate. Failure to attend RCIA classes and failure to attend Mass speaks to their true desire about the Faith and you will not be recommending them for the Rite of Sending and Election.

For your part, I think I would have sent a strongly worded email far sooner in the process than the week before Lent.
 
Cupertino2010 said:
Am I wrong to tell the person that I don’t think they’re ready? What would you do?
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I’m going to tell you how I deal with such situations. I, too, am part of my parish’s RCIA.

If our pastor says the call is ours (the RCIA team), if we feel and decide that a candidate is not ready, then we let them know.

You are not wrong in following your conscience. Given what you have shared (little attendence etc) I too, would say they are not ready.

RCIA is more than just “becoming Catholic”. It becoming part of the parish community. It seems to me that this person isnt there yet.

JMO, as a member of my parish’s RCIA team
 
Cupertino2010 said:
I’m perplexed because I cannot, in good faith, state to the priest, bishop and parish that this person is ready to receive the sacraments of initiation come Easter 2012.
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If you can honestly say in good faith that, in all charity and humility before Our Lord, than that is your answer, IMO.
 
I’m currently in RCIA with my parish.

We were told by the two Priests that teach our classes (it’s a joint RCIA between two parishes) that it is absolutely essential we attend every class and attend Mass.

We had told our Priest and the education director that we would have to miss one class because my Fiance and I had scheduled a Pre Cana class well before RCIA was to begin.

We both got an email of understanding yet some scolding by one of the Priests…🤷
Oh well.

I’m not sure how anyone who would like to be Catholic can miss so many classes and, more importantly, miss so much Mass.
 
Cupertino2010 said:
I have a situation that I am having a hard time dealing with. I’m responsible for my parish’s RCIA program and I have an individual that moved into our area in Nov 2011 and started RCIA with us. The problem is that individual has only been to 4 events/sessions, one Mass, and seems to think that RCIA is a “home study” or “self-study” program. I’m perplexed because I cannot, in good faith, state to the priest, bishop and parish that this person is ready to receive the sacraments of initiation come Easter 2012.

Am I wrong to tell the person that I don’t think they’re ready? What would you do?
Click to expand...
I don’t know…
but how about making a test for people, or some kind of survey that theyhave to answer honestly, and then they can mark their beliefs off in there, while reading some passages about what the Church states about a number of important factors.

Where I live, in diaspora, the Catholic Church that I entered had lousy preparation classes… in a way, the more liberal you were, the easier it was to get in.
Only the ones who studies alot on their own had any idea about what they were getting themselves into.
I have friends who became confirmed into the church while they were living in sin, or while they believed in all kinds of nonsense like reincarnation and reiki. Some of these persons dont ever go to mass anymore.

So good teaching is neccessary… but some people have good private reasons to study at home. Make a test or some private conversations where you find out where the person stands on a number of things…
 
Cupertino2010 said:
I have a situation that I am having a hard time dealing with. I’m responsible for my parish’s RCIA program and I have an individual that moved into our area in Nov 2011 and started RCIA with us. The problem is that individual has only been to 4 events/sessions, one Mass, and seems to think that RCIA is a “home study” or “self-study” program. I’m perplexed because I cannot, in good faith, state to the priest, bishop and parish that this person is ready to receive the sacraments of initiation come Easter 2012.

I’ve called and emailed the person multiple times to find out why they weren’t showing up. No responses to email or phone messages. Finally, I spoke with my priest and he said it was my decision. So, after trying to call the person to set up one last meeting to no avail, I sent them an email basically stating that I could not recommend that they be accepted into the Church this Easter.

A few days later, I get an email from the indivdual accussing me of making false statements about the expectations of RCIA participants, etc., and that the individual is serious about coming into the Church. We’re less than a week from the Rite of Election and Enrollment and I feel for this person but I cannot bring myself to agree with recommending them for acceptance into the Church. I feel an obligation to protect our Faith but hate the thought of turning someone away from the Church.

Am I wrong to tell the person that I don’t think they’re ready? What would you do?
Click to expand...
No you are not wrong! The catechumante should be at least one year long, or how ever long it takes, and it sounds like this person needs a lot longer!
 
I would wait and discuss it with them. They may have other issues going on that you are unaware of. Could you not ask them questions to see if they understand what you have covered so far in RCIA?
 
I am in RCIA and it is very common sense to me that I 1) have to attend weekly meetings and 2) attend Mass. Duh. And I would fully expect those in charge of the program to believe I was not taking it seriously if I did neither of these.
 
I’m on the RCIA Team too and we’ve had a couple of people who didn’t particpate regularly and either dropped out completely or returned for another year’s study at the suggestion of our team leader. I know you are in a terrible dilemma but by accepting someone who hasn’t put in the effort (unless you learn there were extenuating circumstances) it sort of demeans the sincere effort of everyone else who came and participated regularly. If someone really wants to become Catholic they will 'swim the Tiber" if necessary. Last year we had a nice young man whose wife and FIL had been part of the previous RCIA class. She was pregnant and then they moved 40 miles from the Parish. THey still completed the RCIA program, only missing a few of the sessions and she attended the Easter Vigil only to deliver her baby the next day!

It doesn’t sound as if this person has been very forthcoming with the reasons she couldn’t participate regularly. Does she have a sponsor? I wonder if the sponsor could help discern what is happening in her life and whether she is truly sincere. When I was a sponsor I took it very seriously. The young lady I sponsored had started and stopped RCIA twice before and my Priest said it was important to carefully consider if she truly wanted to become Catholic. As it turned out she re-dedicated herself to RCIA and came into the Church on the third go! So maybe your RCIA student needs some time to reflect and try again next year.

I hope this works out for both of you. I know it must be very distressing!

Lisa
 
MinkPink said:
I am in RCIA and it is very common sense to me that I 1) have to attend weekly meetings and 2) attend Mass. Duh. And I would fully expect those in charge of the program to believe I was not taking it seriously if I did neither of these.
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I am like MinkPink and in RCIA as well. She is correct. Furthermore, if this person cannot make it his/her priority to attend mass now, what will they do once they are members of the Church? I guess continue NOT to attend??? This is also about developing good Catholic habits that will last beyond Easter Vigil. RCIA isn’t just about “getting there”.
 
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