What to do about spiritual director?

[miniquedoes]

I have a very holy priest friend whom would give me advice and was sort of a spiritual director. He recently left back to Rome but before he did, I asked if he could give me the name of a good spiritual director. I called the priest whose name he gave me and he told me to just come in on Saturday at about 11am. Well I show up to the church and I was looking all over for him and finally saw him when he had come out of the room to find me. We went into the confessional where he told me to kneel on the other side of the screen while he sat in his chair on the other side. I did not see his face the entire time. We talked for about 30 minutes and the whole time I was kneeling. He told me just to come any Saturday between 11 and 1pm. I got up and left the confessional and went outside. There was a whole room of people waiting to go into the confessional. I was so embarrassed. I had no idea I was taking up confession time. Now I don’t know what to do. I was really excited about him being my spiritual director because he is an Opus Dei priest but now I don’t know if I should continue to see him or find another director

 

[jpjd]

You need to call him and have a conversation with him about expectations – yours and his. Tell him that Father X was a spiritual director to you before he went back to Rome, and that Father X recommend him to you as a spiritual director. Ask him if he is willing to be your spiritual director, and if so, tell him that you would prefer to see him on an appointment basis, not as part of regular Confession times.

It may be that this priest will not work out as your spiritual director. He may not have the time or the two of you may not “click”. If that is the case, ask him to recommend another person to you.

Good luck!

 

[baltobetsy]

That’s how Opus Dei priests do spiritual direction with women. All those women waiting in the room will be able to do the same as you did, and they were neither surprised nor inconvenienced by your taking the time you did.

An Opus Dei priest is a special treasure - if you have access to one, you are most blessed. Keep going to him until you determine if he is helpful to you. It is absolutely worth kneeling for a half hour to receive their direction. I had an Opus Dei priest as confessor/director for 17 years. He’s been transferred, and I had not seen him in a couple of years. I ran into him at an evening of recollection, and when he saw me, he greeted me very warmly. But we still went into the confessional for the sacrament. And it was as wonderful as ever.

Stay with it!

Betsy

 

[Joannm]

In my opinion this is not how spiritual direction is supposed to occur. FIrst of all, I know I would not be able to kneel for 1/2 hour, and secondly spiritual direction requires some sort of personal interaction which I don’t think can adequately if you can’t see each other. So many times in a session both my director and I are silent for what seems like a long time. Then he might see in my facial expressions that I misunderstood or am having trouble with something that was said. Also I also bring in my journal or things I am reading and we might discuss that and it might be necessary for him to show me something to read or point out something in the book I am reading. Also I find eye contact is so very important in a direction situation. Also, the session might go an hour or even longer. If I knew there were other people waiting I would get the idea that the priest might be rushing me to get to others.

Real spiritual direction is a relationship and I can’t see having a real relationship with a wall separating two people. I have been forced to be in direction over the phone or over skype for several years while my director was away, and it was not as fruitful as to when we met face to face, but I would prefer that to kneeling behind a screen.

Perhaps you should talk to the priest about what you expect and are used to in a direction situation, or seek someone else.

 

[InLight247]

Spiritual direction is definitely about relationship. You have to see if the Opus Dei style fits your personality. If it does, it’s fine, if not, keep on looking. At the same time, pray about it.

 

[miniquedoes]

Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I suppose I will try to keep up with it for a couple more visits to see how it goes. I definitely will have some praying to do.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

If you feel that it’s not working well for you could you email or write to your former spiritual director and ask if he could suggest someone else who might be willing to sit down with you? It would not have occurred to me that someone would do spiritual direction in this way but I can see the wisdom of it. My SD is an older woman who knows me very well so what you describe is quite foreign to my experience.

 

[jaaraf]

In Opus Dei, one goes to regular spiritual direction or what we call the fraternal chat with one of the Directors of Opus Dei (a layperson) or any other person assigned to the task as well as with the priest of Opus Dei in confession. In this case, the relationship is more personal. I also prefer to talk to the priest through the confessional rather than face to face.