What to do about this friend?!

[lovedance4ever]

I had a friendship with a girl who was a wiccan. I met her (ironically) at a Catholic campus ministry group at my previous college, from which I have since transferred.

She used vulgar language and had so many attitudes and beliefs that were contrary to what I believed as a Catholic, and because I was afraid of sinking down to that level, I ended all contact…without saying anything to her. I deleted her from FB and stopped answering texts. I’m sure this probably was not the best way of going about it. However, I have a history of being mistreated by friends, and I just did not want to deal with it all anymore; sometimes I felt extremely judged by her, and used as well. She lived on campus and needed to be driven all over the place. After a while, I felt as though I was only as good as my car.

This morning, my aunt told me that she had received a message from this girl on FB. In it, she stated that she really missed me and was sorry for anything that she might have done.

I feel like this was really genuine, but then there is a part of me that keeps thinking, “she probably just needs groceries.”

Any ideas? I just do not know what to do. I am very lonely sometimes, as I do not have any friends, and I am afraid that I am going to make a bad decision out of desperation. Then again, I do not want to throw out what could be a good friendship. We had so many amazing, fun times together…they were not all bad.

Also, if I do end up speaking with her…how might I word all of this without offending her?

 

[Kay_Cee]

I had a friendship with a girl who was a wiccan. I met her (ironically) at a Catholic campus ministry group at my previous college, from which I have since transferred.

She used vulgar language and had so many attitudes and beliefs that were contrary to what I believed as a Catholic, and because I was afraid of sinking down to that level, I ended all contact…without saying anything to her. I deleted her from FB and stopped answering texts. I’m sure this probably was not the best way of going about it. However, I have a history of being mistreated by friends, and I just did not want to deal with it all anymore; sometimes I felt extremely judged by her, and used as well. She lived on campus and needed to be driven all over the place. After a while, I felt as though I was only as good as my car.

This morning, my aunt told me that she had received a message from this girl on FB. In it, she stated that she really missed me and was sorry for anything that she might have done.

I feel like this was really genuine, but then there is a part of me that keeps thinking, “she probably just needs groceries.”

Any ideas? I just do not know what to do. I am very lonely sometimes, as I do not have any friends, and I am afraid that I am going to make a bad decision out of desperation. Then again, I do not want to throw out what could be a good friendship. We had so many amazing, fun times together…they were not all bad.

Also, if I do end up speaking with her…how might I word all of this without offending her?

Regarding the foul language, you might try something I did with a total stranger who was using foul language. My husband and I were in line at a fast food restaurant, and the guy behind us in line was using the F word all over the place. Finally, I got to where I just couldn’t stand it anymore, so I turned around and said, “Excuse me, sir, but I’m sure you’re far too much of a gentleman to use language like that in front of a lady.” Well, the guy turned beet red and mumbled an apology.

The reason this works is because it is coupled with a compliment. Try telling her you want to think she’s too much of a lady to use language like that.

As for using you as a taxi, please don’t take offense at that. My own daughter is without a car at a university, and although the bus will take her to the store, it’s hard to buy ice cream or other frozen food and get it home without it melting. Let your friend know you would be happy to take her to the store when you’re already going yourself, but with the price of gas so high, you just can’t take her any time she wishes. Then, next time when you’re planning a trip, ask if she’d like to go along.

Above all, be a shining example of a Catholic Christian to her. You might just end up converting her.

 

[JRKH]

Honesty is the best course.

She has asked for forgiveness. As a Catholic you are obligated to forgive - simple as that. As far as reestablishing contact…perhaps go through facebook for a while. You can always delete her again if need be.

Just from what little you have said above, it seems that she is rather outspoken, even pushy and a bit crude, and that you are quite the opposite. While in some cases this can make a great combination, with each person drawing the other into a better place, with other people it just does not work and the relationship can become abusive.

Since she has asked for forgiveness for “whatever she did”…I would suggest writing her a note explaining just why you cut her off. It is much better that she know this now so that
a) She can try not to do this in future or
b) If she defends her past actions or continues to act this way - you can quickly separate.

Good Luck

Peace
James

 

[Delaine75]

I would forgive her and give her one more chance. Let her know the things that offended/concerned you. If she values your friendship, she will want to work on those things. If she gets angry or offended, thank your lucky stars that you cut off contact with her! Praying for you!

 

[Allegra]

It isn’t right of you to cut her off without letting her know why you are doing so. It probably was really hurtful to her. I would get in contact with her and apologize immediatly. If you don’t want to be friends anymore, then I would explain the reasons why and leave it at that. However, I can’t seeing giving up a friend because I don’t want to drive them places.

 

[mike52ad]

I kind of disagree with some of my fellow posters here. If it were me the fact that she is a wiccin would put her on my permanent Given Up for Lent List. New agers, witches, satanists are only too happy to corrupt Christians in general and they take it as a huge victory when they can woo a Catholic away from the Church. I counsel caution here.

Perhaps the absolute best thing to do would be to seek counsel from your parish or campus priest. Certainly there is more to this story that you would want to put into writing to an audience of strangers. A priest would provide the wisest council in this situation.

 

[JRKH]

I kind of disagree with some of my fellow posters here. If it were me the fact that she is a wiccin would put her on my permanent Given Up for Lent List. New agers, witches, satanists are only too happy to corrupt Christians in general and they take it as a huge victory when they can woo a Catholic away from the Church. I counsel caution here.

Perhaps the absolute best thing to do would be to seek counsel from your parish or campus priest. Certainly there is more to this story that you would want to put into writing to an audience of strangers. A priest would provide the wisest council in this situation.

Caution is good advice…Yet the fact that this other person has reached out for forgiveness rather obligates the OP to respond in kind - though it certainly does not obligate the OP to restore the friendship and regular contact.
Also - as you say there there is much that we do not know…In fact, we don’t even know if the person is still a wiccan. They may have had a conversion…
Finally, I agree that some people would love to convert others to their faith, but then again, I’m sure the OP would love for this person to become Catholic. The ability to convert another then depends on the quality of the beliefs and the strength of the individuals in their beliefs. This is where the counsel of a goo priest would be of great help.

Peace
James

 

[Allegra]

I kind of disagree with some of my fellow posters here. If it were me the fact that she is a wiccin would put her on my permanent Given Up for Lent List. New agers, witches, satanists are only too happy to corrupt Christians in general and they take it as a huge victory when they can woo a Catholic away from the Church. I counsel caution here.

Perhaps the absolute best thing to do would be to seek counsel from your parish or campus priest. Certainly there is more to this story that you would want to put into writing to an audience of strangers. A priest would provide the wisest council in this situation.

Then you explain to her that you don’t think the relationship is healthy for you for that reason. You don’t just blow her off without an explaination and let her think that she’s done something to hurt you when she hasn’t. That’s just mean.

 

[Demetra2]

I am concerned that this so called friend is a wiccan or witch. Her foul mouth and tendency to use people should be enough to convince you that it is better for you to move on and not restart the friendship. If she is still a wiccan it is actually spiritually dangerous for you to be around her. Better to be lonely than have this type of person around you. What makes you think she will be a better friend now? People like this(wiccan)can very easily cooperate with evil without even being aware. Don’t put yourself in that jeopardy.You will find that as you go through life your taste in friends will change. There are better people with Catholic beliefs that you can find. Put some effort into it by finding or starting a young adult group at your Catholic Church. Work with pro-life advocates. Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Become a Big Sister. Whatever you do , don’t hang with people who are playing games with evil and that is what your ex friend is doing. Seriously, unless she is converting to become Catholic MOVE ON!