What to do/how to react about a family member getting remarried and having child out of wedlock

[howareyou1]

hi…

i’m confused, i don’t know what a catholic is supposed to do in this situation:

A close female relative of mine who is divorced, has learned recently that she is expecting a child… I’m obviously happy about the fact that she is going to keep the child. However, i don’t know whether i should congratulate her for her pregnancy… Also, i have heard that she is thinking about getting remarried… if i get invited to her wedding, should i attend it? should i ask the Lord to bless such relationship? i just don’t know what am i supposed to do… On one hand, I know that the Church teaches that we are sinning if we help other people to sin… and that’s why some Catholics don’t attend weddings involving gay couples… On the other hand, I have heard that the Church grants annulments very easily… and that’s something that confuses me because Jesus said “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” I understand in some cases it is required to grant annulments, for example if one of the parties got married against his/her will… or if a woman marries a man and then discovers that such man was already married to another woman…However, cases like those must be very rare in western countries.

what should i do?

thank you

 

[Qaletaqa]

maybe stop thinking what other catholics would do and simply ask yourself What would Jesus to?
God blessed her with a child, I personal think God knows what God is doing and you have only heard she is thinking about getting remarried, maybe she isn’t.

Your not answerable for what she does in her life maybe just be there for her if she needs help, i doubt anyone alive is in a position to judge what other people do. God loves us whatever we do, people make mistake they are only human after all

 

[Bookcat]

Truth with great love and gentleness.

Love the child and the mother!

Love each person but do not approve or praise that which is sinful.

As to annulments - such is a question the Church looking into if it was a valid marriage. If it is not then the person is free to actually marry someone.

As to sharing others sins:

Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#V

---

As to the Question of attending -here are articles from the Staff Apologists

catholic.com/blog/jim-blackburn/should-i-attend-the-wedding-or-not

catholic.com/blog/jim-blackburn/more-on-wedding-attendance

catholic.com/blog/michelle-arnold/to-attend-or-not-to-attend

catholic.com/quickquestions/am-i-right-to-refrain-from-attending-the-episcopalian-wedding-of-a-divorced-catholic- (CA staff Priest)

(etc catholic.com/search/content/WEDDING%20ATTENDANCE

And as to attempted gay marriages -right such is not to be attended or approved in any way.

 

[Erich]

The normal order of things is for two people to meet, fall in love, marry, and have children – in that order. In this case, your friend is just doing the last two steps “out of order” (you didn’t say whether or not she is Catholic; if not, she isn’t bound by canon law).

Personally, I have attended weddings where either the bride or the groom was previously married but subsequently divorced. That said, I have not attended any of the same-sex “weddings” I have been invited to.

 

[Emily2014]

maybe stop thinking what other catholics would do and simply ask yourself What would Jesus to?
God blessed her with a child, I personal think God knows what God is doing and you have only heard she is thinking about getting remarried, maybe she isn’t.

Your not answerable for what she does in her life maybe just be there for her if she needs help, i doubt anyone alive is in a position to judge what other people do. God loves us whatever we do, people make mistake they are only human after all

Agree with this post. God bless you both

 

[howareyou1]

Thank you guys for your replies… it’s not that i’m judging her… i’m obviously a sinner so i don’t have any right to judge other people…
I found interesting Bookcat’s reply… s/he shared some important information found in the Catechism

"Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.
  "

if we keep in mind such words found in the catechism… my next question would be…is Qaletaka correct when s/he says that
"Your not answerable for what she does in her life "?

 

[howareyou1]

Thank you Erich and Emily for your replies… Yes, she’s a catholic.

 

[Qaletaqa]

why would you be responsible for what other people do in their lives, unless you are helping out like gaining an abortion, murder, robbing a bank etc, your a family member you didn’t get her pregnant and your not marrying her.

Live and let live is what i priest told me, all you can do is pray for them.
Know its easy to say without judging but like i said there isn’t one human on this planet that can judge someone else, otherwise there would be a lot of households with buckets of stones waiting to be tossed at a sinner

 

[howareyou1]

so is it alright to attend a wedding involving a gay couple?
why have i heard about photographers who don’t want to take pictures of gay weddings? are they guilty of being judgmental? how about the man who makes cakes who doesn’t want to bake a cake for a gay wedding?

sometimes i can’t help but think that the Church and some Catholics are homophobic… why are divorce and gay marriage treated differently? why it’s ok to be “judgmental” against gay people, but it’s not ok to be “judgmental” against heterosexuals? by the way , i’m heterosexual but to me it’s confusing how gay “marriage” and divorces are treated so differently.

 

[OraLabora]

what should i do?

Pray for them.

I was in their shoes once. Eventually I came home to the Church and we had our civil marriage convalidated.

Pray for that to happen.

Until then, love them to pieces.

And keep praying.

 

[Bookcat]

so is it alright to attend a wedding involving a gay couple?

Catechism 2357: “Under no circumstances can they be approved.”

I would say that such would mean - that no -one should not attend such.

and from my above post:

Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#V

---

And as to attempted gay marriages -right such is not to be attended or approved in any way.

As to “cakes”:

catholic.com/blog/trent-horn/conscience-and-the-right-to-refuse-service

 

[Erich]

why are divorce and gay marriage treated differently?

As a previous poster mentioned, it is possible for a heterosexual couple to eventually have a civil marriage convalidated (i.e. once the prereqs are taken care of) – and become a sacramental marriage like God intended in the first place.

But… there’s no way on God’s green earth that a gay “marriage” will ever be sacramental.

 

[Bookcat]

so is it alright to attend a wedding involving a gay couple?

Catechism 2357: “Under no circumstances can they be approved.”

I would say - that no -one should *not *attend such. It would be approving and indeed celebrating such.

(and there are various other documents on “gay marriage” from the Church -such is not a possibility)

and from my above post:

Catechism:

1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm#V

---

And as to attempted gay marriages -right such is not to be attended or approved in any way.

As to “cakes”:

catholic.com/blog/trent-horn/conscience-and-the-right-to-refuse-service

 

[Iconodule]

As with all things, respond with Love.

For the “should I” questions, those are best discussed with your priest or spiritual father.