What to do if someone you know is lying

[TheLastUnicorn]

I’m a member of a Catholic Dating site, and someone I know has recently joined. (I know because he viewed me.) I’m troubled because he lists his age as being a full seven years younger than it actually is. Should I say anything to him? Should I say anything to the people who run the site? Should I just mind my business and figure that anyone who meets him in person will realize that he lied? (He lied about other things in his profile, including his build.) At any rate, I’m not sure what to do, if anything. I’m not really friends with him, but I did think he was more or less honest until this.

 

[12345678]

Maybe he didn’t lie, maybe he entered his DOB wrong, or a fake one to not give that info?

You can bring it up casually “Hey, I just wanted to let you know I think the system has your DOB wrong. It says you are Yourage-7 years old. You may be able to edit it on your profile.” Or something like that (if it doesn’t work with DOB, then age range, or whatever).

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

Maybe he didn’t lie, maybe he entered his DOB wrong, or a fake one to not give that info?

You can bring it up casually “Hey, I just wanted to let you know I think the system has your DOB wrong. It says you are Yourage-7 years old. You may be able to edit it on your profile.” Or something like that (if it doesn’t work with DOB, then age range, or whatever).

Pretty certain it’s intentional because he lied about several other things. Maybe I could bring it up to him as if it were a mistake, but it seems unlikely that he got several basic facts about himself wrong unintentionally, especially since every “mistake” would make him seem more attractive than he actually is.

 

[Christy_Beth]

I’d most likely mention this to the administrators of the site. I don’t like confrontations much over stuff like this, but if he has told a lot of lies, then someone needs to know. Of course, you might send him a message as well and say you are concerned about the matter. Either way, he will probably get mad as all get out, maybe “unfriend” you, but you are also saving someone from being mislead by him. Think of how that person would feel when they found out about the lies.

 

[Catholic1954]

I’m a member of a Catholic Dating site, and someone I know has recently joined. (I know because he viewed me.) I’m troubled because he lists his age as being a full seven years younger than it actually is. Should I say anything to him? Should I say anything to the people who run the site? Should I just mind my business and figure that anyone who meets him in person will realize that he lied? (He lied about other things in his profile, including his build.) At any rate, I’m not sure what to do, if anything. I’m not really friends with him, but I did think he was more or less honest until this.

Stay out of it. It sounds like he may be insecure about his looks and is trying to meet someone and not be judged by his appearance before anyone gets to know him.

 

[Xantippe]

Lying about build is so silly! Does he think he’s invisible?

 

[Bonnie]

I think it’s pretty common thing. There’s even a song (tho I don’t remember the title or singer) about getting taller, better looking, and smarter and soon as he goes on-line.

The first person to meet him will be pretty ticked off. Maybe she’ll report him. Unless she has told him a pack of lies!

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

Lying about build is so silly! Does he think he’s invisible?

I don’t know what he’s thinking because he posted tons of pictures and his real build is very apparent. Maybe I should just leave it because he probably won’t manage to deceive anyone.

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

I’d most likely mention this to the administrators of the site. I don’t like confrontations much over stuff like this, but if he has told a lot of lies, then someone needs to know. Of course, you might send him a message as well and say you are concerned about the matter. Either way, he will probably get mad as all get out, maybe “unfriend” you, but you are also saving someone from being mislead by him. Think of how that person would feel when they found out about the lies.

Really it’s his anger I’m afraid of. He’s got a bad temper, but I don’t know that he’d know it was me if I talked to the site administration. He’s very active in the Church and I bet other women have recognized him. I’m really just wondering if I have a responsibility to do anything or as Catholic1954 says, it’s okay or even better to stay out of it.

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

I think it’s pretty common thing. There’s even a song (tho I don’t remember the title or singer) about getting taller, better looking, and smarter and soon as he goes on-line.

The first person to meet him will be pretty ticked off. Maybe she’ll report him. Unless she has told him a pack of lies!

Yikes, is it really common on Catholic sites? That’s pretty sad if true.

I think you may well be right that the first person to meet him might well report him. I would if I met someone who said he was way younger than he really was!

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

Stay out of it. It sounds like he may be insecure about his looks and is trying to meet someone and not be judged by his appearance before anyone gets to know him.

I think he probably wants a woman who’s much younger than he is. He’s pushing fifty but he wants to have kids.

 

[Bonnie]

Yikes, is it really common on Catholic sites? That’s pretty sad if true.

I just meant on the Internet generally. I wouldn’t know about particular sites.

 

[Xantippe]

I think he probably wants a woman who’s much younger than he is. He’s pushing fifty but he wants to have kids.

Ooooo–somebody else was mentioning a similar phenomenon in a different thread, but without the deception. She mentioned late 40s/50s guys on a Catholic dating site pursuing 20ish and 30ish women because they wanted large families.

Of course, I had a college professor who became a father for the first time in his 70s, so who knows?

If being desperate about having children is the motivation (rather than just good old fashioned skirt-chasing), maybe it is worthwhile to point out to the guy that the women he’s going to be going out with probably have working vision, and if they’ll eventually figure out how old he is. It will come out sooner or later, unless his intended just isn’t good at math, or unless he has no family at all to let the cat out of the bag. Plus, isn’t it better to look young for your age, rather than old for your age?

 

[Xantippe]

Really it’s his anger I’m afraid of. He’s got a bad temper, but I don’t know that he’d know it was me if I talked to the site administration. He’s very active in the Church and I bet other women have recognized him. I’m really just wondering if I have a responsibility to do anything or as Catholic1954 says, it’s okay or even better to stay out of it.

I just saw this!

In that case, never mind! Steer clear, and pray his approach fails.

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

Ooooo–somebody else was mentioning a similar phenomenon in a different thread, but without the deception. She mentioned late 40s/50s guys on a Catholic dating site pursuing 20ish and 30ish women because they wanted large families.

Of course, I had a college professor who became a father for the first time in his 70s, so who knows?

If being desperate about having children is the motivation (rather than just good old fashioned skirt-chasing), maybe it is worthwhile to point out to the guy that the women he’s going to be going out with probably have working vision, and if they’ll eventually figure out how old he is. It will come out sooner or later, unless his intended just isn’t good at math, or unless he has no family at all to let the cat out of the bag. Plus, isn’t it better to look young for your age, rather than old for your age?

It’s definitely preferable to look young for your age rather than old. And I think he’d have an easier time finding someone who’s okay with a large age gap if he’s honest. Dishonesty is just such a huge deal-breaker/turn off.

I just saw this!

In that case, never mind! Steer clear, and pray his approach fails.

I think I will follow the steer clear advice. Upon reflection, I don’t think he’ll fool anyone for very long. The second they see him, they’ll know he’s nearer fifty than forty, I think.

Thanks for your replies, everyone. It was helpful to hear everyone’s thoughts.

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

That might be wise. I would wonder what the people who run the website could do anyway. I would imagine they receive calls from time to time from people “tattling” on each other for misleading people in their posts. Unless the dating website is presented with proof of a deception or a concrete way to follow-up on the matter there really is no way to prove what you are saying anyway. If you are curious you can always call them and speak to a staff member there or check their website and see what their policy is. I would bet this man is not the first person to pull something like this so they probably have a policy in place to cover it.

Actually I think it would be pretty easy to prove what I am saying because he’s prominent enough to be very findable online, and his year of birth and age are listed multiple places. I really don’t know how he thought he’d get away with listing his real name and lying about his age, but that’s another matter. Contacting them might be a good idea, but I think I’ll just leave it for now and let the first woman who performs a background check (or Google search, for that matter) report him.