What to do if you have no godfathers?

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alice24

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Yesterday I thought I really would have no single person as a godfather for my future children. Is there a church teaching on how to deal with this? :roll_eyes:
 
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alice24 said:
Yesterday I thought I really would have no single person as a godfather for my future children. Is there a church teaching on how to deal with this? :roll_eyes:
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You only need one person to stand up for the child. In your case, your child would have a singular Godmother.
 
Because few of us can see into the future, you cannot know that you will not have a male Baptismal Sponsor for future children.

Cross that bridge when you get there!
 
alice24 said:
But this can´t be myself, right?
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No, you can’t be your child’s Godmother.

If you can’t find an appropriate person, many times the Priest will know an older couple, a knight, or he himself might fill this role.
 
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yeah I hope I will get to know the right people when it´s time. I heard that in some cases they find a couple in the parish who accepts to do it, but I don´t like this thought as they are strangers for me. I have a hand full of close friends, but most without “parent potential”, and those who are parents (and good parents) aren´t faithful.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Because few of us can see into the future, you cannot know that you will not have a male Baptismal Sponsor for future children.

Cross that bridge when you get there!
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I wouldn’t dismiss this straight off. One of the things my husband and I discussed in great detail before we were married is who among our friends and family could ever possibly be considered for the role of Godparents. His parents are out because they are older and his dad has some really strange ideas. My parents are out because they tend to be CINO. My siblings are no longer Catholic and one of his isn’t. Most of our friends are not Catholic.

Regardless if your spouse is Catholic or not, this is a really important discussion to have BEFORE having children. Things get REALLY emotional for people when they realize they are not in the running. Having to say “no, we chose someone else” only works if you are on the same page.
 
Sometimes people confuse Baptismal Sponsor/Godparent with “person who will raise my kids if I die”.

These are two different functions, so, the Sponsor does not have to have “parent potential”, they have to be practicing Catholics.
 
Ok, this is new to me - it was said to me that traditionally they would raise the children if we died, even if this is no longer common and difficult with the german law. But this gives me a few more options, thank you!
 
alice24 said:
yeah I hope I will get to know the right people when it´s time. I heard that in some cases they find a couple in the parish who accepts to do it, but I don´t like this thought as they are strangers for me. I have a hand full of close friends, but most without “parent potential”, and those who are parents (and good parents) aren´t faithful.
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Keep in mind that Godparent is not a legal role, but a spiritual one. One of my children has a Godparent who is a 50+yo bachelor who never held a baby until he held her. He is NOT parent material but he’s a kind and generous person who is a great spiritual influence, even at her young age.

My other child has a godparent who is a mom of 5, all nearly grown. Again, great spiritual influence but our parenting styles are very different. I would not want her raising my child should something happen to me and my husband. Ensure she knows the faith? Sure. Direct her in everyday life? Nope.
 
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This is even better, as this means not one couple would have the whole responsibility of parenting on their shoulders - the daily care and the spiritual. Under this circumstances a person of the parish doesn´t seem so bad to me.
 
alice24 said:
This is even better, as this means not one couple would have the whole responsibility of parenting on their shoulders - the daily care and the spiritual. Under this circumstances a person of the parish doesn´t seem so bad to me.
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Yep. You can find someone who has a parenting style much closer to yours as legal guardian. They should be instructed to allow for their spiritual guardian to care for them, too.

In our will my husband and I plan for XYZ person to take our children should we die before they are 18. However, we also have stipulated money for them to travel to see different relatives and given “permission” for their spiritual godparents to be allowed to take them should the legal proceedings take time. Not sure how it is in Germany…laws might be different. But person XYZ is relieved knowing that we would be happy with our children spending time with others to give them a break.
 
Oh yeah — definitely. I’m one of six kids and all of us had different godparents, as do my own children. The guardians appointed in the will had nothing to do with that; in fact, none of the godparents were the appointed guardians.
 
1ke said:
Honestly I don’t even know where this idea comes from. It is not “tradition”.
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Both functions- godparent and taking care of dependent children in case of a tragedy- are items that have to be prepared of by parents. Seems simpler for folks to find someone willing to do both.
 
I’m currently at this bridge myself and am trying not to get too anxious. Really don’t want a stranger but not sure what other options I have.
 
Depending upon how much time you have you could, with the help of your priest, find someone who is a stranger to you today and spend the interval between now and the day of the baptism getting to know the person better. By then, (s)he won’t be a stranger anymore.
 
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True but depending on how compatible we were it could take years before I would feel comfortable with having them as a Godparent. To be honest I’m hoping to get away with a baptized relative, a family member got away with that at her parish.
 
What do you mean by “got away with”? Is the person in question not Catholic? 🤨

A baptized Catholic relative is a legitimate choice for a godparent. A baptized non-Catholic Christian, whether friend or relative, cannot be a godparent - a witness to the baptism, yes, but not a godparent.

I’m not sure why it would take years. Remember that you’re not looking for someone to raise your children in the event you and your spouse die unexpectedly. You’re looking for someone who can attend to your child’s spiritual development as (s)he grows up in the faith. Whether a person is practicing Catholic faithful to the Magisterium and in good standing in the Church should not take years to determine, especially if a priest helped select the person in the first place.
 
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I get the impression some check if the parents and godparents are regularly attending mass, this parish didn’t.
 
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