What to do: Stipend for Spiritual Direction? [edited]

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When we make an appointment with a priest for spiritual direction, etc. are we supposed to pay a stipend or something like that? I don’t want to offend the priest by offering him money, but I feel as though I should compensate him for his time. I really appreciate the time and effort he puts into helping me. So what should I do? I always thank him and let him know how much I appreciate him. Any advice would be appreciated.
 
Oh it wouldn’t offend him, certainly - its traditional to give a monetary gift to priests who celebrate weddings and baptisms for you, so I think it’d be a good idea to do the same for spiritual direction. But a priest does get a salary, so it’s not compulsory.

Can’t think of any reasons why a priest might not accept, but if there are I’m sure he’ll let you know, and you can perhaps give some non-monetary gift instead.
 
Part of the “job description” of a priest is spiritual direction and counseling. It would be like paying him an honorarium for saying morning Mass. Save the monetary gift for a special occasion, like Christmas or Easter or the anniversary of his ordination. 🙂
 
Thanks for the advice. I figured I didn’t need to, just wanted to make sure.
 
I do not pay my current director but I have bought him gifts or taken him to dinner. I don’t think he would accept money. I had gone to directors in the past who right up front said that they expect an offering, which they suggested but if I could not afford it things could be worked out. These were sisters who earned their money doing direction. My current director is a priest who gets a salary.
 
passus said:
Part of the “job description” of a priest is spiritual direction and counseling. It would be like paying him an honorarium for saying morning Mass. Save the monetary gift for a special occasion, like Christmas or Easter or the anniversary of his ordination. 🙂
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Actually if you specially request that priest to offer his morning Mass for an intention of yours - the soul of a loved one, for example - you WOULD pay him an honorarium. Probably because of the unique service that is offered to you over and above everyone else in the pews. Likewise weddings and baptisms are part of a priest’s job description, but tradition still dictates an honorarium is paid because it’s a private and not public service.

I don’t think spiritual direction is different in this regard - except that it is literally provided only to you alone, you derive unique benefit, therefore he should probably be rewarded.
 
It depends on whether this was situational pastoral counselling, which is part of his pastoral care of you, included in his position, or if it is on-going spiritual direction that is more elective in nature. If it is the latter, find out what spiritual directors are normally paid in your area, and offer to pay that. A one-time session or a few sessions within a short period for a specific purpose–a current bereavement, for instance, or discerning what action to take when confronted with a spouse’s infidelity–would usually be within his pastoral care of you.

Actually, if you ask your pastor or an associate pastor to become your spiritual director (and some priests find it problematic to serve as spiritual directors for their own parishioners, because the professional distance implied in the direction relationship could be hard to maintain within the social atmosphere of the parish), he may very well bring up the topic of compensation.

If the help you need or want goes beyond normal pastoral counselling, your pastor may suggest you find a professional counsellor or spiritual director to help you out. OTOH, if he knows you don’t have the means to get what you need, the question of money may never come up. He didn’t become a priest for the money that’s in it.
 
I have found that most priests do not do ongoing spiritual direction, simply because they do not have the time and because they are not adequately trained in that area. They maybe get one course in it at the seminary. Also it involves a personal responsibility toward that person that, in a sense, goes beyond the direction session. In involves spending time in prayer for that person and listening to what the Spirit is telling the director about the person he is directing. Again that takes time and commitment. That’s why many good directors are part of monastic communities… they have a lot of time for prayer and reflection.
 
I am not seeking spiritual direction, it is more like help with a certain situation. I have only been in to talk with him once and we have spoken over the phone once or twice. He has helped me deal with the situation and has told me that if I need to talk with him further or whatever to just call and let him know. So it is not really an ongoing thing. Just a situation where I needed someone to listen and tell me how to proceed. I just wanted to check and see if I was supposed to be paying for his advice. But I don’t think he would take money. He really doesn’t like taking anything from anyone. So I didn’t want to offend him by offering.
 
Given your description, I would not offer to pay. He is ministering to you in a way that is not above and beyond the call of duty, though it is very generous of him. When the situation is resolved, you might take him out to dinner, provide him a meal, or give a giftcard to his favorite bookstore.

When someone has a regular, ongoing direction relationship, it’s appropriate to ask directly about compensation. Be prepared to be asked to serve or pray or provide something for a third party instead of the director, who may want to honor your desire to repay without “charging” for himself/herself.
 
Why not make a donation to the parish? I am sure the priest would appreciate that, especially if he is the pastor.
 
My Pastor is my Spiritual Director. When we started I offered to pay him the going rate in our area which is around $35 (what the nuns at the local convent charge) a session. He told me that he would not take the money because it was part of his duty as a priest to provide spiritual direction.

I told him that was fine and that I would be writing a $35 check each month to the building fund. He thought that was great.
 
OldRedleg said:
My Pastor is my Spiritual Director. When we started I offered to pay him the going rate in our area which is around $35 (what the nuns at the local convent charge) a session. He told me that he would not take the money because it was part of his duty as a priest to provide spiritual direction.

I told him that was fine and that I would be writing a $35 check each month to the building fund. He thought that was great.
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Did you say “nuns” charge for consultation? If I read that correctly, I have an idle question: what kind of “nuns” are they? [NB: In the US it’s unlikely that they are true, solemnly professed *nuns in the canonical sense (which were always rare in the US), but rather “sisters” of one or another congregation.] Post-conciliar, no-habit variety?
 
Thanks for all the suggestions. I know he will not accept money, so I will most likely donate the money or donate more than usual to the church food bank.
 
Yes, I shuld have said “sisters” vice “nuns”.

Thanks you for pointing out the difference.
 
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