What to do when people are rude at Mass?

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cheese_sdc:
Wow, you would thank somebody for committing assault on your children?
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If my kids were being rude and I didn’t see them, I’d thank somebody wholeheartedly for tweaking their noses. I’m with netmil(name removed by moderator). In fact, I give them my own form of punishment if I caught them. A tweak on the nose would be a lot better than time in purgatory for not learning their lessons and repeatedly making a mistake. The sad thing is that the mom in this situation seems to be the one most needing her nose tweaked. 😉
 
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sententia:
I’ might’ve said something like “Hi, I’m janedoe, this is my first time at this parish, is my makeup smeared?”
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This is, in my opinion, the best response in the entire thread. It is to the point and doesn’t appear rude or mean-spirited.

It leaves the other people with the ball and they can choose to introduce themselves or continue their staring and giggling.

It would also probably open you up to introductions from others around you. I can just see someone approaching you after Mass and saying “Hi, I’m so-and-so… did you say you are janedoe and this was your first time here? Welcome. I am sorry that those others were rude to you…they were rude to me once too…don’t worry about it…”

Malia
 
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cheese_sdc:
Wow, you would thank somebody for committing assault on your children?
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My children would never get to the point where they would be turned around in church for enough time to annoy anyone. I’m on top of that.
I don’t consider a nose tweak an assault. Maybe we are talking about different actions here.
I just did it to my five year old. I asked if it hurt and she said no.
Maybe you and I have different ideas of what the action is.

However, if someone did tweak my daughter’s nose because she is misbehaving in church, I better pay attention to my kids.
 
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bear06:
If my kids were being rude and I didn’t see them, I’d thank somebody wholeheartedly for tweaking their noses. I’m with netmil(name removed by moderator). In fact, I give them my own form of punishment if I caught them. A tweak on the nose would be a lot better than time in purgatory for not learning their lessons and repeatedly making a mistake. The sad thing is that the mom in this situation seems to be the one most needing her nose tweaked. 😉
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Amen Sister!
My kids would actually want the cute little tweak over what I would give them.

And to the original poster. Next time, lean into the 14 year old and say,
“Um, you have some mucous hanging from your nose.”
See what happens.
 
netmil(name removed by moderator):
Amen Sister!
And to the original poster. Next time, lean into the 14 year old and say,
“Um, you have some mucous hanging from your nose.”
See what happens.
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:rotfl:
 
Peace be with you.

Pray for them and when your finshed pray for them again.
Then pray for yourself that you can focus on the reason you are attending Mass which is Christ Himself.
We can not control the attitudes of others so we offer them up to God as crosses.
I am often seen as ( Oh your one of those kind of Catholics w\11 kids) because I follow what Rome tells us more so than the Bishops here in the U.S.
I am not worthy to recieve , no more than they who pursicute.
For me this the most important prayer before recieving the Host.

When distracted at mass focus your attention on the tabernacal or an Icon and pray. LISTEN to what Christ is telling you at that moment. I thank God that get it when so many do not.( the reason we are His that is)
It does help.

Peace be with you
Ron
 
netmil(name removed by moderator):
Amen Sister!
My kids would actually want the cute little tweak over what I would give them.

And to the original poster. Next time, lean into the 14 year old and say,
“Um, you have some mucous hanging from your nose.”
See what happens.
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C’mon, Netmil(name removed by moderator), it’s a *booger! *I’ve got any number of 4th grade boys who would be willing to say it for you.

I bet your kids are great at Mass.
 
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cheese_sdc:
Dude, if you do that to my children, you and me are going to have some serious issues.
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Children are children; they occasionally do childish things and their sometimes oblivious parents may not correct them. Besides the fact that many parents will be disturbed by someone touching/disciplining their children: If you do it gently enough, the kid will think you’re playing a game. If it feels like a pinch, the kid will yelp and you’ll be disturbing the whole assembly.

I would recommend moving if you truly cannot concentrate or just remembering to avoid the group the next time…
 
What a horrible experience! I’m so amazed that people were that incredibly rude…something one would expect from a parking lot or maybe a Jr. High.

I like the suggestion of introducing yourself. I would take that option.

I have a friend who has a son who is half Eskimo…she is blonde haired and green-eyed, so they often get stares everywhere they go. She likes to “embarass the bigot”. If she is getting “the stare” in a restaurant, she waves at them, smiles, and loudly says “Hi! How are you! Nice to see you again!”

This won’t work at Mass, of course…maybe a quieter version? I’ve personally used the above in a parking lot when an impatient person was very demandingly honking and making annoyed motions while I put my workout gear in my trunk, got my keys out, etc. They didn’t like being treated like a long lost friend for some reason. 😦 😛

My other natural response is like yours…to basically ignore it, but through experience, I have learned that this does not make it go away.

Face it…you were dealing with a family of bullies. They are everywhere. The best way to deal with them is directly. They aren’t used to that as they think they have the upper hand. It’s not necessary to be rude yourself, or degrading, or embarass them…just be direct.

“Hi, I’m Ms. X, and I see you can’t seem to keep your eyes off me…once you get to know me you’lll realize I’m not that interesting. Would you prefer that I come and sit beside you? I’d love to show you the photos of my kids, dogs…etc…”

Ok, that was little smart, but that’ s more my style. You could easily tone it down.

Bullies, at heart, are cowards and they do not like being challenged. They are used to “looks” but actual confrontation…whoa! That’s beyond their ability to deal.

I"m glad you found the choir, but you can’t use that to run away…honestly, you will run into these people again and if you do, meet them head on. Be nice, be charitable, and be smart if needed…but make direct eye contact, shake hands firmly and they will get the point.
 
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cheese_sdc:
Wow, you would thank somebody for committing assault on your children?
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There’s a far cry between “assault” and setting limits.

It’s up to all of us to set limits and define what is proper, and do so in proper ways. Tweaking noses does no harm.

When I was a child I learned to respect adults not because “Mom and Dad said so” but because other adults, such as aunts and uncles, parents of friends and other people set limits and did not let me get away with bad behavior. Up until that point I had no concept of authority beyond Mom and Dad…it’ didn’t take much to learn otherwise.

A little discipline, even playful discipline goes a long ways
 
I would hardly consider a tweek on the nose an assault by any stretch od trhe imagination. That being said I would not want a stranger touching my child. I don’t do that “it takes a village to raise a child” stuff. My child, my job -don’t put your hands on my kid.:tsktsk:
 
It sounds like you needed to embarrass them. They shouldn’t have been there, they were rude, interrupting others, etc. The three of them are very childish and should be treated as such.
 
These were teenagers and a 40something mother:eek: I would simply asked and embarass that dumbell of a mother “Do you have a problem?” in a very “deadpan” voice. Then I would not wait for an answer, they don’t deserve that courtesty, right away excuse myself and move to another Pew. Other people must have seen these people. It would not deter me from attending Mass at all, if it continues though I would speak to your Pastor. Maybe these people are troublemakers, you know there are always a few wherever you go. Go to Mass Sunday and hold your head up high:thumbsup:
 
What happened to Christian charity and compassion?

I in no way suggest that anyone should be a doormat for someone else to walk all over, but if we only treat nice people nicely then how are we supposed to help bring those who stray from the flock home?

Take it as a challenge to act in a Christian manner when faced with those who act least like it.

Malia
 
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MichelleTherese:
But since no one else at Mass was so rude and staring I figured it had to be THEM and not me… The Merry Trio weren’t just rude to me - every time someone’s baby wailed or someone made a loud bang they’d do the intense stare-and-giggle thing at them as well.

I have to admit that when it’s all said and done the Merry Trio probably looked bad to everyone else and I just looked like the New Person wearing a manatilla.
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Sounds like it wasn’t you, it was them. No use trying to stare these folks down, especially when they all back each other up. In their little world, it’s okay to do what they did. They gave you an opportunity to offer it up.

If it happens again, and you might try saying to them, “I try to pray for everyone at Mass, but today I made an exception and prayed only for you.” If you can’t get away before they make a rude reply to that, you can say, “God bless you too.”

You can’t make people change their hearts, only God can do that, but you can pray that it happens.
 
Feanaro's Wife:
What happened to Christian charity and compassion?

I in no way suggest that anyone should be a doormat for someone else to walk all over, but if we only treat nice people nicely then how are we supposed to help bring those who stray from the flock home?

Take it as a challenge to act in a Christian manner when faced with those who act least like it.

Malia
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I’m all for charity and compassion but sometimes certain people must be put in their place. Is the Priest supossed to over talk a rude person on their cell-phone, people getting up and using the restroom during Mass(I mean talking, going in twos and walking up the main aisle-not the toddler or quiet person who needs to really go),the man who steps out during the long Homily to have a smoke,are we supposed to be subjected to rude behavior such as talking,laughing or staring. By correcting and yes, embarassing them a little(instead of the other way around) maybe they might look at their behavior. Just letting it go is what is wrong with the world today. I am not suggesting a “fight” but as I said in an earlier post—In a monotone voice, quietly ask “You have a problem” then quickly move to another Pew. If that’s not possible, consentrate on something else don’t even look their way. I would still offer it up, and pray for this person(s). Their behavior is totally unaccpectable. Would their behavior be acceptable in School, a Mall, a movie theather? Why should it be in Church.:hmmm:
 
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cheese_sdc:
Wow, you would thank somebody for committing assault on your children?
Click to expand...
I’d say calling a tweaked nose “assault” is committing an assault on the language.
 
netmil(name removed by moderator):
And to the original poster. Next time, lean into the 14 year old and say,
“Um, you have some mucous hanging from your nose.”
See what happens.
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OK, now I have this vision where every time these people turned around to stare she offered them a tissue. 🙂
 
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JKirkLVNV:
C’mon, Netmil(name removed by moderator), it’s a *booger! *I’ve got any number of 4th grade boys who would be willing to say it for you.

I bet your kids are great at Mass.
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:rotfl:

We try to be like ladies in my house and call them Boogies.

You know…
Why did the hanky dance?
Cause it had a little boogie in it.
 
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