What to do when people don't believe you

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fin

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What do you do when people don’t believe you, even though you know and are telling the truth? Do you just let it go? Do you try to explain what you know even if they don’t believe you? I have posted several prayer intentions regarding the situation in our household; last night there was a big fight. It has come to a point where I think that I really need to do something concrete. I have thought of recording what the others are saying in order to catch them lying. Last night someone proposed that they record their conversations in order to know the truth. The accuser said, ‘oh no, I don’t want that, no need for that.’ Ha! I think that proves she’s lying about being the aggrieved party.

Sadly, it seems that certain people at home have started believing the liars. Now they’re making it appear that I’m the bad guy, that I don’t want to believe what so and so was saying.

The thing is, I have heard conversations among the people at home, have caught someone lying outright to me, etc. but I was the only one who heard and saw them (aside from the suspect parties). So in terms of proof, it’s only what I heard. I could tell them, but would they believe me? As it is, they prefer to believe one side, and they haven’t even listened to the other party. As with confrontation, they would just flatly deny that they said/did so and so. In other cases, I have noticed inconsistencies in their statements, as well body language cues, such as not looking at me straight in the eye when talking about the incident, giving vague statements, fumbling, unwillingness to record incidents.

Please for me and our situation, that the entire truth would come out for everybody. What I want is the truth to come out, and that the falsely accused would be cleared, the liars revealed.
 
There’s no one easy answer to this. It depends on circumstances, the wrong being done to the falsely accused, the greater good of family harmony, etc.

Sometimes it is better to let these things go. Don’t back down as such, just stop arguing the point.

And sometimes it is worth sticking up for yourself or others. When it is important.

But be careful - there is an old quote from Shakespeare that goes “the lady doth protest too much, methinks”. This has been co-opted in modern parlance to mean that someone who argues too much in their own defence may not be speaking the truth, or so it will seem to others.

You may also consider that many times people have different perspectives and understandings of the same events. What seems like a lie to one seems like a correct account to another. Don’t automatically assume people are lying simply because they disagree with you. Human memory is by no means foolproof.
 
Thank you for the post. Regarding your statement about lies, I know this is the case because the people have a motive to do so, and having a history of lying, being manipulative, framing others, being passive aggressive. They like it when others are also mad at the accused; it gets more people on their side. Yes I could be wrong about the lying, and I hope this is just all a big misunderstanding. I also ask that they talk to both sides instead of just listening to one. There’s also a lot of he said she said going around. It’s either person A informed person B about something and B repeats it to everyone else, or B says it but A forgot about it, or B saying something but A is sure he didn’t say anything like it, so putting words in his mouth so to speak. I myself was told of this last night, and I was sure I didn’t say anything like that at all. The person was putting words in my mouth. I don’t claim to remember everything I’ve said, but that particular statement wasn’t mine.
underacloud said:
There’s no one easy answer to this. It depends on circumstances, the wrong being done to the falsely accused, the greater good of family harmony, etc.

Sometimes it is better to let these things go. Don’t back down as such, just stop arguing the point.

And sometimes it is worth sticking up for yourself or others. When it is important.

But be careful - there is an old quote from Shakespeare that goes “the lady doth protest too much, methinks”. This has been co-opted in modern parlance to mean that someone who argues too much in their own defence may not be speaking the truth, or so it will seem to others.

You may also consider that many times people have different perspectives and understandings of the same events. What seems like a lie to one seems like a correct account to another. Don’t automatically assume people are lying simply because they disagree with you. Human memory is by no means foolproof.
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Oh ,for a happy household,
Yes I understand perfectly the scenario you discribe , it’s just so increasingly frustrating,
If everyone seems arguementive , or inconsistent in there detail of events , or even incoherent during there argument ,in more simple words,just plain lying ,what can you do?
Just about nothing, because in there eyes it’s YOU. That is at fault,never them,
If your not actually married to this person,then I suggest it’s time to move away,
Otherwise you might become them,
 
I suppose it depends on what the issue is. Is it a short term matter? Are the people who dont,believe you punishing you cause they think you’ve lied? They should really know to reserve judgement about things they actually do not personally know the facts of.
This sort of thing has happened in history; the innocent suffer cause others dont know what the,truth is. If it is really important, you can.continue to try to state the facts, but if it comes down to who they want to believe; well we’ve all heard of the glamour of evil & how the devil can appear like an angel of light.
This is one of those times when you need to ask for the wisdom to know what you can change, & what you cant. Sometimes it is worse to push your truth on people who will only rebel even further in the other direction as a result. I would say keep the matter between you & the liar, & not involve the others if you dont need to. Pray to God, & remember Jesus on the Cross: they didnt believe Him either.
 
I can understand how you feel. I was in a similar situation and it’s very frustrating when it appears as though others believe that person over you. I realized that the more I got upset and the more I tried to explain the worst off I appeared. I came to the conclusion that I was not going to let this person steal my joy. I prayed and put it in God’s hand. I feel eventually this persons actions will come to light. Your in my prayers.
 
I have a co-worker who is living a false existence. Everything is twisted around to her advantage. It is actually a sad way to live your life. Over the years, I have seen how much energy and effort she has put into this ruse when being honest would be so much easier. Try to find one person in which you can confide. Someone who can give you emotional support. And friends here on the forum. I am praying for you. God bless you and be with you through these trials.
 
fin said:
… It has come to a point where I think that I really need to do something concrete. I have thought of recording what the others are saying in order to catch them lying… Sadly, it seems that certain people at home have started believing the liars. Now they’re making it appear that I’m the bad guy, that I don’t want to believe what so and so was saying… So in terms of proof, it’s only what I heard. I could tell them, but would they believe me? As it is, they prefer to believe one side, and they haven’t even listened to the other party. As with confrontation, they would just flatly deny that they said/did so and so… What I want is the truth to come out, and that the falsely accused would be cleared, the liars revealed.
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Accusation, denial, evidence, proof, who believes whom, who listens to whom, … Somehow I suspect all of this is secondary. What do you think the root of the problem is? It seems to me that there are issues of trust and truthfulness, but the greater problem may be a lack of charity, patience, forgiveness, … too much selfishness and not enough love.

Make sure you are not part of the problem. Don’t get caught up in your pride. You do not have to prove that you are right. You do not have to prove that someone else is wrong. Bear witness to the truth in humility, recognizing that you can’t force others to believe it. Perhaps in time, the deception will collapse and the truth will be revealed. Until then, love the people around you. Work for their good. Treat then with kindness. Pray for them, and pray for yourself.

May the Holy Spirit assist you and all members of your household, so that you may live together in harmony, building each other up in love and virtue.
 
fin said:
What do you do when people don’t believe you, even though you know and are telling the truth? Do you just let it go?
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Yes, good idea. Begin detaching yourself from it, and putting your energy elsewhere. When you change, it will, too. Prayers are with you.
 
Beryllos said:
Accusation, denial, evidence, proof, who believes whom, who listens to whom, … Somehow I suspect all of this is secondary. What do you think the root of the problem is? It seems to me that there are issues of trust and truthfulness, but the greater problem may be a lack of charity, patience, forgiveness, … too much selfishness and not enough love.

Make sure you are not part of the problem. Don’t get caught up in your pride. You do not have to prove that you are right. You do not have to prove that someone else is wrong. Bear witness to the truth in humility, recognizing that you can’t force others to believe it. Perhaps in time, the deception will collapse and the truth will be revealed. Until then, love the people around you. Work for their good. Treat then with kindness. Pray for them, and pray for yourself.

May the Holy Spirit assist you and all members of your household, so that you may live together in harmony, building each other up in love and virtue.
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Amen. Good advice here. 👍
 
Dacinom said:
If liars, fools and gossips think you are a great person that doesn’t really mean much does it?
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I agree. And here’s something else to consider:

“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference”.
 
Thank you for the responses. Sorry if the details are confusing, but I feel like I can’t give very clear details, even though we’re anonymous here.

The primary reason I want this to be resolved is because I want the innocent person’s tarnished reputation to be cleared. This is not her fault, and she’s being pointed out as the culprit by some ill intentioned people.

While I have been reprimanded because of this incident, it does not bother me as much as her being painted as the bad guy.

Moreover, I don’t want the unsuspecting people to fall into the trap of the liars. And it already happened.

I’m trying to find a way to make the truth come out. If anybody has any ideas, that would be great.
 
Thank you Beryllos. I think the root of the problem is the lack of charity, which led to the calumny and lies. If the perpetrator wasn’t mad at the accused, she wouldn’t have fabricated those stories. There are definitely issues of trust, because how can one trust someone who isn’t trustworthy?

I think everyone, especially those who have fallen into the web of lies, deserves to know the truth. I’m working on this one as discreetly as I can.
Beryllos said:
Accusation, denial, evidence, proof, who believes whom, who listens to whom, … Somehow I suspect all of this is secondary. What do you think the root of the problem is? It seems to me that there are issues of trust and truthfulness, but the greater problem may be a lack of charity, patience, forgiveness, … too much selfishness and not enough love.

Make sure you are not part of the problem. Don’t get caught up in your pride. You do not have to prove that you are right. You do not have to prove that someone else is wrong. Bear witness to the truth in humility, recognizing that you can’t force others to believe it. Perhaps in time, the deception will collapse and the truth will be revealed. Until then, love the people around you. Work for their good. Treat then with kindness. Pray for them, and pray for yourself.

May the Holy Spirit assist you and all members of your household, so that you may live together in harmony, building each other up in love and virtue.
Click to expand...
 
fin said:
Moreover, I don’t want the unsuspecting people to fall into the trap of the liars. And it already happened.
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Unfortunately, it is very difficult to prevent this from happening. It might make you look like some paranoid weirdo, especially if the liars and manipulators have an innocent facade to them.

I also believe that the liars are exposed at some point because they can’t fool everybody all the time. But sadly, when it comes to family many people choose to believe the lie even when presented with evidence, out of sense of loyalty. You can’t make them accept the truth.
 
It is bad though if someone’s reputation has been destroyed unnecessarily, especially when it is based on a lie, and the lost reputation is totally undeserved. I guess you can estimate the importance of the truth by estimating how this lost reputation will affect this person’s life - are they losing friends, job opportunities, basic support systems necessary for survival? If so, then the loss of reputation is very serious indeed and yes, it is necessary that the truth comes out. If this is the case and you know the truth, push on anyway you can - cause it seems this is something that these ‘liars’ could therefore do to anyone otherwise.

The person whose reputation is lost cannot really defend themselves if no one will be honest with them and / or if they are unaware of what they are being accused of.
 
God does not expect us to do the impossible. Do what you can and let Him do the rest. Keep praying that charity will prevail.
 
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