What to do when spouse says there is no love?

[dianaballein]

It always greatly upsets me when I see “love isn’t a feeling” said in any post or reply in this forum. Feelings are emotional, and loving someone is emotional. I think it would be put in better context to refer to it as unconditional, or ‘agape’ love…akin to the love God had for us when he sacrificed his son for our sins. It is very difficult for human beings to achieve this type of loving, because we are flawed. We are not perfect. However, the Bible does want us to strive for this type of love in how we live our lives.

I will pray for you and for your marriage. It would be very difficult to be told what you were told and still feel the strength to hold your head up, and fight for it, but have faith my dear. The Lord will lead you where you are meant to be.

 

[Primox]

What else has he said (or not said)? I feel like there’s so very little to extrapolate from. And do you have any ideas, suspicions, or feelings about why this has come about other than what has been said? How long have you been married for? Together for? In what ways do you show him your love and affection? Have you had spells like this in the relationship before? Give us, if your comfortable with it, a little more insight into the issue, please.

My prayers!

 

[Fidelis_Unus]

How hard this must be for you. I pray that you can remember that there is always hope,

I was having difficulties seeing a way clear to staying in my marriage. Though I would not divorce, I might have lived separately. In all fairness, because of our situation, it was hard to allow myself to feel love for my husband because I was always having to protect myself from getting hurt, by him, by his family, by his children. I do not know what your husband situation is, only he could know that. I only mention my situation to show that there are many reasons for not feeling able to continue in a marriage that is not meeting the needs of those in it. Society simply does not prepare us well for marriage.

Another’s advice to “start from where you are” has helped me to leave the past in the past and focus on where my husband and I are right now. Thankfully, my husband is willing to attend the Retrouvaille program and we are in the process of making a new, stronger marriage based on Truth. Something we were too afraid to do before this. It is early. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know this: We gained a far more honest marriage after recognizing that there were some very real needs not being met on Both sides.

A wonderful priest recommended a novena to St. Joseph, patron saint of families. We have a blended family, which makes St. Joseph a particularly special support for me. A pamphlet is available at any Catholic Book Store. In the meantime,

May God continue to bless your family,
May the blessed mother Mary bring you comfort and peace,
May the compassion and understanding of St. Joseph bring you guidance,
May the Holy Spirit descend upon you and open your hearts.

Amen