What to do when there is no funeral

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Sunbreak

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Looking for suggestions. I don’t know what to do in this kind of situation to comfort the person who has lost someone. A friend of mine in her 50s lost her husband unexpectedly - he went in for a lung biopsy and the procedure ended up badly with lung collapse and heart failure. Since neither of them were practicing Catholics, she is not having a funeral or a memorial service - he is just going to be cremated and the urn will eventually be put in a memorial place across the country. Neighbors of hers have already been helping with food and practical advice. Her parents are flying out to be with her for a few weeks. I live about 25 miles from her, so it’s not like I am in the immediate vicinity. So, what does a person do in a situation like this? I can’t send flowers since there’s no service and it doesn’t look like there will be any viewing of the deceased. She already has help for a few weeks at least and I wouldn’t want to intrude with her family being there.
 
Have two Mass intentions said-one for her husband and one for her.
 
You can send flowers; write a note of condolence; keep in touch - especially in a few weeks time when others may once again have picked up their lives and she feels especially ‘lost’;
 
VivienneJ said:
You can send flowers; write a note of condolence; keep in touch - especially in a few weeks time when others may once again have picked up their lives and she feels especially ‘lost’;
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This is a really good idea. My aunt whose husband passed away said a few weeks after the funeral the grief hit her when everyone was gone. That would be a great time to get
together and stay in touch. Send a note and say you’ll keep in touch.

Mary.
 
You could make a donation to a charity or mission in his name. That is what many families are asking for these days in lieu of flowers.
 
CDB1718 said:
You can send flowers to her house.
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👍

Or a plant.

A close friend did this when my father died. The friend had already traveled to our house for my mother’s funeral, just 6 months earlier.

I now have a beautiful plant that reminds me of the friend AND my dad.
 
I had a relative who didn’t want a memorial, but after a short while it became clear that her friends wanted one, and so there was one about 8 weeks after her death.

I’d write a sympathy note in which you remember some way in which her husband was special, and let her know that if she decides to have a memorial to please let you know. “In the meantime, we remember him and we’ll be thinking about you.” You can also inquire whether or not some memorial has been set up at a charity that was meaningful to him.

Check in on her occasionally, after some time has passed. If you used to socialize, make it a point to suggest something she might enjoy. Sometimes the recently bereaved feel they are left out of social occasions, because they’re not part of a “couple” any more.
 
If she does not have much family around, make a point of checking up on her during Thanksgiving or Christmas and maybe inviting her to dinner then. After the first couple of months of grieving, this is when she will most acutely be feeling the loss.
 
I think since she has a lot of people around her now, you should wait a bit. Eventually, people leave, and that is when your friend will appreciate you including her in your life and checking in with her. Many people say they feel very alone once a funeral is over and everyone goes back to their “regualr lives.” She may need you more then, when she will really be alone.
 
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