What to do while you wait for "The One"

[DeniseNY]

You’ve wasted your most fertile years letting unscrupulous men use your body with impunity but now that you’ve had your fun and your attractiveness and fertility are waning, it’s time for a sucker to come and take care of you.

This is warning to any men out there, especially Catholic men that want to raise a good family. Never settle for a woman like this–you’re being played for a fool and you will regret it. If you want to spare yourself from the future destruction of your family, heartache and loss of resources, you’ll move right on along.

Whether this particular woman has changed her tune out of genuine moral progress is not something I care to speculate on. What I can tell you is that this has every red flag in the book. No man in his right mind will see an attractive, thirty year old woman being unmarried as anything other than an indication of her sexual choices earlier in life. Those are the exact choices that stick with a woman and are highly correlated by divorce and unfaithfulness. Run.

I’m kind of thinking you need a warning label of your own

 

[BrassAnkles]

I shouldn’t have to point out the obvious fact that consequences still exist for actions or else penance and Purgatory would not exist. Further, thinking of any real-world situation should clear up such an absurdity: the murdered do not return to their prior state in life once a murderer is forgiven; the habitual porn-user doesn’t cease to have any inclination to look at porn simply because he is forgiven.

One can only act on what he knows. Just because a hooker might be a decent wife doesn’t mean the intelligent man will marry one. But you can marry whoever you want.

Jesus Christ heals us and as our faith grows so do our decision and ability to resist sin.

 

[angelcrystal85]

what a lovely post. I too am in a similar situation and have come to exactly the same conclusions. Prayer is helping me also in trying to stay focused on what is really important.

I don’t think I have any practical advice at this point but I will pray that you continue on this illuminating path and eventually find the one you are looking for.

Thank you CatholicGuy31. Right now my priority is to have a strong prayer life. I feel much more stronger and feel better about myself. I agree prayer helps one to stay focused on what is really important our souls.

 

[angelcrystal85]

You’ve wasted your most fertile years letting unscrupulous men use your body with impunity but now that you’ve had your fun and your attractiveness and fertility are waning, it’s time for a sucker to come and take care of you.

This is warning to any men out there, especially Catholic men that want to raise a good family. Never settle for a woman like this–you’re being played for a fool and you will regret it. If you want to spare yourself from the future destruction of your family, heartache and loss of resources, you’ll move right on along.

Whether this particular woman has changed her tune out of genuine moral progress is not something I care to speculate on. What I can tell you is that this has every red flag in the book. No man in his right mind will see an attractive, thirty year old woman being unmarried as anything other than an indication of her sexual choices earlier in life. Those are the exact choices that stick with a woman and are highly correlated by divorce and unfaithfulness. Run.

You don’t know my past or what happen to me in my early 20s. I went through a traumatic experience that was out of my control and is something I don’t desire to NO ONE. But thanks to God, I am fully recovered and healthy. You can’t come up to me and judge me. We need more compassionate people in the world, not people like you that points at others people without knowing their life. You should read St. Faustina’s Diary of Jesus Mercy.

 

[runwaymodel]

You don’t know my past or what happen to me in my early 20s. I went through a traumatic experience that was out of my control and is something I don’t desire to NO ONE. But thanks to God, I am fully recovered and healthy. You can’t come up to me and judge me. We need more compassionate people in the world, not people like you that points at others people without knowing their life. You should read St. Faustina’s Diary of Jesus Mercy.

Pay no attention to the poster ‘WasterYears’. His name alone could be an indication that he harbors some hostility over wasted years of his own, which is why he is attempting to lash out at you. You do not need to justify or explain your past, especially if you have repented and confessed to God. Keep your heart focused on The Lord. Sending prayers that you will find what you are looking for. God bless, my friend.

 

[UbiCaritas]

As others have said, live a full and happy life.

From a practical perspective, make a list of skills that you think would help your family when you are a wife and mother. For example:

–Cook healthy, balanced, nutritious meals

–Budget. There are more fights, I think, over money than over anything else.

–Communicate. Read books on communication. Watch other people talk to people with whom they’re in relationships and see what you think works and what doesn’t, then emulate the good stuff.

–The basics of NFP. Even if you don’t plan on using it immediately or ever, it’s a fantastic tool to have from both a women’s health perspective and from a marriage perspective. Learning NFP while you aren’t having sex is a lot easier than when you are, and that goes double for if you’re married, postpartum, have been told very sternly by a doctor NOT to have another baby for at least another year, are dealing with a newborn/sleep deprivation/perhaps PPD–oh, and now you’re supposed to ascertain what this type of cervical mucus means 5+ times a day on top of all that to determine if you can or can’t have sex with your spouse? Ugh. Not fun. Postpartum NFP is harder and less clear than non-postpartum, but having the basics down will make it a lot easier than trying to learn it while under serious stress.

–Learn to decorate a home so that it’s both beautiful and functional–and don’t forget safe for kiddoes! Look at pictures online, on Pinterest etc, and figure out what your “style” is and how to achieve it without breaking the bank

–Clean both well (ie, keeping germs and clutter to a reasonable minimum) and efficiently. One of the hardest things for me to learn as a new mom was how to keep the house looking nice without spending every second of DD’s naptime cleaning frantically. It’s a lot easier to clean when you have all day with no distractions to tidy, dust, sweep, vacuum, mop, etc.

–If you don’t have a degree or a skill set that will enable you to support yourself, get one. If you do, then improve via continuing ed and keep your licensure/certification up to date if applicable. Sure, it will be awesome if Mr. Right comes along and you can be a SAHM, but there’s no guarantee of it. Even if he does, he might get sick or lose his job or, God forbid, die sometime and leave you with small kids to support. Having that degree can mean the difference between maintaining a comfortable home during a scary and stressful time and moving into a rent-assisted apartment while on welfare. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

–Teach yourself basic home repairs. Unless you’re especially inclined to it, there’s no reason you need to know how to remodel a kitchen or replace a roof, but understanding how to replace a toilet valve can means spending $20 on parts rather than $500 on a plumber. Youtube has thousands of very good how-to videos on home and auto repair.

This is not a complete list, but it’s a start.

Insofar as finding Mr. Right, you might consider moving to a bigger city with a more vibrant Catholic community and/or getting on Catholic singles’ websites. DH and I met online on one such, so I might be a bit biased there . Still, provided you both use common sense, it is another venue in which to meet potential future spouses.

 

[angelcrystal85]

Pay no attention to the poster ‘WasterYears’. His name alone could be an indication that he harbors some hostility over wasted years of his own, which is why he is attempting to lash out at you. You do not need to justify or explain your past, especially if you have repented and confessed to God. Keep your heart focused on The Lord. Sending prayers that you will find what you are looking for. God bless, my friend.

Thank you runaway model! God bless you too! Is not easy, I went last weekend to a Holiday party, and it was very awkward because mostly everyone of the attendees were with their significant other and I went by myself. Oh well, I need to keep praying and trusting God

 

[CatholicGuy31]

I apologize in advance for replying to yet another of WastedYears’ arbitrary comments. This is the last one I promise.

I shouldn’t have to point out the obvious fact that consequences still exist for actions or else penance and Purgatory would not exist.

I don’t see how this is obvious at all. Penance, Purgatory and forgiveness are three separate things and I believe we were discussing forgiveness. While penance is commonly attached to forgiveness it is not a condition for our being forgiven by God. It is simply to keep us from sinning again. Most non-Catholics will confuse this as I am sure you have.

Further, thinking of any real-world situation should clear up such an absurdity: the murdered do not return to their prior state in life once a murderer is forgiven; the habitual porn-user doesn’t cease to have any inclination to look at porn simply because he is forgiven.

It is good to look at real world situations and you are right, to most people forgiveness really is like absurdity. If you look too intently at what is in the real world you will never see what is beyond it.
You are also right that most people living in mortal sin will never even find faith let alone the true meaning of God’s forgiveness. However for the lucky few that do, it is an incredible life changing experience.

But you can marry whoever you want.

I am afraid you got it wrong again. This is not the case in a real marriage.

 

[WastedYears]

Angelcrystal’s stated bad behavior ceases to be risky or problematic for a potential mate simply because she had a traumatic experience, apparently. In fact this could quite possibly exasperate the circumstance from the point of view of someone trying to assess a life-long spouse. The marry late have fun model is not uncommon with with the girls these days but not to worry–there’ll always be some supplicating agreeable fellows looking to pick up the scraps and get sympathy sex (which he might get for a very short period of time). Oh what a contrast to those raging thugs of your early 20s!

Catholicguy,

Penance and Purgatory have to do directly with your bringing up grace and forgiveness as somehow counter-balancing the very real risk involved with women that have given their body to multiple men that had absolutely no intention of committing to them earlier in their life. It’s a funny thing how the number of sex partners are correlated with marital unhappiness and probability of divorce. But don’t worry, when she decides her supplicating loser has secured her enough resources and has outlived his usefulness, she’ll cry until everyone around her deems him an abuser (this is unfortunately not a rare occurrence). And suddenly she’ll vaguely remember her consent in marriage was not quite right so she not only has a support of the community but also moral high-ground without the dreaded drop in status women hate so much.

If you want to marry a hooker that says she’s reformed vs. a virgin with strong family bonds and a healthy fear of God and ostracism from her early years, by my guest.

For penance, it is not just to keep us from sinning again, it’s about making amends, as is Purgatory. Forgiveness re-establishes the relationship with God which we have severed but damage is still done, both spiritual and temporal. The effects on people sinning are very real and they create bad habits. Occasions to sin worsen our abstinence, as do other incentives (prizes for divorce, more resources, sympathy and attention, etc).

That one forgives another doesn’t mean he becomes an idiot in assuming the inclination has disappeared entire or that there are not psychological residuals. These things still very much exist for those that struggle with their sin.

 

[emeraldocean]

You’ve wasted your most fertile years letting unscrupulous men use your body with impunity but now that you’ve had your fun and your attractiveness and fertility are waning, it’s time for a sucker to come and take care of you.

This is warning to any men out there, especially Catholic men that want to raise a good family. Never settle for a woman like this–you’re being played for a fool and you will regret it. If you want to spare yourself from the future destruction of your family, heartache and loss of resources, you’ll move right on along.

Whether this particular woman has changed her tune out of genuine moral progress is not something I care to speculate on. What I can tell you is that this has every red flag in the book. No man in his right mind will see an attractive, thirty year old woman being unmarried as anything other than an indication of her sexual choices earlier in life. Those are the exact choices that stick with a woman and are highly correlated by divorce and unfaithfulness. Run.

What is wrong with you? Nowhere did she state that she had been sexually impure. She just said she dated men who were unavailable, which could mean emotionally unavailable.

Also, plenty of Catholic women are still single at thirty because they can’t find a good, decent man who is religious, wants marriage, and whose personality fits well with theirs, and they refuse to settle for less just because they are aging. Stop taking out your anger on women.

 

[emeraldocean]

Angelcrystal’s stated bad behavior ceases to be risky or problematic for a potential mate simply because she had a traumatic experience, apparently. In fact this could quite possibly exasperate the circumstance from the point of view of someone trying to assess a life-long spouse. The marry late have fun model is not uncommon with with the girls these days but not to worry–there’ll always be some supplicating agreeable fellows looking to pick up the scraps and get sympathy sex (which he might get for a very short period of time). Oh what a contrast to those raging thugs of your early 20s!

.

There are PLENTY of girls who want to marry young but aren’t able to because all the guys are following this “have fun and marry late” model. I would say it is actually much more common among men.

You are very lucky that Christ has a different view of forgiving sinners than you do.

 

[Sarcelle]

You’ve wasted your most fertile years letting unscrupulous men use your body with impunity but now that you’ve had your fun and your attractiveness and fertility are waning, it’s time for a sucker to come and take care of you.

This is warning to any men out there, especially Catholic men that want to raise a good family. Never settle for a woman like this–you’re being played for a fool and you will regret it. If you want to spare yourself from the future destruction of your family, heartache and loss of resources, you’ll move right on along.

Whether this particular woman has changed her tune out of genuine moral progress is not something I care to speculate on. What I can tell you is that this has every red flag in the book. No man in his right mind will see an attractive, thirty year old woman being unmarried as anything other than an indication of her sexual choices earlier in life. Those are the exact choices that stick with a woman and are highly correlated by divorce and unfaithfulness. Run.

Do you know the OP personally?

If not, you seem to take out all your anger and frustration on someone you don’t know just because she is of the same gender as the people who have done you wrong.

Why? What good will that do you? All you have done is slander someone you don’t know.

 

[Michael_Francis]

Closed pending review by moderator Zelie Louis