What to do with an item after a friendship ends

[EthelG]

Hi, I just had to end a rather toxic and emotionally draining friendship with someone and I managed to give back some things that belonged to her. However, I have a small item of furniture (a coffee table) that she gave me (supposedly) a couple of years ago when I moved; but she added that if I got a new one, she wanted the old one back.

I don’t know if I can keep the table anymore, because I badly need to move on from the relationship and the item will simply be a reminder. But since I have cut off contact with
this person, it would be hard to get it back to her. Recently (before the rift), when she was needing furniture, I offered to give her back the table and she said, “That’s yours, isn’t it?”
or something like that.

I really want to do what’s right. Can anyone give me some kind and useful suggestions? Thanks and God Bless you.

 

[Mary_Estelle]

Give it back. I am sure you can find a way to contact her. Peace.

 

[Myst]

If you really want to give it back, I’d just leave it on her doorstep (maybe in a box?). If you don’t think she’ll take well to that, then put it on a busy street corner with a “FREE” sign on it. You offered it back once, correct? And she refused? At this point I’d just get rid of it if I were you.

 

[MaryT777]

If you really want to give it back, I’d just leave it on her doorstep (maybe in a box?). If you don’t think she’ll take well to that, then put it on a busy street corner with a “FREE” sign on it. You offered it back once, correct? And she refused? At this point I’d just get rid of it if I were you.

I agree with this. You did make the effort and she appears to not have taken you up on it.
If it’s in usable shape I’d give it to charity, if not just get rid of it is what I would do as well.

Mary.

 

[on_the_hill]

Donate it.

 

[maryjk]

I don’t know if I can keep the table anymore, because I badly need to move on from the relationship and the item will simply be a reminder. But since I have cut off contact with this person, it would be hard to get it back to her. Recently (before the rift), when she was needing furniture, I offered to give her back the table and she said, “That’s yours, isn’t it?”
or something like that.

I really want to do what’s right. Can anyone give me some kind and useful suggestions? Thanks and God Bless you.

Why can’t you move on from the relationship and keep the table?

Do you really need to eradicate her from your life?

Or can you move on, realizing that she was part of your life, but is no longer?

 

[EthelG]

Why can’t you move on from the relationship and keep the table?

Do you really need to eradicate her from your life?

Or can you move on, realizing that she was part of your life, but is no longer?

This had just happened, and it’s been a difficult process; so I can’t say I’m 100% rational about this right now. I want to move on and certainly will, but this isn’t something that can be done overnight. Some life coaches suggest simply getting rid of everything that reminds you of the person…I don’t know if that’s right or not. Sometimes it is best to eradicate the person from your life, depending on the circumstances.

But after thinking it over this morning, I decided that I will hang on to the table, at least for awhile. If she decides she wants it back, she’ll find a way to let me know. During one of our last conversations, she mentioned wanting to get all new furniture for her place, and the coffee table is second-hand, so I don’t know if she’d want it anyway.

What I should do, and in fact will do, is PRAY about this. Please pray for this lady and myself. Thank you everyone and God Bless.

 

[Trident_H]

This had just happened, and it’s been a difficult process; so I can’t say I’m 100% rational about this right now. I want to move on and certainly will, but this isn’t something that can be done overnight. Some life coaches suggest simply getting rid of everything that reminds you of the person…I don’t know if that’s right or not. Sometimes it is best to eradicate the person from your life, depending on the circumstances.

But after thinking it over this morning, I decided that I will hang on to the table, at least for awhile. If she decides she wants it back, she’ll find a way to let me know. During one of our last conversations, she mentioned wanting to get all new furniture for her place, and the coffee table is second-hand, so I don’t know if she’d want it anyway.

What I should do, and in fact will do, is PRAY about this. Please pray for this lady and myself. Thank you everyone and God Bless.

Can I make a small offer on this? Can I suggest that you keep it. And use it as a reminder to pray for her?

I’m only saying this because I’ve been on the receiving end of being eradicated from someone’s life. I’ve been erased like that. And I mean it’s a tough road to think that all the good times got thrown out with the bad. I don’t know. It’s up to you.

Peace Ethel. I mean just do what you think’s best in the end.

-Trident

 

[maryjk]

Can I make a small offer on this? Can I suggest that you keep it. And use it as a reminder to pray for her?

I’m only saying this because I’ve been on the receiving end of being eradicated from someone’s life. I’ve been erased like that. And I mean it’s a tough road to think that all the good times got thrown out with the bad. I don’t know. It’s up to you.

Peace Ethel. I mean just do what you think’s best in the end.

-Trident

My Mom was eradicated from her family’s life. My own MIL hasn’t spoken to our family since September of 2008.

I can’t imagine going through life tossing everything that someone gave me, if they have to move out of my life. Or even if I move them out of my life.

(And before someone tells me that this is more serious, my mom needed an order of protection from her family. So, yes, it was serious.)

 

[EthelG]

Can I make a small offer on this? Can I suggest that you keep it. And use it as a reminder to pray for her?

I’m only saying this because I’ve been on the receiving end of being eradicated from someone’s life. I’ve been erased like that. And I mean it’s a tough road to think that all the good times got thrown out with the bad. I don’t know. It’s up to you.

Peace Ethel. I mean just do what you think’s best in the end.

-Trident

That’s a good idea, Trident H. And I’m sorry you were “eradicated”…sometimes we are done that way for the wrong reasons. I admit I am being pretty hasty about some of this…it’s like having a death in the family, in a way; it’s easy to make snap decisions that you may regret later on.

Thanks for the advice, and God Bless you.

 

[EthelG]

My Mom was eradicated from her family’s life. My own MIL hasn’t spoken to our family since September of 2008.

I can’t imagine going through life tossing everything that someone gave me, if they have to move out of my life. Or even if I move them out of my life.

(And before someone tells me that this is more serious, my mom needed an order of protection from her family. So, yes, it was serious.)

Marjyk, that *is *pretty serious! I’m sorry things worked out that way for your family.

This was somewhat serious, though not to that point (God willing). But it’s not so much that I go through life tossing things—I have kept a few things from people, even if I didn’t always get along with them. I still have a necklace given to me by a lady who is now deceased. Even though there were some very unpleasant moments with her that still hurt, I’m hanging on to it to keep a better memory of her.

Sometimes a person feels the need to get rid of something because it’s too painful a reminder, for the same reason that some people get rid of things after losing a loved one.
Or if the relationship was especially toxic (as in an abusive relationship), a person might feel that by getting rid of an item they’re “purging” themselves of anything connected with that person. Of course, as I told Trident H in another thread, it can be a decision that we might regret later.

So to settle this matter once and for all, I’ve decided to take the advice of some posters here and keep the table. In fact, it just occurred to me: turn the table into an altar. As Trident suggested, it can be a reminder to pray for the lady and others, and for grace and healing in my life as well.

Thanks everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut, and God Bless you all.

 

[crystal_waters]

Hi, I just had to end a rather toxic and emotionally draining friendship with someone and I managed to give back some things that belonged to her. However, I have a small item of furniture (a coffee table) that she gave me (supposedly) a couple of years ago when I moved; but she added that if I got a new one, she wanted the old one back.

I don’t know if I can keep the table anymore, because I badly need to move on from the relationship and the item will simply be a reminder. But since I have cut off contact with
this person, it would be hard to get it back to her. Recently (before the rift), when she was needing furniture, I offered to give her back the table and she said, “That’s yours, isn’t it?”
or something like that.

I really want to do what’s right. Can anyone give me some kind and useful suggestions? Thanks and God Bless you.

If you can get in touch with the friend via phone/email/text message then say to her that you no longer need the table and remember her saying she would like it back if you didn’t need it or something like that…if she says she doesn’t want it then feel free to sell it or donate it or give it away to someone who needs it

 

[Trident_H]

**My Mom was eradicated from her family’s life. My own MIL hasn’t spoken to our family since September of 2008. **

I can’t imagine going through life tossing everything that someone gave me, if they have to move out of my life. Or even if I move them out of my life.

(And before someone tells me that this is more serious, my mom needed an order of protection from her family. So, yes, it was serious.)

Yeah I know how your mom must have felt. I was erased from my parents’ life. I’m a lost cause to them. Disowned and disappeared.

But don’t feel badly for me on that. They had their reasons. Maybe they went a bit far with it. But it’s the way they’ve always handled things. And I mean I knew the score going in. I knew what would happen ahead of the fact.

That’s a good idea, Trident H. And I’m sorry you were “eradicated”…sometimes we are done that way for the wrong reasons. I admit I am being pretty hasty about some of this…it’s like having a death in the family, in a way; it’s easy to make snap decisions that you may regret later on.

Thanks for the advice, and God Bless you.

Thanks for taking that road with this. Thanks for that sacrifice. In the heart of the hurt you’re feeling. It’s really a meaningful thing. To rise above it. To vanquish it with love in the end.

Peace Ethel. Good luck to you. In all things.

-Trident