What to do with very strict parents at 26

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mandy1

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Edit: thanks for your advice guys. I appreciate it. I figured I was too detailed here that’s why I deleted it.
 
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The 4th commandment says to honour your parents. After 18 you no longer need to obey them in order to honour them. Your boyfriend sounds lovely, it would be a shame to lose him because of controlling parents. If you really cannot move out, which would be my first recommendation, then politely and firmly tell your parents that you are not bound to obey them when they give out to you.

It’s none of your parents business if he is circumcised - again, ignore them. Your parents are crossing lines. Not you.

If the only reason you can’t move out is your parents opinion… you should definitely move out. Not with your bf.
 
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It’s not healthy for parents to be violating boundaries like this, your feelings and intuition are correct. The 10 commandments say for us to obey our parents, but I do believe this applies to children in the process of being raised. Once we reach adulthood, it’s normally a different story in regards to healthy boundaries where sons/daughters seek to start their own families and make their own life decisions once they turn 18. I agree also it would be a shame to lose such a respectful young man because of your parents.
Your parents shouldn’t be making comments about anyone’s genitals, prepuces are normal, prepuces are God given even and all humans (including women) have them. They shouldn’t be speaking about his genitals (as they shouldn’t be speaking about anyone’s genitals)…

I would find a way to sit them down and provide them a list, of new rules you will be applying to your own life. Be assertive. You can tell them, it’s in order for you to establish your own boundaries as an adult and how you seek to live. If they’re unable to accept this from you, it sounds like you need to find a way to live on your own and seek to live your life.

It’s very hard having parents that are like this, it’s emotionally damaging even. I know they are like this out of some form of love or out of life experience or tradition, but boundaries are needed for our own selves in us learning how to navigate and make our own life decisions too.
 
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You don’t have to obey your parents now you are an adult.

I know it’s going against your culture but I think you should move out. Your parents need to see you as the adult you are.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. But it has to be you who acts in this situation, because they are not going to change.
 
  1. You can move out. You do not need to “obey” them as if you were a ten year old. You can honor them without doing everything they want.
  2. How in the world do your parents know he isn’t circumcised? If they asked you, “That is his private business” is an appropriate response. I’m sure I didn’t know anything like this about my husband when we’d been dating for three months, and it’s not something most parents know about their sons-in-law.
Your cultural differences seem a lot more important to your parents than to the two of you. I know it’s easy to say “just move out and do what you want” (which is what I think is best in this situation) but you’ll need to decide whether it’s more important to keep the peace with your family- and live under their rules- or start living your own life as an adult.
 
I agree that it is time for you to move out. At 26 years old, with a degree, and a good job, you are capable of living on your own, and you should. You are a responsible adult, being treated as a child. Part of growing up is knowing how to stand up for yourself and get out on your own whether your parents accept it or not.

I don’t know how your parents know the personal details of your boyfriend’s body, or why this was ever a topic of discussion, but it is none of their business.
 
mandy1 said:
Moving out is not an option either.
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Yes it is.

You are 26 years old. Time to cut the apron strings.

First of all— why do you or your parents know anything about his circumcision status!?? Even if for some reason he told you, YOU had no business telling your parents.

STOP THAT!

If you aren’t willing to be an independent adult that sets boundaries and demands respect for her boyfriend/husband then your parents are right about your cultures being too different because you are allowing your Filipino culture to run your life and his and he should move on and find a girl who treats him better.
mandy1 said:
One of the 10 commandments say to honour/obey your parents but I feel like this shouldn’t apply to my situation anymore.
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Honey, the commandment to obey parents ceases with adulthood. They have absolute NO authority over you or your life choices.

Honoring them does not mean doing what they say, letting them run your life, or allowing them to disrespect your boyfriend or you.

They only have the power over you that you allow them to have.

Time to make some changes or time for your boyfriend to find a girl who will put him and the relationship ahead of her parents.

When we grow up, we leave our parents and we cleave to our spouse.

You aren’t going to be able to please everyone. So I suggest you start pleasing yourself. Part of being an adult is realizing you can’t make everyone happy and sometimes you disappoint people with your choices. You need to start being OK with that.
 
Clementine14 said:
I’m sure I didn’t know anything like this about my husband when we’d been dating for three months
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Right. I knew this about my husband when I saw him naked, which is when he became my husband.

What a weird thing to talk about!! and to tell her parents is a huge violation of his privacy and trust, IMHO.
 
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From the Catechism:

2217 Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children;

2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them - quite the contrary from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family
 
I read the original post. I encourage the OP (if they still are reading) to move out and while keeping traditions and culture that is beneficial, shed that which is not.

There is something wrong with the way the parents are reacting. Other cultures not withstanding.
 
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