What to do

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mercy7777
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mercy7777

Guest
After 12 years of emotional abuse I made good on a threat to my ex-husband that if he didn’t take the steps to help himself I would have to leave - and I did. I felt God calling me away from him and my children. I couldn’t understrand what was happening in my life but I felt I was doing the right thing. 6 months later I met an ordained minister who said all the right things in making me believe that he was the one God wanted me to serve by. We got married right away and I got to know how Un-holy he was immeditaly. He has come back to our faith (he was born and raised catholic) however he is very disingenuos, to the point of scary. My ex-husband is now asking me to come back to him and the children. He is seeking counseling and trying to become a whole - holy man.

Being so close to the situation I can’t see what God’s will is for me. Please pray for me and offer any suggestions.
Thank you and God Bless you all.
 
How about you start by making an appointment with a priest and talking it out? He can either suggest somebody for counseling just for you, or if the time is right, you can go to confession.
 
Hi, I’m sorry that you are dealing with such difficult issues and ask God’s help in your healing and decisions.
I hope that you can sort out these problems according to God’s wishes and the best interests of your children.

I would have thought that you cannot remain with the second man if you are Catholic, as the second is an invalid marriage unless you had an annulment prior to marrying him.
Or as your second husband, as a Catholic (lapsed or otherwise) married a divorced woman, the second marriage was invalid anyway.

As a mother you do have responsibility towards the children you brought into the world, and if your husband was abusive why would the children have been left with him? God would not have wished you to leave your children unless you yourself were a danger to them. It doesn’t sound like it was God who was guiding you in that instance.

Your husband is wise in seeking counselling and you would also perhaps be wise to seek counselling. The children may also need wise counselling as to have been left by their mother is a disturbing thing.

Father, in Jesus’ name let Your genuine will prevail in this family, and grant healing to this husband and wife and their children

God bless you…Trishie
 
As usual, Trishie has it right and said it with love and compassion.
 
Yeah, I agree with Trishi. And I’m not a mother but I really can’t understand how someone, especially a woman, can leave her children behind especially in a situation like that.
 
Since the current marriage is not valid, you should go back to your husband and children. God does not want you to remain in sin, so I suggest you work it out with your husband, especially since he’s willing. You’ll be in my prayers.
 
Mercy7777 said:
After 12 years of emotional abuse I made good on a threat to my ex-husband that if he didn’t take the steps to help himself I would have to leave - and I did. I felt God calling me away from him and my children.
Click to expand...
I don’t know what voice you were hearing, but it wasn’t God. God would never “call” a mother to leave her children in a situation so intolerably abusive that she, an adult, couldn’t handle it.

Go back and see if your husband’s attempt to rehabilitate himself is genuine. APOLOGIZE TO YOUR CHILDREN FOR ABANDONING THEM. Then, as time reveals to you whether your husband really is trying to fix himself, or if this is just the abuser’s way of luring you back in, you can decide whether to stay or leave, but next time, rescue your children along with yourself if you leave. And, as you seem to be handicapped in picking men, I would suggest no dating until your children are adults. They need the full attention and caring of at least one parent.

I can’t even fathom what would make someone think it was appropriate to leave their children in a situation like that. You realize how your kids see this, right? Mom left them with the abusive man so she could go take up with another guy… fair or not, that is how your kids see it. Be prepared to have to do a lot of repair work on your relationship with them.
 
You need counseling, too, Mercy. See if you and your first husband can go together.

I gather that you divorced your first husband and married this other guy, who did a good job of sucking you in. Knowing something about the process, I’m betting that your first marriage was not declared null by the Church.

Have you divorced the second man yet? I think you should. He’s an abuser who lied to you, and took advantage of you when you were very vulnerable. If you have, ask your priest whether you need to submit the second one to the marriage tribunal.

If I was in your shoes, I would not move back in with your first husband just yet - though you should definitely get together with your children as often as possible. I would wait long enough to see if he is *really *working on changing. That’s why you should go to counseling with him.

You also need to figure out what you want. One man, or the other, or none at all? I’d spend some time in front of the Sacrament - in Adoration, or just before the Tabernacle - and let Jesus come into your heart to help. Ask Our Lady for her help, too.

Praying for you,

Ruthie
 
Better than figuring out what she wants, she should spend some time figuring out where her obligations are, and go there.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top