What to do?

[SemperPax]

Hello all…

I need some advice. The situation is VERY complicated and has a lot of twists and turns…but the part of the issue I am dealing with right now is:

After a falling out between me and my wife, and my mom, which has caused my mother to not want me and my wife around - and MOST importantly that deprives her of seeing our two children - I offered to drop-off my kids at her house so she can see them. She told my sister to tell me to come also…but my wife could not come…

SO…I think that:

a) dropping the kids off is an OK thing to do;

b) going there without my wife, since she is not welcome…I’m not so sure, but I am leaning toward not doing it.

What do you guys think?

Thanks a lot!!!

 

[thomfra]

Hello all…

I need some advice. The situation is VERY complicated and has a lot of twists and turns…but the part of the issue I am dealing with right now is:

After a falling out between me and my wife, and my mom, which has caused my mother to not want me and my wife around - and MOST importantly that deprives her of seeing our two children - I offered to drop-off my kids at her house so she can see them. She told my sister to tell me to come also…but my wife could not come…

SO…I think that:

a) dropping the kids off is an OK thing to do;

b) going there without my wife, since she is not welcome…I’m not so sure, but I am leaning toward not doing it.

What do you guys think?

Thanks a lot!!!

Stand by your wife man. Tell your mother it’s both of you or nothing.

 

[Biblioassistant]

My gut reaction is to:

1. Keep the lines of communication open
2. Stand by your wife
3. Let your mother see her grandchildren as long as she is civil toward you and your wife.
4. Pray often that you all may reconcile.

 

[happymommy]

My gut reaction is to:

1. Keep the lines of communication open
2. Stand by your wife
3. Let your mother see her grandchildren as long as she is civil toward you and your wife.
4. Pray often that you all may reconcile.

I agree witht the above, but you most also make sure that your mother doesn’t say anything negative about your wife to your children…that is their mother and she must respect that…

 

[SemperPax]

I agree witht the above, but you most also make sure that your mother doesn’t say anything negative about your wife to your children…that is their mother and she must respect that…

Thanks for your replies; I think that, if I am to put into practice the concept that my wife and I are one flesh through marriage, then I don’t go where she is not welcome.

 

[happymommy]

Thanks for your replies; I think that, if I am to put into practice the concept that my wife and I are one flesh through marriage, then I don’t go where she is not welcome.

I think you are right. You will have to also make sure that your wife is not hurt by you taking your children to visit your mom. You have to do what is best for your family, even if that means your mom isn’t involved. Maybe in time she will come around and you will all be able to have a relationship together, but right now, your family comes first. You and your wife are a package deal, she can’t have one with out the other.

 

[basilisk]

Thanks for your replies; I think that, if I am to put into practice the concept that my wife and I are one flesh through marriage, then I don’t go where she is not welcome.

I really admire you. There are too many men in the world who will not defend their marriage against their mother when she oversteps her bounds. You are a good husband. Thank you SO MUCH for respecting and loving your wife, and the sacrament you share with her, enough to have a backbone, act like a man (not a little boy), and defend that bond against anyone, even when it must be painful for you.

I think it’s extremely generous and magnanimous of you to allow your mother to see your children in this situation. Make sure to tell your mom that if she badmouths your wife or you to the children, though, that she will not see them either.

You seem very mature and grounded, and blessed with moral courage. Your wife is a very lucky woman.

 

[leonie]

We had a situation like this in our family. The big difference in our case is that my BIL had done some very bad things–stealing from my 99 year old grandma, lying pathologically, breaking promises, making false accusations, stealing from my parents, cursing them, etc.

My parents finally told him that he wasn’t welcome, but my sister and children were welcome.

My sister refuses to talk to any of us. And, we haven’t seen my nephews in a year.

I see my parents’ intense pain over losing their child and grandchildren. I wish my sister would relent.

But, like I said, my BIL has been a legitimate bad guy…It’s not just a case of misunderstandings and missteps.

 

[BamaRider]

We had a situation like this in our family. The big difference in our case is that my BIL had done some very bad things–stealing from my 99 year old grandma, lying pathologically, breaking promises, making false accusations, stealing from my parents, cursing them, etc.

My parents finally told him that he wasn’t welcome, but my sister and children were welcome.

My sister refuses to talk to any of us. And, we haven’t seen my nephews in a year.

I see my parents’ intense pain over losing their child and grandchildren. I wish my sister would relent.

But, like I said, my BIL has been a legitimate bad guy…It’s not just a case of misunderstandings and missteps.

Dang.

 

[SemperPax]

I really admire you. There are too many men in the world who will not defend their marriage against their mother when she oversteps her bounds. You are a good husband. Thank you SO MUCH for respecting and loving your wife, and the sacrament you share with her, enough to have a backbone, act like a man (not a little boy), and defend that bond against anyone, even when it must be painful for you.

I think it’s extremely generous and magnanimous of you to allow your mother to see your children in this situation. Make sure to tell your mom that if she badmouths your wife or you to the children, though, that she will not see them either.

You seem very mature and grounded, and blessed with moral courage. Your wife is a very lucky woman.

Thanks so very much for your kind words! I will admit readily that it was not always so - it was the opposite on many occasions. My mother can be very irrational, emotional, illogical, and bullying, and I frequently caved. I’m happy that Christ has granted me the strength to do the right thing finally.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I would definitely not let Grandma have unsupervised visits with the kids while she is still against your wife. I’d be willing to have short occasional visits with her even without the spouse - if the spouse was ok with it. Pretty much in an “honor your mother” sort of way. But I wouldn’t be able to cultivate a relationship in that situation, and I’d probably feel the same way about the kids, as long as they are young. I’d probably not cut all contact off if Grandma could behave herself, just in the interest of keeping the possibilities open for your kids someday. In case fences are mended someday, it would be less confusing for them.