What to do?

[mommamia]

Recently I got a new puppy!!! I really loved this little thing. I wasn’t looking for a puppy, we have two older dogs, but fell so in love with the mother I had to have one. We have plenty of room and resources to care for the puppy.

First, I felt honored that the lady even let me have one. She didn’t charge, but it was important to her that the dog have the best home possible. There were only two puppies, and she chose me from a ton of folks who wanted the female. I strove to be the best home. She was so loved, and cared for. She became for all intents and purposes the snuggly little baby I wish I could have.

Sadly, she got underneath a rocking/reclining chair and was killed :crying: I’m having a really hard time getting over it. I don’t know why, we have had lots of animals and I know this is a part of it, but for some reason I just can’t seem to move on. I still cry randomly when I see something that reminds me of her.

Today dh sent me some links to puppies like her. He says I should get another one to help me over this, my S-I-L agrees. But I just don’t know, I want her back, not some imitation. Plus I still feel so guilty about the whole thing, I don’t know if I even deserve another puppy. But I’m so depressed, and I really miss her snuggly little ways.

So, do you think another puppy would help, or hurt? I know if he brings one home, I will love it. And of course it will get vet care and such…I’m just not sure it is quite the cure all that he thinks it is.

FWIW, years ago I had a much older dog die and he bought me another puppy of the same breed soon after (still got him). But I don’t remember feeling this upset about that dog, or any dog ever! He keeps trying to get me to “just go look and hold one”, and is hinting about my birthday later this month.

Here is a pic of my little girl

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)

 

[NurseyJ]

I’m very sorry for your loss . It sounds absolutely heartbreaking. I think that you may be feeling especially grieved due to the nature of how you lost your dog–the fact that it was sudden, tragic and an unwanted loss. You need to give yourself time to really grieve the loss. The only way around grief is through it and there’s something to be said for allowing time to pass. While I think that future adoption will be a great option for you, I wouldn’t rush it or try to fill the “hole” that was left when your doggie passed away. There’s no need to rush the process. There are some great books on overcoming the grief of losing a pet on amazon. Just type “pet grief” in the search. I will pray for you.

 

[juno24]

Mommamia, I am so sorry for your loss. if I were in your shoes, I would wait until I figured out why I was reacting the way I was. I think it is important for you to fully grieve your losses before attempting to fill the holes left by them. Another puppy would surely be loved, but now does not seem to be a good time for you to get one.
You indicated in your post that this particular dog took the place of a child you are not able to have. Not to be able to have a child when you obviously want one must be very hard to deal with. Then, to have this puppy fill that role for you and have her die so unexpectedly must be just awful for you. I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. Of course you are hesitating to get another puppy. It sounds like you are grieving not only the loss of this dog, but also the loss you feel from not having a child. I wish I could just give you a big hug right now. How difficult this must be for you!
My advice would be to work at grieving for both the dog and the child you wish you had. If your sadness and depression seem to be too steep to overcome on your own, then seek counseling. In due time, you may find yourself actually wanting another puppy. When that times comes, I know you will find the dog that was meant to be with you.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

I’m so sorry to hear this. What a sweet little puppy.

How about giving yourself some time? So you can figure out your grief and if another dog would help you or remind you too much of the puppy who died.

 

[severus68]

Recently I got a new puppy!!! I really loved this little thing. I wasn’t looking for a puppy, we have two older dogs, but fell so in love with the mother I had to have one. We have plenty of room and resources to care for the puppy.

First, I felt honored that the lady even let me have one. She didn’t charge, but it was important to her that the dog have the best home possible. There were only two puppies, and she chose me from a ton of folks who wanted the female. I strove to be the best home. She was so loved, and cared for. She became for all intents and purposes the snuggly little baby I wish I could have.

Sadly, she got underneath a rocking/reclining chair and was killed :crying: I’m having a really hard time getting over it. I don’t know why, we have had lots of animals and I know this is a part of it, but for some reason I just can’t seem to move on. I still cry randomly when I see something that reminds me of her.

Today dh sent me some links to puppies like her. He says I should get another one to help me over this, my S-I-L agrees. But I just don’t know, I want her back, not some imitation. Plus I still feel so guilty about the whole thing, I don’t know if I even deserve another puppy. But I’m so depressed, and I really miss her snuggly little ways.

So, do you think another puppy would help, or hurt? I know if he brings one home, I will love it. And of course it will get vet care and such…I’m just not sure it is quite the cure all that he thinks it is.

FWIW, years ago I had a much older dog die and he bought me another puppy of the same breed soon after (still got him). But I don’t remember feeling this upset about that dog, or any dog ever! He keeps trying to get me to “just go look and hold one”, and is hinting about my birthday later this month.

Here is a pic of my little girl

http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j246/mlbeebe/sofie.jpg

I am so sorry about your loss. I agree with another poster that it must be all that painful because of how she died. I would be devastated too. It is something you just have to go through, unfortunately. Grieve for for your sweet little girl. To me, it would not help to rush to get another puppy. God bless and comfort you.

 

[RedSoxWife]

I don’t have any advice… I’m just so sorry for your loss. :console:

 

[Chiltepin]

I voted other. Maybe you get another, maybe you don’t. If you choose to get another dog I would:

1. Get rid of that rocking chair.
2. Not opt for a dog that looks too much like the one you had. Perhaps choose one of a similar size but a different breed. If you feel guilty about what happened or feel like you would be replacing her, it would help to not have the dog look so similar.

 

[Actaeon]

Recently I got a new puppy!!! I really loved this little thing. I wasn’t looking for a puppy, we have two older dogs, but fell so in love with the mother I had to have one. We have plenty of room and resources to care for the puppy.

First, I felt honored that the lady even let me have one. She didn’t charge, but it was important to her that the dog have the best home possible. There were only two puppies, and she chose me from a ton of folks who wanted the female. I strove to be the best home. She was so loved, and cared for. She became for all intents and purposes the snuggly little baby I wish I could have.

Sadly, she got underneath a rocking/reclining chair and was killed :crying: I’m having a really hard time getting over it. I don’t know why, we have had lots of animals and I know this is a part of it, but for some reason I just can’t seem to move on. I still cry randomly when I see something that reminds me of her.

Today dh sent me some links to puppies like her. He says I should get another one to help me over this, my S-I-L agrees. But I just don’t know, I want her back, not some imitation. Plus I still feel so guilty about the whole thing, I don’t know if I even deserve another puppy. But I’m so depressed, and I really miss her snuggly little ways.

So, do you think another puppy would help, or hurt? I know if he brings one home, I will love it. And of course it will get vet care and such…I’m just not sure it is quite the cure all that he thinks it is.

FWIW, years ago I had a much older dog die and he bought me another puppy of the same breed soon after (still got him). But I don’t remember feeling this upset about that dog, or any dog ever! He keeps trying to get me to “just go look and hold one”, and is hinting about my birthday later this month.

Here is a pic of my little girl

I think you’re both a bit right… your husband is probably right, and there are PLENTY of dogs out there that need to be rescued from shelters and given a place to live. Might I suggest, as a form of charity, that you DON’T get a puppy and DO save another dog (youthful, sure, but one which is danger of being killed if no one adopts it)?

But you’re also right, getting another dog is not a solution to grieving… it IS inviting all sorts of transference issues (especially if the dog is the same breed and appearance as the puppy you lost). The reality is that your new dog will NOT be the same dog as your old puppy, and it would be horribly unfair to expect a dog to live up to that standard anyway.

As a solution to the fact that you wanted another dog anyway, that it sounds like you can’t have children(?), that you have resources to care for a dog, and that there are literally millions of dogs that need to be adopted or they will be put down… I suggest adopting another dog.

As a solution to the grieving… I suggest getting some real counseling and grief therapy. Yes, it might seem silly to go to a counselor over a puppy, but the reality is that you’re having REAL issues with grief and that those reactions are NOT silly, they are a part of human life and need to be dealt with in a healthy way. Get the professional attention you need and spare a dog the burden of being ad hoc therapy…