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Xantippe
Guest
Very good points.
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CatholicSheila
Guest
As a single person, no one has ever suggested any of those things to me. Granted, I’ve never asked and I can be a bit of a terror. Say something I don’t like and there was a real risk I’d tear your head off in my younger days. I’ve settled down a bit in my thirties but my reputation seems to have followed me. Guess I was ‘too aggressive’ but no one had the guts to tell me.
The only thing I really have to add is if you do know someone is single, it is not funny to inform every mutual friend that they now have a partner. That just results in every person they meet asking them about their new girlfriend/boyfriend. Not funny
It may seem obvious but I had a work colleague who would periodically do this. Thankfully he had some other redeeming features.
The only thing I really have to add is if you do know someone is single, it is not funny to inform every mutual friend that they now have a partner. That just results in every person they meet asking them about their new girlfriend/boyfriend. Not funny
It may seem obvious but I had a work colleague who would periodically do this. Thankfully he had some other redeeming features.
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Lily_Bernans
Guest
As a never married woman, I found the list of things to say just as ridiculous of what not to say
1-) I have dated a couple of guys who were waiting for marriage and a couple who weren’t virgins but respect I wanted to wait. It still did not mean a marriage with them would have been a good thing
2-) I found that odd, as if there is a set pattern to get marriedI would be baffled and offended to hear that
3-) Came from a married man to his wife. That as far as I am concerned is just a typical male answer because either
a-) he really just didn’t want to think about it
b-) he knew any other answer would just offend his wife, or
c-) He knew the answer would get back to her
4-) That is how I would talk to my prize show horse not a human being trying to find a spouse.
Honestly I think the writer sounded rather immature. Focusing on others opinions rather than the reality of her life
Angie
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Lily_Bernans
Guest
I’m not a terror and have never been a terror. I’m actually very easygoing, but people don’t pester me about my marital state - I’m in my 30s - because I think I send a signal that says “Don’t ask, just don’t!” Actually, I make no bones about greatly preferring to be single rather than married. As far as I can see, the only advantage to being married would be a double income. And I have dated a lot in my 20s. Still have many male friends, but that is all I want - friends.
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Sarcelle
Guest
I thought I was the only one. I have never felt any romantic attraction to any of the men I know. I found some of them attractive but the idea of marriage to any of them just never occurred to me. Yeah, I’m weird.
I must confess to wanting to get married just to fit in. The desire for marriage itself has never been within me.
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Lily_Bernans
Guest
I’ve never cared if I fit in or not. LOL I am pretty conservative, though, but I will do some things impulsively. One day I just decided to move to Switzerland, and so I did. It was good - for a time.
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Sarcelle
Guest
I did care about fitting in when I was younger. Growing up with high functioning autism I always felt like the outsider looking in.
Now that I am older I feel freer to be me. One of the benefits of age I guess.
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Rose71
Guest
One of the worst things to say to a single person is anything that suggests that by being single they are somehow, by default, selfish, or ‘too set in their ways’ to find a spouse.
Notwithstanding the fact that not everybody wants to find a spouse anyway, when I was single, that’s the sort of comment I always found the most hurtful and silly.
Nobody would argue that having a husband or wife brings a different dimension to life, or that having children is life-changing: both experiences require a shift in priorities, but that does not prove the person’s previous priorities or past-times were selfish, or of fundamentally less ‘value’ to society.
There’s a big difference between ‘selfish’ and ‘looking after one’s self’. Many single adults need to work long hours or study to improve career prospects to pay the mortgage or rent, plus all other bills, plus bringing in tradesmen to do the jobs they haven’t got the time or expertise to do. They also have to look outwardly from their home to find companionship and recreation.
I suspected the ‘single people are more selfish’ theory was a big, fat myth when I was single and now I’m married, I am sure it is
Just as one example, as a single lady, I was 100% responsible for everything in the home. Now I have a DH who is much better than me at fixing, designing, lifting etc., which saves rather a lot on bills and means we were able to transform our garden from a scruffy mess that I did my level best with, to a totally re-landscaped area that we love spending time in and working on together.
Marriage has, I’m sure, made me more tolerant in one way, because I now share my life with someone else - but in all honesty, having a huge clear-out before DH moved his things in; re-assessing how I spent my time and sharing all my wordly goods hasn’t been a ‘wrench’ at all: it’s been like coming home. I feel (however cheesy it sounds) like marriage has put me in a place where I more consciously want to praise God and share His love.
However, as a single person, I felt I had to really invest in friendships and there were many times when I kept on investing in what were slightly toxic friendships, just because I craved the companionship. I definitely ‘put up with’ more from my friends and family than any married person I know would do!!!
Being single was an important phase of my life and one during which I learned a lot about myself and achieved a lot that I would not have done, had I been married. Making the most of opportunities, praying and striving to live a good life is what is important - not marital status!
Notwithstanding the fact that not everybody wants to find a spouse anyway, when I was single, that’s the sort of comment I always found the most hurtful and silly.
Nobody would argue that having a husband or wife brings a different dimension to life, or that having children is life-changing: both experiences require a shift in priorities, but that does not prove the person’s previous priorities or past-times were selfish, or of fundamentally less ‘value’ to society.
There’s a big difference between ‘selfish’ and ‘looking after one’s self’. Many single adults need to work long hours or study to improve career prospects to pay the mortgage or rent, plus all other bills, plus bringing in tradesmen to do the jobs they haven’t got the time or expertise to do. They also have to look outwardly from their home to find companionship and recreation.
I suspected the ‘single people are more selfish’ theory was a big, fat myth when I was single and now I’m married, I am sure it is
Just as one example, as a single lady, I was 100% responsible for everything in the home. Now I have a DH who is much better than me at fixing, designing, lifting etc., which saves rather a lot on bills and means we were able to transform our garden from a scruffy mess that I did my level best with, to a totally re-landscaped area that we love spending time in and working on together.
Marriage has, I’m sure, made me more tolerant in one way, because I now share my life with someone else - but in all honesty, having a huge clear-out before DH moved his things in; re-assessing how I spent my time and sharing all my wordly goods hasn’t been a ‘wrench’ at all: it’s been like coming home. I feel (however cheesy it sounds) like marriage has put me in a place where I more consciously want to praise God and share His love.
However, as a single person, I felt I had to really invest in friendships and there were many times when I kept on investing in what were slightly toxic friendships, just because I craved the companionship. I definitely ‘put up with’ more from my friends and family than any married person I know would do!!!
Being single was an important phase of my life and one during which I learned a lot about myself and achieved a lot that I would not have done, had I been married. Making the most of opportunities, praying and striving to live a good life is what is important - not marital status!
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Lily_Bernans
Guest
I can understand that. I don’t have autism, but a 17 y/o in my extended family is high functioning on the autism spectrum, and he feels terrible about his differences. He’s take medication and sees a psychologist, but it hasn’t seemed to help much. Unlike most people with autism, he does have a terrible temper that he needs to learn to control, especially now that he’s six feet and close to 200 lbs. It doesn’t help that his single mother is not very involved with his life and cares much more about finding another husband. I feel terrible for this poor kid because I see him going down the wrong road. I do what I can to try to bolster his self esteem, but I’m limited since he’s an extended family member. I can’t be interferring all the time. His mother already hates me!
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Sarcelle
Guest
Sorry to hear about that. In the end all you can do is pray for him.
I too have a problem with my temper but I’m quite small so I don’t seem like much of a threat.
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opera
Guest
Really, really well said. Thank you!One of the worst things to say to a single person is anything that suggests that by being single they are somehow, by default, selfish, or ‘too set in their ways’ to find a spouse.
Notwithstanding the fact that not everybody wants to find a spouse anyway, when I was single, that’s the sort of comment I always found the most hurtful and silly.
Nobody would argue that having a husband or wife brings a different dimension to life, or that having children is life-changing: both experiences require a shift in priorities, but that does not prove the person’s previous priorities or past-times were selfish, or of fundamentally less ‘value’ to society.
There’s a big difference between ‘selfish’ and ‘looking after one’s self’. Many single adults need to work long hours or study to improve career prospects to pay the mortgage or rent, plus all other bills, plus bringing in tradesmen to do the jobs they haven’t got the time or expertise to do. They also have to look outwardly from their home to find companionship and recreation.
I suspected the ‘single people are more selfish’ theory was a big, fat myth when I was single and now I’m married, I am sure it is
Just as one example, as a single lady, I was 100% responsible for everything in the home. Now I have a DH who is much better than me at fixing, designing, lifting etc., which saves rather a lot on bills and means we were able to transform our garden from a scruffy mess that I did my level best with, to a totally re-landscaped area that we love spending time in and working on together.
Marriage has, I’m sure, made me more tolerant in one way, because I now share my life with someone else - but in all honesty, having a huge clear-out before DH moved his things in; re-assessing how I spent my time and sharing all my wordly goods hasn’t been a ‘wrench’ at all: it’s been like coming home. I feel (however cheesy it sounds) like marriage has put me in a place where I more consciously want to praise God and share His love.
However, as a single person, I felt I had to really invest in friendships and there were many times when I kept on investing in what were slightly toxic friendships, just because I craved the companionship. I definitely ‘put up with’ more from my friends and family than any married person I know would do!!!
Being single was an important phase of my life and one during which I learned a lot about myself and achieved a lot that I would not have done, had I been married. Making the most of opportunities, praying and striving to live a good life is what is important - not marital status!
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