What to say when approached by a stranger asking for money?

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Hi All,

I’m looking for suggestions as to what to say when approached by strangers in the street asking for money, without lying that is.

I was getting my dog out of the car, had handbag on front passenger seat, when approached from behind by a man who asked me to give him $10. The storyline was he needed to get a train back home, had a little kid there, had no wallet or phone and was wanting cash.

Needless to say, I was caught unawares, and floundered what to say without lying. Unfortunately, after discarding one thing to say, what next came out ended up being a lie - " I don’t have any to give you". I did have money in my purse, which I could have given him, but didn’t want to open the car and get out my handbag, then purse, to get out some money. I was concerned my purse may have been snatched - credit cards, drivers license etc stolen. So in trying to think of what to say, I ended up telling a lie.

My trouble was I couldn’t think quick enough of what to say. I did suggest calling a charity but his response was he had no phone. After suggesting a couple of other avenues for assistance, which none were suitable, he wandered off, approached a driver in another vehicle which had pulled over to the side of the road, and continued on down the street.

So what suggestions do others have that I could say without lying, when I do have money in my purse but don’t wish to give them any in case it’s wanted for drugs? (I do have cards for the local charity but again this would mean I’d have to open my purse to get them out, which I’m loath to do for the above reasons.)

Thanks in advance for any replies.
 
Since they are not at the local charity, they clearly want something other than what the charity offers. They want cash. Well heck, I could use a little cash too! but consider: do they convey the impression that their prudential judgment can be trusted with the most liquid asset in our culture? Sad to say, probably not. I do not want to buy their drink or their dope. Due to a compromised immune system, I virtually never carry cash. Since they do not carry card or chip readers, I reply:
“Driver carries no cash.”
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I have an addiction. And when I am in the hood the urge gets away from me. This past Thursday my job lead me to a late day in the hood. I was tired, hungry and in that moment I was weak.
I was ten minutes away from “Open Pit BBQ on St. Clair. I went in and there was a guy asking for change as soon as I entered. I was the only white guy and I didn’t have any change. But I said, I am just here to get food.
This is the weird thing. I refused him and I looked at his shoes. Brand new high end shoes. I looked at my shoes, old beat up work boots. So I order and go back to my car and wait 20 minutes for my food order.
When I go back in, there is another guy asking for money. I say “no”. And look at his shoes. He was wearing high end Nike shoes. But his left leg was missing and he had a peg from the knee down.
I can’t feed every poor person. But I think I was getting a message there from God. I could have bought the second guy a rib combo and sat down and ate with him. He probably has one hell of a leg story.
But here is my point…if my wife was in this neighborhood, or my daughter, and was talking like you about guilt…I would console them and then say “are you crazy?” You could have been robbed, Car jacked, killed or worse.
But I would kinda understand. Open Pit BBQ is almost worth dying for.
God Bless. God forgives you and he loves you. The real poor and homeless do not want your money. And when you encounter Christ in the least of these, you will see His eyes and know.
 
I usually give them 2 bucks or a lesser amount. Depending on whatever loose change I have in my pockets.

I’m not really sure about what you mean by being afraid that your purse would be stolen (was it at the back?). Anyway, maybe you can keep some spare cash nearby so you don’t have to risk anything. If you’re unwilling to give because of other reasons, then simply say no.
 
Let’s not forget the words of Christ in the Beatitudes.

Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Unless you think it might for drugs. Judge those bums all day long. Seriously, they could get a job or something. Or find a charity." Luke 6:30-37.5. .5 bolded.
 
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Rhubarb, your comment is inappropriate given that the OP is not refusing the money out of a lack of charity. The OP was startled and justifiably worried about becoming the victim of a crime.

It’s dangerous to give to panhandlers and in many cases, the panhandler is not truly in need and is either feeding an addiction or worse yet making a good living off panhandling instead of working. (This has been documented in articles by Washington Post and other papers.) Charitable giving nowadays is best practiced by giving to a legitimate charity that helps the truly needy, many of whom aren’t physically able to be out begging on the street because they’re elderly, ill, children, etc.

This doesn’t mean that I have never given to a panhandler, occasionally I do if I feel God wants me to, but like the OP I worry about my personal safety and also a couple times I’m pretty sure I was set up/ scammed/ ripped off, like when someone claims they need gas money at the gas station and then I see them leaving the gas station on foot with obviously no car after they’ve also hit up a couple people after me. In those cases I just have to tell myself “well i gave it to Jesus in good faith, whatever.”

OP, you do not have to give a reason for refusing money. “No, sorry” is sufficient. Also, “I don’t have any to give you” is not a lie. “I don’t have any TO GIVE YOU” means that you need the money for something else, such as to spend on your family, or to give to a legit charity. Don’t let yourself be guilted into giving by panhandlers. Someone who would approach you in the situation you described is at best playing on your guilt and at worst planning to rob you. A man truly in need would NOT approach a person from behind as you describe, startle them, catch them off guard.
 
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Lea101 said:
I’m not really sure about what you mean by being afraid that your purse would be stolen (was it at the back?). Anyway, maybe you can keep some spare cash nearby so you don’t have to risk anything.
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If she gets her purse out in order to give money to the guy, he could grab her purse and run. It’s a favorite trick that beggars are known to use. You get out your purse or wallet, open it intending to give them a couple dollars, they grab it from you and take off. She said “I was concerned my purse may have been snatched” so I don’t understand why you are having trouble understanding this.

Also, why should she keep a couple dollars of loose money on her just to have something to give to beggars? She is under no obligation to give money to a person who aggressively solicits her for money, and having money on you loose still sets you up as a possible robbery target. I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but a person who comes up to you while you’re getting out of the car wanting money from you is an extremely alarming situation in USA because it suggests not only a possible robbery but a carjacking, and people have been killed in that situation.

We are supposed to practice charity but that doesn’t mean we need to put our lives in danger or be responsive to every person who hits us up for money on the street, most of whom in USA are not truly needy but just looking to see what they can get. As several of us have said, those truly in need here are not the ones on the streets panhandling.
 
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These people are panhandlers. Don’t give them money. (They’ll hit you up for more whenever they see you.)

Instead, refer them to the nearest place that can help them (Catholic Charities, homeless shelter, etc). If they’re legitimately in need, they’ll be grateful you did that.
 
My priest advises not giving to panhandlers. Instead, give to charities like Catholic Charities, Second Harvest Food Bank, homeless shelters, places that help many people. And give the person the name and address of these places.

Those truly in need will be grateful you did that. Those who only want your money for alcohol or drugs will reject the list of resources and will move on to the next person they think they can con.
 
@CRV
You don’t have to explain refusing money to panhandlers. Just say “no”.
If they demand a reason just keep on saying, “No, I won’t give you money.”
 
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I assumed she felt that it was very inconvenient to give her money in that moment and hence she lied to protect herself.

Because she said she was unable to give in fear of being robbed, I suggested a solution (eg small amount of loose change in pockets) so she doesn’t have to take out her purse.

I’ve already said earlier if she just doesn’t want to give because of whatever reason, she could say no. I didn’t say that she has to donate to him, so please don’t talk to me as if I’m judging her for that.
 
You’re not getting it. You don’t take money out of your pockets to give to a threatening aggressive panhandler either. If he sees you have 2 dollars he will ask for 10 or just rob you. She also had a car and like I said this is a classic carjacking scenario.

This had nothing to do with “very inconvenient”. It is about personal safety and being taken by surprise and startled by someone who may very well be up to no good and there is no help around. I don’t know about judging her, but you definitely sound like you don’t quite understand this situation.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
It’s dangerous to give to panhandlers and in many cases, the panhandler is not truly in need and is either feeding an addiction or worse yet making a good living off panhandling instead of working. (This has been documented in articles by Washington Post and other papers.) Charitable giving nowadays is best practiced by giving to a legitimate charity that helps the truly needy, many of whom aren’t physically able to be out begging on the street because they’re elderly, ill, children, etc.
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And I’ll add, in response to that the other person said:

I’m a Catholic. I’m compassionate. I believe the words of Christ.

But it’s not as necessary today for me as an individual to put myself out to give money to someone else because I give to the poor through taxes which fund government programs. And I have no problem doing that.

And, as noted, there are legitimate private charities.

When someone asks me for money, I usually ask myself why that person isn’t getting help already.
 
If you don’t want to give to someone just say, no sorry. I’m approached by homeless a lot (the LA area is full of them). Sometimes I have cash I can give them, sometimes I don’t. I’ve never been pressed for an explanation when I said no. You need to just say, “No, sorry.” as soon as they start talking in that direction though. Don’t wait around for the whole backstory.
 
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ServentsOf_Mary
That was very kind and thoughtful of you to do that for the homeless gentleman. Actually it’s a good idea.

Lea101
In the past I have been told by two different priests (went to two different parishes) not to give them money because you don’t know if they want it for drugs or drink. And yes, there are legitimate charities who do assist the homeless in various ways. To which I have supported when I could.
Point taken to have small change on me - trouble is I don’t think to carry odd change in my pockets or if wearing a skirt there isn’t pockets on them so I’m back to opening up handbag to retrieve purse thus opening myself up to having purse stolen.

Rhubarb
Thankyou for the reminder of Christ’s admonition. Hence it’s a good idea to give to the local Catholic Charity - still assisting the poor (thereby following Christs instruction) but without enabling them to continue in doing drugs etc.

Tis_Bearself
It is dangerous to give to them. There was a lady who turned up at my Church and succeeded in getting money out of some people. She tried the same thing a couple of months later with the same story - needed antibiotics for an infected tooth - had the script but no money to get it filled. Then turned up on Sundays after Mass when people were socially gathered talking, for the same purpose of securing money. I’ve not seen here at any other times.
Tis_Bearself said:
“I don’t have any TO GIVE YOU”
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Thank you for the emphasis on the TO GIVE YOU part. Excellent suggestion so I’ll keep this one in mind!

lilypadrees
lilypadrees said:
(They’ll hit you up for more whenever they see you.)
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That’s true! See the incident of the lady needing antibiotics I recounted above. I did try to refer him, but I didn’t want to get out my purse to get the card with the phone number on it for the reason I feared my purse would be snatched. But when I mentioned he could call the charity his response was he had no phone.
lilypadrees said:
Those truly in need will be grateful you did that. Those who only want your money for alcohol or drugs will reject the list of resources and will move on to the next person they think they can con.
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Which is what happened, that’s exactly what he did by approaching a driver who had pulled over to the side of the road for money I assume with the same story. He wasn’t successful from what I saw.
 
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