What to tell children about 9/11

[embwt]

My children are 5 and 6 and do not know (to my knowledge) anything about 9/11. With the anniversary coming up, should we say something to them beforehand? If so, what? Should we wait? What if they find out from kids at school. Is that better? Is that worse? If we tell them, will we be giving them too much information too young?

What have others on CAF done in telling their children?

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Gosh, My son was only 2 months old that day…I am facing the same dilemma as you. He is 7 now…

It hasn’t come up in the past. So basically, I don’t know what to do…If he asks questions, I’ll answer them…but I am not sure how to bring it up.

 

[Lanie2008]

You may want to tell them the basics - or they may get it from school as my six year old came home and told me today “did I know that on 9/11 there were planes that crashed into buildings”

This of course caught me by surprise, but opened up the door for a very good conversation about what really happened and on the level that a six year old could understand.

Good Luck

Lanie

 

[duskyjewel]

My oldest remembers the planes flying into the buildings and them falling down. The others are too young.

Here is what I told them: Evil people called terrorists decided they wanted to kill as many Americans as they could. So they hijacked a bunch of planes (had to explain hijacking) and flew them into buildings. They destroyed the World Trade Center in New York and killed and hurt a lot of our military men and women at the Pentagon. The people on the fourth plane knew they were in danger from the hijackers, and called family on their cellphones to say I love you and goodbye. When their families told them what happened, they summoned up all their courage and decided to fight back. They knew they were going to die, but they decided to fight and save other people’s lives if they could. That was the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania, and those people saved the White House or the Capitol from attack, because those were the assigned targets. They might have saved the President or lots of Congressmen from being hurt or killed that day.

My kids wanted to know why the terrorists wanted to kill Americans. So I told them that they hate everything about our country. Our freedom, our prosperity, the fact that we have influence around the world, and the fact that our nation is mostly Christian. And they decided that since they didn’t like us and we were not members of their religion (radical Islamofascism, which I also had to explain), that it was not only OK for them to kill us, but they felt obligated to kill us.

In other words… I told them the truth. If your kids ask, just tell them the truth. Be age appropriate, but don’t sugar coat it and don’t assume they can’t handle it. People don’t give kids enough credit. But also, they need to know that evil is real, it lives in our world, and we are not immune from its effects.

 

[Arlene]

My daughter was 6 when 9/11 happened. We were glued to the TV and they had a prayer service at her school that day, so she was aware of what was happening.
That night as I was helping her take her bath we had this conversation.

Why would someone do that, mom?

Well, someone wanted to hurt a lot of people.

She had questions about the logistics. She thought one plane hit both towers and couldn’t get her brain around that. So I told her it was two planes each hitting a tower.

She thought about it all for a few minutes, then she said,

The devil was there today, wasn’t he mom?

I said, yes, honey, the devil was there today. But Jesus was there, too. He took a lot of people into heaven today. And he was there in all the people who were helping each other, in the people who ran in to help, in the strangers who did kind things to help other strangers. Jesus was there.

I would just give them as much information as they want and need, using their questions as a guide. Just like with sex or any other topic, their questions will change as they get older and seek more detailed answers.

 

[muffinmojo]

It’s so strange to read all of you talking about how your children, who are now school or preschool age, were only babies at the time…I’m 16, but I remember it like yesterday. It is hard to think that it was has been that long, that babies then are in school now.



Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us…

 

[kobefire]

Is your catholic faith important to you?
Should your potential mate share your faith & values?
Looking for fellowship with other catholic singles?

 

[thomfra]

My kids wanted to know why the terrorists wanted to kill Americans. So I told them that they hate everything about our country. Our freedom, our prosperity, the fact that we have influence around the world, and the fact that our nation is mostly Christian. And they decided that since they didn’t like us and we were not members of their religion (radical Islamofascism, which I also had to explain), that it was not only OK for them to kill us, but they felt obligated to kill us.

hmmm. I would probably just say "it’s complicated, and these people were misguided, and did something very, very wrong, and killed many innocent people.

You should probably focus more on the fact that **most **Muslims are good people just like the rest of us, rather than focussing on extreme cases.

 

[thomfra]

My daughter was 6 when 9/11 happened. We were glued to the TV and they had a prayer service at her school that day, so she was aware of what was happening.
That night as I was helping her take her bath we had this conversation.

Why would someone do that, mom?

Well, someone wanted to hurt a lot of people.

She had questions about the logistics. She thought one plane hit both towers and couldn’t get her brain around that. So I told her it was two planes each hitting a tower.

She thought about it all for a few minutes, then she said,

The devil was there today, wasn’t he mom?

I said, yes, honey, the devil was there today. But Jesus was there, too. He took a lot of people into heaven today. And he was there in all the people who were helping each other, in the people who ran in to help, in the strangers who did kind things to help other strangers. Jesus was there.

I would just give them as much information as they want and need, using their questions as a guide. Just like with sex or any other topic, their questions will change as they get older and seek more detailed answers.

This seems like a very balanced way of dealing with the questions.

 

[gmarie21]

I’m with duskyjewel on this one, though my dd isn’t old enough to know or hear about it (she’s almost 4). But, when the day comes, I will discuss it with her. Many children in the NY/NJ/CT/MD/VA/DC area had to deal with the reality of what happened that day, no matter what their age was. Yes, don’t be overconsumed with talking about it, but be frank and honest. I know that when my dd asks I will pull out the outfit and shoes that I wore that day when I had to walk 10 miles to my car from my job at the US Senate office buildings on Capitol Hill that day (as a side note, and it may be tmi, but when she sees the dead skin of my popped blisters plastered on my fashionable but impractical shoe choice of that day - I metroed into work each day - she may also learn the lesson of comfort before fashion).

At the age of 3 she has already asked some pretty serious and tough questions in which I never thought would cross the mind of a 3 yo (why did Satan disguise himself as a serpant? Why does mama Mary step on his head? Why was Satan an angel? Are we all real or just pretend? This last question was asked in all seriousness and when I asked her the same question, she spent time thinking about it and even questioned it thinking that we could possibly be only a figment of God’s imagination). As duskyjewel said, kids can handle concepts much better than we think. I have also had to be honest at a level she can understand the importance of this current election, as well as different forms of government (the Chinese people are good, their leaders are bad because they do not want the people to have more than one child, especially little girls, they hurt their people, and they don’t want the Chinese people to believe in God). I won’t disclose what I’ve said about the current presidential candidates, but she is quite aware of why mommy is very passionate about this election.

 

[Nanny_PK]

I love all of the responses that have been posted. Since I don’t have children, I’ve not had to deal with this issue at all – other than trying to understand it myself.

One thing that my sister does with her kids (ages 7 and 5) is there are “suitcase questions.” Let me explain that. When either my niece or nephew asks a question that’s difficult to explain because of their ages (the one I was present for is “Mommy, how come you have two mommies” – she was referring to our mom and our stepmom and getting into the whole divorce issue) my sister would give some information but then say “that’s a suitcase question.” She explained to me that a suitcase question is, “You know when we go on vacation and your suitcase is too heavy for you to carry so mommy or daddy carry it for you?” that’s the same thing with the question. They give them enough information that they can handle and then as they get older, they get more information. I thought that was a remarkable way to inform the child but also let them know that there is more information and as they are able to understand it, they will be given that information.

 

[duskyjewel]

You should probably focus more on the fact that **most **Muslims are good people just like the rest of us, rather than focussing on extreme cases.

since they didn’t like us and we were not members of their religion (radical Islamofascism, which I also had to explain),

Did you miss this part of my post? Radical Islamofascism is not mainstream Islam. I didn’t say they killed us because they were Muslims. I said they killed us because they were radical Muslims who think anyone who is not like them or under their thumb needs to die. Which is the truth. But I am certainly not going to leave out the religious element in the name of being PC. I am sorry that Muslims look bad because of a certain percentage of radicals. But if there were radical Catholics engaged in terrorism, I would expect them to be described as radical Catholic terrorists. And unlike most mainstream Muslims, who tacitly approve terrorism with silence, you would see ME out in the streets proclaiming my faith and publicly denouncing the terrorists as not representing my religion, with as many fellow Catholics as I could gather. It would be my obligation to do so, regardless of fear or pressure. The Catholic Church, while condemning abortion as the evil it is, still also publicly denounces those who think it is acceptable to commit murder in the name of stopping abortion. Where is mainstream Islam and its authorities? Too busy complaining to the media about perceived slights to Muslims and ignoring the radicals who cause the problems they face.

I am not a Muslim-hater. I once pointed out a woman wearing her hijab publicly and proudly to my kids, and told them that I thought it took a lot of courage for her to be so obvious about her faith in post 9/11 America, and in an area where there is not a high concentration of Muslims. She was peacefully shopping for her children at a Goodwill store, a normal American, showing strength and courage and obedience to her faith. And I showed that to my kids.

But I will not deny the truth of 9/11 to make people feel better, nor to make myself look “tolerant.”

 

[thomfra]

Did you miss this part of my post? Radical Islamofascism is not mainstream Islam. I didn’t say they killed us because they were Muslims. I said they killed us because they were radical Muslims who think anyone who is not like them or under their thumb needs to die. Which is the truth. But I am certainly not going to leave out the religious element in the name of being PC. I am sorry that Muslims look bad because of a certain percentage of radicals. But if there were radical Catholics engaged in terrorism, I would expect them to be described as radical Catholic terrorists. And unlike most mainstream Muslims, who tacitly approve terrorism with silence, you would see ME out in the streets proclaiming my faith and publicly denouncing the terrorists as not representing my religion, with as many fellow Catholics as I could gather. It would be my obligation to do so, regardless of fear or pressure. The Catholic Church, while condemning abortion as the evil it is, still also publicly denounces those who think it is acceptable to commit murder in the name of stopping abortion. Where is mainstream Islam and its authorities? Too busy complaining to the media about perceived slights to Muslims and ignoring the radicals who cause the problems they face.

I am not a Muslim-hater. I once pointed out a woman wearing her hijab publicly and proudly to my kids, and told them that I thought it took a lot of courage for her to be so obvious about her faith in post 9/11 America, and in an area where there is not a high concentration of Muslims. She was peacefully shopping for her children at a Goodwill store, a normal American, showing strength and courage and obedience to her faith. And I showed that to my kids.

But I will not deny the truth of 9/11 to make people feel better, nor to make myself look “tolerant.”

So I guess you were out protesting in the streets against the behavior of Americans in Guantanemo… the treatment of Iraqi prisoners…, hmmm. somehow I doubt it. But your silence is just a sign of your approval I guess.

 

[3GirlsRUs]

My oldest was also 2 months old when 9/11 happened.

Most of what we’ve discussed has been covered in this thread. I definitely think kids can handle being told about it. I am sure there will be prayers said regarding it tomorrow at school.

I, too, am often amazed that she is in school and was alive when that happened. I remember, through my anger and sorrow, wondering if I would ever have another baby…you know the whole, “How can I bring children into this world?” But I got over that (obviously)…but I remember the 3-4 months following that and how high-stress/high-anxiety it was…even here in the Midwest.

 

[duskyjewel]

So I guess you were out protesting in the streets against the behavior of Americans in Guantanemo… the treatment of Iraqi prisoners…, hmmm. somehow I doubt it. But your silence is just a sign of your approval I guess.

I didn’t find out about Abu Ghraib until months after it happened… and neither did you. And as the perpetrators were prosecuted and convicted or subjected to non-judiciary military punishments, there was no institutional approval going on, and therefore, no approval for me to be deemed to have participated in.

Guantanamo… you mean that place where terrorists are taken after they are captured in battle, given medical care and plentiful, clean food prepared in accordance with their religious dietary restrictions? Where they are given access to religious texts and spiritual ministry by imams who visit them regularly? Oh, yeah, we are treating those people terribly… especially when we release them so they can go back to killing our troops!

That said, the privations of Iran-funded, Syria-armed al-Quaeda terrorists do not keep me up at night, when and if they have any.

 

[Della]

So I guess you were out protesting in the streets against the behavior of Americans in Guantanemo… the treatment of Iraqi prisoners…, hmmm. somehow I doubt it. But your silence is just a sign of your approval I guess.

Many of the “protesters” who came to MN were a bunch of thugs who planned on breaking property, disterrupting the RNC, throw Molotov cocktails, scream obscenities, spray paint hateful messages on billboards, close down highways, etc., etc. Most of them were young people with no means of a living and no sense of responsibility. They weren’t interested in political debate but in making as much trouble as possible.

There were peaceful demonstrations, as allowed by the Constitution, and that’s fine, but no one has to march in the streets to prove they are worthy citizens. We plan on flying our flag tomorrow, Patriot Day even if we’re the only people on the block who do. Someone has to remember the poor people who had to make terrible life and death decisions and who died that day because of the hatred of a few madmen.

Our children have the right to know who did this to us. Tyrants and terrorists are a reality they are going to have to deal with as adults. If we don’t tell them about such things they will be unprepared when the next attack comes, which will be much worse if our enemies have their way. After what the extremists did on 9/11 I hardly think detention in a prison for those suspected of planning and supporting the attack was/is wrong. It seems to me that the ones who cry the most over that small issue are the first to shove 9/11 into the background as if nothing worth remembering happened to our country on that day.

 

[Syele]

I was pregnant on 9/11 and due any moment. My daughter saw replays of footage of it on the news last year and asked me then. I explained it much as duskyjewel described, though with less details.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

My oldest was also 2 months old when 9/11 happened.

Most of what we’ve discussed has been covered in this thread. I definitely think kids can handle being told about it. I am sure there will be prayers said regarding it tomorrow at school.

I, too, am often amazed that she is in school and was alive when that happened. I remember, through my anger and sorrow, wondering if I would ever have another baby…you know the whole, “How can I bring children into this world?” But I got over that (obviously)…but I remember the 3-4 months following that and how high-stress/high-anxiety it was…even here in the Midwest.

I felt the same way, about having other children…and the high stress and anxiety. I actually was living in New York at the time, (one of the outer borough’s) About 3 or 4 days following the attacks, there was a thunder storm in the middle of the night, there was a loud clap of thunder, and my DS and I awoke with this incredible fear that something had happened again.

Hearing a plane pass overhead brought such fear.

My DH actually witnessed the towers falling, from a distance. It was very surreal…he was witnessing it, but not processing that this was actually happening. We lost a friend of the family. My DH’s co-worker lost his BIL.

I cannot at all adequately describe the feelings we had

 

[John_Augustine]

Guantanamo… you mean that place where terrorists are taken after they are captured in battle, given medical care and plentiful, clean food prepared in accordance with their religious dietary restrictions? Where they are given access to religious texts and spiritual ministry by imams who visit them regularly? Oh, yeah, we are treating those people terribly… especially when we release them so they can go back to killing our troops!

Well that would be all well and good if the prisoners there were convicted terrorists. This quote from Wikipedia (I know its unreliable, but I’m using it to gague opinion) shows the rest of the world’s view of America’s gulag:

European Union members and the Organization of American States, as well as non-governmental organizations such as Amnesty International have protested the legal status and physical condition of detainees at Guantánamo. The human rights organization Human Rights Watch has criticized the Bush administration over this designation in its 2003 world report, stating: “Washington has ignored human rights standards in its own treatment of terrorism suspects. It has refused to apply the Geneva Conventions to prisoners of war from Afghanistan, and has misused the designation of ‘illegal combatant’ to apply to criminal suspects on U.S. soil.” On May 25, 2005, Amnesty International released its annual report calling the facility the “gulag of our times”[49] [50] Lord Steyn called it “a monstrous failure of justice,” because "… The military will act as interrogators, prosecutors and defense counsel, judges, and when death sentences are imposed, as executioners. The trials will be held in private. None of the guarantees of a fair trial need be observed. [51]

 

[Della]

European Union members and the Organization of American States, as well as non-governmental organizations such as Amnesty International have protested the legal status and physical condition of detainees at Guantánamo. The human rights organization Human Rights Watch has criticized the Bush administration over this designation in its 2003 world report, stating: “Washington has ignored human rights standards in its own treatment of terrorism suspects. It has refused to apply the Geneva Conventions to prisoners of war from Afghanistan, and has misused the designation of ‘illegal combatant’ to apply to criminal suspects on U.S. soil.” On May 25, 2005, Amnesty International released its annual report calling the facility the “gulag of our times”[49] [50] Lord Steyn called it “a monstrous failure of justice,” because "… The military will act as interrogators, prosecutors and defense counsel, judges, and when death sentences are imposed, as executioners. The trials will be held in private. None of the guarantees of a fair trial need be observed.

Prisoners of war? What war? There has been no formal declaration of war against any country by the USA. These people are not POWs they are suspects in the murder of nearly 3000 people through an act of militaristic terrorism. They are being treated as such. Just because there are those who want to change the definition of what these people are doesn’t mean that’s what they are. Nothing illegal or illicit is being done to them.