What to tell my child of my gay sister and her so called wife

[robwar]

You know I agreed with you at one time in my life, because that’s exactly what I did when faced with a similar situation in my family. I thought it wasn’t necessary to address the issue because my children were so young. Unfortunately as they got older and more aware it was awful. The person in our family became much more outgoing and in-your-face (as it were) with their lifestyle over the years and it was hard. My children got older and I had to make some tough decisions and I regretted my earlier decision deeply that is an understatement.

After years of going to gatherings where do you make the cut off? When your child is two?two? Three? Six? Seven? In my life you see once I appeared to show acceptance of the lifestyle and a willingness to allow my children to enter into relationship and be a part of that lifestyle it became almost impossible to backtrack. This is why I encouraged distance from the beginning, and yes, even though the original poster’s child is only an infant. She is not jumping the gun she is being smart and looking ahead.

If her sister has a break up she can discern visiting at that time, but I would not establish a pattern of accepting the homosexual marriage with your baby only to back down later, it’s rather mean and hypocritical actually…better from the get-go to put your cards on the table and be honest. This is a hard decision and an awful family situation there is no getting around that, I will be praying. God bless.

I didn’t say she had to accept the lifestyle at all and again it depends on how much they are going to see the sister and her friend but as a basic, the sister is an aunt and this is her friend ____. One doesn’t need to get into the sexual side of it, young children aren’t going to understand nor should they. Unless there is a complete cut off or they split which does happen in these situations, one shouldn’t worry too much about what a 7 month old understands about same sex couples.

 

[Allegra]

I have a 7 month baby and a sister who is gay and married already with a woman. She send me until now gifts for the girl like clothes and some toys and she is very happy that she has a niece. The question is how do i treat this subject from now on wit my child.Now she is small but in a year or so she will start to understand who is family and who is not. Will it be aunty Andrea and aunty Julia and how do i explain this to my child?

I vote for Aunt Andrea and Miss Julia. That’s how we do alternate lifestyles in our family. When my husband and I got engaged, my neices refered to him as Almost-Uncle. Unless your sister tries to push the subject, you probably won’t have to have a conversation with your daughter until she is a little bit older regarding aunty’s living arrangements. My mom didn’t realize until ten years after Aunt Mary died that her longtime roommate was probably more than just a Golden Girls situation.

 

[Burt_Macklin]

Most romantic relationships are so transitory that by the time your daughter is old enough to need an explanation the situation will be completely different. You have plenty of time to simply refer to your sister’s friend as Miss Julia and leave it at that.

 

[Book_Worm]

Not necessarily. Many pedophiles are homosexual, but that does mean that all homosexuals are inclined to be pedophiles.

Actually, that’s not exactly correct. Homosexuals are those adults who are attracted to other adults of the same sex. Pedophiles are those adults who are sexually attracted to children. An adult homosexual would be no more likely to be attracted to a child of the same sex that a heterosexual adult would be attracted to a child of the opposite sex.

My DH was a police officer, and EVERY case of pedophilia that he encountered was an adult male and a female child.

 

[hamandcheese]

You are confusing homosexual behavior and pedophiliac behavior. For your information, many pedophiles present to the world as straight.

I understand the difference but I think its naive to say that deviant homosexual behavior never overlaps into pedophilia. For your information NAMBLA stands for North American Man/BOY love association.

I know not all people who suffer with same sex attraction are pedophiles but don’t tell me that there is not a certain segment of their population that is attracted to young adolescent and pre-adolescent boys.

 

[EasterJoy]

I understand the difference but I think its naive to say that deviant homosexual behavior never overlaps into pedophilia. For your information NAMBLA stands for North American Man/BOY love association.

I know not all people who suffer with same sex attraction are pedophiles but don’t tell me that there is not a certain segment of their population that is attracted to young adolescent and pre-adolescent boys.

The chances that a pair of lesbians are pedophiles is extremely remote.

OP, you might want to consider whether you can have a direct discussion with your sister about this. “We have a pretty serious difference of opinion here, and I want to figure out a middle ground that we can both live with, even though it is most likely that neither of us will be 100% content with it. You believe in gay marriage. I don’t. Still, even though I reject gay marriage, I do not reject you and I don’t reject Julia.” And then talk about how to handle the names without making a huge deal of this with your little girl, which I think both of you will want to avoid.

There may not be a good way to handle this without upsetting your sister, but I would broach the subject now. Tell her that this is something you’d also be dealing with if she were living with a man without marriage or if she’d gotten a divorce and re-married without an annulment–that is, it is about teaching your child to stick with Church teaching without sticking it to those who don’t live by it. Starting now will give the two of you time to find a middle ground that won’t force either of you into any drastic responses.

 

[lalindsay225]

I understand the difference but I think its naive to say that deviant homosexual behavior never overlaps into pedophilia. For your information NAMBLA stands for North American Man/BOY love association.

I know not all people who suffer with same sex attraction are pedophiles but don’t tell me that there is not a certain segment of their population that is attracted to young adolescent and pre-adolescent boys.

Yes, I know what NAMBLA stands for. Those men are pedophiles. Not the same thing. As another poster said, the vast majority of sexual assaults on children involve adult males and female minors. The people I know who have SSA are as disgusted by pedophiles as the rest of us.

 

[MJJean]

I understand the difference but I think its naive to say that deviant homosexual behavior never overlaps into pedophilia. For your information NAMBLA stands for North American Man/BOY love association.

I know not all people who suffer with same sex attraction are pedophiles but don’t tell me that there is not a certain segment of their population that is attracted to young adolescent and pre-adolescent boys.

Of course there are homosexual pedophiles. However, there are many more heterosexual pedophiles. So, logically, a parent should be more concerned about molestation from a straight friend of the family or family member than they should a homosexual one. Statistically, the vast majority of children molested are molested by heterosexual relatives or close family friends.

No one is saying that homosexuality is ok or that there aren’t homosexual pedophiles. What we’re saying is that just because a person is homosexual doesn’t mean they should be trusted any less with a niece or nephew, for example, than a heterosexual should be.

 

[CAROLOFTHEBELLS]

Do you have any other siblings? I am wondering if you are discussing this with them so that you are on the same page. And how about your baby’s grandparents? It would be good to agree on the name thing with everyone who may spend time with your child.

As for the child being an infant, she will be learning language and how we assign names to things and people. It is a perfectly good time to consider this and wise of the OP to give it thought and ask for advice.

Thinking back to my earlier post, I think I would not call the partner an aunt and go with the name instead. It makes for an easier explaination down the road. If the partner is considered an aunt, it gives more of an appearance of acceptance of the marriage later on.

 

[hamandcheese]

The chances that a pair of lesbians are pedophiles is extremely remote.

And that information is based on what? Not the headlines I read about what females have been up to in our schools.

Of course there are homosexual pedophiles. However, there are many more heterosexual pedophiles. So, logically, a parent should be more concerned about molestation from a straight friend of the family or family member than they should a homosexual one. Statistically, the vast majority of children molested are molested by heterosexual relatives or close family friends.

No one is saying that homosexuality is ok or that there aren’t homosexual pedophiles. What we’re saying is that just because a person is homosexual doesn’t mean they should be trusted any less with a niece or nephew, for example, than a heterosexual should be.

Its possible that there are more heterosexual pedophiles than gay ones maybe because gays only make up about 1 to 2% of the population.

I AM saying trust gays less around your children because they are already involved in some despicable ****! How many of the folks you see at gay pride parades and festivals would you let become your Childs babysitter or daycare provider! Why take the chance with your children?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

And that information is based on what? Not the headlines I read about what females have been up to in our schools.

Its possible that there are more heterosexual pedophiles than gay ones maybe because gays only make up about 1 to 2% of the population.

I AM saying trust gays less around your children because they are already involved in some despicable ****! How many of the folks you see at gay pride parades and festivals would you let become your Childs babysitter or daycare provider! Why take the chance with your children?

Please stop derailing the thread with these intentionally inflammatory remarks. It’s disrespectful to the OP for you to imply that her sister is a sexual threat to her child when she came here looking for serious advice and gave you no reason to go there.

Do some research. Even proportionally more child molesters identify as straight instead of gay. And NAMBLA fell apart more than a decade ago, even their website is abandoned. It was never a large or serious movement.

 

[EasterJoy]

And that information is based on what? Not the headlines I read about what females have been up to in our schools.

Its possible that there are more heterosexual pedophiles than gay ones maybe because gays only make up about 1 to 2% of the population.

I AM saying trust gays less around your children because they are already involved in some despicable ****! How many of the folks you see at gay pride parades and festivals would you let become your Childs babysitter or daycare provider! Why take the chance with your children?

If you’re going to talk about taking chances, please learn something about statistics. Those are very helpful in accurate risk assessment, as it turns out.

You go find a statistic about how many pedophiles are lesbians with an adult lesbian partner. I have never heard of a single instance of a female lesbian pedophile in a school. When you find a case from the newspapers, be sure to post it here.

 

[cristyd]

Please stop derailing the thread with these intentionally inflammatory remarks. It’s disrespectful to the OP for you to imply that her sister is a sexual threat to her child when she came here looking for serious advice and gave you no reason to go there.

Do some research. Even proportionally more child molesters identify as straight instead of gay. And NAMBLA fell apart more than a decade ago, even their website is abandoned. It was never a large or serious movement.

Yes, thank you for your answer. I also found this very disrespectful and discriminating. I may not agree with my sister\s choice but i am very sure is not what it was said here.
I also don like my thread being turned into a hateful one.

 

[hamandcheese]

I have never heard of a single instance of a female lesbian pedophile in a school. When you find a case from the newspapers, be sure to post it here.

Abigail Holloway, 33 The former gym teacher at the Christian prep school, Kings Academy, in Sunnyvale, Calif., was arrested March 5, 2009, at St. Mary’s Academy in Englewood, Colorado, where she was working, on charges stemming from an alleged sexual relationship with a female student lasting from 2001 to 2005. The girl, now a student at Whitworth College in Spokane, Wash., told a school counselor about the relationship that had occurred in California beginning when she was 13.

Amanda Athey, 27: Charged Aug. 8, 2007, in Huntersville, N.C. with three counts of indecent liberties with a female student and one count of sexual activity with a female student. The relationship came to light when the girl’s father became suspicious of the Hopewell High School English teacher’s friendship with his daughter. She had told the father she was married to a man named Cal but after her arrest, it came to light she lived with another woman named Callie.

Brenda Osborne, 43: Former Xenia High School volleyball coach and counselor in Xenia, Ohio, was arrested Sept. 3, 2009, and charged with having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a female student. While she initially denied the charge, in March, Osborne changed her plea to guilty to a charge of sexual battery, and was sentenced June 30, 2010, to six months in jail and five years probation.
Amy Elder, 28: Ripley High School teacher and softball coach in Memphis, Tenn., was indicted June 4, 2008, on 15 counts, including rape and sexual assault, after allegedly having had sexual relations with two female students. “I’d heard rumors going around school that she’s seeing girls not guys,” said one student, “but it wasn’t none of my business.”

Amy Gail Lilley, 36: Inverness, Fla., woman and softball coach at Lecanto High School charged with a lesbian relationship with a 15-year-old girl. She received no prison time, being sentenced in January 2006 to two years of house arrest and eight more years of probation.

#Amy N. Miller, 23: A student teacher at Union-Endicott High School and Owego Free Academy in New York, she was accused of having sex with a 15-year-old girl. State police said Miller, a student in Binghamton University’s teacher education program, faced charges of third-degree criminal sexual act, a felony, and endangering the welfare of a child. She was suspended from the university and dismissed from teaching assignments after her arrest Oct. 4.

This took about five minuets to find and I could keep on listing them. Its not me who hates but you guys who hate me for having a different opinion that may not be fashionable at the moment!

Im sorry for offending the poster. that was not my intention. I was just trying to explain why i would not leave my child alone with a homosexual.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

So if I found news articles about Catholic priests, or even just Catholics, it would be reasonable to say that my children should never be left alone with a Catholic, right?

Regardless, you’re still wrong, on several counts. The first is that you were claiming that lesbians were pedophiles. Not a single case you posted was a case of pedophilia, but rather, statutory rape. All of those girls were post-pubescent.

 

[robwar]

Oh I agree with you, and I don’t think you said she had to accept her lifestyle. I thought your advice was very thoughtful, I just wanted to share that I experienced that and regretted it. An infant clearly would have no idea what was going on you are correct!. I hope it makes sense that because I lived through this (in a way) my advice is different. I didn’t worry at all about what my infant children thought! Then as time passed I grew to see that my children were older and I had to make some tough decisions and back away, it was awful. I wish I had made that decision earlier on that’s all, hope that makes sense.

Let’s take homosexual marriage off the table for a minute since it’s a hot-button topic and throw another one out there just for the sake of argument. Take a trio living together in a “marriage” relationship. This is not unheard of I knew three people that lived together like this in a relationship that lasted about two years. Clearly they were not legally married but they shared a home, a bed and lived what they would call a family life. I submit to you that it would be best to keep children totally away from, or at least at a significant distance from this kind of relationship. When they sit down to Christmas dinner and break bread with “uncle and aunt so-and-so” it presents to them a distortion because if you are telling children this behavior is deviant and sinful and then it is in their face presented as totally normal it can be confusing.

If the adults want to enter into a relationship that is their business and we are called to be Christ-like and should be! It is a matter of parenting and exposing children to deviant lifestyles going to “auntie and aunties” house and then telling them it is a mortal sin at the same time is not fair to the children, young children for the most part especially when they get older they can wrap their minds around it easier just my two cents.

Better to think about what you want to do NOW, don’t wait until some situation has you in a corner. Take time and pray, discern how you want to raise your child, don’t wait until there is some kind of situation you are forced to make an unpleasant decision. Decide NOW how you want to raise your baby and follow that path, hope that makes sense.

Yes, I understand what you are saying. I’ve had a niece live with her respective boyfriend for a few years before getting married. These types of situations are unfortunately all too common within families. I rarely saw the niece except at holiday times and having 3 children really didn’t say much to my children about their situation in order not to draw attention to it. For the OP, it depends on how often she sees her, lives near her etc. It sounds like the sister is excited about the baby and that is just natural in being a sister. It’s always good to keep an positive relationship even if one doesn’t agree with the choices she has made. But at 7 months, the baby isn’t going to know anything and that is going to be true for a long time if when the do see and get together that this is auntie and ____.
Nothing more needs to be said or emphasized.

 

[hamandcheese]

So if I found news articles about Catholic priests, or even just Catholics, it would be reasonable to say that my children should never be left alone with a Catholic, right?

I only listed those news articles because the other post did not believe they existed.

Regardless, you’re still wrong, on several counts. The first is that you were claiming that lesbians were pedophiles. Not a single case you posted was a case of pedophilia, but rather, statutory rape. All of those girls were post-pubescent.

I am not claming lesbians are pedophiles and I think you know that! So what if the victims were post-pubescent. 13, 14 and 15 year olds are still children so my point that it is possible for lesbians to abuse children is a valid one even if you don’t want to believe it.

I do not hate people because they fall into the sin of same sex attraction but I do hate homosexual behavior and I think someone should think twice before leaving their children alone with such a person. That’s all I am trying to say. It used to be called common sense!

 

[on_the_hill]

Not necessarily. Many pedophiles are homosexual, but that does mean that all homosexuals are inclined to be pedophiles.

(a) Socrates is a man.(b) All men are mortal.(c) All men are Socrates. That means all men are homosexuals. --Woody Allen

 

[EasterJoy]

I have never heard of a single instance of a female lesbian pedophile in a school. When you find a case from the newspapers, be sure to post it here.

Abigail Holloway, 33 The former gym teacher at the Christian prep school, Kings Academy, in Sunnyvale, Calif., was arrested March 5, 2009, at St. Mary’s Academy in Englewood, Colorado, where she was working, on charges stemming from an alleged sexual relationship with a female student lasting from 2001 to 2005. The girl, now a student at Whitworth College in Spokane, Wash., told a school counselor about the relationship that had occurred in California beginning when she was 13.

Amanda Athey, 27: Charged Aug. 8, 2007, in Huntersville, N.C. with three counts of indecent liberties with a female student and one count of sexual activity with a female student. The relationship came to light when the girl’s father became suspicious of the Hopewell High School English teacher’s friendship with his daughter. She had told the father she was married to a man named Cal but after her arrest, it came to light she lived with another woman named Callie.

Brenda Osborne, 43: Former Xenia High School volleyball coach and counselor in Xenia, Ohio, was arrested Sept. 3, 2009, and charged with having an inappropriate sexual relationship with a female student. While she initially denied the charge, in March, Osborne changed her plea to guilty to a charge of sexual battery, and was sentenced June 30, 2010, to six months in jail and five years probation.

Amy Elder, 28: Ripley High School teacher and softball coach in Memphis, Tenn., was indicted June 4, 2008, on 15 counts, including rape and sexual assault, after allegedly having had sexual relations with two female students. “I’d heard rumors going around school that she’s seeing girls not guys,” said one student, “but it wasn’t none of my business.”

Amy Gail Lilley, 36: Inverness, Fla., woman and softball coach at Lecanto High School charged with a lesbian relationship with a 15-year-old girl. She received no prison time, being sentenced in January 2006 to two years of house arrest and eight more years of probation.

#Amy N. Miller, 23: A student teacher at Union-Endicott High School and Owego Free Academy in New York, she was accused of having sex with a 15-year-old girl. State police said Miller, a student in Binghamton University’s teacher education program, faced charges of third-degree criminal sexual act, a felony, and endangering the welfare of a child. She was suspended from the university and dismissed from teaching assignments after her arrest Oct. 4.

This took about five minuets to find and I could keep on listing them. Its not me who hates but you guys who hate me for having a different opinion that may not be fashionable at the moment!

Im sorry for offending the poster. that was not my intention. I was just trying to explain why i would not leave my child alone with a homosexual.

You were talking about babysitters. Ephebophilia is quite a bit different than pedophilia against children young enough to need a sitter. There is less reason to believe that a lesbian sister or her lover are a danger to children than to just out of the blue think your brother is a pedophile. It’s all possible, but being a lesbian with an adult female lover does not make this sister a particularly high risk in terms of sexual offense against a child. Suspect her no more than you would any other adult.

I am not claming lesbians are pedophiles and I think you know that! So what if the victims were post-pubescent. 13, 14 and 15 year olds are still children so my point that it is possible for lesbians to abuse children is a valid one even if you don’t want to believe it.

I do not hate people because they fall into the sin of same sex attraction but I do hate homosexual behavior and I think someone should think twice before leaving their children alone with such a person. That’s all I am trying to say. It used to be called common sense!

It does not make sense to say that you do not think lesbians are pedophiles on one hand and then to say that you don’t think a child should be left alone with “such a person” on the other hand on the grounds that your child might be abused.

The common sense issue is that the sister is going to talk to your child with the presumption that her morality is correct. She’s highly unlikely to sexually abuse a child in the physical sense. Depending on her sense of respect of her sister’s rights as a parent, she might very easily (and while meaning no harm) speak in ways that will undermine the child’s moral formation. Now that is common sense: that is, do not leave a family member alone with your child when they have bad morals and do not respect your right to instill your values in your child instead of theirs.

 

[on_the_hill]

I wouldn’t leave that child alone with a priest

Seriously? You are *that *distrustful of priests?

If the state of our Church is such that the people are afraid of the priests, we may as well give it up.

I’ve read some extreme statements on CAF, but this cuts right to the heart.

How’s that a way to teach our children? "Junior, look to the priest for the salvation of your eternal soul, but…don’t be caught alone with him or else…