Dear Jim,
In the thirty-seven years I have been a priest, you are the first one ever to ask me that question. It’s a good one. The first time I ever offered Mass was at my ordination in 1968 when I concelebrated with the bishop (the late Bishop Floyd Begin) who ordained me at St. Francis de Sales Cathedral in Oakland, CA. I was pretty numb throughout the whole ceremony. The next day I offered Mass for my family and again I was pretty numb. Being ordained is quite a traumatic experience, though most of us are not conscious of it at the time. Suddenly one is thrust in the spotlight. This was even more traumatic for my generation because we had been so sheltered during our formation years. Nevertheless, even for newly ordained priests now it entails so much immediate change in one’s life. It is the end of years of study. It ushers in a totally new way of thinking of ones’ self as well as relating to people and of being thought of by them. There is just so much going on in one’s mind. It is not a tranquil time. For years after I would wake up in the middle of the night and think: “I’m a priest!!!” It was a “WOW” experience every time.
Early on I began to pause after the consecration, just to try to let the reality of that moment sink in. I still do. But the priest is not ordained for his own consolation. He is ordained for others. And I think the Lord deliberately withholds such gratification from him for his own good. I am usually far more aware of the Lord’s presence in the Blessed Sacrament during my daily hour before the tabernacle where I search Him out, than when I celebrate Mass. How I would love to have the same consolation while celebrating Mass that I have during those wee hours in the morning, but that just does not happen.
But make no mistake about it, the principal reason I ever wanted to be a priest was to offer the Sacrifice of the Mass. Everything else about the priesthood flows from that because it is the central and most profound revelation of God’s love that we have. It is the same sacrifice of Calvary which through the ministry of His priest, Christ reveals Himself and His love in a concrete way, transcending time and available to us here and now.
Rosalind Moss, whose office is next to mine, wrote once that the Catholic priesthood is not simply the Catholic equivalent of the Protestant minister. There is nothing on the face of the earth that can equal the Catholic priesthood. It is the priesthood of Jesus Christ and no one is worthy of it—nor can anyone call himself to it.
This is probably more than you asked for. But there it is. Thanks Jim, for asking.
Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.
