What will be the outcome of me in the afterlife with regard to my actions on Earth right now?

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catholicgirll90

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Hello,

Quite frankly, I can’t face asking my priest this question. I have recently moved to a new parish, and I don’t know my new priest well enough to confide in him.

I’m going to put this very bluntly, and I’d like a blunt answer back. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings or the like. Just tell me what I need to do. I have been with my 23-year-old boyfriend for 4 years (I am also 23) - he is atheist. Purely for this relationship, and if I were to marry him - would I “go to hell”? I know I’ve asked this question in such a childish way, but I want to simply know if I will?

Background (optional read):
  1. There has been no pre-marital sex
  2. He understands I wish to practice NFP
  3. He will not convert
  4. He will not actively raise any children in Catholicism but won’t stop me
  5. We actually talk about religion a lot but it has never come to an argument. He understands my beliefs but cannot bring himself personally to believe them (he was brought up atheist). Very ironically, I find this has strengthened my beliefs and my spirituality, so much so I have begun to teach Sunday school classes at this new parish.
 
You asked for a blunt answer so…no. Why would you? For HIS unbelief, YOU will be punished? Just continue to plant the seed in him, and pray for him.
 
Let me preface this by stating I’m the exact same age as you, and I had an atheist girlfriend for 3 1/2 years. We agreed on most things, except perhaps her support of gay “marriage”.

The short version:
You’re not going to go to hell, simply because you marry an atheist.

That being said, the Catholic understanding of marriage is that you and your partner have discerned that God has brought you both together, that you might help each other grow together in holiness. How one can really (help) “grow” in holiness without any sort of understanding of God is going to be a hard one to answer, at least in my mind.

If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.
 
catholicgirll90 said:
Hello,

Quite frankly, I can’t face asking my priest this question. I have recently moved to a new parish, and I don’t know my new priest well enough to confide in him.

I’m going to put this very bluntly, and I’d like a blunt answer back. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings or the like. Just tell me what I need to do. I have been with my 23-year-old boyfriend for 4 years (I am also 23) - he is atheist. Purely for this relationship, and if I were to marry him - would I “go to hell”? I know I’ve asked this question in such a childish way, but I want to simply know if I will?
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Gosh, I hope not. I have been married to an atheist for 22 years.

When I go to Confession my priest has *never *said, well none of this matters because you are going to hell because you are married to “John.”

Our own sins put us in Hell.
 
A Catholic can validly marry an atheist. It is not a sin. It is, however, almost always a very poor idea. Why would you want the father of your children to be an atheist? Would that be fair to them? Please consider this very carefully.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your priest. Giving counsel is part of his job.
 
Lamentation said:
Let me preface this by stating I’m the exact same age as you, and I had an atheist girlfriend for 3 1/2 years. We agreed on most things, except perhaps her support of gay “marriage”.

The short version:
You’re not going to go to hell, simply because you marry an atheist.

That being said, the Catholic understanding of marriage is that you and your partner have discerned that God has brought you both together, that you might help each other grow together in holiness. How one can really (help) “grow” in holiness without any sort of understanding of God is going to be a hard one to answer, at least in my mind.

If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.
Click to expand...
I find my holiness has definitely grown, through being questioned and explaining my faith to someone who has no idea about Catholicism apart from media reports. I have really seen a change in myself. As for his holiness, well, he doesn’t have any. But it feels great when he asks me questions relating to Catholicism - sometimes completely randomly - I feel that he’s intrigued. Maybe we will not marry - I don’t know God’s plan. Maybe God put us in each others paths to help me grow spiritually and finally introduce him to God.
 
catholicgirll90 said:
if I were to marry him - would I “go to hell”? I know I’ve asked this question in such a childish way, but I want to simply know if I will?
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No one can tell you that.
catholicgirll90 said:
Background (optional read):
  1. There has been no pre-marital sex
  2. He understands I wish to practice NFP
  3. He will not convert
  4. He will not actively raise any children in Catholicism but won’t stop me
  5. We actually talk about religion a lot but it has never come to an argument. He understands my beliefs but cannot bring himself personally to believe them (he was brought up atheist). Very ironically, I find this has strengthened my beliefs and my spirituality, so much so I have begun to teach Sunday school classes at this new parish.
Click to expand...
That’s all good and well on paper. But life is not like that.

Things happen. Strength of faith is needed. Trials come. Joy too. None of these to be shared through a life of Faith, not with him and he not with your children. Always there will be that separation between you, and between he and your children.

Not the life I would voluntarily live.
 
maryjk said:
Gosh, I hope not. I have been married to an atheist for 22 years.

When I go to Confession my priest has *never *said, well none of this matters because you are going to hell because you are married to “John.”

Our own sins put us in Hell.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your answer 🙂
PaulfromIowa said:
A Catholic can validly marry an atheist. It is not a sin. It is, however, almost always a very poor idea. Why would you want the father of your children to be an atheist? Would that be fair to them? Please consider this very carefully.

Don’t be afraid to talk to your priest. Giving counsel is part of his job.
Click to expand...
I am spending more time with my new priest as he sometimes will sit in my Sunday school lessons or we’ll talk for a while after mass. Maybe in time, I will talk to him.
 
1ke said:
St Paul certainly tells us not to be unequally yoked.

It is unwise. And it can lead to sin. And it can be a sin, depending on the circumstance.
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Would you mind expanding how it can lead to sin or be a sin depending on the circumstance? 🙂

The only thing I can think of is being drawn away from God myself due to being “unequally yoked”.
 
catholicgirll90 said:
Would you mind expanding how it can lead to sin or be a sin depending on the circumstance? 🙂

The only thing I can think of is being drawn away from God myself due to being “unequally yoked”.
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Yes, that. Depending on your own faith life, and how aggressive the other person is, the Catholic may indeed be tempted to just throw in the towel and go along to get along on many issues. They may find it easier to skip mass than fight about it on vacation for example.

They may also find themselves becoming lax in the practice of their faith, or just stop doing devotions in the home b/c they are the only one. Or starting to have the atheist world view rub off on them.

It happens.

And, marrying someone who you KNOW will expose your children to unbelief can be dangerous. You are responsible for those little souls. “Won’t interfere” won’t cut it.

Why doesn’t daddy go to Church? Why do I have to go if Daddy doesn’t? I don’t believe in God because I want to be like daddy.

Not what I would want to explain to the man upstairs.
 
catholicgirll90 said:
Hello,

Quite frankly, I can’t face asking my priest this question. I have recently moved to a new parish, and I don’t know my new priest well enough to confide in him.

I’m going to put this very bluntly, and I’d like a blunt answer back. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings or the like. Just tell me what I need to do. I have been with my 23-year-old boyfriend for 4 years (I am also 23) - he is atheist. Purely for this relationship, and if I were to marry him - would I “go to hell”? I know I’ve asked this question in such a childish way, but I want to simply know if I will?

Background (optional read):
  1. There has been no pre-marital sex
  2. He understands I wish to practice NFP
  3. He will not convert
  4. He will not actively raise any children in Catholicism but won’t stop me
  5. We actually talk about religion a lot but it has never come to an argument. He understands my beliefs but cannot bring himself personally to believe them (he was brought up atheist). Very ironically, I find this has strengthened my beliefs and my spirituality, so much so I have begun to teach Sunday school classes at this new parish.
Click to expand...
I’m assuming that since he was “brought up atheist” he was also not baptized.

You could remain in a state of grace, if you marry with approval of the Catholic Church (since you are Catholic). For that you would need to get a dispensation to marry a non-Christian, and also the consent would need to be correct: lifelong, exclusive, granting the proper conjugal act, raising any children to result in the Catholic Church, no un-dispensed impediments. Since he is a non-Christian that valid marriage would be a natural marriage, not receiving sacramental grace.
 
catholicgirll90 said:
As for his holiness, well, he doesn’t have any.
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Well that could be a problem, if you mean he literally shows no care for his fellow man or desire to be a good person. And by the way, every person is holy because God says we are holy… even if every single action we have made is to the contrary.

I think other posters have put it to you well. No, you are not condemned. And honestly, maybe your boyfriend won’t be either. Maybe he will convert. Maybe not. Your point that he was raised to be atheist is important; he’s asking questions now and that can only be a good thing in my book. You both are just starting out your lives as adults and the fact that he is interested in the faith is evidence that he is searching. That’s what God asks of us. That we search Him out.

We Catholics are starting from a very strong position in that we belong to the Church that Christ Himself founded. A man raised to be atheist is lagging so far behind and certainly the Lord takes that into account at the particular judgment. So keep praying for him and keep doing what you can to lead him to God… even if you don’t end up marrying.

1ke has a good point. Marriage even between members of the same faith is tough and adding non-belief to that mix makes it even tougher. But this ultimately is a question of prudence.
 
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