I was involved in Paganism for eight years - not deeply involved, but I went to a couple of rituals and I considered myself Pagan and wore an occult symbol on my body.
I have since realised how wrong I was and have prayed and deeply repent of my actions.
How can I remove the stain of what I have done? I am truly sorry and ashamed of it.
Please forgive me if I have posted this in the wrong place, I am new here and am trying to find my way around the forum.
There are many of us who have some serious ghosts in the closet from “past lives.” Such is the state of man…we are all fallen creatures (the Immaculate Conception was, after all, a one-time event).
Although we can be contrite over the sin, confess it, and be absolved of it, we still have our memories to deal with. Our true contrition actually is revealed in the grief we feel when we recall our past. After all, if we didn’t feel horrible about a sin, are we truly contrite?
If we were truly spiritual beings, once our sin was forgiven, we would forget about it. But we still have our minds of flesh and blood…and the memories that are burnt in those fleshy minds. The key is to
not only recall the sin, but recall the forgiveness that you receive once the sin is confessed and absolved. (I am speaking as if your confession was in the past, but as you posted, this is still to happen in the future).
Other posters have talked about frequent reception of the sacraments and the use of sacramentals. Those are all pieces of good advice that you should take. Frequent reception of the Eucharist strengthens you and makes real the paschal sacrifice of Christ when you witness the re-presentation at the altar. Reception of Sacramental Absolution (through Reconcilliation) provides healing of your spiritual wounds and makes you disposed to receive the graces from the other sacraments. The use of sacramentals, such as holy water and blessed salt, are used by God as very powerful weapons in the spiritual battle.
In addition to those, I would suggest that you remove any artifact from your house that is connected, either directly or through your memories, to your involvement in the occult. They are properly burnt and buried. I would then ask your priest to exorcise your house and would suggest that you hang St. Benedict Crucifixes over all the entries to your house once it has been exorcised. There is a particular blessing for the St. Benedict Crucifix that should be used (be sure that your priest use the appropriate blessing for them).
The reason I suggest you destroy any item that is connected with the occult is not only to remove any spiritual influence that they may have, but also to remove the opportunity Satan has to use those items to bring back memories, either good or bad, from your involvement with the occult. The purpose of the priestly exorcism of the house is to remove, in the name of Christ Jesus, any spiritual influence from the past. Finally, the purpose of hanging the St. Benedict Crucifixes over the entrances to the house is to provide protection against the negative spiritual influences returning.
Despite all that you can do, though you need to recognize that your mind is fleshy, though, and there truly is little you can do about it. Even St. Paul cried,
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” (Rom 7:24 RSV) Having memories come up is natural. Mourning over those memories is natural. Removing the occasion of those memories coming up will help you put them properly in the past, once you are absolved of them. But if and when those memories do return, you must never forget the mercy of God, who sent His Son for your sins, and those of the whole world. When those memories of your past come up, the most important thing is to remember that God’s mercy is bigger than any sin.
