What would Jesus Do? Please help!

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raphaela

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This may be kind of trivial but I’m having a hard time with this.

I have this room mate(I’ll call him J), he’s a nice guy, but he does absolutley nothing to pitch in around the house, leaving my fiance (who works full-time, but does as much as he can) and I ( i work part-time and do most of the work) to do all of it. I cook, clean, do laundry and everything. We had a cleaning day recently…i did the living room, kitchen, bedroom and laundry. My fiance did the bathroom (trust me, the bathroom was equal to all of what i did!!!) and J did absolutley nothign, though we asked.

Then came the dishes. We have lots of dishes and all of them were used and dirty, not a plate left i swear. We split it 3 ways, i did a third, my fiance did a third and J was supposed to (we asked him and he said he would). 2 days later the dishes were piled up again and he still hadn’t done his share (btw-he uses more dishes than my fiance and i combined!!). I figured I do most and leave some for him, so I did, I did it all and left him the cups. Today, 3 days after that, the dishes are still not done. He’s had the whole week off and has sat on the computer the whole time.

So my question is…what would Jesus do in this situation, woudl he ask J again to do them (he’s been asked 3 times total and all 3 times he said he would and hasn’t) OR would he just do all of them and not complain OR would he do them and tell J that he has to do them next time?

I’m at a loss. i want to be more Christ-like, but find myself losing patience!

Sorry for the length!!
 
Dear Friend,
Can I take it from the post that you live together with your fiance??
If so I would not be too concerned about what Jesus would do in that situation with your roommate 'cause you don’t seem to want to know what he wants you to do with your situation.
Sorry for being so blunt but hey splinter in your brothers eye log in your own etc etc etc???
One quote does suddenly spring to mind: ***“Martha Martha you worry about so many things. Few are needed, indeed only one!!!” ***Any idea what that one thing is?

If your not living with your finace then let me know and I’ll get back to you!!!

Best wishes,
Fergal
Naas
Ireland
 
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raphaela:
I have this room mate (I’ll call him J), he’s a nice guy, but he does absolutley nothing to pitch in around the house, leaving **my fiance ** (who works full-time, but does as much as he can) and I ( i work part-time and do most of the work) to do all of it. I cook, clean, do laundry and everything. We had a cleaning day recently…i did the living room, kitchen, bedroom and laundry. My fiance did the bathroom (trust me, the bathroom was equal to all of what i did!!!) and J did absolutley nothign, though we asked.
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This sounds like a Canadian version of “Three’s Company.” :confused:
 
Yes i live with my fiance…I’ve said that is a lot of posts and we are currently trying to figure out what to do about that situation, but this is very different. Since i already know what’s expected of me in this area, and i am working on it. We are chaste living together, but yes, I’ve been informed about the possible occurance of sin and the sin of scandal.

What i’m concerned about is with my room mate, mainly because he is the only one with his name on the lease, he’s mad at me for asking him to contribute and has the ability to kick us out if he wants too. I don’t want the dishes to be a reason for me being homeless, but I don’t want to do all the work either.

I know that you are only concerned, but spare me the lecture on living together since I have already recieved that one many a time on the forums…sorry if that sounded rude, it wasn’t meant to be, but i can’t think of another way to put it!!
 
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raphaela:
What i’m concerned about is with my room mate, mainly because he is the only one with his name on the lease, he’s mad at me for asking him to contribute and has the ability to kick us out if he wants too.
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Two words for you:

Move Out

And for the sake of your future marriage, stop cohabiting with your fiance, even if you are living chastely, for the simple reason that satistically, couples that cohabit before marriage experience a much greater likelihood of divorcing than those that don’t.
 
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raphaela:
Yes i live with my fiance…I’ve said that is a lot of posts and we are currently trying to figure out what to do about that situation, but this is very different. Since i already know what’s expected of me in this area, and i am working on it. We are chaste living together, but yes, I’ve been informed about the possible occurance of sin and the sin of scandal.

What i’m concerned about is with my room mate, mainly because he is the only one with his name on the lease, he’s mad at me for asking him to contribute and has the ability to kick us out if he wants too. I don’t want the dishes to be a reason for me being homeless, but I don’t want to do all the work either.

I know that you are only concerned, but spare me the lecture on living together since I have already recieved that one many a time on the forums…sorry if that sounded rude, it wasn’t meant to be, but i can’t think of another way to put it!!
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Well you spelled it out quite clearly.
Your room mate is the only one with his name on the lease.
Therefore, you have no real say in the matters about the place.
You’ve already approached him to pitch in more.
He has already shown he will not do so.
Move out.
Preferably into your own apartment. Alone.
Your fiance can choose to remain with the lease signer or move into her own apartment.

There is no ‘good’ advice for you…one that will produce the results you desire. You are living in an undesireable situation. The way to resolve it is to leave.
 
Personally, I would use disposable dishes, cups and utensils. When there are no more dishes left for your roommate, perhaps he’ll get the message.

(Not that you asked, but yes you should move out - cohabiting with 2 males is definitely putting yourself in the proximity of temptations.)
 
It does sound like a sticky situation. However, if you and your fiance sat down with him and had a discussion about the shares of household work and how it is to get done, I doubt he would kick you out. Besides, he’d have to fit the whole bill for the appt then. That fact alone should reassure you that he wouldn’t just throw you out on a whim like that.
I don’t know the full extent to which you guys have discussed this but I think sitting down with him and having a two way conversation with him would be the best course of action. (as opposed to: You-“J could you do the remaining dishes?” J-“Yea sure, right after this show”)
Oh and it never can hurt to pray before sitting down to discuss this with him.

Seek Him always,
-Tim
 
To answer your original question…

If youve tried everything already, then you should probably move out if it bothers you that much. (Dont worry, I wont lecture you on the cohabitating thing, you know your business better than any of us. ) I’ve had 2 similar situations. I’ve had 2 lazy roommates and it drove me nuts. No matter what I said or did, nothing got accomplished. Old habits are hard to break. If you finally get him to do the dishes and other chores around the house, he’ll do it for about a couple weeks and fall back into his old habits. You have 2 choices. You can either learn how to deal with his laziness because it seems like it won’t change, or move out.
 
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raphaela:
Yes i live with my fiance…
I know that you are only concerned, but spare me the lecture on living together
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I am not lecturing. I am just asking you to start with yourself and go back a little. And no I don’t think you are being rude either.😉
Put Christ first in everything with yourself then, and only then, move on to others.

If you have heard the same advice from so many others do you now see the Holy Spirit may be pointing at you and asking you to change???

I am not without sin and God knows my heart. I am just pleading with you go back a little be selfish. Start with yourself and the Lord, then take it from there my friend.

I will offer prayer for you as I sincerely know you are well meaning.

Fergal
Naas
Ireland
 
Tim,

Thank you for your answer, that is a good idea. It just gets frustrating!!

I suppose he wouldn’t just throw us out, but he’s already threatened to do so (while intoxicated though), and his parents would foot the bill if he needed it.

I live here for financial reasons. There is no possible way that I can get enough money to go to college and pay rent on my own…no way. I applied for a student loan btu OSAP is ridiculous, the estimate…700 a year. I’m gettign a loan from a bank but it’s only 10 000, and bymyself I’d go through that in a year and then would have to worry about paying two more years tuition plus a 10 000 loan. My parents wont help. so this is my only option.

I’m very strong willed, if i don’t want to have sex, i wont plain and simple and my fiance understands this. Last year I lived with 2 males (not my fiance or J) and there was no temptation whatsoever, and there isn’t here either.

I don’t believe in statistics, I never have so especiialy that one. I study it in highschool and it made no sense at all.

Thank you for all your responses. To let you know, i am considering moving out, been praying and i solution has yet to come up.
 
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raphaela:
I live here for financial reasons. There is no possible way that I can get enough money to go to college and pay rent on my own…no way. I applied for a student loan btu OSAP is ridiculous, the estimate…700 a year. I’m gettign a loan from a bank but it’s only 10 000, and bymyself I’d go through that in a year and then would have to worry about paying two more years tuition plus a 10 000 loan. My parents wont help. so this is my only option.
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You ever think of finding some female roommates?
 
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raphaela:
I applied for a student loan btu OSAP is ridiculous, the estimate…700 a year. I’m gettign a loan from a bank but it’s only 10 000
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Maybe, I have just been working too long today but what do you mean by btu OSAP??? What is 700 a year? How much is tuition? I had to finance (loans) almost all of my college, so if you give me some more information maybe I might have some ideas. (Like are you going full or parttime, How much is tuition?, etc) Answer on the list, email me, or pm me.
 
Oh sorry, I forgot to clarify. OSAP is the Ontario Student Assistance Program. It’s a government loan service for students needing financial assistance.

Tuition for me is roughly $3000 a year not includign books. With books it would be about $4500. (this is college, which I think is the same as community college in the states??)

OSAP gave me an estimate after I applied of $700 a year. I guess they expect me to just get by on that…I don’t know.

The bank loan is a one time $10 000 which is supposed to last throughout all my years in college.

Rent, right now is $320 a month, on my own (i’ve priced places out) it goes anywhere from the cheapest $650 to $800 a month.

I also have a part-time job looking for full-time, but plan on keeping my part-time during school.

even then i can’t afford it
 
Is there no campus housing? Old women in your parish who will rent a room? there meust be some where.

-D
 
I had an awful roommate once…I just gave up.

I’d keep my own dishes in my room. (I even hid them in different boxes and moved them once in a while so she could not fine them). And then left her mess to her. If you have to have your roommate, then do what has to be done.

Or you can just grin and bear it. Do the dishes and stop asking for help. But if you do this, you must remember it was your decision to do them and not hold it against your roommate. I know that sounds awful. But really, if you do the dishes but do them with an attitude the situation still will not be better.

About living with fiance…if you want my opinoin you can ask. 😉

🙂 Lilder
 
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raphaela:
Oh sorry, I forgot to clarify. OSAP is the Ontario Student Assistance Program. It’s a government loan service for students needing financial assistance.

Tuition for me is roughly $3000 a year not includign books. With books it would be about $4500. (this is college, which I think is the same as community college in the states??)

OSAP gave me an estimate after I applied of $700 a year. I guess they expect me to just get by on that…I don’t know.

The bank loan is a one time $10 000 which is supposed to last throughout all my years in college.

Rent, right now is $320 a month, on my own (i’ve priced places out) it goes anywhere from the cheapest $650 to $800 a month.

I also have a part-time job looking for full-time, but plan on keeping my part-time during school.

even then i can’t afford it
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$3,000 a year!!! My how I envy you! My tuition at University of Maryland is around $3800 per semester. I also finance my own education, books, and living expenses. My parents do help out some though. I am sorry to hear that Mom and Dad arent doing their part. I think some parents have a hard time realizing how expensive it can get. My University has an off-campus housing link, perhaps your college has one too. It lists rooms, apartments, and housing within your price range. Check with your college’s student services to see if they have one.
 
Compared to last year’s roommate, this one is a blessing, that is why I asked, i dont’ want it to escalate to what last years’ was.

He was one of those guys who constantly told you that your beliefs were so wrong (he was atheists and actually thought that the world was created by aliens as an experiment, a little crazy). He was constantly calling my other roommate (who is catholic) and I stupid for believing in God and for just being us in general. He was over-bearing and believed that women (i being the only woman in the house) shoudl do all the house work, so I was constantly told to do work…eventually, I got so mad that i yelled at him and he cut my internet cable on the week of exams (2 of my exams were online) and charged me with harrassment (it never went through, though I was told by the investigating officer that i could charge him but didn’t). I was then told by the landlord that as a woman, I shoudl act the way I do,that women should do what they were told.

After that experience, I’m grateful for this roommate and I don’t want to ruin it!
 
Do the dishes and let it go.

🙂 Lilder

(Just be sure you are letting it go!)
 
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