What would Jesus do?

[SereneBelief]

I really need to know. I have emigrated from the United Kingdom to Australia with my husband and child and left my family behind. I love them dearly and have tried to make sure that my parents are financially secure in my absence. Now my family wishes to come and live with me here in Australia, but only if I can promise that I will never move around or leave them behind once they are here. This is a hard promise for me to make because what if my husband gets a new job in a different state or we wish to move for whatever reason? We also have a rental property that they wish to rent from us and require us to promise that we will not sell it for at least ten years. Again, I feel unable to make this promise.

I feel so sad that I can’t make them this promise and because, since I am unable to do so, they will stay in the U.K. and miss out on their grandchild. What would Jesus tell me to do? Would he want me to make this promise to my parents and promise them that, no matter what, I will always be around them? And should I then undertake to put all thoughts of moving around out of my head? I want to honor my parents.

My heart is sad. Please help.

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

Since you asked about what Jesus would do, let’s look at what Jesus said:

“But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:6-9, emphasis added).

While married adults do still owe their parents respect and should do what they can to take care of elderly and/or infirm parents – even to the point of personal sacrifice – this does not mean that financially secure, independent parents should be allowed to dictate a married couple’s life. Your first duty is to your new nuclear family of your husband and child (and any future children you may have). Your parents should honor and respect that.

Talk with your husband about what exactly you and he are able to do to accommodate your parents’ desire to move closer to you. Then together tell your parents in a non-apologetic manner what you are able to do. If you can’t guarantee them a ten-year lease on your rental property, don’t offer it. If you can’t guarantee them that you won’t move, don’t offer that either. If all that you can do is be nearby family in a strange country, simply tell them, “We’d love for you to move close to us and we know that [insert child’s name] would benefit greatly from having grandparents nearby. Please let us know if you decide to emigrate and we’ll do everything we can to help.” Whatever they then ask for that you can’t accommodate, simply say, “No, that isn’t possible, but perhaps [and then insert what you can do].”

If your parents decide to remain in the U.K., that is their choice and you shouldn’t allow them to make you feel guilty for what they decide. But you can do everything possible to visit them often (either in person, or through various technologies such as phone and email). And, should their health or financial situation decline, then you can reconsider what sacrifices you and your husband are able to undertake to care for them.