What would you call this...dishonest?

[Stylus]

I have this very talkative friend who calls me more often than I’d like. He calls me so he’ll have someone to talk to on the way to school, to work, to the store, what have you. Often times he’s talking about any old event or problem or annoyance and he’ll say ‘You know what I mean?’ and I’ll say ‘Mhm’ when I actually haven’t heard hardly a word of what he was talking about. I almost feel like that’s lying to say you know what he’s talking about when you haven’t paid attention.

 

[Della]

My, what a tender conscience you have! Not that that’s a bad thing, but really, anyone who is this annoying doen’t deserve to be paid the kind of attention you are giving him. He’s the kind that takes and takes and takes from you, always expecting you to be his emotional support instead of learning to stand on his own two feet. You would be wise to try to wean him off these daily pointless phone calls towards doing something useful with his time, such as volunteering or getting involved in some after school activity.

 

[Toni]

No not dishonest just the bored nod. I learned from my dad when I talk to much and maybe he doesn’t agree with what I am saying. He will simply say ‘If you say so’ I learned that it works especially when you want to argue with someone because you know you are right. But the person will never get it anyway.

 

[Island_Oak]

ohmigosh…I have had the same thing develop with a girlfriend. If she calls me less than 4 times a day I’m wondering if she’s in a ditch somewhere unable to dial. It’s driving me crazy!!! Make no mistake…she is fun to be with…our kids are friends…but 4x a day???

I’ve taken to not answering the phone if I’m not up to talking to her. It is my time and my space while the kids are at school–I don’t have an obligation to entertain anyone as they run errands, are stuck in traffic, etc. The earlier poster who suggested it was selfish behaviour to call people incessantly to keep yourself entertained hit the nail on the head.

 

[Maureen_Fiore]

I have a friend who does the same thing.Talk, Talk, Talk!!! I do throw in a word or two but most of the time I just sit and listen. I sometime make decisions on what to cook for dinner, how to handle a certain person, while my friend is babbling on and on. So, I would not call it dishonet, just boredom.

 

[LittleDeb]

Not at all dishonest to the other person, but dishonest to yourself. I am very talkative by nature, but the most important thing is that I stop and listen too. Many friends call me when they need some cheering up and they say that when they call. I will then do my “chatter,” as they call it, to just kind of get their minds somewhere else. (Off their problem or more focused on a solution, depending on the need.)

This person, in his incessant chatter is being dishonest to you and is stealing from your life, and you’re letting him! I agree with a previous poster. This person is just taking from you. A good talker is also a good listener. This person is using you to fill a bottomless pit. Your time is more valuable than that. The only one you are being dishonest with is yourself. My advice: Get caller ID and don’t answer the phone.

 

[FCEGM]

Stylus:

I have this very talkative friend who calls me more often than I’d like. He calls me so he’ll have someone to talk to on the way to school, to work, to the store, what have you. Often times he’s talking about any old event or problem or annoyance and he’ll say ‘You know what I mean?’ and I’ll say ‘Mhm’ when I actually haven’t heard hardly a word of what he was talking about. I almost feel like that’s lying to say you know what he’s talking about when you haven’t paid attention.

Is there something stopping you from asking him to stop calling you so frequently? Perhaps he is a lonely person or just likes to hear himself talk or - as was recently mentioned in the news, likes to look important by always having a cell phone to his ear. Whatever the reason, you should feel perfectly free to let him know that you would appreciate fewer calls during the day; perhaps just request no more than one call per day.

 

[coyote]

I HATE “chatting” on the phone.
I hail caller ID as the greatest invention of the past decade!

 

[amor]

Stylus:

I have this very talkative friend who calls me more often than I’d like. He calls me so he’ll have someone to talk to on the way to school, to work, to the store, what have you. Often times he’s talking about any old event or problem or annoyance and he’ll say ‘You know what I mean?’ and I’ll say ‘Mhm’ when I actually haven’t heard hardly a word of what he was talking about. I almost feel like that’s lying to say you know what he’s talking about when you haven’t paid attention.

Generally speaking it is not a sin against truth, a lie of any kind. This is because in our culture, saying “Mhm” as it is commonly used has an ambiguous meaning – it is understood that it does not necessarily mean that you have listened and understood.

The only way it would be a lie or a sin against truth is if your friend places an inordinate weight to the utterance “Mhm” – so that for him it’s meaning is unambiguous.

It would be the same if your friend spoke another language in which “Mhm” meant “Yes, absolutely.”

It’s probably much better though to mention this in your next confession (you don’t have to have a mortal sin to confess to go … in fact you only need to have some sin to express sorrow for from the time of your baptism … but most of us commit sins in between confessions as well). As long as the confessor has his head on straight, I’m certain he would be able to give you advice much better than any I’ve given or that you could find on the internet

 

[Joysong]

Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house [or phone], lest he have more than enough of you, and hate you. Proverbs 25:17

Many of us through our lifetime have encountered this difficulty. In my case, it was not a phoner, but a person who actually “dropped over” several times a week, and stayed for hours. Hints did no good, because her habit was so ingrained and she was so determined. When she left my home, you could see her stroll across the street to another’s. She had no children and was extremely lonely, but it was a psychotic malady that I had no ability to cure.

My lack of a solution finally erupted into a nasty scene where the visits finally stopped, but I felt terrible about hurting her.

I read about a person who kept a small timer near her phone that would be audible to the caller. Oops, I have to go, my roast is ready, or some other ready excuse … But then if you have caller ID, you need not pick up the phone, and your answering machine would reveal an urgency if you had to respond.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Stylus:

I have this very talkative friend who calls me more often than I’d like. He calls me so he’ll have someone to talk to on the way to school, to work, to the store, what have you. Often times he’s talking about any old event or problem or annoyance and he’ll say ‘You know what I mean?’ and I’ll say ‘Mhm’ when I actually haven’t heard hardly a word of what he was talking about. I almost feel like that’s lying to say you know what he’s talking about when you haven’t paid attention.

Hi there Stylus…you state this person is a friend, which is different from just someone you know, an acquaintance.

Always I think honesty is the best policy. I have very talkative friends and at times I just cant concentrate on the entire content of their chatter and become distracted … I tell them so. If they say “Do you know what I mean?” I respond with something like “Just at the moment I’m finding it hard to concentrate on what you are saying…Sorry” This usually changes the course of conversation…and if it doesn’t then I tell them that perhaps I am finding it impossible at the moment to concentrate on what they have to say. At times I will even add (depending on the nature of my friend)…“You talk so much, I find it hard to keep up”, which ideally produces laughter.
Don’t be too hard on yourself…if you say Mmm when you have no idea what they mean, we are all caught offguard at times and particularly perhaps if someone is quite a chatterer! This is not sinful, but a fault or imperfection and we humans abound in them daily, hourly, since you have not made a deliberate decision to lie to them.
But in the main I think delicate honesty is the way to go and considering their feelings if they are friends.

If they are only acquaintances and take up far too much of your time…then tell them that you don’t have time at the moment.
If they continually call and you have to repeat many times that you dont have time and they comment on this. Tell them that when they call you simply dont have the time. If they dont like this, then they are being unreasonable and you are perfectly right in letting them know this. If they become upset, this is their responsibility and not yours…if they become argumentative I would certainly let them know that I do not appreciate their attitude. Tho best avoided if possible, at times a disagreement and perhaps even unpleasant feelings are unavoidable, as very much as one would wish such was avoidable.

Regards and Peace…Barb