What would you consider excess baggage?

  • Thread starter Thread starter OLHope
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
No previous sexual partners (I don’t have any, so we’ll be equal).

I also want someone who is a practicing Catholic (but not so overboard she will be draining the IRAs to fund every “I need money” letter seeking to float bibles and rosaries into some foreign country).

As far as addictions are concerned, having had to deal with familial alcoholism while growing up and having to assume the adult role and often having to engage in confrontation and assume a no-nonsense posture, I don’t want to relive that nightmare with a spouse. If my spouse has a close relative (parent, sibling, or in-law) that has an addiction problem, she is going to have to understand that if there are any “incidents”, I will AUTOMATICALLY and WITHOUT THINKING snap into “hardnose” mode and will make NO APOLOGIES for it. If there is a problem with that, she should let me know right away so we can seek others.
 
kage_ar said:
Where on earth are you MEETING men if this has to be on the list :eek:
Click to expand...
Well, I don’t know about her, but I live in a traditional “mob” neighborhood (Chicago-Elmwood Park border), less than a mile away from the restaurant parking lot that had a mob hit that was an inspiration for a scene from the movie “Casino”.

And yes, there are “social clubs” - two within a block and a half of my house. Whether or not they are code for something else, I don’t know. Fires in my neighborhood are looked at with suspicion - or as I say “Home Improvement - Michael Corleone edition”.
 
I enjoy reading this thread. 🙂 Folks, have you seen the movie Shadowlands, based on the real life story of famous Christian writer C.S. Lewis? 60-y.o. bachelor, well set in his ways and comfortable with his lifestyle as a single man, meets divorced woman with young boy. Maybe the reason why I like this movie is that I have a very good friend who is almost like C.S. Lewis. A fine gentle-man, a really gentle and nice person, academic teacher and a bachelor like C.S., the only difference is that my friend is a scientist doctor while C.S. was a scholar of literature and writer. So, I always wonder, what kind of surprise might be yet in store for my friend? 😛 😃 I really hope for something, because he is such a nice person - I think he only needs a good wife and kids. LOL 😃 He’s only around 49 or 50.
 
Excess baggage for me would be-
  1. If she’s done time in a penitentiary
  2. If she views abortion like I view Perrier (a several times a day habit)
  3. If she won’t shut up about an ex boyfriend (Red flag! Red Flag!)
If she made mistakes in the past but learned from them and changed-(ie-a divorce) it would make me think twice, but not necessarily put up the steel cage and run.
 
Norseman82 said:
Well, I don’t know about her, but I live in a traditional “mob” neighborhood (Chicago-Elmwood Park border), less than a mile away from the restaurant parking lot that had a mob hit that was an inspiration for a scene from the movie “Casino”.

And yes, there are “social clubs” - two within a block and a half of my house. Whether or not they are code for something else, I don’t know. Fires in my neighborhood are looked at with suspicion - or as I say “Home Improvement - Michael Corleone edition”.
Click to expand...
Aaahhh I see…blame the Italian community, eh? :nunchuk: 😃
 
chevalier said:
I have items from people’s lists here myself (work history and possibly some more). …(much more so now than, say, if I were 35 and had a stable well-paying job)
Click to expand...
Chev, I’ve read somewhere that the greatest entrepreneurs who later founded and/or chaired large companies, had their fair share of employment difficulties in their earlier lives. Changing jobs, not sticking too long with dead-end jobs, can be characteristic of these high energy people who try to achieve something bigger and are willing to take risks in the process. So, I actually have high hopes for you. 😉 😃

I will even submit to you that not being so stable financially and so perfectly successful may actually protect some people from becoming victims of gold diggers. Although you may have a better ability than most of us to spot such women who would be trying to marry you for the wrong reasons, given your talents and training with human psychology and criminal investigation.
 
whatevergirl said:
Aaahhh I see…blame the Italian community, eh? :nunchuk: 😃
Click to expand...
We have about 4-5 Little Italy’s here Sharon. Elmwood Park has has a disgusting reputation, I havent heard anything recently, though, it had been pretty quiet since the Joey the clown stuff. What I have heard from family and tourists, they seem to say that nothing tops NY crime. I dont know much about it, but I have a ton of fun watching the Feds arrest them on TV. Seriously, I just cant understand any mans obsession with all those mobster movies, man. I mean why cant they grasp the beauty of chick flicks?:rotfl: Let’s always find a new way to fall in love every time the DVD pops in.❤️

:D:p
 
OLHope said:
We have about 4-5 Little Italy’s here Sharon. Elmwood Park has has a disgusting reputation, I havent heard anything recently, though, it had been pretty quiet since the Joey the clown stuff. What I have heard from family and tourists, they seem to say that nothing tops NY crime. I dont know much about it, but I have a ton of fun watching the Feds arrest them on TV. Seriously, I just cant understand any mans obsession with all those mobster movies, man. I mean why cant they grasp the beauty of chick flicks?:rotfl: Let’s always find a new way to fall in love every time the DVD pops in.❤️

:D:p
Click to expand...
*lol, I know. I grew up in a family where the men loved the Godfather and so on. My son loves it, my husband loves it…I have struggled to stay awake every time it’s on…!! ha. 😛 It’s a man thing for sure! 😉

Hey…add that to your baggage list…if the man adores mob movies, he’s out! hahaha :rotfl:*
 
Joseph_L_Varga said:
I will even submit to you that not being so stable financially and so perfectly successful may actually protect some people from becoming victims of gold diggers.
Click to expand...
If it weren’t for gold diggers, some rich people wouldn’t have relationships at all.
 
whatevergirl said:
*lol, I know. I grew up in a family where the men loved the Godfather and so on. My son loves it, my husband loves it…I have struggled to stay awake every time it’s on…!! ha. 😛 It’s a man thing for sure! 😉

Hey…add that to your baggage list…if the man adores mob movies, he’s out! hahaha :rotfl:*
Click to expand...
Done!

Go Figure…, I never even saw the GF, some bad Italian I am, I guess. We had to watch it for our Italian class in high school, and I was soo busy writing my friend about a boy I liked , and I looked up at the horse head part…, can I tell you, all the girls were busy talking to each other and all the boys had their eyes zoned in on the tv with their eyes bugged out and tongues hitting the floor, and all these guys were non Italians, so I was so confused. I just went on writing about my guy, I knew they were nuts. Yet again, a good reason we just can’t figure each other out.
 
Hey…add that to your baggage list…if the man adores mob movies, he’s out! hahaha
Click to expand...
You have no idea! :eek:

(Add: If he’s read The Godfather 16 times.)
 
We’re all products of our past, and we all do our best to learn from our mistakes so we can move to have healthy and productive lives. With that said, there are a few items that I would have a hard time dealing with.
  • Smoking
  • Continued financial ‘issues’. We all have problems every now and then, but a pattern of financial lack of responsibility would be tough.
  • Not open to kids. We’re not all called to have kids, but unless they are past their child-bearing years or have health issues, this would be a deal breaker.
  • A ‘glass if half empty’ person (I’m a ‘glass is half full’ person). I learned the hard way that no matter how much you want to make someone’s life better, they have to choose to be happy or to be more of an optimist.
I’m sure that there are others, but those are the first that come to mind. As I’ve gotten older and I’m still single, my list has probably gotten smaller.
 
Honus said:
  • A ‘glass if half empty’ person (I’m a ‘glass is half full’ person). I learned the hard way that no matter how much you want to make someone’s life better, they have to choose to be happy or to be more of an optimist.
Click to expand...
Yes, that’s very important. It’s hard with a pessimist, isn’t it. On the other hand, I suppose they do change when they receive enough love and I don’t mean romantic love here.
Joseph_L_Varga said:
Chev, I’ve read somewhere that the greatest entrepreneurs who later founded and/or chaired large companies, had their fair share of employment difficulties in their earlier lives. Changing jobs, not sticking too long with dead-end jobs, can be characteristic of these high energy people who try to achieve something bigger and are willing to take risks in the process. So, I actually have high hopes for you. 😉 😃
Click to expand...
Thanks! 😃 Basically, I’m a freelancer these days, this means in some months I earn vastly more or vastly less than on others and this is neither employment nor a business (I’ve had months with very little income at all, too, although I was more than busy with other things). Could do the latter, but taxes would eat a third of my now net income. Eek! Probably will have to file DBA or start a partnership some time soon anyway.
I will even submit to you that not being so stable financially and so perfectly successful may actually protect some people from becoming victims of gold diggers. Although you may have a better ability than most of us to spot such women who would be trying to marry you for the wrong reasons, given your talents and training with human psychology and criminal investigation.
Click to expand...
To be honest, I once spotted a discrepancy between what was said one day and 6 months earlier (confirmed with records), so here’s one for spotting. It’s scary, however. Normal people probably don’t have those kind of abilities. As for investigation, well, I’ve been where I don’t want to go again… discovered an identity cheat via publicly available university and small local newspaper records (and finally a professional was involved in one of the aspects), but the process made me feel creepy. There’s a whole lot of information for the creative, but I prefer not to go there. I would prefer to confront a person earlier than that and just get my answers in a face-to-face (impossible in long-distance relationships, however). Probably would be able to get them. If not, I’d probably break up. I really don’t feel like digging or like being in any romantic relationship with someone who necessitates a screening process.

Obviously, it gets more complicated when you get someone who claims to love you, uses emotional arguments but is being inconsistent about facts or supposedly held opinions. It’s a foxhole emotionally. You can’t go on like that, but you don’t want to break up and lose contact if there really is - in some highly improbable way - an explanation that doesn’t disqualify the person. I hope I’ll never end up there again. Heh, this may count as excessive baggage on my part - and no wonder.
 
By the way, spotting a gold-digger should be relatively easy. Expressions of love would be overdone and they would sound rather flat or artificially inflated. The person would normally show himself or herself as preoccupied with earthly goods. You should be able to detect that fixation, along with perhaps some insistence in the voice when it comes to certain subjects. Then, some immature or at least strange opinions on social or economic issues should normally show (money is for those who can grab it, the market or life itself is a game without many rules, cunning justifies gain, simpletons are not deserving of their money), perhaps economic or social darwinism (survival of the fittest), possibly willingness to go out of one’s way in exchange for economic consideration, possibly a down-right cruelty streak in economic issues (definitely not necessarily, though) … maybe cheating in games and some other me-first attitudes. A gold-digger should normally have some pathological streaks to his or her personality and should not be that smart. Smart and entrepreneurial gold-diggers probably already run online con businesses. All in all, they may be hard to spot in some cases, but I suppose most of their successes come from their dates’ willingness to overlook red flags (enough should show while dating). A bit like with abusers.
 
All the “good” bad excess baggage items have been listed by others.

But I read this somewhere years ago: don’t date someone who has more problems than you have.

Of course, if that applied to both people on a date, then no one would ever get a date!

But, some people have anger; when you are on a date and having a meal, watch how the person treats the servers or bus people or a fly [does the date go berserkers over small things]. How does the person drive? Look for road rage. And for guys, let the girl drive so you can see how she behaves in traffic.

Does the person repeat themselves ten times.

Does the person use manipulative language.

All these things reveal some kind of personality “problem” that would be a really serious major problem in a marriage.

Beware of well-meaning relatives and friends who tell you that you are being too picky.
 
OLHope said:
Done!

Go Figure…, I never even saw the GF, some bad Italian I am, I guess. We had to watch it for our Italian class in high school, and I was soo busy writing my friend about a boy I liked , and I looked up at the horse head part…, can I tell you, all the girls were busy talking to each other and all the boys had their eyes zoned in on the tv with their eyes bugged out and tongues hitting the floor, and all these guys were non Italians, so I was so confused. I just went on writing about my guy, I knew they were nuts. Yet again, a good reason we just can’t figure each other out.
Click to expand...
Every man secretly wishes he was part of the Corleone family, don’tcha know that? 😃 Kidding;)…but, yeah, my husband doesn’t have an Italian bone in his body, and LOVES that movie series. I really fall asleep every time they turn it on…good acting, though. 🙂
 
Astounded over here that children are considered ‘baggage’. Really astounded.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top