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PRmerger
Guest
So if this situation occurred, and your 14yr old DD’s friend revealed that she’s bi-sexual and had feelings for your DD, what would be your response?
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LilyM
Guest
Exactly the same thing I’d say if a 14 year old boy said he had feelings for her … ‘Now where did I put my shotgun?’ 
Seriously, 14 is way too young for this nonsense.
Seriously, 14 is way too young for this nonsense.
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SlackerCatholic
Guest
14 is old enough to know to whom you are attracted. This girl may be confused, she may not, but at 14 I certainly knew I was attracted to boys.
I would tell my daughter to say to her friend, “I am straight. I don’t have feelings like that for girls. If you can respect that, I still want to be your friend.”
If the girl could not refrain from expressing sexual attraction to my daughter, then the discussion would have to be different. If my daughter tried to break ties and the girl wouldn’t back off, we’d treat her like any other stalker.
I would tell my daughter to say to her friend, “I am straight. I don’t have feelings like that for girls. If you can respect that, I still want to be your friend.”
If the girl could not refrain from expressing sexual attraction to my daughter, then the discussion would have to be different. If my daughter tried to break ties and the girl wouldn’t back off, we’d treat her like any other stalker.
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thomasf
Guest
What is a “DD”?
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SlackerCatholic
Guest
“Dear Daughter”
I might also approach the girl’s parents and ask about the possibility of sexual abuse. That depends though, if I thought the girl would be in danger from them if I did so. If I thought so, I might try and talk to herher myself.
I might also approach the girl’s parents and ask about the possibility of sexual abuse. That depends though, if I thought the girl would be in danger from them if I did so. If I thought so, I might try and talk to herher myself.
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PRmerger
Guest
That’s what I’m starting to think.
As these girls are only forming their friendships (they met only 5 months ago at the start of high school), I wonder if I would have to nip this nonsense in the bud and discourage the friendship.
Too much drama to deal with unnecessarily. There’s enough transition angst to manage without adding this nonsense into the mix.
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28562
Guest
Same as with a boy having a crush on my daughter. Never forget the three S’s…
Shoot. Shovel. Shutup.
Shoot. Shovel. Shutup.
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28562
Guest
Okay, seriously…assuming that your daughter has had a good Catholic upbringing regarding issues of morality, the issue may take care of itself as your daughter may just naturally distance herself. You certainly have got to be open with her and make sure she knows that it is not acceptable for her friend to feel that way. Listen to her and go from there, with the knowledge you gain from talking to her. If you simply forbid the friendship, it has a great chance of backfiring and making them go behind your back to be friends, same as if parents forbid a girl from seeing a boy…
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ATeutonicKnight
Guest
I disagree with the above poster. To say “It’s not okay that your friend feels this way” is incorrect. It is okay in that her friend cannot do anything about it. Her feelings are not something she can control. Her behavior, however, is. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it unless your daughter and her friend seemed a little too close and affectionate than normal girl friendships, which I sense is not going to happen anyway. One of my best friends is gay. That doesn’t mean we can’t hang out and have fun, and that doesn’t stop him from being Catholic.
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PRmerger
Guest
Agree with everything you said, with this exception: her feelings are not okay. They are disordered.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
What is your daughter’s opinion? Is she creeped out by it? Happy about it? Depending on DD’s opinion, your reaction will differ
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Dakota_Roberts
Guest
What is too close can vary widely depending on time and place.
Tact is always a useful thing.
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
14 is too young for someone to be attracted to someone else? Huh? People used to get married even earlier than that, probably still do in certain places.Exactly the same thing I’d say if a 14 year old boy said he had feelings for her … ‘Now where did I put my shotgun?’
Seriously, 14 is way too young for this nonsense.
If someone else took it upon themselves to teach my child this, I would be a little offended. Granted, the girl brought it up in the first place but it’s still not appropriate.
Based on what???
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28562
Guest
Nobody said anything about telling the girl her thoughts were disordered.14 is too young for someone to be attracted to someone else? Huh? People used to get married even earlier than that, probably still do in certain places.
If someone else took it upon themselves to teach my child this, I would be a little offended. Granted, the girl brought it up in the first place but it’s still not appropriate.
Based on what???
On the last point, I can’t speak for the person you quoted, but a very high percentage of people who identify themselves as homosexuals have experienced sexual abuse in the past. I assume that is what the poster was getting at…
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cornbread_r2
Guest
Source please
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
It is statistically more likely, but given the serious nature of such an accusation, it is not prudent to throw around such a suggestion.
I don’t envy the OP. I don’t really see a good way to approach this issue. I suppose you could make it clear that you don’t approve of such a relationship, but how to phrase that is another matter…
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SlackerCatholic
Guest
Accusation?! I would be suggesting they might need to look into the possibility and get treatment for their child.
How exactly does someone “accuse” someone of being a victim, anyway?
How exactly does someone “accuse” someone of being a victim, anyway?
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ATeutonicKnight
Guest
I never questioned that. But saying that it’s not okay that she feels this way is, well, not okay. She can’t do anything about it except not act on them. It’s not her fault she feels this way. I like a girl right now. A lot. Her name is Emily. If her father came up to me and said “Look, son, it’s not okay that you feel that way.” would you have a different tune about the subject? It’s not my fault that I like Emily. Saying that it is not okay for this girl to like the OP’s daughter is like saying it’s not okay for me to like my friend. There’s nothing either of us can do about it, and in the case of the OP this situation should be handled in a different way than “It’s not okay that you like my daughter.” Yes, my feelings are natural according to natural law, and lesbian relationships are sinful. But you can’t say that having feelings you can’t do anything about is wrong. Feelings are not sinful, actions are.
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
Accusation, claim, suggestion, insinuation, whatever you want to call it, you need a better foundation before you proceed on that. It is a serious matter.
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