What would you do if you were me?

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pwlj_christ87

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Hello all,

First of all I would like to say that i am a proud catholic and that I am happy I have been brought up as one, even though my teen years and even child hood were anything but god pleasing in many respects. In recent times, I have come closer to God and really contemplated christianity and the way to live a godly life, this contemplation just reassured me that the catholic faith is beautiful and directs you to God in every way possible.

I am a 25 year old male, almost finished a degree in college and have hung out with the same friends for years. We all went to the same catholic highschool, now these friends do not all go to church regularly and drink heavily on weekends, talk about pornography and generally dont live a godly life.

Should I avoid these friends because of my new convictions? What about catholic friends that have girlfriends and constantly are in your face about why you havent had sex ? Im not one to judge because only god knows everyones hearts but when you are convinced to live a certain way is it right to hang out with these people?

my mind is telling me no, and this is leaving me isolated and alone from people. I should have a girlfriend and pssibily a wife by now and I still live with parents and only interact with people at school.
 
I think many people find, in their mid 20s, that they no longer have things in common with their friends of old. It can be painful. It can feel like you are somehow betraying them.

But the truth is, people grow apart. People change.

You are under no obligation to maintain friendships with people who you no longer have things in common with or who engage in activities you do not want to be a part of.

You will make new friends, friends who share your desire to strive for holiness, friends who share your desire to please God.

Do not maintain a false sense of obligation to “old friends”.

Some of them may come around eventually, so perhaps it will only be a pause. Or perhaps not. People drift apart. It is just simply a fact of growing up.
 
If you no longer feel like you have anything in common, then it’s best to move on. Keep in touch if you’d like, but you have no obligation to be friends with people that don’t share your values. I’m in my 20’s too, but I’ve decided it’s best to move on and keep meeting new friends that share my interests. However, I still keep in touch with my other friends, I just don’t see them as much as I used to.
 
Your intuition seems to be correct: you should probably distance yourself from them a bit.

It’s okay to grow apart from your friends, it happens to everyone. It’s happened to me. Most people my age are extremely liberal and I have virtually nothing in common with them anymore. I’ve tried to be friends with then, but it just doesn’t feel right. It leaves me feeling somehow empty.

It’s hard but I try to hangout with people who have similar values and beliefs as myself. Of course I have many acquaintances who are very different than I am, but I just can’t seem to maintain a close friendship with people who are polar opposites of myself. I always have to be on my toes and watch out for near occasions of sin.
Friends can really affect how a person thinks, feels, and acts. I don’t want to risk being pulled into sin.

God Bless you and I’ll pray that you the decision that’s right for you. 🙂
 
You’re getting ready to start a different phase of life. You’ll move out into the work force and make new friends based on your interests. Friends come and go throughout life, it’s rare to have the same friends for your whole life. As you have seen, some people pick up vices along the way, or just change. Or you change. No big deal. Just start doing other stuff, things you enjoy, and talk to people who are also doing them. You’ll find new friends.
 
The way you describe your current situation reminds me of excatly how I felt at your age.
If your faith is strong and you hold it dear, distance yourself from the people you described and don’t waste your time on them. From what you describe, YOU are focused and they are not.
Stick to your guns and you WILL ultimately find friends that share your ideals…or they’ll find you. You are under NO obligation to explain to anyone who you do or don’t have sex with, regardless of who else is. Casual sex with no commitment is just shallow. Period.
You may feel "isolated’ at the moment, but there are plenty of people out there who are just like you and share your values…they’re just harder to pick out in a crowd, but they’re out there.
You’re on the right track. Stay there !
 
Read the story of St. Francis. He led a raucus life and found it unfulfilling. He left his partying friends and for a short time was alone, but God gave him companions and the Franciscans were born. I am not saying to join a monastery (unless you feel a call) rather I am saying open yourself to what God wants to give you to replace what you no longer need. God bless. (I was young once too - I went throught the same thing and had the same questions, God came through. Be Not Afraid)
 
1ke said:
I think many people find, in their mid 20s, that they no longer have things in common with their friends of old. It can be painful. It can feel like you are somehow betraying them.

But the truth is, people grow apart. People change.

You are under no obligation to maintain friendships with people who you no longer have things in common with or who engage in activities you do not want to be a part of.

You will make new friends, friends who share your desire to strive for holiness, friends who share your desire to please God.

Do not maintain a false sense of obligation to “old friends”.

Some of them may come around eventually, so perhaps it will only be a pause. Or perhaps not. People drift apart. It is just simply a fact of growing up.
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How about cases of people who are going no place, small community, Forty yr old friendships are hard to drop.

To the op live your life enjoy those that love you, in time some will not be seen, others will stay. The more your friends know of your convictions the less they will inclined to engage in sinful behaviors in your presence. If they don’t respect your views then they truly don’t respect you.
 
fbl9 said:
How about cases of people who are going no place, small community, Forty yr old friendships are hard to drop.
Click to expand...
I disagree.

I grew up in a small town, and I now live in a town that makes a small town look big.

It happens all the time.
 
fbl9 said:
How about cases of people who are going no place, small community, Forty yr old friendships are hard to drop.

To the op live your life enjoy those that love you, in time some will not be seen, others will stay. The more your friends know of your convictions the less they will inclined to engage in sinful behaviors in your presence. If they don’t respect your views then they truly don’t respect you.
Click to expand...
Well, you are currently online and so you could create a community with anyone with an internet connection. 🙂 We are no longer just limited to geography.

I prefer to think of what the OP is speaking of in terms of our lives being a giant house with multiple rooms. Each phase of our life is a different room. When we enter that room there will be people who were in the previous room who cannot, will not, or are unable to journey into the next room. There will some people you will not WANT to be with you! But, here is the wonderful surprise – there will be people in that new room who God will place in our path to challenge us, love us, and guide them.

The greatest fault, in my eyes, is not to heed the call of the Spirit and hold ourselves back and not go into the next room
 
1ke said:
I disagree.

I grew up in a small town, and I now live in a town that makes a small town look big.

It happens all the time.
Click to expand...
You cheated, you moved. And where you moved to sounds more like what i am talking about.
I haved lived where i am for all my life and my oldest freinds have done the same.
There is really nobody here that is of my age group and same convictions. So yeah i just go out and make new friends.
 
coachdennis said:
Well, you are currently online and so you could create a community with anyone with an internet connection. 🙂 We are no longer just limited to geography.
Click to expand...
Can i play a game cards and have coffee with those in this community, no i can’t. Can i sit togthere with those in this community and not have speak, no i can’t.
There is no possible way online communities can provide the companionship another human can provide.
 
fbl9 said:
Can i play a game cards and have coffee with those in this community, no i can’t. Can i sit togthere with those in this community and not have speak, no i can’t.
There is no possible way online communities can provide the companionship another human can provide.
Click to expand...
It’s a start and better than no community at all. We work with what we have and have been given
 
fbl9 said:
You cheated, you moved. And where you moved to sounds more like what i am talking about.
I haved lived where i am for all my life and my oldest freinds have done the same.
There is really nobody here that is of my age group and same convictions. So yeah i just go out and make new friends.
Click to expand...
Congratulations, you found a solution to your problem! I am not being sarcastic, I am being very serious.
 
Perhaps you could meditate on the friendship between Peter and John the Apostles. They had almost nothing in common… except their love of Christ.

St. Terese contemplated “cutting off her friendship” with one of her fellow sisters because she was afraid the relationship was getting to external and apart from God,

When we are young, we often make friends because we have things in common, and that can be good, but the friendship will not stand the test of time if it is not built on Christ. A friend wants what is best for their friends. They want their friend’s destiny (heaven), and they will help their friend on their path to heaven.

You could be the friend that sets the example of how one should live their life. At the same time, it sounds to me like you are a little intimidated by your friends and their chiding you. But, if you are solid and confident in your answers (not arrogant and defensive) then you can be an excellent witness to your friends. I would not recommend staying in the room when they talk about porn, because you are putting yourself in the near occasion of sin. What would Jesus do? He probably would get up and walk out of the room, or, He would come up with one of His “no argument” comments that would silence the lot of them.

If you do not feel confident enough at this time to put up with your friends’ banter, then I would suggest that you do separate from them. You are protecting yourself and your soul.
 
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