What would you do if your child wanted to leave the faith?

[Valiente88]

Hello

I understand this is not a prospect any Catholic wants to hear, but as my religion box indicates I am not one and I would appreciate an insight into how Catholics would feel in this scenario.

I am not a Catholic, but I originally married my husband fifteen years ago in the Catholic Church. He is devout in his faith, and has been a constant source of arguments for us both many times over the years; usually when it comes to the matter of contraception, my pro-gay opinions and my refusal to join the faith although the latter has come up less and less.

Other than that things have been rather smooth, and I have endeavored to do my best in supporting him and fulfill the promise I made prior to our marriage that I would support his efforts to raise our Children in the Catholic faith. For a time I did attend RCIA and have researched Catholic apologetic extensively to try and help him.

While I have supported this, whenever my children have ever asked what I believe personally I do not hesitate to tell them. Early on of course they never did, the Catholic answer was the one their father always gave them but of course, eventually I got the questions like “Why don’t you go to communion Mom?” and “Why did you go to Jack and Sam’s wedding, it’s forbidden!”.

Now this has recently come to a spearhead with my fourteen year old girl; she said today she no longer wishes to attend mass and I suspect this has been brought to the fore by a lecture she apparently received during a youth group meeting yesterday about how the evils of homosexuality (her best freind is a fifteen year old boy who came out about two months ago). This is the first time she has stated this directly, but there have been signs before she does not agree with Church teaching.

I personally do not care if she does or not, I wont lie I’m secretly rather proud of her that she’s begun to question the Church’s stance on homosexuality and Papal Infallibility all on her own without any pushing or direct (name removed by moderator)ut from myself (I am remaining outwardly neutral however, for the time being at least). To her father however…This is like the end of the world, he thinks he’s failed and she’s going to go if she likes it or not…

I’m trying to understand how he feels regarding this, but since she’s mostly beginning to share more primitive versions of views I myself hold but have never fully shared I’m struggling to sympathize with him, especially when he said he wants her to continue to attend anyway. I have always been happy for her to be taught organized religion, but I am unwilling to forcibly shove it down her throat. I’m at something of a loss, I don’t wish to break my promise or antagonize him, but at the same time I don’t want to influence her decision not to mention I would be…well, a gigantic hypocrite if I supported this.

Is there anyone here who has ever been in this position, on either side of the fence? I would welcome any opinions or experience you could share with me.

 

[1ke]

Trust me, you already HAVE influenced her. How could you not have? You are her parent.

I don’t know if you can ever understand what your husband is feeling. But, I suppose I would suggest that you imagine your worst fear regarding failure as a parent and raise it to the power of 10. That is what he feels.

I feel really sorry for your husband. Your secret glee at her new found lack of faith breaks my heart.

 

[Valiente88]

Trust me, you already HAVE influenced her. How could you not have? You are her parent.

I’m trying to think of episodes when I may have, obviously my husband and I make a point of having our arguments about matters of faith away from the children. Obviously my attendance (alone) at the weddings of those the church would deem invalidly married is not a show of support, but again episodes like that have always been my “dirty secret” (the only reason my kids know I went to the last one is because their aunt mentioned it over dinner).

I’ve never congratulated or supported her once when she’s suggested anything against church teaching (something I inwardly kick myself over), but at the same time I’ve never lied when she’s asked what I believe. As part of my promise, I have not encouraged her, she has had to make the effort to ask what she wishes to know.

I don’t know if you can ever understand what your husband is feeling. But, I suppose I would suggest that you imagine your worst fear regarding failure as a parent and raise it to the power of 10. That is what he feels.

I suppose…Honestly I can see the pain it’s causing him but at the same time I personally agree with much of what she said. I half wish she’d kept quiet and just given the token nod I give every Sunday when I attend mass with him.

I feel really sorry for your husband. Your secret glee at her new found lack of faith breaks my heart.

It’s not glee, I’m not happy to see my husband so distressed by anything. Its more a sense of pride in that my daughter is not afraid to think for herself and make informed decisions of her own.

I’m happy she’s displaying such signs of maturity, but his sadness does dampen any joy I may have.

 

[1ke]

I’m trying to think of episodes when I may have, obviously my husband and I make a point of having our arguments about matters of faith away from the children. Obviously my attendance (alone) at the weddings of those the church would deem invalidly married is not a show of support, but again episodes like that have always been my “dirty secret” (the only reason my kids know I went to the last one is because their aunt mentioned it over dinner).

I’ve never congratulated or supported her once when she’s suggested anything against church teaching (something I inwardly kick myself over), but at the same time I’ve never lied when she’s asked what I believe. As part of my promise, I have not encouraged her, she has had to make the effort to ask what she wishes to know.

Kids know. Parents may think kids don’t hear arguments but they do. Also, she knows what you believe, and you are honest with her when she asks. That is sufficient to undermine her faith at her age. (and i am using the term “undermine” loosely-- you are her parent, and therefore equal in raising her, not some stranger in her life filling her head with things… but from the perspective of trying to raise her solidly Catholic your beliefs subvert that goal)

This result is statistically in line with mixed religion families–the children usually end up agnostic or atheist. I’m not really sure what your husband expected would happen by marrying someone who not only didn’t share his beliefs but who held beliefs very different from him. Maybe like many who enter these situations he naively thought you would change and convert.

II suppose…Honestly I can see the pain it’s causing him but at the same time I personally agree with much of what she said. I half wish she’d kept quiet and just given the token nod I give every Sunday when I attend mass with him.

Well, a better outcome would be for her to talk to her Dad about it and hopefully he can resolve her concerns/questions/doubts by explaining Church teaching (and correcting any messages she gets at youth group that may be distortions of Church teaching).

At her age she is still searching, seeking to assert her independence, etc. That does not have to end in atheism or agnosticism if she and her father have had and continue to have good dialogue on religion.

If he is a Catholic who goes to Church but is not well versed in theology and able to counter these assaults on her belief system (which are a normal part of growing up) then, yeah, it is pretty much a lost cause.

 

[Phemie]

Let me put it this way. My kids all went to Mass as long as they were minors. When they became adults they stopped.

The oldest married a non-Catholic outside the Church. The middle child married another Catholic - outside the Church. The youngest got engaged and was planning a wedding but had never told his fiancée that he was Catholic.

How do I feel? Like a failure as a Catholic parent.
What did I do? Nothing, none were living anywhere near me at the time. They still aren’t. Short of refusing to attend the two weddings, which would have only served to alienate them, there was not much I could do beyond expressing my dismay at their contracting invalid marriages.

 

[808Catholic]

I pray for your family. This is not the ideal (having a secularist mother and Catholic father) but it is what you and your husband have created so I pray that God grants you and your family strength to survive this trial.

You claim this is a sign of your daughter’s maturity and I would opine that it is a stage of growth; one that she may or may not pass through. Like many teenagers, she’s gotten to the age where her friends are more influential than her parents. The danger is for parents to abandon their role and attempt to transform themselves into the likeness of their children’s friends (i.e. “the cool mom/dad.”) so they can be accepted by their child. The real question is, “does being a cool parent actually result in the best for your child?”

Your husband believes in the Church and that this is the best for your daughter but you don’t. She already knows you don’t share the same beliefs with your husband despite your marriage vows so you may have given her ammunition to discount all you and your husband say to her in loving guidance. You also attend Mass and “nod” putting up the facade of obedience but she knows you don’t believe and are just going through the motions. You have given her a pattern to follow.

The challenges faced by the youth of today is nothing like anything we’ve experienced in our youth. Despite our mistaken belief that our children will survive (their youth) because we survived (our youth) could be our undoing as a society. Today’s youth are exposed to evil unlike any other time and some of them will not survive (literally or figuratively) if we don’t take a stand.

As your husband knows, the greatest gift you can give is to lay down your life for your friend (or children.) This doesn’t mean dying for them (though that may be required one day); it means LIVING each and every day for them. Sacrificing a bit of our own lives (not doing everything we want so we can give to our children) so that they can live good lives as well is the ultimate goal of a parent. When we have children, we put aside some of our petty desires so we can raise them well.

God Bless you.

 

[BettyBoop416]

I feel really sorry for your husband. Your secret glee at her new found lack of faith breaks my heart.

It’s not glee, I’m not happy to see my husband so distressed by anything.

Anybody reading your post can see that what you are feeling is not “glee.” That’s just 1ke being 1ke. Although she is well-known for her knowledge of Church teaching, her haughty arrogance often leaves much to be desired.

 

[Valiente88]

Kids know. Parents may think kids don’t hear arguments but they do. Also, she knows what you believe, and you are honest with her when she asks. That is sufficient to undermine her faith at her age.

I suppose I can’t really deny that. In the earlier days I did consider lying about it, even converting despite not believing just to keep up appearances and make things easier, I even hoped while I was in RCIA I would have some kind of revelation, or meet an argument that could convince me Catholicism was true. In the end I decided against it, although evidently that makes my true beliefs harder to hide because I cannot take communion when my husband and children do.

This result is statistically in line with mixed religion families–the children usually end up agnostic or atheist. I’m not really sure what your husband expected would happen by marrying someone who not only didn’t share his beliefs but who held beliefs very different from him. Maybe like many who enter these situations he naively thought you would change and convert.

Interestingly enough she hasn’t gone as far as myself, I am a Deist (I believe there is one God, and they may or may not have an interest in humanity but they certainly haven’t revealed themselves in any way the “revealed” religions like Christianity would have me believe).

She seems to be stating beliefs closer to liberal protestants to my eyes; she believes in the divinity of Christ, but that the Pope is not infallible and is incorrect on a few matters ranging from homosexuality to original sin (I’ve no idea why she picked that one out of all of all the things to question).

Well, a better outcome would be for her to talk to her Dad about it and hopefully he can resolve her concerns/questions/doubts by explaining Church teaching (and correcting any messages she gets at youth group that may be distortions of Church teaching).

Her father was actually rather pleased when she began attending this youth group because the woman who runs it is renowned in our community for her arch-conservative traditionalist approach (We only attend the Latin Mass, so it strongly appealed to him and he was happy when she began going).

At her age she is still searching, seeking to assert her independence, etc. That does not have to end in atheism or agnosticism if she and her father have had and continue to have good dialogue on religion.

If he is a Catholic who goes to Church but is not well versed in theology and able to counter these assaults on her belief system (which are a normal part of growing up) then, yeah, it is pretty much a lost cause

This is one of the awkward problems, my husbands faith is very strong but I’m the one who is better versed on Theology (I retain a degree in Theology I’ve never used professionally and rarely advertise possessing since I retrained and went back to university) and quite often it has been left to me with my husband nearby to ensure I don’t say anything against Church teaching to explain why the Church teaches such.

I don’t think she will become an Atheist, or even Agnostic. But her belief in Catholicism seems to be rapidly evaporating and I’m not sure what to do. Her fathers reaction certainly has not helped one bit.

 

[Valiente88]

Let me put it this way. My kids all went to Mass as long as they were minors. When they became adults they stopped.

The oldest married a non-Catholic outside the Church. The middle child married another Catholic - outside the Church. The youngest got engaged and was planning a wedding but had never told his fiancée that he was Catholic.

How do I feel? Like a failure as a Catholic parent.
What did I do? Nothing, none were living anywhere near me at the time. They still aren’t. Short of refusing to attend the two weddings, which would have only served to alienate them, there was not much I could do beyond expressing my dismay at their contracting invalid marriages.

I think I can see where you are coming from, we all want our children to take up the family traditions and carry on what we instill in them. Marriage is going to be another awkward question in the future I fear, although one we wont face too soon.

 

[CB_Catholic]

My son left the Church when he was about 20–he actually just quit going and says he is no longer Catholic. He is now 41 and has not come back so far. Once in a great while I will ask him to reconsider going to Mass, but he always says no, although he did come to Mass at Christmas because we were all going. He married a lovely Baptist girl who does not attend church either. They eloped and were married in front of a JP.

I do not talk to him about this, although if i want to talk about something that happened in church, or discuss a subject and religion comes up I don’t avoid it in the conversation. He knows where I stand. Of course this pains me very much, but he has made that choice as an adult.

Every parent raises their children in accordance with their beliefs, whether it’s about religion or whatever. We teach them not to break the law, to be kind to people, work hard, etc. Now most people do not consider the secular culture they pass down to their children as “shoving it down their throats”. They believe that their insistence that they keep the law, be kind to Grandma, find a job, etc. part of their parental duty. It is the same with religion. Atheists will raise their children not to believe in a deity, yet rarely do people accuse them of shoving their insistence there is no God down their children’s throats. So it is with your husband, and you agreed to this when you married him, and you have admiringly kept up your end of the bargain. But to say that religion is being shoved down your daughter’s throat is not fair. Your husband is raising her as any parent does–according to his beliefs, and you agreed to it.

Since your daughter is asking such questions (which, BTW, is NOT unusual in that age group), your husband should be the one to answer them, but if she questions you about why you don’t believe the same thing, be honest–don’t lie, because she knows better. But tell her you agreed she should be raised Catholic and when she is an adult she will then have the freedom to make a different choice.

People do change. My daughter, at the age of 18, quit going to Mass, declared she did not believe what the Catholic church teaches, became pro-abortion, moved in with her boyfriend, etc. I told her how I felt about this when it came up, but did not condemn or nag her. Now SHE made an abrupt turnaround when she was about 30 and is one of the most “religious” people I know. More Catholic than the Pope?

So I have had 2 children and a husband who left the faith, one has returned, of her own volition. Nothing I said or did has made a difference in anything. They made their own choices, but it was after they were adults. The children went to Church until they were out of my care–that was my duty as a parent.

 

[1ke]

I think I can see where you are coming from, we all want our children to take up the family traditions and carry on what we instill in them. Marriage is going to be another awkward question in the future I fear, although one we wont face too soon.

it is more than simply tradition, although that is part of it. If you understand the theology of Catholicism, you understand rejecting the faith has a real possibility of Hell attached to it. Her father fears for her soul.

It is good to know she has not rejected the Christian faith outright. There are very good Catholic authors who can perhaps explain where her father cannot.

If it doesn’t cross a line for you personally, consider giving her the book series Prove It by Amy Wellborn (or suggest it to your husband).

Is he authoritarian when dealing with her in general? If so, this could be teen rebellion in the making, which you need to head off at the pass.

 

[Valiente88]

I pray for your family. This is not the ideal (having a secularist mother and Catholic father) but it is what you and your husband have created so I pray that God grants you and your family strength to survive this trial.

Thank you 808Catholic, you are very kind. I agree it isn’t ideal, once I realized I wasn’t ever going to be able to talk my husband round to my world view I even considered converting myself, create a sense of union but… I don’t know, I couldn’t bear the thought of lying for the next few decades until I revealed (if ever) my “dreadful secret” when they were old enough.

You claim this is a sign of your daughter’s maturity and I would opine that it is a stage of growth; one that she may or may not pass through. Like many teenagers, she’s gotten to the age where her friends are more influential than her parents. The danger is for parents to abandon their role and attempt to transform themselves into the likeness of their children’s friends (i.e. “the cool mom/dad.”) so they can be accepted by their child. The real question is, “does being a cool parent actually result in the best for your child?”

This is actually one of the things that puzzles me the most, I make an active effort (often against my own conscience) to not encourage her questioning of Catholicism but at the same time most of her close freinds with exception to the gay boy who lives on our road are Catholics from our parish.

I’m not even sure it’s him that’s encouraging her, from a conversation I heard it sounded like she was the one coaxing him out of the closet and he was having doubts in regards to his (Baptist) faith.

Your husband believes in the Church and that this is the best for your daughter but you don’t. She already knows you don’t share the same beliefs with your husband despite your marriage vows so you may have given her ammunition to discount all you and your husband say to her in loving guidance. You also attend Mass and “nod” putting up the facade of obedience but she knows you don’t believe and are just going through the motions. You have given her a pattern to follow.

Well…I guess I can’t deny that. What troubles me is that if this were just a display of teenage rebellion, a desire to be cool and reject the established order why would she spend so much time justifying her view (I’ve seen her reading the Bible a good deal in recent weeks, although I suspect now it wasn’t for any prayerful consideration but passages to back her up).

It seems genuine…sigh

The challenges faced by the youth of today is nothing like anything we’ve experienced in our youth. Despite our mistaken belief that our children will survive (their youth) because we survived (our youth) could be our undoing as a society. Today’s youth are exposed to evil unlike any other time and some of them will not survive (literally or figuratively) if we don’t take a stand.

I’m not going to say too much here, clearly I don’t believe in papal infallibility or that homosexual acts are evil.

As your husband knows, the greatest gift you can give is to lay down your life for your friend (or children.) This doesn’t mean dying for them (though that may be required one day); it means LIVING each and every day for them. Sacrificing a bit of our own lives (not doing everything we want so we can give to our children) so that they can live good lives as well is the ultimate goal of a parent. When we have children, we put aside some of our petty desires so we can raise them well.

God Bless you.

I’ve pushed my desires under the rug for fifteen years to play up and appease my husbands ideal of a perfect Catholic family, often against my own conscience in an effort to make him happy.

I’ll be truthful, had it been solely my way I’d have likely sent my children to a secular school and not bothered with the “church thing”. I can tell you now, getting harangued by my hellfire preacher mother in law and not punching her in the mouth has been a testament to me not following my desires One I am rather proud of.

But on a more serious note…Thank you for your thoughts

 

[heidi_storage]

I certainly wouldn’t lie to your daughter about your beliefs. I think it’s entirely reasonable to expect a minor child living under her parents’ roof to attend Mass as a gesture of respect.

For your husband: If my daughter were a teenager and announced she wanted to leave our faith, I would try very hard to resist my impulse to freak out, because that is not helpful in the long run. Ultimately, we cannot make our children accept our faith–but we can pray for them.

 

[1ke]

I’ve pushed my desires under the rug for fifteen years to play up and appease my husbands ideal of a perfect Catholic family, often against my own conscience in an effort to make him happy.

Have you ever discussed this form over substance situation with your husband? What sort of familly of origin issues might he have that are coming out in this way? Has he ever thought of counseling for himself.

Pushing so much of your true self down for 15 years probably hasn’t been too healthy for you either! I don’t know how you do that!

I can tell you now, getting harangued by my hellfire preacher mother in law and not punching her in the mouth has been a testament to me not following my desires

So your husband is a traditional Catholic but his own mother is a non-Catholic preacher? This may be adding to your daughter’s confusion!

 

[Valiente88]

My son left the Church when he was about 20–he actually just quit going and says he is no longer Catholic. He is now 41 and has not come back so far. Once in a great while I will ask him to reconsider going to Mass, but he always says no, although he did come to Mass at Christmas because we were all going. He married a lovely Baptist girl who does not attend church either. They eloped and were married in front of a JP.

I do not talk to him about this, although if i want to talk about something that happened in church, or discuss a subject and religion comes up I don’t avoid it in the conversation. He knows where I stand. Of course this pains me very much, but he has made that choice as an adult.

Every parent raises their children in accordance with their beliefs, whether it’s about religion or whatever. We teach them not to break the law, to be kind to people, work hard, etc. Now most people do not consider the secular culture they pass down to their children as “shoving it down their throats”. They believe that their insistence that they keep the law, be kind to Grandma, find a job, etc. part of their parental duty. It is the same with religion. Atheists will raise their children not to believe in a deity, yet rarely do people accuse them of shoving their insistence there is no God down their children’s throats. So it is with your husband, and you agreed to this when you married him, and you have admiringly kept up your end of the bargain. But to say that religion is being shoved down your daughter’s throat is not fair. Your husband is raising her as any parent does–according to his beliefs, and you agreed to it.

Since your daughter is asking such questions (which, BTW, is NOT unusual in that age group), your husband should be the one to answer them, but if she questions you about why you don’t believe the same thing, be honest–don’t lie, because she knows better. But tell her you agreed she should be raised Catholic and when she is an adult she will then have the freedom to make a different choice.

People do change. My daughter, at the age of 18, quit going to Mass, declared she did not believe what the Catholic church teaches, became pro-abortion, moved in with her boyfriend, etc. I told her how I felt about this when it came up, but did not condemn or nag her. Now SHE made an abrupt turnaround when she was about 30 and is one of the most “religious” people I know. More Catholic than the Pope?

So I have had 2 children and a husband who left the faith, one has returned, of her own volition. Nothing I said or did has made a difference in anything. They made their own choices, but it was after they were adults. The children went to Church until they were out of my care–that was my duty as a parent.

I hadn’t quite thought about it that way, perhaps I can comfort him with the knowledge she may have a change of heart. Perhaps my choice of words regarding shoving it down her throat were too harsh, I just worry that being forcibly made to attend mass is going to make her resent the Church. Non believer I might be, but anti Theist I am certainly not and I really don’t want my children to take a negative view of religion.

Thank you CBCatholic, your words have helped a good deal

 

[Valiente88]

it is more than simply tradition, although that is part of it. If you understand the theology of Catholicism, you understand rejecting the faith has a real possibility of Hell attached to it. Her father fears for her soul.

I think this is one of the parts I struggle to comprehend the most, even though I do understand to him it is a real fear. Though it may be irrational to me, silly even it still hurts him. I wish I had the eloquence could talk him out of it and put his mind at ease but I know I can pull out any Deistic, Universalist or Atheistic argument I want but it wont make him blink. I have to admire the firmness with which he holds his faith, but it is causing him great pain.

It is good to know she has not rejected the Christian faith outright. There are very good Catholic authors who can perhaps explain where her father cannot.

If it doesn’t cross a line for you personally, consider giving her the book series Prove It by Amy Wellborn (or suggest it to your husband).

Is he authoritarian when dealing with her in general? If so, this could be teen rebellion in the making, which you need to head off at the pass.

Oh not at all, I’ve given her several Catholic books from my own collection, the Story of a Soul, Apologetics and Catholic Doctrine (she’s fairly advanced for her age) so I’ve no problems with buying her additional ones.

Authoritarian…Not so much on day to day household things but he is a tyrant when it comes to matters of faith. If anyone so much as suggests gay marriage might be ok he won’t accept it or that Women can be be priests too, he’ll keep at them until they submit.

The only reason he doesn’t try with me is because (much to his chargrin) he knows I can run rings around him when it comes to Theology.

 

[Valiente88]

I certainly wouldn’t lie to your daughter about your beliefs. I think it’s entirely reasonable to expect a minor child living under her parents’ roof to attend Mass as a gesture of respect.

Maybe if I posed it more as a communal thing and bigged it up as an action to make her father happy she might be more likely to accept it. I suppose if she’s there she’ll be getting a stronger Catholic influence than just at home alone, although I’m not sure it will sway her…

Thank you, this has given me an idea

 

[CB_Catholic]

I hadn’t quite thought about it that way, perhaps I can comfort him with the knowledge she may have a change of heart. Perhaps my choice of words regarding shoving it down her throat were too harsh, I just worry that being forcibly made to attend mass is going to make her resent the Church. Non believer I might be, but anti Theist I am certainly not and I really don’t want my children to take a negative view of religion.

Thank you CBCatholic, your words have helped a good deal

You are very welcome.

 

[Valiente88]

Have you ever discussed this form over substance situation with your husband? What sort of familly of origin issues might he have that are coming out in this way? Has he ever thought of counseling for himself.

Pushing so much of your true self down for 15 years probably hasn’t been too healthy for you either! I don’t know how you do that!

Honestly, I do it because I love him and no other reason. I admire his faith and some of the things it drives him forward to do; working at the soup kitchens, teaching in his free time, spending most of the time at home always being on hand to support me with the kids unlike several other mothers I know…Obviously I don’t always admire it, sometimes I want to wring his neck when it makes him do things like tell my friends they are living in sin and I am forced to go to their weddings alone (He’s been banished to the sofa on occasion for that).

From what I see his family are a very close traditionalist Catholic one, twelve kids, two became priests. I can tell you the day he announced his engagement to me was not a happy day in their household Aside from that they seem happy and normal enough.

So your husband is a traditional Catholic but his own mother is a non-Catholic preacher? This may be adding to your daughter’s confusion!

Oh nonono…I’m sorry, I’m causing confusion here. His mother is a traditionalist Catholic too, but feels the constant need to berate me every time she comes around and the kids are out of earshot about when I’m going to convert and about the evil of my ways. The woman is a walking Catechism, paticually fond of quoting from pre-vatican II documents regarding the fate of the unbelivers >.> You can imagine how much I enjoy that

 

[sscott]

If Catholicism was so important to your husband he should have thought of the consequences before he started dating you. You of course are under no obligation to teach Catholicism in your home. That is your husband’s job. He also has no right to push you into converting. That is bullying. You have every right to give honest answers to your children now that they are older. The church no longer requires a spouse to promise to raise the children Catholic because they can’t possibly enforce such a rule on non Catholics. Also, you can’t possibly know how you will feel about it when you actually have children. You promised under duress because you were in love.
Let your husband handle all the Catholic doctrine; that is his job as the Catholic parent. BTW- There are many children from devoutly two Catholic parent homes who question the church just as your daughter is doing now. Don’t let your husband put the blame on you.