What would you do in this situation?

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sparrowhawk28

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(Not sure that this is in the right place)

I recently met this Christian guy (he’s a Mennonite) online, and we’ve started communicating over email. I’m not by any means interested in him romantically. We live in completely different countries, he’s a bit older than me and is married with children.

We haven’t been talking for a long time, but his words have begun to become quite flirtatious. He keeps talking about how “sexy” I am (even though I’ve never shown him any photos of myself) and included “xx” at the end of one of his messages. He even told me he was a “terrible flirt” and to tell him to stop if he made any unwanted advances.

He seems like a nice person with good intentions, but I’m feeling a little uncomfortable. Looking back over the conversations I’ve had with him, I don’t believe anything I said encouraged him.
It just seems odd that he would do these things, A) when he doesn’t know me in person and has never seen my picture, and B) when he’s a married guy with a family.

Is there anything I should do? Or do you reckon this is just harmless fun and I’m taking it too far? I don’t want to engage in something like this and be made to feel like I’m acting immorally or sinfully. My morals tell me that it’s wrong to participate in that sort of conversation with anyone you’re not associated with intimately or interested in romantically - and especially not with a married person.

Any comments or advice would be helpful. God bless!
 
Well, he did say to tell him to stop if he made any unwanted advances. Tell him that. Say that you enjoy his correspondences as a friend, but the flirty undertones are making you uncomfortable. Say that if he cannot stop the “sexy” talk, than it would probably be best for both of you if you end things. And then, if he does it again, do end things.
 
I would end things now. If I were married and knew my husband was chatting to someone online and calling them sexy I would feel extremely upset and betrayed, wouldn’t you?
 
End it. Remind him he’s married and any “sexy” talk should be with his wife. Say goodbye and tell him not to email anymore. Then put his email on your spam list.

:twocents:
 
I would rather err on the side of caution in a situation like this.
 
I’m married, I wouldn’t be talking like that with a woman, let alone one on the internet. And, that “I’m a flirt, tell me to stop” translates as “I’m going to flirt regardless, and your failure to stop me means I can keep on doing it and do more of it.” Pop smoke, find someone else to talk to on the internet. Besides, do you really want to talk to a man who has such a poor grasp of what it means to be a husband?
 
Thanks everyone for your insight and advice. At first I thought I was maybe reading too far into it, but now I can see my concerns are justified.

His exact words were: “I can tend to be a terrible flirt so if I start getting out of line or make you uncomfortable by something I say just tell me to quit it.” That was really the first thing that threw me off, followed by the “sexy” comments.
Armyvet007 said:
Besides, do you really want to talk to a man who has such a poor grasp of what it means to be a husband?
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Not in the slightest.

I’m going to take my time in responding to him again. If he makes any more of those statements, I’ll tell him to stop and will end contact.
 
No decent guy should tell you how sexy you are - on or offline - when you don’t even know each other very much. [but that’s coming from a young man raised in a respectably-mannered, Catholic household :D] I’d ditch him.
 
sparrowhawk28 said:
(Not sure that this is in the right place)

I recently met this Christian guy (he’s a Mennonite) online, and we’ve started communicating over email. I’m not by any means interested in him romantically. We live in completely different countries, he’s a bit older than me and is married with children.

We haven’t been talking for a long time, but his words have begun to become quite flirtatious. He keeps talking about how “sexy” I am (even though I’ve never shown him any photos of myself) and included “xx” at the end of one of his messages. He even told me he was a “terrible flirt” and to tell him to stop if he made any unwanted advances.

He seems like a nice person with good intentions, but I’m feeling a little uncomfortable. Looking back over the conversations I’ve had with him, I don’t believe anything I said encouraged him.
It just seems odd that he would do these things, A) when he doesn’t know me in person and has never seen my picture, and B) when he’s a married guy with a family.

Is there anything I should do? Or do you reckon this is just harmless fun and I’m taking it too far? I don’t want to engage in something like this and be made to feel like I’m acting immorally or sinfully. My morals tell me that it’s wrong to participate in that sort of conversation with anyone you’re not associated with intimately or interested in romantically - and especially not with a married person.

Any comments or advice would be helpful. God bless!
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He’s married! He’s inappropriate – but worse he is married.

Now think about his wife – would you want, as a wife, to have your husband carrying on a flirtatious correspondence with a woman over the internet? Treat his wife as you would want to be treated by your husband when you marry. She’s a real person – she does exist and you are not taking into account her feelings if she were to know what her husband was up to. In any case, he’s not available to you.

End it.
 
sparrowhawk28 said:
Or do you reckon this is just harmless fun and I’m taking it too far?
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Harmless fun is when two single people talk this way. It is very inappropriate to do this when one of them is married. IMHO, there is no reason to continue contact with this person; it can only lead to trouble.
 
Sounds like he could be “grooming” you. Introduces himself as “safe” a la “married” and “Christian”. Moves to flirting. Attempts to put the “power” in your court as in “tell me to stop”. If I were a betting person, I would bet the farm that soon he will be requesting certain photos…

A person can be anyone on the Internet. You do not know his age or his religion or his marital status for certain.

Delete his email from your address book, request he no longer contact you, and add his email to your spam.

If you don’t believe me, I know a wealthy Nigerian national who was tragically killed with no known heirs, and for a small processing fee, his entire estate can be yours…:cool:
 
Oh dear! This definitely doesn’t sound like ‘harmless fun’ – it sounds like this guy knows exactly what he’s doing, and what he’s doing is WRONG! I think flirting is fine, but it’s definitely not fine when you’re married and you’re flirting with someone other than your spouse. Not only is it wrong, but it’s disrespectful to everyone involved. I, too, have dealt with guys like this, who claim to be terrible flirts and then go on to use that as an excuse to do and say whatever they like. If I ever called them out on it and told them that they needed to knock it off, they’d fall back on the old, “I told you I was a flirt! Nothing wrong with flirting! Don’t take it so seriously!” nonsense. My guess would be that your best bet would be to stop communicating with this man. These things can become tangled up messes without you even realizing when it happened!! 😦 My prayers are with you!
 
To put it simply: You are under no obligation to reply to him at all.

He is a married man, and he is acting completely inappropriately.

Don’t even bother replying to him. It will only lead to further emails. Close the book on this. Delete his email and have no further communication with him.

I’m sure you’ve come to think of him as a good friend at this point, but online, he could be ANYONE. You don’t know who this person is. Hit delete and don’t look back.
 
I was in a similar situation with a fellow I met online.He acted too amorous when I barely knew him calling me sweetie and baby and eventually it escalated to him stalking me.I had to block him on this one site.This guy you are talking about sounds like a player and is not showing you the respect you deserve.I would block his email.
 
Catholic90 said:
Sounds like he could be “grooming” you. Introduces himself as “safe” a la “married” and “Christian”. Moves to flirting. Attempts to put the “power” in your court as in “tell me to stop”. If I were a betting person, I would bet the farm that soon he will be requesting certain photos…

A person can be anyone on the Internet. You do not know his age or his religion or his marital status for certain.

Delete his email from your address book, request he no longer contact you, and add his email to your spam.

If you don’t believe me, I know a wealthy Nigerian national who was tragically killed with no known heirs, and for a small processing fee, his entire estate can be yours…:cool:
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What she said.

Grooming is what it’s called – couldn’t think of the word myself – but he is DANGEROUS to your soul. Cut off all communication. You do not need to be polite about this.

I was the target of this sort of thing a couple times when I was in high school and college, and didn’t have the knowledge to see what was happening until I was suddenly grabbed and kissed by a married man. Grooming. Twice. (never again, please God)

If you try to explain your feelings, concerns, etc., he’ll just try to lure you in some other way.

God bless you. I’ll keep you in my prayers and pray for this man’s conversion.

Gertie
 
Thank you all - your advice is greatly appreciated 🙂 👍
Neildown said:
No decent guy should tell you how sexy you are - on or offline - when you don’t even know each other very much. [but that’s coming from a young man raised in a respectably-mannered, Catholic household :D] I’d ditch him.
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Agreed, most certainly 🙂 It even makes me a little uncomfortable when people I’m very close to make comments like that, so the fact that he did it put me on edge a bit.
Leegal said:
He’s married! He’s inappropriate – but worse he is married.

Now think about his wife – would you want, as a wife, to have your husband carrying on a flirtatious correspondence with a woman over the internet? Treat his wife as you would want to be treated by your husband when you marry. She’s a real person – she does exist and you are not taking into account her feelings if she were to know what her husband was up to. In any case, he’s not available to you.

End it.
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Not at all. I have no idea what’s motivating him to do this, and whatever his reasons, it’s not very considerate behaviour.
Catholic90 said:
Sounds like he could be “grooming” you. Introduces himself as “safe” a la “married” and “Christian”. Moves to flirting. Attempts to put the “power” in your court as in “tell me to stop”. If I were a betting person, I would bet the farm that soon he will be requesting certain photos…

A person can be anyone on the Internet. You do not know his age or his religion or his marital status for certain.

Delete his email from your address book, request he no longer contact you, and add his email to your spam.

If you don’t believe me, I know a wealthy Nigerian national who was tragically killed with no known heirs, and for a small processing fee, his entire estate can be yours…:cool:
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🙂 Earlier today he sent me a photo of himself. I don’t like sending my photo or personal details to people I hardly know, so I wouldn’t have considered it even if he’d asked me to (which he didn’t). He asked me how old I was, and keeps making comments about how young I am (I’m 20). Making me feel a bit uncomfortable.
TigerKitty said:
To put it simply: You are under no obligation to reply to him at all.

He is a married man, and he is acting completely inappropriately.

Don’t even bother replying to him. It will only lead to further emails. Close the book on this. Delete his email and have no further communication with him.

I’m sure you’ve come to think of him as a good friend at this point, but online, he could be ANYONE. You don’t know who this person is. Hit delete and don’t look back.
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Actually, I only started emailing him this week. That’s partly why it’s concerning me - I haven’t been speaking to him for very long at all. He’s told me his “life story” and for the most part he seems like a nice guy, we have good conversations - but even so I don’t consider him a “good friend”, and am even less likely to after the nature of his emails.

I will cut off contact. I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I’m feeling uncomfortable or threatened, and in my view encouraging the continuation of something I find inappropriate is itself inappropriate and wrong.
 
Gertabelle said:
What she said.

Grooming is what it’s called – couldn’t think of the word myself – but he is DANGEROUS to your soul. Cut off all communication. You do not need to be polite about this.

I was the target of this sort of thing a couple times when I was in high school and college, and didn’t have the knowledge to see what was happening until I was suddenly grabbed and kissed by a married man. Grooming. Twice. (never again, please God)

If you try to explain your feelings, concerns, etc., he’ll just try to lure you in some other way.

God bless you. I’ll keep you in my prayers and pray for this man’s conversion.

Gertie
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Thank you for your advice and prayers. I think that’s a big problem for me - I’m worried about not being polite.
 
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