What Would You Do???

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trish_scotland

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Hi there I am a lady in my twentys and im a little bitter let me explain.:o My husband doesnt really like my family why i dont know i have never got a answer from him as to why? My father died this year after a long illness that left him unable to breath properly therfore was stuck at home 24/7 on oxygen. He was very ill. Making it hard for me to go the 30 mile trip my other half would just moan and mentally abuse me for going over there to see my family. My mother left my dad so he was alone although my sister eventially moved back in with dad. My husbands family also were over there alot and would never look the road my dad was on although he knew them and invited them in alot they just didnt bother. In the end as my dad got hospitalised i just went more aften and took the abuse i got. Dad phoned me from the hospital and told me he was in a bad way so my sisters and i made the 140 mile trip to the hospital and my dad was quite poorly. When i got back he and his family said i thought he was ment to be dying? What the hell was that ment to mean? I love my man but this stung. Anyway sadly when my dad dies this year god took my dad home because i beleive god couldnt leave such a beautiful person to suffer and be treated like that any longer. They didnt even buy a wreath!! Where im from this is tradition!!! Anyway my mans dad is unwell now and yes i feel for him but im bitter. I dont want to help them as they didnt help my dad or want me to do a thing for my dad they treated him badly and im angry at me for allowing it. I dont want to feel like this. How can i get past this as i feel like i am commiting a sin for feeling so bitter. I feel hatred for them but dont want to but i love my dad.
 
trish_scotland said:
Hi there I am a lady in my twentys and im a little bitter let me explain.:o My husband doesnt really like my family why i dont know i have never got a answer from him as to why? My father died this year after a long illness that left him unable to breath properly therfore was stuck at home 24/7 on oxygen. He was very ill. Making it hard for me to go the 30 mile trip my other half would just moan and mentally abuse me for going over there to see my family. My mother left my dad so he was alone although my sister eventially moved back in with dad. My husbands family also were over there alot and would never look the road my dad was on although he knew them and invited them in alot they just didnt bother. In the end as my dad got hospitalised i just went more aften and took the abuse i got. Dad phoned me from the hospital and told me he was in a bad way so my sisters and i made the 140 mile trip to the hospital and my dad was quite poorly. When i got back he and his family said i tought he was ment to be dying? What the hell was that ment to mean? I love my man but this stung. Anyway sadly when my dad dies this year god took my dad home because i beleive god couldnt leave such a beautiful person to suffer and be treated like that any longer. They didnt even buy a wreath!! Where im from this is tradition!!! Anyway my mans dad is unwell now and yes i feel for him but im bitter. I dont want to help then as they didnt help my dad or want me to do a thing for my dad they treated him badly and im angry at me for allowing it. I dont want to feel like this. How can i get past this as i feel like i am commiting a sin for felling so bitter. I feel hatred for them but dont want to but i love my dad.
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*I’m so sorry that you lost your dad. Please know I’m praying for you, it must be a very tough time right now.

The best way to deal with this, is to be there for your husband, as painful as it is…as bitter deep down as you might be…revenge is not for us to seek. But, show your husband you’re there for him…and hopefully, he will see that he hurt you by not being there for you. If he never sees it, God sees what you’re doing. The things we do never go in vain–God sees them, and He will be proud of you for not allowing your bitterness to consume you. I think it would be appropriate to discuss your feelings with your husband, though.

I pray that things will work out, and that you will grow past your bitterness. Your husband should feel blessed to have you as his wife, I think that sometimes we are given challenges to help us to grow. Perhaps, this is one of those times. *
 
trish

first let me say I’m sorry your dad has passed.

second, I see your parents have split. Which indicates to me family problems.

Going out on a limb I want to say that men react far differently to family problems than women do. They especally act differently when family problems occur in the life of someone they love. Could it be that he’s concerned for you and going about it the wrong way? Does he believe your family wronged you? If you have told him about any injustice this may flare his temper. And someone who’s been verbally abused may only know how to act abusively to respond to the situation.

Go straight to councelling, from the surface it seems you have many issues in your marriage.
 
I don’t have much advice, I just wanted to let you know that I feel for you. Both of my parents passed away recently (and they were divorced), and it is hard. :hug1: Even if the family dynamic isn’t great, it is still hard to lose a parent.
 
I agree with Whatevergirl. I’d just like to add that you feeling bitter won’t change your husband or his family’s behavior/attitude. Apparently, they only understand their own pain and suffering–sad to say. You can’t make them feel any differently, but you can act out of pity for them for being so obtuse, so self-centered, for they deserve your pity. Just think what it will be like for them when they stand before God and have to explain their behavior. It won’t be pretty if they don’t come to see how badly they acted. But, that’s for them to worry about. You married your husband because you saw good in him. I think he just never learned to feel for others outside his own family–no doubt the way his family has always been. I don’t think it was right for him to berate you for wanting to be with your dad when he needed you, and you should explain how his treating you like that hurts you. You might even consider marriage counseling if he continues to do this to you. In any case, you have my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved father, and my prayers.
 
purplesunshine said:
trish

first let me say I’m sorry your dad has passed.

second, I see your parents have split. Which indicates to me family problems.

Going out on a limb I want to say that men react far differently to family problems than women do. They especally act differently when family problems occur in the life of someone they love. Could it be that he’s concerned for you and going about it the wrong way? Does he believe your family wronged you? If you have told him about any injustice this may flare his temper. And someone who’s been verbally abused may only know how to act abusively to respond to the situation.

Go straight to councelling, from the surface it seems you have many issues in your marriage.
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Thank you for your advice. Yes i have started councelling but my other half will not go. Yes there were problems that we didnt know about untill mum left and dad needed us more. The problem being mum falling in love with another. I was very hurt we all were and dad was raw with pain. My inlaws just gossiped about is rather than helping. I come from a clannish family in scotland we are ment to stick together and not being able to do this hurt me. Hopfully councelling with help me forgive myself and my mans family and with dad dying alone at home in bed it will take alot to forgive myself.
 
I had a close relative who married at 19 into a family that was very different from our own. Her husband’s family were cold, critical people who did NOT accept her at all. When they’d get together for family gatherings, they all chose to talk in their native language and totally ignore her, even though they could all speak English. They made her felt like a total outsider. She tried and tried to win this family over - to no avail. Fast forward 20 years and she and her husband divorce. She keeps in contact with her former mother in law for the sake of her children - not wanting to sever ties with their grandmother. The Grandmother gets sick - very sick. And who takes care of her? Yep - her former daughter in law. She goes over every single week to sit with the old woman - bring her treats, talk to her, rub lotion on her feet even. Did this womean deserve that treatment? Not at all - but the daughter in law continued to go until the old woman died. My Aunt never got an apology or even a thank you from the family and I recently asked her if she had any regrets and she said NONE… she did what she knew was the right thing to do and she said that even if nobody else noticed or cared, she knows God did.

I think you should be there for your husband and his father because it is the right thing to do. Jesus said, “Whatever you do for the least of these my brothers, you do for me.”

I am so very sorry about your Dad. May he rest in peace.
 
Thank you for all your advice i have decided that i will continue to support my man and his family. After all that is what my dad would have done and yes deep down i have it in my heart to forgive it will just take a little time for my pain to heal. I will help them when they need me as i wouldnt want what happened to dad to happen to anyone else no one would deserve that.I have had a long think about it stayed awake and worried about how i was feeling and i have come to relalise jesus our lord forgave those who crusified him before they even did it. Thank you. Patricia.
 
Hi Patricia, glad to see you’re posting. :hug1:

I think you’ve decided to handle this the right way. You’re being a good wife and taking the “high road” even though your husband’s family treated you unjustly. Offer up the bad feelings and resentments that might come and go, and remember to keep God on your speed dial! (so to speak) :p. This will be a great source of comfort for you.
 
trish_scotland said:
Thank you for all your advice i have decided that i will continue to support my man and his family. After all that is what my dad would have done and yes deep down i have it in my heart to forgive it will just take a little time for my pain to heal. I will help them when they need me as i wouldnt want what happened to dad to happen to anyone else no one would deserve that.I have had a long think about it stayed awake and worried about how i was feeling and i have come to relalise jesus our lord forgave those who crusified him before they even did it. Thank you. Patricia.
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That’s beautiful Trish! I am sure God is smiling at you right now.
 
trish_scotland said:
Thank you for all your advice i have decided that i will continue to support my man and his family. After all that is what my dad would have done and yes deep down i have it in my heart to forgive it will just take a little time for my pain to heal. I will help them when they need me as i wouldnt want what happened to dad to happen to anyone else no one would deserve that.I have had a long think about it stayed awake and worried about how i was feeling and i have come to relalise jesus our lord forgave those who crusified him before they even did it. Thank you. Patricia.
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