what would you do?

[theUnknown2]

Hi ! I’m not sure if this has already been suggested because I’m posting from my phone and haven’t yet read all replies but I have a possible comprimise … How about you offer $200 dollars worth of your time instead of cash ? Dedicate a weekend or two per month doing household repairs … Tune up / fix her car … Drive to doctor appts … Pick up RX’s … Etc… That way you are contributing and your wife can and should feel good about it too. God Bless you and I will pray for you ! I do recommend keeping your wife happy!

Thank you for your suggestion. I live in a different state. so your proposed solution would not work. thank you though.

 

[theUnknown2]

I think there is an even bigger issue here - your wife is playing “mind games” with you. If not a form of emotional abuse itself, it certainly can progress to emotional abuse if it is not “nipped in the bud” early. Who knows what else she will renege on in the future?

BTW, I may have missed this, but how old are you and your wife?

I’m 47 and she’s 36.

 

[theUnknown2]

Either this or tell her yes you are right, we will invite sister #10 to live with us so we do not have to send cash.

So , God is giving the your wife an opportunity to grow in love and charity. That’s what marriage is for. Pray for her. Keep talking about it. Help her to see her selfishness in this situation. Remind her of the great blessings you have been given and that it is now in your power to share these blessings.

How I wish everyone in this world achieve this level of spiritual enlightenment.

 

[sherimarie]

200 sounds like a lot to me. Have you spoken with your sisters about what they need, maybe they would rather have your help around the house if you are able.
2 of my Aunts where confined to wheelchairs and yet held down jobs all their lives, this may be a temporary thing for your family.

 

[RedSoxWife]

I think a lot of people on the thread who’ve painted his wife as some kind of insensitive, game playing manipulator don’t really understand how her past experiences (which her husband indicates includes living in poverty) are probably affecting her reaction at this time.

I think I can empathize…

We’re currently in a pretty bad situation financially (no indoor plumbing for four years, and I’m praying we can change that by getting HUD housing in the next 5 months before baby #2 arrives because I really feel I will go crazy without running water with a 24 month old and a newborn). We still tithe from the tiny bit we have and have helped out my husbands family who still live in a beautiful house that they built, but are facing foreclosure and can’t buy food some months (mostly because they helped out other family members when they couldn’t afford it).

But I know that even if we were in a secure position again I would be nervous about committing indefinitely to pay for someone to live on the money. I’d be terrified that if my husband lost his job again (last time it was a month after our daughter was born) that we wouldn’t be able to pay our bills, much less have someone else depending so heavily on us and let them down (maybe $200 just seems like a lot because it’s an entire weeks pay here!). I would be okay with the helping part, it would be the committing forever to help part that would scare me… because the past years have taught me that anything can happen…

Because of that I like the timeline reevaluation idea. At least that way there’s the idea that you’ll help, but that the amount will need to be looked at and that while it may be indefinitely, it may not be too…

 

[Seatuck]

How I wish everyone in this world achieve this level of spiritual enlightenment.

Well, be patient. God is giving you a lesson as well. You are spiritual leader in your house. This is a something that you learn and grow into. Also what marriage is for.

I remember many years ago when my husband told me he wanted to start tithing.We had given monetary gifts and helps to family with no problem and gave small gifts to church on Sunday and a few other charities but that was it. I thought he was crazy.We live in area with one of the highest costs of living in the whole US. I expected to tithe eventually but no way did I think we were ready. He was frustrated with me and what seemed to come off as an ungenerous attitude. So he convinced me to take a step out in faith and see what would happen. So we did it. It didn’t make me feel comfortable for a while. I had quite a bit of anxiety about it actually. But over time it grew on me and I saw the positive results of putting God’s needs or the needs of God’s people first . I pay the bills and I learned to pay the tithe checks first and you know somehow all those bills and our retirement fund etc got paid. Even when it didn’t seem possible.
I learned it was really a trust issue. I practiced on trusting my husband then trusting in God and his much bigger plan for us.
Marriage is like that. It provides you with opportunity of growth. Sometimes there are real growing pains. Sometimes we are disillusioned with our spouses which also hurts us. We are taken aback by "ungenerous attitudes " or other issues. It is then when God calls us to seriously love our spouses.

You seem like you are on the right track. You are looking for a reason for your wife’s reaction. You can help her overcome this.

 

[jacie]

Maybe I missed it, but one thing I haven’t seen anyone else say is that if your wife is on the verge of kicking you out, you need to put your marriage first, before your sisters. You of course should continue to encourage your wife to be more charitable any way you can. But your marriage vows take precedence.

I have similar issues with my husband. I’m from a big family, and I think it intimidates him. He’s convinced that some day he’ll be supporting them all, even though no one has really ever asked him for anything much. But over the years, I keep pointing out to him how God takes care of us when we step out of our comfort zone and help others. He admits that he sees it more and more, and he’s gotten better, but still has a way to go.

I hope your wife will eventually see it your way. But I also hope that you aren’t allowing your sister(s) to take advantage. It sounds like they could both work some kind of part time job to help out. Good luck.

 

[theUnknown2]

…But I also hope that you aren’t allowing your sister(s) to take advantage…

If sister #10 knew what i’m going through right now, she would refuse our help. I know my sister(s). A few years ago, before my marriage, I had sent sister #3 a $2000 check to help out. It was never cashed. Sister #3 has been supporting #10 without ever asking for contribution from other siblings. I only knew about her needing to retire early through sister #2. It was sister #2 that suggested all of us helping out.