What Would You Do?

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All good advice. Hair spray can work like pepper spray too.

On a deeper level isn’t it terrible that there is such a war on women that we have to be terrified because of creeps like this? Let’s get the guys involved too. There are many guys who will get involved…like that guy Jeff and his friends. Maybe a warning from some male friends will frighten the creep off.

I also suggest that you TELL EVERYBODY about this creep. Tell your father, the police, every female and male friend you know. Creeps like the darkness…pull them out into the light. Write up a detailed account of what he has already said and done.

If you know his name and address say it. If you don’t know his name give his description. Heaven forbid that anything should happen to you, but if he does do something he will already be on the top of the “suspects” list for the police (and your friends?) to go after. Hopefully you never have to talk to him again, but if you do then tell him that other people are watching you…and him. If you see him again like at that parking lot point him out to whoever you are with. “There he is again.” Pretty soon other people will be watching for him even more than you will be.

Be careful of the company you keep and the places you go is good advice for all times not just when a certain creep has already creeped you out.

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil, Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.” Right now you do fear evil. I pray God to show you the rod and the staff that you need (in the form of information, skills, even divine intervention) so that you may safely fear no evil. I hope you keep praying that for yourself too.
 
lovedance4ever said:
I posted a while ago about a guy who threatened to rape me. He wanted to be in a relationship with me, and I didn’t want that, so he said “if I rape you, and you conceive, you will have to be with me because I know you wouldn’t abort the child.”

He lives out of the country, so I knew there wasn’t anything I could really do. I have since cut ties with him and have not spoken to him since October.

Okay so yesterday night, I was out with my father. He stopped at a gas station, parked the car, and went into the store. While I was waiting, I noticed a guy staring at me. He wouldn’t stop…and as I looked at his face, I realized (about 95% sure!) it was the same guy! Same facial hair, same teeth, same body type…if it’s not him, then he has a twin!

He will be visiting the States for the March for Life, so he should be here by now. I am just worried that he will start following me, idk. He is the stalker, obsessive type. I wouldn’t put this past him.

What would you do about this? And if you do not have any advice, would you please pray for me? Thanks much. God bless
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I don’t recall reading your past post about this, but if it were me, I would first tell my parents about this threat he made, because that is not something to mess around with. Then, depending on what your parents say or do, definitely contact the police, and give them the information you have about him, e.g. his name, where he currently resides, and if the threats were over email, print those emails out. That is pure evidence, as that email address can be traced to the computer from which the email was sent. If you think you see this guy, or you feel like something’s not quite right, tell someone immediately. Waiting to tell someone about a bad feeling could end up being very bad for you, and none of us would ever want that to happen to you.

Also, depending on what country he’s from and if he is in fact coming to the U.S., it’s very possible that those threats he made could mean he will face deportation, and his visa could be taken away from him as well.
 
Absolutely ask the police for advice, and bring any evidence you have with you. Let them advise you about what legal options you have available in your legal jurisdiction–that is, what would they do if a family member were in this situation. Whatever they suggest, arrange to do it. Also, be aware that the crime of attempted rape includes certain threats of rape, including verbal threats. Let them sort that out, but do bring all the evidence you have as soon as possible. (I mean you do not have to wait for M-F office hours.) This fellow may already have done enough to get himself picked up by the police.

I would also avoid any event at which you know this fellow plans to be present. If you can spend as much time as possible somewhere that he would not know to check, so much the better. Keep yourself chaperoned until he leaves the country. He far less likely to try something if he cannot find you alone. I would not think of it in a fearful way, as if he is going to succeed if he tries, but in terms of doing what you can to deny him a near occasion of sin. That would be a work of mercy, and a positive thing for you to do.

Perhaps your “sighting” actually was a chance encounter, perhaps he was staring at you like that because he also could not decide whether or not you were who he thought you were. If so, if he never sees you again by chance, perhaps out of sight will be out of mind or he will think that fate did not intend for him to see you again, and he will get over you that much sooner. Most young people who develop a romantic obsession do get past it, even the ones who spend a short amount of time being very creepy. It is also possible that your heightened sense of wariness (which is right) may have given you a false positive; I’m sure I would have my detector set on the most sensitive setting, too. That is only prudent, and there is nothing wrong with it.
 
What kind of hypocritical human sludge threatens to rape a woman and then goes to “march for life”? :nope:
 
Auntie_A said:
When you talk with the police, ask them about the legalities of defense items, like some of the aforementioned here in this thread. You don’t want to go to jail for simply defending yourself.
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Thank you for making this point. After I posted, I looked on Amazon for those cat key chains and some of the reviewers mentioned them being illegal in their states.
 
Joe_5859 said:
Thank you for making this point. After I posted, I looked on Amazon for those cat key chains and some of the reviewers mentioned them being illegal in their states.
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They are technically illegal in my state. However, some police officers do not know the purpose of the key chain and think it’s just a cute cat face. I go to some dangerous areas for church, my husbands work lot, and to visit low income friends that cannot afford a safer place to live. I plan on ordering the safety cat key chain and if I get caught with it I’ll just plead ignorance. Here the police usually just lecture and confiscate such items if they find them. They only issue citations if the owner uses them in a fight. For those that have used such items in self defense when attacked the police tend to look the other way, especially for women.

My bottom line is that I know it’s a minimal legal risk to carry the safety cat, but I’d rather myself and my daughters have one and never need it than need one and not have it. Physical safety comes first for me, I’ll sort out the legalities later if necessary.
 
He sounds like he has a lot of demons.

Be extra careful. All of us here would like to know that you are staying safe.

Joshua C.
 
A lot of other posters have made a number of good points which I won’t reiterate. Something I used to teach my female friends back in college, though, might be helpful. I certainly hope it never comes to the point where you need this information, but it’s good to have in the back of your mind.

Because of the height disproportion between many men and women, some women can’t kick high or hard enough to reach a man’s crotch effectively. Too, men are very defensive of that area, and may grab your foot if you try, putting you off-balance.

However, kicking as hard as you can into the side of his knee, driving it inwards towards the other knee, will a) be unexpected, so he won’t be prepared for it and b) will tear all sorts of ligaments. Kicking as hard as you can into the front of the knee, thus hyper-extending the joint, will also damage ligaments and possibly the patella, but that requires more force. Knees are one of the weakest points in the human body; use that to your advantage. A guy who’s just lost the use of his ACL will not be chasing you very far. 😛 Speaking as someone who has only partly torn hers and who has a high pain tolerance, he’ll pretty much only be able to think about how much that hurts and how his knee won’t support him for the next little while–plenty of time for you to get somewhere safe.

I remember your past thread, and understand that you might be loathe to tell your father about this sighting because of his reaction to this guy in general. However, please do so anyway–just do so without any expectations of how he’ll react. The more people know about this, the better.
 
UbiCaritas said:
A lot of other posters have made a number of good points which I won’t reiterate. Something I used to teach my female friends back in college, though, might be helpful. I certainly hope it never comes to the point where you need this information, but it’s good to have in the back of your mind.

Because of the height disproportion between many men and women, some women can’t kick high or hard enough to reach a man’s crotch effectively. Too, men are very defensive of that area, and may grab your foot if you try, putting you off-balance.

However, kicking as hard as you can into the side of his knee, driving it inwards towards the other knee, will a) be unexpected, so he won’t be prepared for it and b) will tear all sorts of ligaments. Kicking as hard as you can into the front of the knee, thus hyper-extending the joint, will also damage ligaments and possibly the patella, but that requires more force. Knees are one of the weakest points in the human body; use that to your advantage. A guy who’s just lost the use of his ACL will not be chasing you very far. 😛 Speaking as someone who has only partly torn hers and who has a high pain tolerance, he’ll pretty much only be able to think about how much that hurts and how his knee won’t support him for the next little while–plenty of time for you to get somewhere safe.

I remember your past thread, and understand that you might be loathe to tell your father about this sighting because of his reaction to this guy in general. However, please do so anyway–just do so without any expectations of how he’ll react. The more people know about this, the better.
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I’m a black belt, and have been studying karate since I was four. For someone completely untrained (And I don’t know if the opening poster is), I recommend something really simple, like a kick to the shin or a slap to the ear. I don’t care how tough you are, either one of those is going to make you let go. 😃
 
NeedsMercy said:
What kind of hypocritical human sludge threatens to rape a woman and then goes to “march for life”? :nope:
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No kidding.

OP, if I remember correctly, you have already made a report to the police when he first made that threat. This is good because you laid the groundwork for going to the police now and letting them know he was planning on being in the country at this time and that you think you have seen him. Ask if they can check for visas. Not sure what their limitations are but ask what they can do and what you can do. Did he ever send you a picture? Print copies and give to people you trust to have your back.

ETA: OP ask to speak with the officer(s) you spoke with before. And if you have a center for victims of domestic violence/sexual assault near you, call them to speak to an advocate about possible stalking. They may be able to accompany you to the police and make the path a little smoother and offer support and safety planning.
 
Thank you to all who have posted so far! I have spoken to my parents about this issue, and surprisingly, my father reacted quite well to the situation. While he is concerned, he did not have a fit like he did the last time.

Tasers, pepper spray, and brass knuckles are all illegal in my state. However, as another poster mentioned, I do carry my car keys in between my knuckles and have always done so after I got that tip in one of my criminal justice classes.

Physically, I do not feel afraid. I’m not a petite girl - I’m 5’10" and I am very strong. I’ve had several run-ins with guys before, and I’ll tell you that I am not a female who can be trifled with.

But as far as anxiety is concerned, that is where I am uneasy. It’s the worry about legal proceedings that might result from this, as well as my parents going over the top like they usually do when something goes wrong. College classes also begin in less than a week, and I really do not need all of this frustration.

Thanks again for the prayers and support. God bless!
 
Take a class ASAP: women.nra.org/

Here is an awesome site done by a female firearms instructor. Even if you are incomfortable with the idea of a gun, please take a look at her site. She has so much information about reasons to carry/home defense and myths and stereotypes about women with guns: corneredcat.com/

Also see lines 2263-2265 on self-defense: vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a5.htm The Church wants you to protect yourself.

I am a woman with a carry permit. The police report crimes; they don’t prevent them. Guns save lives. Your life. Praying for you!
 
lovedance4ever said:
Thank you to all who have posted so far! I have spoken to my parents about this issue, and surprisingly, my father reacted quite well to the situation. While he is concerned, he did not have a fit like he did the last time.

Tasers, pepper spray, and brass knuckles are all illegal in my state. However, as another poster mentioned, I do carry my car keys in between my knuckles and have always done so after I got that tip in one of my criminal justice classes.

Physically, I do not feel afraid. I’m not a petite girl - I’m 5’10" and I am very strong. I’ve had several run-ins with guys before, and I’ll tell you that I am not a female who can be trifled with.

But as far as anxiety is concerned, that is where I am uneasy. It’s the worry about legal proceedings that might result from this, as well as my parents going over the top like they usually do when something goes wrong. College classes also begin in less than a week, and I really do not need all of this frustration.

Thanks again for the prayers and support. God bless!
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It is better to use an ounce of prevention and stay out of situations that this fellow could use to do something stupid. What he doesn’t get to try will not land him in jail and will not require you to show up in court. (As using a gun or other weapon against him, even a cut-and-dried case of self-defense is a mountain of hassle.) Besides, most college campuses now have ways to get yourself escorted to and from classes and your car, particularly if there is a threat against you. They take their reputations for providing safe places to study very seriously. Again, counseling on how to handle a concern like this is something they will be well-prepared to give you. (If there is a bright side, it is that you did not meet him at your school, and that he is not taking classes in your major. That is the kind of thing they are afraid of having to deal with.)
 
I don’t remember if this was mentioned before, but also refrain from posting your activities on FB and other social media. Don’t post any pictures or comments or even updates about where you are, what you’re doing, or who you are going to be hanging out with. If you want to get together with a group of friends, also ask that they not mention you in their postings at least until this guy is for sure not in the country.
 
What a horrible situation. But as many people have mentioned, there’s a few important things you can do:
  1. Of course, inform the police and give them all useful information that you have on the person (if you haven’t already, do it ASAP). Rape, or a threat to rape is an extremely serious issue and legal action needs to be taken. Both for your safety as well as the safety of possibly other women in the future.
  2. Until the case is solved, try to avoid going out alone much. Have people with you that can help you whenever possible. If you’re alone, try staying at crowded places and avoid lonely alleys etc, that might give this person an opportunity. Also, tell your family, close friends and all the people you trust about this situation. If they know there’s a threat they will look out for you more closely than they normally would.
  3. Get some decent self defense training (don’t just read about it online, take actual classes). This will help you not just physically but mentally, as you will gain confidence also. It is money well spent as it’s not just useful for this particular case, but it could come handy many times in the future. I would recommend Krav Maga.
  4. Pray. Pray for your safety (just like we will), but also pray for this wicked man that he may turn from his ways while he still can.
Wish you all the best
 
MJJean said:
I don’t remember if this was mentioned before, but also refrain from posting your activities on FB and other social media. Don’t post any pictures or comments or even updates about where you are, what you’re doing, or who you are going to be hanging out with. If you want to get together with a group of friends, also ask that they not mention you in their postings at least until this guy is for sure not in the country.
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This is well thought of. It is worth telling those who might otherwise post about you that you have some concern that someone might be stalking you (don’t be too dramatic, lest you be disbelieved) and that you need to stay off the radar for the time being, just as a precaution. Stress that it is a long-shot, but serious enough that it ought not be ignored. My sense is that he is an internet acquaintance and doesn’t know anyone, but if he got into her social circle via FB, he could exploit that as an “in” with her friends.
 
Keys between the fingers can cut into the flesh of the hand faster than you can blink if you attempt a defensive strike with them. It is much better to slash with them. You can put a mini mag light (flash light made of heavier metal on a key chain) or a kubotan or a submission keychain on your keys. Hold the keys by the metal wand in a powerful grip in your strong hand, and you now have a mini-baton and slashing defensive weapon that appears to be just keys. I always carry my kubotan at the ready when I am out without my husband.

On another note, what kind of state legislature bans pepper spray and brad knuckles?! That is insane! Are they going to provide police escorts for all vulnerable persons then?! Ugh.
 
mommamaree said:
On another note, what kind of state legislature bans pepper spray and brad knuckles?! That is insane! Are they going to provide police escorts for all vulnerable persons then?! Ugh.
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I know, right?!?!? Mace was banned here, then pepper spray. Brass knuckles have been banned since forever. So have asps, telescoping batons, night sticks (outside of law enforcement) and a host of other self-defense weapons. Yet they will pass out concealed carry permits like candy as long as you don’t have a violent criminal record. I guess the state legislature would rather I kill someone than spray them in the face or break their nose with brass knuckles and run away to safety
 
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