what would you do?

[angell1]

I finally realized why the issue of unwed pregnancy bothers me so much.

it’s because it’s something that I could have easily fallen in to myself. until about 3 years ago, my catechsis was very poor. but to the outsider, it never would have appeared that way. I looked like the good girl that went to church, got good grades, didn’t cause trouble.

but inside, I was totally lost. I spent about a good 10 years of my life utterly believing that no one would or could possibly ever love me so you believe any stupid thing that the first guy comes along and tells you.

but somehow, by the grace of God, I did not fall completely to the bottom of the trap. but others do, there are many other vulnerable girls who do fall in to it. but really, I could easily have been one of them too

and what if it had happened to me? what would I have done? I honestly have no idea. the guilt and shame probably would have crippled me. how could I possibly go back to my parish? everyone would judge me. how do I know for sure that I wouldn’t have succumbed the pressure of getting an abortion? would I absolutely have to give the kid up for adoption because they should be with a two parent family even if I can provide for them, learned from my mistake and will do everything in my power to raise them in the faith? would i just lose credibility because i committed a sin myself that I want others to avoid? and so what if I repented, it wouldn’t change all the horrible things I would have to deal with by other people. would I have had to move away or something?

maybe you guys will think that the person who commits this sin deserves the complete loss of reputation that comes with it. but we all sin, the only difference is the majority of sins can remain hidden, whereas this one cannot. someone can have a serious lapse of judgment once, for 5 minutes and get pregnant, whereas the other can fornicate 100 times, not care and it wouldn’t happen. but the one who is pregnant but confesses, will have to suffer for it more.

so lovely people of cAf, what would you do if you got in to this situation? or what if it was your child? from the outside, nothing seems wrong, but sometimes it is, maybe you thought your kid knew the faith well but they didn’t. and you or they are sorry for what you did, but now you have to live with the consequences. how would you cope?

obviously, it’s better to avoid, but we are so weak and it is so easy to slip up especially if we are feeling vulnerable

 

[1ke]

it’s because it’s something that I could have easily fallen in to myself.

It’s something that most anyone could fall or have fallen into themselves, including those with GOOD catechesis.

and what if it had happened to me?

You would live.

what would I have done?

Made the decision to either parent or place for adoption.

I honestly have no idea. the guilt and shame probably would have crippled me. how could I possibly go back to my parish? everyone would judge me.

All of that is coming from inside you, and perhaps that is a sign that you need some counseling.

I can only share my own family’s experience. My sister became pregnant at age 19. She continue to go to church, in fact to sing in the choir and to read at mass as well. She continued to go to college. She continued to have friends and a social life. People did not abandon her or ostracize her. It was hard on my parents but they were supportive. She decided to place the baby for adoption. It is an open adoption, and we see her son, she sees him. He’s 15 now, about to turn 16. She’s married now, with a young daughter of her own. Life marches on.

how do I know for sure that I wouldn’t have succumbed the pressure of getting an abortion?

I doubt you would have had an abortion, but it is really quite pointless to speculate. You have not had an abortion.

would I absolutely have to give the kid up for adoption because they should be with a two parent family even if I can provide for them, learned from my mistake and will do everything in my power to raise them in the faith?

The decision to parent or place for adoption is a multi-faceted one, and is individual to the person. There is no Church teaching on parenting or placing for adoption. And, I think you are letting your imagination run wild based on what I’m reading here. Assuming things that aren’t true.

would i just lose credibility because i committed a sin myself that I want others to avoid? and so what if I repented, it wouldn’t change all the horrible things I would have to deal with by other people. would I have had to move away or something?

Again, imagination run amok.

maybe you guys will think that the person who commits this sin deserves the complete loss of reputation that comes with it. but we all sin, the only difference is the majority of sins can remain hidden, whereas this one cannot. someone can have a serious lapse of judgment once, for 5 minutes and get pregnant, whereas the other can fornicate 100 times, not care and it wouldn’t happen. but the one who is pregnant but confesses, will have to suffer for it more.

We don’t think that, and we’ve said so in COUNTLESS threads. You seem determined not to believe what other people say and instead are determined to make up all sorts of scenarios in your head and then believe them instead.

PLEASE get some counseling for this fixation you have on unwed motherhood and the imaginings of total destruction of that person’s life. It simply isn’t so. It can be rough, but it’s not the end of the world.

so lovely people of cAf, what would you do if you got in to this situation? or what if it was your child? from the outside, nothing seems wrong, but sometimes it is, maybe you thought your kid knew the faith well but they didn’t. and you or they are sorry for what you did, but now you have to live with the consequences. how would you cope?

Love my child or myself or whoever and support them. My family HAS been through this, and it’s not the end of the world. It’s a situation that has serious consequences that impact people not just for the short term but the long term. There are good counselors available at places like Catholic Charities. There are support groups, my sister belonged to one.

obviously, it’s better to avoid, but we are so weak and it is so easy to slip up especially if we are feeling vulnerable

And, you’ll live. Life goes on. I think you are making it out to be something insurmountable, when it simply isn’t.

 

[Convert1]

Every life has a reason to be in this world. Every single one. With that knowledge, I would have either raised the child, or given it up to someone who was equipped to parent better than I.

It happens every day. Every single day. The majority of women make the choice of having their child or adoption. (statistics reflect one in five end in abortion)

People know this situation occurs and they deal with it. The judgment and humiliation is much your own creation. There are far more support organizations, and resources than ever for unwed mothers, and we have become far more tolerant than in the past.

 

[angell1]

It’s something that most anyone could fall or have fallen into themselves, including those with GOOD catechesis.

You would live.

Made the decision to either parent or place for adoption.

All of that is coming from inside you, and perhaps that is a sign that you need some counseling.

I can only share my own family’s experience. My sister became pregnant at age 19. She continue to go to church, in fact to sing in the choir and to read at mass as well. She continued to go to college. She continued to have friends and a social life. People did not abandon her or ostracize her. It was hard on my parents but they were supportive. She decided to place the baby for adoption. It is an open adoption, and we see her son, she sees him. He’s 15 now, about to turn 16. She’s married now, with a young daughter of her own. Life marches on.

I doubt you would have had an abortion, but it is really quite pointless to speculate. You have not had an abortion.

The decision to parent or place for adoption is a multi-faceted one, and is individual to the person. There is no Church teaching on parenting or placing for adoption. And, I think you are letting your imagination run wild based on what I’m reading here. Assuming things that aren’t true.

Again, imagination run amok.

We don’t think that, and we’ve said so in COUNTLESS threads. You seem determined not to believe what other people say and instead are determined to make up all sorts of scenarios in your head and then believe them instead.

PLEASE get some counseling for this fixation you have on unwed motherhood and the imaginings of total destruction of that person’s life. It simply isn’t so. It can be rough, but it’s not the end of the world.

Love my child or myself or whoever and support them. My family HAS been through this, and it’s not the end of the world. It’s a situation that has serious consequences that impact people not just for the short term but the long term. There are good counselors available at places like Catholic Charities. There are support groups, my sister belonged to one.

And, you’ll live. Life goes on. I think you are making it out to be something insurmountable, when it simply isn’t.

I’m glad things worked out for your family

maybe I just know the wrong kinds of people. there seems to be no shortage of judging, gossiping and pointing out of public sins around these parts. and not just by religious people either

ever find it ironic how secular society champions “sexual liberty” and then labels people as “sluts” or “whores”, all in one breath?

or self-righteous people who stand at a distance and point at the homeless, the drug addicts and the prostitutes and call them names

this is hitting me quite hard because I’ve been working with grade 3 kids, and at age, no one says “teacher, I want to have a n unplanned pregnancy or end up on the streets as a prostitute or addict”, they are innocent, they have noble goals like firefighters or police, what have you. and we seem to lose ourselves as we go through life, and many people seem to forget that behind the objectively poor choices, is still a human being

I definitely believe in taking responsibility for one’s actions and I don’t see how continual judgment does any good, especially if the person has repented.

but ostracization used to be the order of the day, in a fully Christian society. there was a lot more stigma. and I guess it be considered to give scandal

I think for the most part, the person already knows that they messed up

anyways, just my musings

 

[St_Francis]

In the Screwtape Letters, Lewis talks about how we humans go through cycles, the waves and the troughs between the waves. Human societies are like that too. In between Victorianism, the American Puritanical streak, and a thread of Jansenism brought over with some priests, we went through a very stringent period, which was followed by an extreme laxity (with some hypocrisy thrown in ). But you just worry about yourself and your holiness, and pray for all the others. And pray for those who suffer from the gossipy people: you seem to have a big heart for them!

I’m glad things worked out for your family

maybe I just know the wrong kinds of people. there seems to be no shortage of judging, gossiping and pointing out of public sins around these parts. and not just by religious people either

ever find it ironic how secular society champions “sexual liberty” and then labels people as “sluts” or “whores”, all in one breath?

or self-righteous people who stand at a distance and point at the homeless, the drug addicts and the prostitutes and call them names

this is hitting me quite hard because I’ve been working with grade 3 kids, and at age, no one says “teacher, I want to have a n unplanned pregnancy or end up on the streets as a prostitute or addict”, they are innocent, they have noble goals like firefighters or police, what have you. and we seem to lose ourselves as we go through life, and many people seem to forget that behind the objectively poor choices, is still a human being

I definitely believe in taking responsibility for one’s actions and I don’t see how continual judgment does any good, especially if the person has repented.

but ostracization used to be the order of the day, in a fully Christian society. there was a lot more stigma. and I guess it be considered to give scandal

I think for the most part, the person already knows that they messed up

anyways, just my musings

 

[1ke]

maybe I just know the wrong kinds of people. there seems to be no shortage of judging, gossiping and pointing out of public sins around these parts. and not just by religious people either

Frankly, you do.

I definitely believe in taking responsibility for one’s actions and I don’t see how continual judgment does any good, especially if the person has repented.

And I’ll say it again-- the “continual judgment” is in your head.

 

[angell1]

Frankly, you do.

And I’ll say it again-- the “continual judgment” is in your head.

I wish it was only in my head. you should hear some of the conversations happening around me sometimes

 

[1ke]

I wish it was only in my head. you should hear some of the conversations happening around me sometimes

Then you seriously need different friends.