What would you do?

[SDMom]

I’m at my wits end with my older sister, and was wondering if you all could help! She has a history of making rather unsound decisions, particulary financial ones. When she brings up subjects that I don’t agree with (i.e. she recently lost her job but wants to buy a brand new jeep with her unemployment money), I’ll speak my mind but she’ll quickly get upset at me. How do I help her when she wants to do everything HER way? Help!

 

[KCT]

Did she ask for advice about buying a jeep or merely share her plans?

I think we women take on too many issues that are not our responsibility. Your sister is free to spend her money any way she wants. If she’s not asking for money or advice, let her make her own mistakes. It’s not your job to keep her from learning the hard way.

It doesn’t sound like a moral, right or wrong issue. It sounds like a preference. —KCT (unless she’s buying a jeep while her kids go hungry)

 

[WSD]

I have an older sister that was making, what I felt were “wrong choices”. I nearly gave myself an ulcer trying to give her direction and worrying if I said the right thing. In the end she made her choices.
I know part of it with me was just being a guy trying to have all the solutions, but God is the only one with all the answers. if I had it to do over again, I would have first told her I’d pray for her choices that all would turn out for the best.
Peace be with you

 

[CarrieH]

Does she even want your help? She is an adult, and is responsible for her own actions and the consequences thereof. If she buys the Jeep and it gets repo’d, that is her problem, not yours. Or will she try to make it your problem and expect you to bail her out? That is an entirely different matter. Don’t enable her. If that is the case, I would tell her up front that if she can’t keep up with the payments, that you are not going to rescue her, nor are you going to cosign on a loan for her. Besides, how is she going to get the loan for the Jeep without a job, anyway? Good luck and God bless.

 

[BlestOne]

Remember she makes the choices and she faces the consequences… tell her how you feel, but never assume that she should listen to your opinion even if she asks for it.

 

[SDMom]

Your sister is free to spend her money any way she wants. If she’s not asking for money or advice, let her make her own mistakes. —KCT (unless she’s buying a jeep while her kids go hungry)

Well, she is not asking for money or advice, at the moment. But at some point I am sure she will be asking for money for the car payment, either from me or my parents. My DH and I have helped her in the past with such, but do not anymore after we realized she just doesn’t make good decisions with money. My parents, though, always end up enabling her and giving her money when she needs it.

So … I am trying to intervene (i.e. speak my mind) now so that 1) she doesn’t end up purchasing things that I know she won’t be able to afford in the long run, and 2) the burden of ‘bailing her out’ won’t fall on my parents shoulders.

I know I need to pray for her.

Thanks for all who’ve posted so far! Have a blessed day.

 

[KCT]

Well, she is not asking for money or advice, at the moment. But at some point I am sure she will be asking for money for the car payment, either from me or my parents.

Just say no. What your parents choose to do is their business.
—KCT

 

[SDMom]

Just say no. What your parents choose to do is their business.
—KCT

Yes, my dh and I have stopped “lending” her money (she asks to borrow money but doesn’t pay us back). And you are right about my parents and their choices. Thank you for your post. Have a blessed day!

 

[SDMom]

Unfortunately intervening will probably not get you the results that you say you are looking for, therefore I respectfully suggest that you stop yourself from doing so.

Your sister will probably not benefit from financial advice because finances are not really her problem. Your sister is searching for something. People who live that way are sometimes looking to fill a void in their lives. They search for happiness in a job and it is not there…they search for happiness in posessions and it is not there…they search for happiness in all kinds of places but because that kind of fulfillment is only found in Christ Jesus then they are always coming up empty.

Your sister needs love and lots of it. Try and be a source of this love as best as you can. When your sister is talking about making another purchase…instead of getting annoyed with her, try and see past all that and embrace her with love because that is really what she is searching for.

Your parents are doing what many parents do as well. Pray for them too.

The joy you have found in Christ is a blessing. Your sister has not been given as much of God’s beautiful grace as you have been given…what she really needs is your sympathy. Not earthly sympathy but spiritual sympathy. Try and see her in this light instead of seeing her as selfish and irritating. It will be hard to do at first but I urge you to try. This helped me in ways I could have never imagined. Hope this helps.

Thank you for your beautiful post! I just sent you a PM … I hope you get it. Your words are truly a blessing to me. May you our awesome God shower you with love, peace, and joy! THANK YOU AGAIN!!!