What would you have done in this situation?

[stanncie]

So, last Sunday I went to a nearby downtown Church because i know they have confessions before every Mass. I get there only 10 minutes before Mass is to begin so I’m thinking I prolly won’t get to confess but I stand in line nonetheless. I was surprised that there were 6 people still ahead of me but whatever. So Mass is about to begin and the person that had been in the box when I first got there still had not gotten out!

I could tell some people were getting restless but were just keeping it to themselves. Of course there’s always the exception This older lady started speaking in a loud voice complaining about the woman that was taking so long. Shortly after another lady in line announced that the woman inside had not been to confession in 30 years hence the delay. After that most people kinda understood and were even saying how nice that the woman was returning to the sacraments. I said the same, the older woman kept grumbling and complaining loudly. I wanted to say something to her but kept quiet.

The lady finally gets out and you could tell she was just dazed and immediately the older lady goes up to her and starts telling her that she was inconsiderate because she has kept all of us waiting and that prolly most of us won’t get to confess and be able to receive. I had enough by then and told the lady that she had no business telling this woman that and that she should just be glad she had returned to confession after 30 freaking years!!! The older lady just huffed and puffed at me and ignored me and kept saying that the woman was inconsiderate and rude. I told her, lady I hope you confess how rude YOU are being! I was probably out of line with this but I couldn’t help it.
Thankfully the poor woman that had just confessed seem really out of it and just went on her merry way lol!!

Whatever to end this story, everyone that had been in line got to confess!! I had to end up confessing that I was kinda rude to the grumpy old lady but the priest actually thanked me lol!

Anyways I just thought I would share because I was kinda shocked by what happened

 

[ConstantineTG]

I would have done the same thing. I probably would have said a few things I would have needed to confess then. I lose it when I get emotional.

 

[Allegra]

This whole unpleasant event could have been avoided if priests would schedule longer regular confession times. At my parish, its practically impossible to get in unless you email father for an appointment. The nursing/retirement home drops off a busload of people an hour before confessions actually start! I’m sorry, but what could a 99-year-old assisted living resident possibly have to confess every single week!?

 

[mdgspencer]

You were right to defend the woman who had not been to confession in 30 years. The woman who reviled her may have kept her from going to confession again and who knows what else.

 

[Saburo]

Yeah, I would have done the same thing. How could someone not find joy in someone else returning to the church after thirty years?

Maybe she struggles with patience. I do that when I drive.

 

[chevalier]

Whatever to end this story, everyone that had been in line got to confess!! I had to end up confessing that I was kinda rude to the grumpy old lady but the priest actually thanked me lol!

Harsh or forceful message isn’t always a sin, let alone mortal.

 

[Friar_David_O.Carm]

but what could a 99-year-old assisted living resident possibly have to confess every single week!?

This is the wrong attitude.

Pope John Paul II confessed weekly. He also promoted regular and frequent use of this sacrament.

It is not ours to question what a person is confessing.

 

[puzzleannie]

The lady finally gets out and you could tell she was just dazed and immediately the older lady goes up to her and starts telling her that she was inconsiderate because she has kept all of us waiting and that prolly most of us won’t get to confess and be able to receive. I had enough by then and told the lady that she had no business telling this woman that and that she should just be glad she had returned to confession after 30 freaking years!!!

ordinarily I would say shut up, but this person did not need to be assaulted that way and you were right to defend her. I would NOT have mentioned the 30 years since there is no way anybody needs or should have that information. but yes I probably would have done it in a way that needed confessing.

 

[TimothyH]

How is it right to argue and fight with another member of the body of Christ to the point where you have to confess it? Even if the person is 100% wrong and you are 100% right, how does that give anyone the right to tell someone off, to meet anger with anger, pride with pride, and self love with self love?

*I said, “I will watch my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will set a curb on my mouth.” (Psalm 39:2) *

King David knew how to keep his mouth shut and the implications for not doing so. Sin.

Dumb and silent before the wicked, I refrained from any speech. But my sorrow increased; my heart smoldered within me. In my thoughts a fire blazed up, and I broke into speech: (Psalm 39:3-4)

On this particular occasion, he couldn’t hold it in. He’s pretty pissed off, but guess what he does?

***LORD, let me know my end… From all my sins deliver me… Listen to my prayer, LORD, hear my cry; do not be deaf to my weeping! ***

He doesn’t go telling the person off. He doesn’t cry, “Now listen to me you blankety-blank-blank, you have some nerve…” He cries to God instead.

We are called to a radical transformation in Christ where we don’t do that any more - you know, the whole city on a hill, light under a bushel basket thing. We are called to sacrifice our own desire to satisfy ourselves and put others first - you know, wash the disciples feet, even the feet of the one who is to betray you. Yell at someone in the confessional line? Seriously???

If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. (1 John 4:20)

Do we actually want to be what we profess we believe in or do we want to be like the rest of the world, ready to fight, argue and bicker at every little percieved insult or injustice?

-Tim-

 

[ConstantineTG]

This whole unpleasant event could have been avoided if priests would schedule longer regular confession times. At my parish, its practically impossible to get in unless you email father for an appointment. The nursing/retirement home drops off a busload of people an hour before confessions actually start! I’m sorry, but what could a 99-year-old assisted living resident possibly have to confess every single week!?

Sure, its always the priest’s fault

In my last RC parish, confessions are on Saturdays for one hour. Yet everyone comes at the same time 5 minutes before the schedule for confession is over. Is it really the priest’s fault?

 

[Allegra]

This is the wrong attitude.

Pope John Paul II confessed weekly. He also promoted regular and frequent use of this sacrament.

It is not ours to question what a person is confessing.

My point was that all our scheduled confession time is being monopolized by the same group of people and those who show up at the assigned time rarely have a chance to get in. If we are all supposed to go to confession weekly, shouldn’t there be enough scheduled time for even most people to get through? Our parish has three active priests and one retired! Let’s get some reconcilliation going on around here!

 

[Allegra]

Sure, its always the priest’s fault

In my last RC parish, confessions are on Saturdays for one hour. Yet everyone comes at the same time 5 minutes before the schedule for confession is over. Is it really the priest’s fault?

That would not be the priest’s fault, however, an hour is only enough time for maybe ten people to get through and some people can take up as much as twenty minutes. If you go to confession at my parish, it isn’t unusual to find several people waiting an hour before the priest even arrives. Then, if you get behind the bus, you don’t stand a chance!

 

[zab]

That would not be the priest’s fault, however, an hour is only enough time for maybe ten people to get through and some people can take up as much as twenty minutes. If you go to confession at my parish, it isn’t unusual to find several people waiting an hour before the priest even arrives. Then, if you get behind the bus, you don’t stand a chance!

Allegra has a point. Most people are happy for the woman who returned after so many years. But what about the older woman? We do not know how long she waited in line or how physically painful that wait may have been while the one penitent was in the confessional before the OP arrived. Perhaps she really needed to go to confession, too. I’m glad that she and everyone who was in line were able to go. But I was surprised that the confessor thanked the OP for what she said to the older woman. This implied that the OP brought someone else’s sins into the confessional. “I said or did this because so and so said or did that.” The OP asks: “What would you have done in this situation?” I may have responded to the older woman’s complaint telling her that it wasn’t the penitent’s fault, that the priest more than likely has control of the time spent. And perhaps the time was needed . I won’t be the judge of that. I would not have said what the OP said, it is just not my character. I am a more timid person. But even if I did say something that was rather unchaitable, I never bring other people’s sins or failings into my confession.

 

[TimothyH]

My point was that all our scheduled confession time is being monopolized by the same group of people and those who show up at the assigned time rarely have a chance to get in. If we are all supposed to go to confession weekly, shouldn’t there be enough scheduled time for even most people to get through? Our parish has three active priests and one retired! Let’s get some reconcilliation going on around here!

The people who monopolize the line by showing up every week are my heros. They are the saints whom our grandchildren will pray to for intercession.

We’re willing to camp outside of Best Buy to get a twenty dollar TV on black Friday and willing to spend hours on the interet message boards complaining but we won’t make the effort to show up 45 minutes early for a confession upon which the salvation of our soul might depend.

Yea, let’s get some reconcilliation going… We should be camped outside of the Church in a tent for confession. Like tickets to a Metallica concert or something.

-Tim-

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I had enough by then and told the lady that she had no business telling this woman that and that she should just be glad she had returned to confession after 30 freaking years!!! The older lady just huffed and puffed at me and ignored me and kept saying that the woman was inconsiderate and rude. I told her, lady I hope you confess how rude YOU are being!

Your delivery was not the best, but you did the right thing. What that woman did to the woman who hadn’t confessed in 30 years was horrible. HORRIBLE. Knowing that she hadn’t been in 30 years, she berated her for having a long confession. The priest was in that confessional too, and he allowed it to go on, so maybe she should’ve taken her complaint to him. But what she did may very well have scared that woman from ever coming back. What is important is that the woman in the confessional saw that not everyone in line is so impatient, and hopefully she was able to see that the rude lady was a fluke and not representative of the Catholic community.

I hope she did confess her rudeness in the confessional, and I hope that the priest heard her when she was being rude - perhaps he even had a chance to correct her in confession. I probably would’ve not mentioned that she hadn’t been in 30 years, just for fear of embarrassing her. A strong defense of this penitent was not a sin, IMO, but an act of mercy towards her. If you wished harm on, or insulted the rude lady, then that would’ve been the sin. Perhaps it wasn’t appropriate to label her rudeness a sin (or maybe it was, I’m not clear on that). Chances are you could’ve used a more respectful tone (not being there, I can only guess). But ultimately, as dramatic as this sounds, you and the rude lady were in a mini battle for the other woman’s soul. The rude lady was pushing her away from the sacraments (though not intentionally), and you were representing the welcoming attitude that the penitent probably needed. Her terrible behavior should not have gone unchecked and it is good that you spoke up.

 

[stanncie]

Thank you all for your responses. I feel like everyone else was that my intentions were right but maybe my delivery not the best. BTW everyone in line knew that the lady had not been to confession in 30 years since the other kinder lady had told us but again I should not have mentioned this part in front of her. It all happened so quickly!

Also I want to clarify that I brought my OWN sin of anger and frustration to the priest in the confessional, he asked me more about it and I told him that it had been just know in line and what had happened. He then just told me not to be scrupulous and thanked me for letting the lady know that she should be more patient.

This church has confession every day of the week so the line is not due to a shortage of confession times. It’s just that many people go there from many parishes due to the availability and the fact that the priests are very direct and matter of fact. This rather appeals to me because for other stuff I can go to my own parish priest or my prayer group for spiritual direction. Regardless of the craziness I’m still very happy for this lady, my own mom went to this parish for confession after almost 35 years last Lent


I often see people criticize the Jesuits in this forum but I’ve had nothing but great experiences in this parish that is run by the Jesuits so they are ok in my book!

 

[GKCT]

Timothy

I say AMEN to your posting. Confessions seem to be for the convenience of the people. Ours is 3-3:45, Mass at 4. So people come at 3:40 so they don’t have to hang around too long for Mass to start. God forbid they should sit in church and pray or reflect. Seems to be a come late and leave early mentality. Confessions should be totally apart from Mass. Like in the “old days”, confessions on Saturday; Mass on Sunday–there was no Saturday Mass.

 

[TheHolyTrinity]

So, last Sunday I went to a nearby downtown Church because i know they have confessions before every Mass. I get there only 10 minutes before Mass is to begin so I’m thinking I prolly won’t get to confess but I stand in line nonetheless. I was surprised that there were 6 people still ahead of me but whatever. So Mass is about to begin and the person that had been in the box when I first got there still had not gotten out!

I could tell some people were getting restless but were just keeping it to themselves. Of course there’s always the exception This older lady started speaking in a loud voice complaining about the woman that was taking so long. Shortly after another lady in line announced that the woman inside had not been to confession in 30 years hence the delay. After that most people kinda understood and were even saying how nice that the woman was returning to the sacraments. I said the same, the older woman kept grumbling and complaining loudly. I wanted to say something to her but kept quiet.

The lady finally gets out and you could tell she was just dazed and immediately the older lady goes up to her and starts telling her that she was inconsiderate because she has kept all of us waiting and that prolly most of us won’t get to confess and be able to receive. I had enough by then and told the lady that she had no business telling this woman that and that she should just be glad she had returned to confession after 30 freaking years!!! The older lady just huffed and puffed at me and ignored me and kept saying that the woman was inconsiderate and rude. I told her, lady I hope you confess how rude YOU are being! I was probably out of line with this but I couldn’t help it.
Thankfully the poor woman that had just confessed seem really out of it and just went on her merry way lol!!

Whatever to end this story, everyone that had been in line got to confess!! I had to end up confessing that I was kinda rude to the grumpy old lady but the priest actually thanked me lol!

Anyways I just thought I would share because I was kinda shocked by what happened

I personally believe you where in the right to defend this woman in her absence and inability to defend herself.

 

[JRRTFAN]

This whole unpleasant event could have been avoided if priests would schedule longer regular confession times. At my parish, its practically impossible to get in unless you email father for an appointment. The nursing/retirement home drops off a busload of people an hour before confessions actually start! I’m sorry, but what could a 99-year-old assisted living resident possibly have to confess every single week!?

You must have never seen a retirement home. The stuff those people have to endure would make Mother Teresa curse like a sailor.I could easily see anger issues every week, or cheating at Bridge. Besides, when you’re 99 you don’t want to leave anything to chance.

 

[Allegra]

The people who monopolize the line by showing up every week are my heros. They are the saints whom our grandchildren will pray to for intercession.

We’re willing to camp outside of Best Buy to get a twenty dollar TV on black Friday and willing to spend hours on the interet message boards complaining but we won’t make the effort to show up 45 minutes early for a confession upon which the salvation of our soul might depend.

Yea, let’s get some reconcilliation going… We should be camped outside of the Church in a tent for confession. Like tickets to a Metallica concert or something.

-Tim-

That’s a nice sentiment, but I don’t wait in line at Best Buy on black Friday either. Frankly, I think that’s crazy. I have been known to wait for as much as four hours for confession during one of my parishes missions, Divine Mercy Sunday, or some other occasion when getting in to see the priest is guarenteed. However, there’s no point in camping out when you can see there are already twice as many people in line as the priest can actually see in the one short hour they’ve put aside to hear confessions in a parish with over 1200 families in it! Reconcilliation is kind of important. Waiting outside doesn’t usually give the desired effect.