What would you have done?

[jilly4ski]

So today the Cathedral parish celebrated disability awareness at the Sunday morning Mass. The first few rows were filled with people with disabilities, some nun (in habit) who work with them. There was a Knight of Columbus in full dress, and an ASL interpreter. The bishop was the celebrant, which is always nice as he is reverent when offering the sacrifice. Though there was of course some mix ups with the readings, psalm, bad music and a awful homily by the rector, it was overall not bad.

But as I was going up for communion a young “gentleman” in the line next to mine was wearing a stocking cap. This man was in his mid twenties, wearing “stylish” jeans (you know, the pre-faded, pre-ripped, fitted kind) belted below his waist so his boxers showed, with a sweater and the stocking hat (like one you would wear in the winter).

I really wanted to go up to him and tell him to take his hat off, but I didn’t want to make a scene in the communion line. So I quickly turned my eyes forward and fervently prayed to refocus on the Eucharist.

Was this the right approach? Was it better that I just kept silent and not created a scene or should have said something?

I tell you if I was some curmudgeony old lady, I probably would have said something, but I am pretty young (24) and had my young son in my arms. Also the parish is pretty liberal, or maybe “pastoral” might be a better word. (well actually the rectors views seem to actually line up with the liberal/democratic side of the political spectrum and he actually preaches it from the pulpit, so maybe liberal is the correct descriptive term ).

 

[NeedImprovement]

On two occasions, at two different Masses, I was in close proximity to relatively “young gentlemen” who were asked by the priest to remove their headwear . The first wore the same kind of hat you described jilly4ski ; the second was wearing the Australian style like one of these.

On both occasions,when politely asked to remove their hat ,the person became extremely upset. The first became violent and started swearing loudly at the priest in a menacing manner as he returned to the pew. The second didn’t fare much better and, in the end, neither of them took their hat off.

So I would think you did well to refocus, because the entire Mass is geared towards our intimate union with Christ in Holy Communion. Our responsibility is to stay focused on our own respect and love for Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. The minister of Holy Communion, in this case, is the unfortunate one who would have the responsibility to say something.

When these people blew up, it created quite a distraction for the others who were in line and/or receiving Communion… Sometimes all we can do is pray.

 

[kamaan]

I would’ve waited until after Mass to talk to him and explain what he did wrong. Like you, I wouldn’t want to make a scene at a time when people should be focused on Christ. I am not sure if this is the right thing to do, though… looking forward to more replies

 

[kamaan]

When these people blew up, it created quite a distraction for the others who were in line and/or receiving Communion… Sometimes all we can do is pray.

Wow. I wonder if those men might have been mentally ill? I can’t imagine someone swearing during Mass, at a priest no less!

 

[Apollos]

I’d have left it to the ushers. Otherwise, if I had been behind him, I would have leaned in a whispered “It’s customary for gentlemen to remove their hats”.

 

[faithfully]

I might have assumed he is dealing with the effects off chemo, and that his hat is worn for warmth…

If he’s being a punk, he’s a punk, and isn’t likely to take a suggestion well. And so, I wouldn’t say anything.

He could have gone to mass today, just to make his mom or grandmother happy. And maybe she’s just grateful he’s THERE. That could have been ruined if you said anything.

We don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives. If it bugs you, as the preist to address it. He can do so in bulletons, comments at the end of mass, and if he sees a person regularly, then perhaps in person.

I know people that have had a bad experience with a person or a priest and they walk out never to return again. A comment on dress could be the last straw for someone. You just don’t know.

It’s great that you were able to handle the distration.

 

[FirstCalled]

The greeter should have said something. Apply to be a greeter.

 

[colmcille1]

The greeter should have said something. Apply to be a greeter.

Hi FirstCalled,
I have never heard of a “greeter” 'til your post. I know it is self-explanatory but is it an American custom?
Also, jilly4ski, I think you handled the situation very well.
(BTW, as I outlined in another post, dress code for church seems to have fallen by the wayside these days. A pity.)
God Bless,
Colmcille.

 

[puzzleannie]

S

I really wanted to go up to him and tell him to take his hat off, but I didn’t want to make a scene in the communion line. So I quickly turned my eyes forward and fervently prayed to refocus on the Eucharist.

Was this the right approach? Was it better that I just kept silent and not created a scene or should have said something?

I.

I am the curmudgeonly old lady so I would ask a kid to take off his hat, which he would not have one at communion because I would have tackled him as soon as he entered church, usually by just pointing to my own head as a reminder, not verbally. That particular style seems to be pretty much gone here now. Do bear in mind that what is under the hat may be even worse, but that weird hair for guy thing also seems to be fad now passing.

if it is a stranger and you are in a strange place I would do nothing. leave it to the priest, or the EMHC, or usher who should be doing his job but usually isn’t. Especially considering the occasion the person may have been challenged in a variety of ways that could have engendered a disruptive response.

 

[PatriceA]

I might have assumed he is dealing with the effects off chemo, and that his hat is worn for warmth…

If he’s being a punk, he’s a punk, and isn’t likely to take a suggestion well. And so, I wouldn’t say anything.

He could have gone to mass today, just to make his mom or grandmother happy. And maybe she’s just grateful he’s THERE. That could have been ruined if you said anything.

We don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives. If it bugs you, as the preist to address it. He can do so in bulletons, comments at the end of mass, and if he sees a person regularly, then perhaps in person.

I know people that have had a bad experience with a person or a priest and they walk out never to return again. A comment on dress could be the last straw for someone. You just don’t know.

It’s great that you were able to handle the distration.

I was thinking too along the lines that there might be a legit reason why he was wearing the cap. It could be anything from chemo to even having an injury with stitches or something of that nature. I like to think most people have a real reason for doing the stuff I find the most irritating.

 

[Apollos]

I was thinking too along the lines that there might be a legit reason why he was wearing the cap. It could be anything from chemo to even having an injury with stitches or something of that nature. I like to think most people have a real reason for doing the stuff I find the most irritating.

I’ve seen what you’re talking about but I doubt it on two grounds. First, people who wear hats in church because of chemotherapy *look *like they’re on chemotherapy - no hair anywhere on their bodies including whatever scalp is visible; second, the kid’s pre-faded pre-ripped lo-rise jeans with two inches of boxers above the beltline means the cap was a part of a fashion statement. But I understand what you’re saying.

 

[jilly4ski]

I am the curmudgeonly old lady so I would ask a kid to take off his hat, which he would not have one at communion because I would have tackled him as soon as he entered church, usually by just pointing to my own head as a reminder, not verbally. That particular style seems to be pretty much gone here now. Do bear in mind that what is under the hat may be even worse, but that weird hair for guy thing also seems to be fad now passing.

if it is a stranger and you are in a strange place I would do nothing. leave it to the priest, or the EMHC, or usher who should be doing his job but usually isn’t. Especially considering the occasion the person may have been challenged in a variety of ways that could have engendered a disruptive response.

I didn’t see him until communion, because he was sitting slightly behind us and on the other side of the church. Just for communion, our lines happened to converge. He was actually in the Bishop’s line. I don’t know what happened as the Church was actually full for a change and the silly way they do communion lines there is always a huge traffic jam after receiving.

It is an inner city church so we do get our fair share of “crazies.”

PatriceA, that is what I was thinking. Trying to be charitable and not just assume he was a punk, I thought maybe he had a head injury with bandages, stitches or something like that.

Thanks for all the replies everyone. It is good to know I probably did the right thing.
Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

[faithfully]

I was thinking too along the lines that there might be a legit reason why he was wearing the cap. It could be anything from chemo to even having an injury with stitches or something of that nature. I like to think most people have a real reason for doing the stuff I find the most irritating.

I find this just helps me get through it. It’s like being out on the road. When someone does something INsANE… I assume… Wow, they must be a brand new driver. Or about 200 years old. I don’t even look. That way, I just don’t get mad…

I’ve seen what you’re talking about but I doubt it on two grounds. First, people who wear hats in church because of chemotherapy *look *like they’re on chemotherapy - no hair anywhere on their bodies including whatever scalp is visible; second, the kid’s pre-faded pre-ripped lo-rise jeans with two inches of boxers above the beltline means the cap was a part of a fashion statement. But I understand what you’re saying.

Except when it’s growing back, and they hate the way their head looks. But you’re likly right! I just don’t even bother evaluating… Because then I do get annoyed, and I dislike feeling that way in church. That’s MY Time!!! I’ll admit, one time while sitting behind a family that was easily vacationing in town (we get lots of those), the young girl, maybe 15 or 16, was wearing what I think might have been a LONG blouse, and nothing else. Sandles, her hair was in a messy pony, and big black sunglasses. Like maybe her mom drug her from the swimming pool at the hotel. The more annoying part was that she and her brother, a year or so older kept teasing/antagonizing the other that the mother finally reached over and smacked at both of them.

So, again, I think sometimes we see people in church, because that’s the most that could be asked of them at the time. Hopefully, they get it more together later… And so we should offer a prayer.