What's going on with me?

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Rocky24

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Lately, I’ve just been giving in to temptation and I have fallen so many times that now it just feels as if there’s no reason to keep going anymore. Just to give in. I am doubting God’s mercy and I am receiving horrible thoughts. I can’t pray and it feels as if Jesus has had enough of me. It’s as if the stench of my sins have sickened him. I can’t go to confession nor mass because I’m only 14 and no one is willing to take me. How do I cope with this? Will I be like this forever?
 
You will not be like this forever.

Throughout our journey of spiritual growth, there will be times of great trial and tribulation. Think of it this way. When a blacksmith wants to make a sword, he holds the iron over the fire until it is just about to melt. Then he takes it from the flame and beats it, pounding it down with a hammer into the shape he desires. Then it is back to the fire, where it is just about to melt, and then it is taken away from the flames to be molded. This process repeats until the blacksmith has produced an indestructible, sturdy, brilliant sword. So too do we go through this process in OUR development. We are put to the fire, but we are never left there to melt. We are molded, we are pliable, we learn. And in the end, we are made stronger. Better. Ready for the battle with Satan, ready for judgement, ready to wear the armor of Christ.

Receiving the sacraments is so necessary through all of this. If you do not have family who can take you to Mass, I suggest sending an email to your parish director. I know that if I were asked, I would GLADLY offer a ride to a young person in need of the sacraments. I am certain with all of my heart that there are people in your own parish who will volunteer to take you to receive the sacraments.

You are in my prayers. Be strong, and stay faithful! You will fall and fall and fall, as we all do. Remember, the saints are just sinners like us who kept on getting back up. Don’t forget that!

:knight2:
 
Sometimes God lets us fall into sin so as to increase our reliance on Him.

Trying reading Spiritual Combat by Dom Scupoli, a book which St Francis de Sales carried in his pocket.
 
Rocky,

Remember, where sin abounds, grace abounds even more.

God is God and doesn’t think like our feable brains do. I get the sense you are trying to humanize God and think you know how He judges. No one knows! 😃

Shake the dust off, brush yourself off, ask for forgiveness and press forward. Try and get the Sacrament of Reconciliation if you’re able. Pray, pray, pray!

God bless you.
 
You know Rocky, prayer does not have to be a big formal thing, Can be simply, :'Jesus forgive me, Jesus Help Me." or similar to our Blessed Mother. They will hear you. You will be in my prayers too. Don’t beat yourself up too much. We are all sinners and none of us “deserve” salvation. It is a gift from a God Who loves us very much and is just waiting for you to turn to Him. :console:❤️
 
Go see a Priest!

Jesus has not had enough of you – he loves you. In him is true life --even in the midst of difficulties.
 
 
Rocky24 said:
Lately, I’ve just been giving in to temptation and I have fallen so many times that now it just feels as if there’s no reason to keep going anymore. Just to give in. I am doubting God’s mercy and I am receiving horrible thoughts. I can’t pray and it feels as if Jesus has had enough of me. It’s as if the stench of my sins have sickened him. I can’t go to confession nor mass because I’m only 14 and no one is willing to take me. How do I cope with this? Will I be like this forever?
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I am sorry that there is no one willing to help you by taking you to mass or to confession. Do keep asking.

As to horrible thoughts…my method is to dismiss them and laugh at them. I know this sounds weird, but (at least in my case) it works. The devil that is tempting me evidently cannot stand to be laughed at.

The above might be hard to employ right now because of where you are at emotionally and spiritually. But please know that Jesus DOES Love you and has brought you here to us so that we can enfold you in this Love. Do not despair. Remember all the things, the horrible sins that were done to Jesus by those who nailed Him to the cross. Yet he said, Father forgive them.
Please go and get your rosary and pray it every day. No matter how many times you fall, turn back to the Father in simple prayer. Soon - maybe not as soon as you would like - but soon, you too will be able to laugh at these “horrible thoughts”.

We are here for you.

Finally - being 14 you have the added burden of being in the midst of “hormone overload”…:D…a condition common to your age group and one that our Lord certainly understands. So be patient with yourself. God is patient with all of us…

Peace
James
 
Rocky24 said:
Lately, I’ve just been giving in to temptation and I have fallen so many times that now it just feels as if there’s no reason to keep going anymore. Just to give in. I am doubting God’s mercy and I am receiving horrible thoughts. I can’t pray and it feels as if Jesus has had enough of me. It’s as if the stench of my sins have sickened him. I can’t go to confession nor mass because I’m only 14 and no one is willing to take me. How do I cope with this? Will I be like this forever?
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Jesus takes your age, and your desire to change, and your powerlessness to get to confession into consideration. He won’t be as hard on you as you are on you.

When you can get to confession go and explain all this to the priest.👍
 
St_Francis said:
Sometimes God lets us fall into sin so as to increase our reliance on Him.

Trying reading Spiritual Combat by Dom Scupoli, a book which St Francis de Sales carried in his pocket.
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I second this book. I bought a copy from TAN Books and keep it with me in my purse so I have it to read whenever I’m stuck waiting in line or something. My confessor recommended it to me.
 
Rocky24 said:
Lately, I’ve just been giving in to temptation and I have fallen so many times that now it just feels as if there’s no reason to keep going anymore. Just to give in. I am doubting God’s mercy and I am receiving horrible thoughts. I can’t pray and it feels as if Jesus has had enough of me. It’s as if the stench of my sins have sickened him. I can’t go to confession nor mass because I’m only 14 and no one is willing to take me. How do I cope with this? Will I be like this forever?
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I am sorry for the struggles you are facing, please know earthly living with the goal of Heavenly living is a constant struggle. I will be praying for you, and please pray for me.

My friend, I believe that to get out of this state, a clearer purpose for why do the things God says to do(pray and avoid temptation) and why does God do the things He says He will do(merciful) is essential.

Therefore, I propose trying to find the purpose by asking the question: Why?, several times.
Given what you have presented, please consider the following questions:
What does God want from you/want you to do? pray and avoid temptation
Why pray and avoid temptation?
Since when we are genuinely praying, we are avoiding temptation, why pray? Prayers are intended to maintain/restore peace and build happiness in the self, relationships, and society.

Since God tells us to pray and avoid temptation to maintain/restore peace and build happiness in the self, relationships, and society, why does God tell us to do these? So that we may experience happiness without losing peace.

In conclusion…
Everything God and His Church says one should do is to generate the experience of a limitless happiness without anyone ever losing peace. If you will always strive for this experience through the powers of perfect patience, kindness, and motivation in the Sacraments of His Church, you will come to know God and His Heavenly Kingdom.

Good luck in your Journey, my friend.
 
I can’t reply to each and everyone of your posts, but I would just like to thank you for your kinds words and advice. I like the idea of laughing at the devil and I will try out that book which some of you suggested. I hope that blacksmith doesn’t keep me in the fire for too long. I can’t thank you enough! 😃
 
Rocky, I have been in your place myself recently. I truly believe it was a spiritual attack. I was in a pretty low spot, still not out of the fire. Pray, read your bible, pray some more. Get to confession somehow and talk with a priest. It helped me, and I thought at times there that I was going crazy. I will say a prayer for you. God bless.
 
thomasf said:
Rocky, I have been in your place myself recently. I truly believe it was a spiritual attack. I was in a pretty low spot, still not out of the fire. Pray, read your bible, pray some more. Get to confession somehow and talk with a priest. It helped me, and I thought at times there that I was going crazy. I will say a prayer for you. God bless.
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I will also pray for you 🙂
 
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