Whats happening to me?

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george92

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hi all. currently i have two semesters left at college and still waiting back on an internship that i’m likely to get:)

but at the same time i’m going through some major changes and filled up with many doubts. i no longer feel God is with me no matter how hard i pray. my friends are drifting apart with their lives. i still haven’t met my future wife even though i attend clubs constantly and many of the women there block my advances like they don’t want to get to know me or think i’m weird. so thus I look at porn at least once a day to cope with these doubts and tribulations. but at the same time i don’t like looking at it because it makes feel dead inside.

i understand that God works on his time table to open things up in people’s lives but its so dang hard anymore to wait and wait and wait

any advice? where any of you like this in your early-20’s?

thank you
 
George you are probably tired after some years of study and all the associated stresses.
You also have several uncertainties, hoping but not sure if you will succeed in obtaining an internship.

It isn’t possible to comment on how your approach females and how you might appear to them as we can’t observe you, so cannot give you tailored suggestions as to how successfully find a girlfriend. Certainly, none of those girls is necessarily one with whom you would be most suited and so while you are discouraged, may perhaps not meet the right girl just yet. Perhaps for the moment you are being protected from becoming involved with someone who might be wrong for you. Being with the wrong person is a whole lot more painful in the long run, than being alone.

Not having a girlfriend isn’t excuse for looking at porn as you shouldn’t be sexually involved until marriage anyway, and porn is a sinful activity that teaches you to regard women only as appetite objects, not respected persons created by God. Yes, it will distance you from wholesome attitudes, and from God’s purposes.

We may be impatient in our early twenties, but things don’t always happens so soon. Sometimes the best is worth waiting for. But yes, waiting can be hard, and the more so when your friends are moving on…not always with the right person, though, and sadly that may bring them pain later if not sooner.

My prayers for you that you will find wholesome meaning in living life in the present moment, and in developing your wisdom and maturity in mind and spirit.
It’s not unusual to go through times when " God doesn’t seem near". We are seldom conscious of the air that we breathe, but it is there nevertheless, as is God.
Keep praying.

Isaiah says, “I was thinking: ‘I have toiled in vain, I have exhausted myself for nothing.’ And all the while my cause was with God, my reward with my God.” [Isaiah 49:3-4]

For “the Lord is not being slow to carry out His promises…but He is being patient with you all, wanting nobody to be lost and everybody to be brought to change his ways.” [2 Peter 3:9]

You must not say, “What is this? “Why is that?”
All will be studied in due time…
At His bidding, all His pleasure is accomplished,
no one can diminish His power to save.
The actions of every creature are before Him,
there is no hiding from His eyes;
His gaze stretches from eternity to eternity,
and nothing can astonish Him.
You must not say, ‘What is this? Why is that?’
All things have been created for their proper purpose.” [Ecclesiasticus 39:13-26]
 
Looking at porn is like looking at cooking programs when you are on a strict diet. Don’t do it!

Perhaps the type of woman you meet a clubs is not the type of woman God wants for you. Are you a clubber anyway? Is this your preferred recreation, or is it just a place to meet girls?

When I was single I resisted attempts to make me go to clubs to meet men, as the thought of a clubbing lifestyle was not my scene.

I met my lovely man through attending a lecture on King Richard III and sat next to him at lunch afterwards. We had so much to talk about, that we haven’t really ever stopped!
 
Are these night clubs or extracurricular college clubs? If it’s night clubs, it’s probably not your scene. If it’s extracurricular clubs where you are having trouble, try meeting with a college counselor about improving your personal presentation. Have you been asking women out for particular activities and been refused, or have you just been nervously hovering and staring? Nervously hovering and staring may read as creepy.

Bear in mind that porn has pretty much less than zero value in educating you on how to meet and court nice women. Women in porn don’t need courting.

Best wishes!
 
Hi George,

The best advice I can give you is to pray. Sometimes God allows us periods of spiritual “dryness” - and it is at these times that we can experience some of the greatest spiritual growth. Receiving the sacraments frequently is also very helpful - particularly in dealing with your pornography issue.

In terms of finding a spouse - it may not be God’s Will that you find one yet. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 25 and in graduate school, and I met him online. For years I had despaired about ever meeting a good husband, and was resigning myself to the vocation of single life. Then I met my husband - and I discovered that he was worth waiting for.

Trust me, these periods are very difficult. I’ve gone through some myself, most recently when my husband was waiting for the declaration of nullity from his first marriage. (We were married civilly and then married sacramentally after he received the declaration.) I know it’s hard, and I don’t mean to dismiss how you’re feeling, but I can tell you that if it is the Will of God that you do something, He will see to it that you have the opportunities you need to get you there.
 
george92 said:
hi all. currently i have two semesters left at college and still waiting back on an internship that i’m likely to get:)

but at the same time i’m going through some major changes and filled up with many doubts. i no longer feel God is with me no matter how hard i pray. my friends are drifting apart with their lives. i still haven’t met my future wife even though i attend clubs constantly and many of the women there block my advances like they don’t want to get to know me or think i’m weird. so thus I look at porn at least once a day to cope with these doubts and tribulations. but at the same time i don’t like looking at it because it makes feel dead inside.

i understand that God works on his time table to open things up in people’s lives but its so dang hard anymore to wait and wait and wait

any advice? where any of you like this in your early-20’s?

thank you
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Praying for you.
 
Although I am a great deal older than you, and female, I can empathize with your situation. Most of us if we were honest would say that our faith has had its ups and downs through the years. The constant in my life is the faith that God is always there waiting on me and that is something you can count on too. The business with the porn is another matter and I assure you that for every step forward you might make with your faith development your constant porn viewing takes you back ten steps. If you search this forum you will find many threads regarding this issue and I think there is a group where you might find some support. Please check it out. Finding a woman that is interested in you and that you are interested in also is probably something that we would need a little more information to really help point you in a right direction but I can tell you that through prayer and patience God will lead you to the absolutely perfect person for you according to His plan. Dig in and start asking for His help, He is waiting for you!
 
george92 said:
any advice? where any of you like this in your early-20’s?
Click to expand...
I went to a college where women made up only 20% of the student body, which certainly puts a strain on the social scene. Advice? Be patient. Try different kinds of extracurricular activities. What outside interests do you have? Try talking to women without making advances. Women can be put off if you move too fast. That’s not to say that mutual “love at first sight” doesn’t happen, but it is rare, and more often couples realize they have a romantic interest only after they get to know each other through other mutual interests.

Steer clear of porn. It is not a substitute for love. It makes a cruel mockery of God’s gift of sex, which is meant to be noble and honorable, an expression of love and commitment. There is no love or joy in porn.

Furthermore, I would say it is harmful to your future relationships. Porn can easily mislead you into thinking that certain attitudes and behaviors are normal when they are not. I think you will have a happy marriage sooner if you stop watching porn, and try to purify yourself of any corrupt attitudes you may have learned from it.

I am praying for you, my brother.
 
george92 said:
hi all. currently i have two semesters left at college and still waiting back on an internship that i’m likely to get:)

but at the same time i’m going through some major changes and filled up with many doubts. i no longer feel God is with me no matter how hard i pray. my friends are drifting apart with their lives. i still haven’t met my future wife even though i attend clubs constantly and many of the women there block my advances like they don’t want to get to know me or think i’m weird. so thus I look at porn at least once a day to cope with these doubts and tribulations. but at the same time i don’t like looking at it because it makes feel dead inside.

i understand that God works on his time table to open things up in people’s lives but its so dang hard anymore to wait and wait and wait

any advice? where any of you like this in your early-20’s?

thank you
Click to expand...
Oh boy, it’s like listening to my inner dialog when I was 19-25. I know that for me, I felt that it needed to happen, I was sure that it would happen and I pushed and pushed. I can tell you that the mentalty of trying to rush, or doing it by our will leads to nothing good. I’ll touch on this line by line.

Doubt is the world trying to convince you that its way is the only way. It’s all that noise that TV, “Friends”, Porn, music, commercials jam into your brain daily. It’s an incessant attack on your soul to rob your attention from your eternal life and reward to a transient, faddish and ultimately empty life. I remember my time at that age, and I fell into some of the same traps you mentioned; it really makes you feel dead inside after that 5 second orgasm or a rush of playing some video game.

Prayer, to me is communion with God and God is unknowable. You can feel his effects, and you can see His effect on this world, but you can’t really understand Him nor see Him directly without His grace. So, to me, when I felt like my prayer was not making me “feel something”, I placed it in the context that I cannot fully understand God so how could I determine that His effect on me was something I could even feel. Hope that made sense…

I would have to say that if you’re trying to lead a God-Centric life (Saintly), then you probably would do better looking in places other than clubs for your wife. Nothing wrong with going dancing, but clubs around here are not directed towards looking “for life” types.

Try volunteering, work at a food bank, or even helping people around your neighborhood. You’ll be surprised at how little time there is for porn when you’re busy and out; also thre may be a cute young woman out there who is also not just focussed on herself totaly. Since she’s out volunteering; though I guess it could be court mandated. HA!

Wishing you the best and know that the world and those in it constantly change, but God doesn’t and that you can trust on that eternality.
 
george92 said:
hi all. currently i have two semesters left at college and still waiting back on an internship that i’m likely to get:)

but at the same time i’m going through some major changes and filled up with many doubts. i no longer feel God is with me no matter how hard i pray. my friends are drifting apart with their lives. i still haven’t met my future wife even though i attend clubs constantly and many of the women there block my advances like they don’t want to get to know me or think i’m weird. so thus I look at porn at least once a day to cope with these doubts and tribulations. but at the same time i don’t like looking at it because it makes feel dead inside.

i understand that God works on his time table to open things up in people’s lives but its so dang hard anymore to wait and wait and wait

any advice? where any of you like this in your early-20’s?

thank you
Click to expand...
I have met a lot of people, disproportionately so, volunteering. In the US, I met people that I taught English as a Second Language. Some became, and still are, my friends.

Then, additionally, the type of people who would volunteer is often a different kind than in your regular population. This draws a kind of people who are more caring, understanding, and patient.

For instance, I am volunteering here in Mexico just down the street at a blind organization. Many of the people who go there are quite nice, and a lot of the people who work there are nice. ALL the workers there are volunteer. So, they tend to be generous people who are less selfish than the population at large.

When you volunteer, you also have something in common.

The people who work at the blind organization I am at have to be able to work with all kinds of people, young, old, and sometimes people with multiple disabilities. The place attracts a lot of really kindhearted people, willing to give of their time, understanding.

Now, should you decide to volunteer, do it because you want to volunteer. However, don’t be surprised if you happen to meet a lot of nice people, though.

When I volunteered at Goodwill, I met a lot of nice people working, or volunteering there. Even those working there had to have an above-average level of patience and understanding.

When you meet a woman you’d like to date, one suggestion, and this is coming from a woman, is to go slow. Ideally, it’s probably better to start off just as friends, then after months, and you know the person better, see if you want to move to the next level.

I have rejected some guys’ advances if they move too quickly. To me, it’s a major turnoff. It makes them come across as desperate.

A lot of people divorce after being married a while, and I am convinced at least part of this could be prevented had the couples tried to move much more slowly and really get to know each other, first.

A lot of times, couples today, meet, may make love the day the met. Do you see my point? Then, their hormones are all in overdrive, and they think this is “the one”.

Try to go to activities that would attract the kind of people you want. In college, the Newman Center would probably be one place to meet people your age.

Anyway, good luck with your search. 😉
 
I felt much like you do and acted in many similar ways. With all compassion, please do whatever you need to do to get away from porn. It almost ruined my life and I don’t want it to ruin yours.
 
I can’t give any advice on the dating per say; but I do now that Holy Writ says “seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you” If you haven’t, please go to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and if your not, start living the devout life. A wonderful book on how to do this is called introduction to the devout life by St. Francis de Sales, its wonderful!

Pax
 
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